


What Really Matters

by lovemylarry



Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bad Boy Louis, Blowjobs, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Family Drama, Fights, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship to Love, From friends to lovers, Larry Stylinson Fanfic, Larry Stylinson fanfiction, Light Bondage, Love, M/M, Not too much, Oral Sex, Problems, Real Friends, Real friendship, Sad, Sex, Smut, Teasing, Touching, Uni AU, handjobs, harry styles and louis tomlinson - Freeform, just a little sex, larry stylinson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2019-03-07 15:00:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 41
Words: 116,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13437273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovemylarry/pseuds/lovemylarry
Summary: After finishing school, Harry Styles starts studying at Manchester University. Harry is a nice, innocent boy who has his heart in the right place. In contrary, Louis Tomlinson doesn't have anything in common with Harry. He likes parties, alcohol, sex, takes drugs, smokes and works in his father's dirty business. Their worlds are so different and for sure, they would have never met if it wasn't for that coincidence that slowly brings them closer to each other and changes both of their lifes completely.





	1. A New Start

**Author's Note:**

> Dear reader,
> 
> I started writing this with a friend of mine, [Leslie](http://hazandlouwho.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Thank you, [Shane](http://-ajourneywithnoend-.tumblr.com/), for proof reading a huge part. ♥  
> I would like to dedicate this fic to [Leighlé](http://lovemylarry.tumblr.com/), because her lovely words about my writing made me very, very happy. Thank you!
> 
> And thank you, [Noah,](https://noahnoseuno.tumblr.com/) for drawing [this cool fanart](https://noahnoseuno.tumblr.com/post/170222246817/what-really-matters-by-lovemylarry-heres-my). I'm so happy about it!! ♥  
> Same to you, [Tanq,](https://wilywolf.tumblr.com/) [this fanart](https://wilywolf.tumblr.com/post/171321363428/inspired-by-lovemylarrys-lovemylarry-on-ao3) is also wonderful. So much work!! I appreciate it so much.
> 
> WARNING!  
> This story contains explicit language and sexual contents.
> 
> You can find me on [tumblr](http://lovemylarry.tumblr.com/).
> 
>  [FANFIC POST I](https://lovemylarry.tumblr.com/post/170955773455)
> 
>  [FANFIC POST II](https://lovemylarry.tumblr.com/post/173608683610)
> 
>  Don't translate or publish my work without my permission.

[link](https://noahnoseuno.tumblr.com/post/170222246817/what-really-matters-by-lovemylarry-heres-my)

[link](https://wilywolf.tumblr.com/post/171321363428/inspired-by-lovemylarrys-lovemylarry-on-ao3)

“There it is!” Gemma points out of the window as her mum is driving their old dark blue van down the street. A few seconds later, Anne turns the vehicle to the right and parks it in front of an obviously renovated white four story building. She looks over to her daughter who gives her a small nod. “That’s it,” Gemma assures her. Anne nods and turns the key around so that the engine stops droning. 

“I’m glad we’re finally here,” Harry says from behind as he’s unbuckling his seatbelt. “I’m so excited to see my dorm room and I can’t wait to arrange everything.”

Anne looks into the driving mirror and gives her son a small smile. “We won’t stay long, darling,” she responds, “but what do you think about having lunch together before we leave?” she asks Harry as they’re getting out of the car.

“We could go to this nice little pub that’s only a few minutes away from here,” Harry’s older sister proposes as she’s walking toward the boot. “I often went there with my friends when we didn’t want to spend too much money but still wanted to eat in a decent atmosphere.” She closes the car door and walks over to the boot. “I kind of miss my flat mates and studying in general,” Gemma sighs as she’s lifting one of Harry’s suitcases out, pulling the handle up.

“Harry, what do you think? Do you want to go there?” Anne asks her son who’s also pulling one of his duffel bags out of the boot.

“Of course,” he replies. “I’d love to have lunch with you! As long as they offer chips, I promise I won’t be picky” he shrugs, shouldering the heavy bag.

Anne and Gemma both let out a laugh. “Of course, chips!” Gemma yells out and chuckles. “Will there ever be a day when you’ll go out and not order them?”

“No, never,” Harry fires back, pulling a serious face. But then he lets out a small laugh, smiles at his sister and takes the small burlap bag she’s handing him. “I don’t think that day will ever come and if so, I promise that I’ll tell you.”

Gemma smiles back at her younger brother, then ruffles through his hair. “It will be one of those days that should be marked in a calendar.” She shoulders another bag and lifts the green plant out of the boot. Harry’s mum hands him some more stuff, takes the rest of the luggage out of the boot and locks the car as they’re starting to walk toward the dorm.

Near the entrance there’s a small office with a glass front where an older man in a dark blue uniform is sitting at his desk that’s full with papers. When Harry and his family enter the entrance hall, he greets them and introduces himself as Mr. Cleeve, the porter and caretaker of the building. He pulls out the final lease for Harry’s mum to sign, hands out Harry the keys to his room and gives him some general information about the dorm. “Have a nice stay Harry,” he says. “If you have trouble with anyone or your sink in your room is leaking, just come down and tell me. If I’m not here, you can leave a message in the letterbox over there.” The man motions toward a wooden letterbox that’s attached to the wall next to the office. He gives Harry a smile then turns around to answer an incoming call.

***

After Harry’s mum and sister have helped Harry carrying everything into his room, the family decides to walk to the place Gemma proposed to have lunch at. It takes Anne, Gemma and Harry about twenty minutes to get there but after the drive it feels good to move a little bit. The air is crispy clean and the wind is blowing strongly. Harry loves autumn, he loves to feel the wind in his face, he loves grey, rainy days, he loves to wrap up warmly and just go for a walk in the cold but apparently, he’s the only one in his family. His mum and Gemma aren’t too fond of cold weather. Harry laughs at Anne and Gemma as he’s watching them practically running toward the small pub, trying to get inside as fast as possible. They look like little penguins in their thick coats and huge scarfs around their necks. His sister pushes the door open which causes a little bell to ring in a very light sound, announcing the new guests.

The warm air hits Harry’s face the second he steps into the room and let his cheeks heat up within seconds. The warmth lets his skin prickle which actually feels good on his freezing face. The pub isn’t very crowded that day but still, it’s well attended. People sitting everywhere at the dark wooden tables. This pub looks like an ancient tavern from ages ago, which doesn’t seem to be that far-stretched. The room is paneled with dark wood panels, there are different kinds of posters and pictures put up on the walls, indicating that this place is mostly frequented by students but the atmosphere is open enough for other people to join in too. Harry loves the place right away. The atmosphere is calming, caused by the lights that are dimmed to a certain extend. It smells nice and the people’s voices melt into a quiet mumble that’s filling the room. Meanwhile, Gemma has talked to the waitress who leads Harry and his family to a small table for three nearly in the back of the pub. She hands them the menu and leaves them alone to make their choices. After they’ve ordered their drinks, Anne and Gemma start discussing about the main dishes while Harry has already chosen his meal which contains chips, of course.


	2. Lunch

While Anne and Gemma are still discussing what to order, Harry notices a small group of young people who are sitting at the larger table across of them. They’re probably in their twenties or thirties as far as Harry can estimate from how they look and talk to each other. Basically everything about them is different: their clothing, their behavior, the atmosphere they create. Most of them wear dark, worn clothes with symbols like skulls and dark figures as Harry knows them from Heavy Metal band shirts. Almost everyone has their ears, brows or lips pierced and most of them have tattoos on their arms, necks and probably at places Harry can’t see right now. Their language and tone are totally different from the way people talk who Harry is used to surrounding himself with. Of course his friends sometimes swear and even he does it but not like _that_. In combination, their voices are so loud, obnoxious and disturbing, considering all the swearing Harry has heard in the short amount of time he has been sitting in the pub. The disrespectful and rude way they talk to each other scares Harry. He’s not used to such harsh, unruly words. The group scares him and if Harry was on his own, he would have totally left this place by now. Although they haven’t done anything to him, Harry is intimidated. But on the other hand those people catch the boy’s interest a little bit because they’re so different. Where are they from? What would their mums and dads say if they saw them like that? Are they students? What are their jobs? Do they always talk to each other like this? Why are they like that?

Harry has never met people like them in person before. Of course he has seen people like them from afar, hanging out at stations or in the streets but he never really paid attention to them. Harry’s always felt uncomfortable encountering groups of unknown people and people he thought were strange. He has been raised in a small village that has less than six thousand inhabitants. Huge meadows and fields are surrounding the village and people know each other. Harry and his sister Gemma had a very sheltered and nearly carefree childhood. The only thing that got him off course was the day when his dad Desmond left them. Of course it broke his heart when his parents told him that they would divorce but they cared about the feelings of their children so Harry’s mum made sure that they could always spend time with their dad, whenever both of them wanted to. Des and Anne sat down with their children and had an open conversation about their relationship and how it had changed during the past years. They tried to be honest without telling their children too much that could make them worry. It made everything easier for them, in a certain way. Harry’s dad didn’t move far away so it never really was a problem for Gemma and Harry to visit him, stay overnight and spend time with him. Anne and Des made sure that their children knew it wasn’t about them, that they weren’t the reason for their decision and Harry processed everything really well, as well as his sister.

Since they had moved into the small brick house in Holmes Chapel, the family had a great relationship toward all the surrounding neighbors. They helped Anne and Des with babysitting their children when they were occupied with work, they had barbecues together and helped whenever someone needed help. One man in his forties had always been one of Harry and Gemma’s favorite neighbors: Robin. When they got to know him, he had lost his wife in a car accident and Harry’s family cared about him a lot. They basically became close friends and when Anne got together with him about a year after Des had left, it felt right. Harry and Gemma were okay with him moving in after Anne had asked them for their opinion. She had always been very open about their relationship which made it a lot more uncomplicated than it could have been. Harry knew what some of his course mates had experienced with all the hurtful divorces and difficult new relationships their parents were putting them through so he had always been very thankful to his parents and Robin for being honest and real about everything. Harry was very happy for his mum because she seemed to practically glow with Robin who also influenced Harry and Gemma. They all got along very well and it was easier for everyone to cope with the difficult situation.

But otherwise there weren’t any remarkable problems to cope with. Harry had a lot of friends at school. He was never bullied or got in trouble there so his life was uncomplicated and happy. His marks were okay for a teenager and of course he sometimes fought with his family but never in a really bad way. They could talk about everything and even when more serious problems occurred, it was never a problem to talk to his family about it. When Harry turned sixteen, he started a job at a local bakery. He enjoyed earning his own money and he used it to buy himself more pencils and other utensils for drawing which had become one of his favorite hobbies over the years. His parents were far away from being rich, but they could afford everything to have a decent life: the small house, food, clothes, holidays.

While Harry is still lost in thought about his life, the waitress brings the drinks and food. As she’s passing their table, one of the loudest boys whistles at her. When she shoots him a glare, the guy winks at her in a provocative way, then smiles.

The waitress stops, puts one hand on her hips and frowns. “Oh stop it, Louis!” she replies. “I’m not in the mood for that kind of come-ons today,” she says coolly as she’s walking away, not intimidated at all. If you work at a place like this, you probably must grow a pretty thick skin, Harry thinks to himself as he’s gazing at the younger lad with messy, brown hair. His brow is pierced and Harry can spot plenty of tattoos that are nearly covering his right arm, three different leather bracelets at his wrist. He also has a small black tunnel earring in his left ear.

“As if she has much work to do in here,” the guy mutters under his breath. “What a bitch.” He lights a cigarette and takes a long drag that his cheeks hollow. Harry is sure that he must have seen the “no smoking” sign opposite him but he’s obviously ignoring it on purpose. His friends don’t seem to mind his behavior and foul language, mostly because they’re probably the same.

“You’re such a loser, Louis William Tomlinson! You will never get to fuck her because she’s too clever for you,” the guy next to him laughs, pushing Louis’ head away with his hand rudely. “You should give up on her.” He takes a sip of his beer and lets out a loud burp. Harry pulls a disgusted face, this is disgusting.

“I’m not a loser, you wanker!” the guy with the messy hair yells back as he’s grabbing his friend’s hand to pull it down with force. “Don’t touch me, dickhead. You’ll see, I will have laid her within the next week, trust me.”

His friend holds his hands up in defense, giving him a fake surprised look. “Okay, okay. It was just a joke, man,” he says, rolls his eyes and continues to eat his burger.

“Look at those obnoxious guys over there,” Gemma says quietly, motioning her head toward the group. “How can people even behave like that?”

Anne nods, tightening up her nose and lip. “Terrible. I’m glad that you two aren’t like them and that your friends are educated, friendly, polite and don’t belong to circles like those,” she replies derogatorily. “I wouldn’t want you to hang out with people from the lower course and this is why.” She cuts a bit of her steak off, dips it into the gravy and puts it into her mouth.

Harry doesn’t answer. First, because he doesn’t know what to reply and second, because he’s kind of fascinated by those strangers. Not in a necessarily good way but still, there’s something interesting about them because they’re so completely different from everyone Harry knows and obviously, they’re very self-confident. Harry would have never talked to a waitress like the guy with the messy hair and the tattoos did and in particular, he wouldn’t talk to anyone like this.

“Just look at their clothes,” Gemma continues. “And all those ugly tattoos and piercings.”

“I bet they are dangerous and violent,” Anne adds, stabbing her fork into her salad. “They look like they’ve already committed a few dirty deeds in the past, don’t they?”

Gemma nods. “I agree with you. Absolutely.”

Anne turns her head toward Harry and touches his cheek gently with her hand. “I’m thankful that you’re such a pure soul. I know you would never be like them, would you?” she states, giving him a warm smile. “You’re such a good person, Harry.”

“Mum!” Harry moans and flinches because he’s caught off guard by Louis, the guy who tried to have a go on the waitress. He’s taking a drag of his cigarette, staring directly at him with a blank expression in his face. When Harry realizes that, his heartbeat increases, hot and cold waves of shame rush through his body and just in that moment Harry can feel the heat reaching his face which must be bright red by now. Harry tries to sink back into his seat as he looks down, covering his face for a second. He pushes his hair back and pretends to be occupied with his food. He’s sure Louis saw his mother’s gesture and he couldn’t feel more humiliated. The whole situation is so embarrassing. The guy keeps looking at Harry while he’s whispering something into his friend’s ear and Harry just knows they’re talking about him. Then both guys let out a laugh in a really mean way and shake their heads, grinning at each other and of course, at Harry. The boy looks away, still feeling the unpleasant, hot feeling all over and if he could, he would shrink and disappear forever. He can’t quite explain why the guys’ reaction causes him to behave like that or why he feels so bothered by them.

Anne sighs. “You know, people like them always remind me of how precious my own children are.”

“It’s okay mum,” Harry answers quickly and caresses his mum’s shoulder. “I didn’t mean it in a bad way, I just . . . um . . . you know. Sorry.”

Anne gives Harry a small smile. “I know love, I know. It’s all good, don’t worry.”

“We won’t become like them,” Gemma reassures Anne as she’s rubbing her arm. “They’re way out of our league.”


	3. A New Friend

After lunch, Harry and his family walk back to the dorm again. Anne and Gemma leave soon to give Harry some time for himself. After they’ve said goodbye, Harry starts unpacking his suitcases and bags. It takes him a few hours to get everything organized the way he wants it before he sits down on his bed, leaning against his huge white fluffy pillows he brought from home. He leans his head back, looking around the room. It feels weird for him to be on his own now. Harry has never been away from home for too long. He attended school trips and diverse camps when he was younger, but this feels different – and it doesn’t only feel different, it actually _is_ different, a new chapter of his life. It’s not that Manchester is very far away from home but still. He won’t be _there_ with his family and they won’t be _here_.

When he thinks about home, he gets a little bit sad. It’s not as bad as if he was being homesick but still, he misses his family and friends and he misses his cat a lot. Dusty would always climb on his bed and lay down with him so that Harry could listen to his quiet purring sounds that were so calming and cute. Hours later, Harry is still sitting on his bed, feeling alone.

This is not how he pictured his first day at the dorm would be. After a while, the boy decides to have a look at the house. Maybe he will meet new people? Harry walks down the stairs where he finds a sign that tells him that there’s a laundry room on the left side of the hall. Just when he’s about to enter, a blonde guy with a full laundry basket bumps into him and a few wet clothes fall onto the floor.

“Oh fuck sorry, I didn’t see you coming!” he yells out. “Is everything okay?”

“Don’t worry, I’m good,” Harry answers while he’s bending down to pick up the clothes from the floor. “I think . . . um . . . they’re dirty again, sorry,” he says quietly, looking at the shirts.  

“Don’t worry, it’s just a little dust,” the blonde replies, “I can hand-wash them later, it really isn’t a big deal.” His blue eyes sparkle, and he looks very friendly. “I’m Niall by the way, nice to meet you.”

Harry shakes his hand. “I’m Harry.”

“You’re new here, right? I haven’t seen you before,” Niall states. He picks up the laundry basket and walks out of the room. Harry follows.

“I arrived a few hours ago, had lunch with my family. It’s so lonely here, where is everyone?”

“Most of the people go home at the weekends and they usually come back on Sunday evenings,” Niall explains. “That’s why this building seems to be abandoned right now,” Niall chuckles, “but it will change soon.”

“Oh okay,” Harry responds. “Don’t you go home at the weekends too?”

Niall shrugs. “Sometimes I do but I have a lot of friends here too, so it depends. Not as often as others do.” They walk up the stairs in silence and Harry opens the door to Niall’s floor (which is just one floor below his) for him to pass. “Thanks mate,” Niall smiles. “I’ll just put the clothes in my room and if you want, I can show you around afterwards?” he proposes.

Harry nods. “That would be cool!”

“Just follow me then.”

Harry likes Niall. He’s so boisterous, happy, open and carefree that Harry forgets about his sorrow within minutes. Niall shows him all important rooms that are used by all the inhabitants of their dorm building such as the bathrooms, toilets, the drying room and more. While they’re walking around, Niall tells Harry about himself. That he’s from Ireland originally but his family moved to England when he was thirteen, that he loves food, playing the guitar and video games.

“And over there, at the end of this hall, there’s your kitchen which also contains a dining area with a huge table. There are about fifteen people on this floor and everyone uses this kitchen,” Niall explains. As he looks at Harry, he shakes his head and puts his hand onto the boy’s shoulder. “Don’t look at me like that!” he laughs. “It’s not that bad.”

“I’ve never shared a kitchen with fifteen people,” Harry pouts, making Niall laugh even more. “The hygiene in the kitchen was one reason my sister decided to move into a flat with her friends, you know,” he tells Niall, but the boy only shakes his head.

“Don’t worry,” Niall says. “You will have to clean and sometimes people just don’t do the washing up or something but there’s also a cleaning lady who comes here every week to clean the kitchen a little bit better.” The blonde boy with the bright smile on his face winks at Harry and Harry replies the smile.

“Okay, I mean, I don’t have another choice, do I?”

Niall shakes his head. “Not at all. But it will be okay, trust me.”

Harry presses his lips together and nods again. “Well but-,” he gets cut off by the ringing of Niall’s phone. The boy answers the call and walks up and down the hall slowly. It must be serious because after a few seconds, his face drops and the smile is gone.

When Niall has ended his conversation, he turns toward Harry. “I really need to go. A friend of mine is in trouble and he needs help.” Niall lets the phone slide into the pocket of his jeans. “I’m sorry, Harry” he excuses himself. “If you’re hungry, I’ve got some food left in the fridge and there’s also a lot in my part of the kitchen cupboard. If you want bread or something, just eat it,” Niall says quickly. “The lettuce, tomatoes and cucumber in the vegetable component are also mine so don’t hesitate to eat some of them too,” he explains quickly as he’s about to walk away.

“Wait Niall, how will I find-,” Harry yells but Niall interrupts him, pointing toward the kitchen door.

“You’ll see it! My name is written on everything, so you can’t go wrong. Take what you need, okay? Bye!” He’s already far away and about to disappear into the staircase.

“Are you sure?” Harry yells.

“Yes Harry, yes!” the blonde boy yells back and then he’s gone.


	4. Louis

Harry shakes his head and smiles as he’s turning around to walk toward the kitchen. He was a little bit hungry when they were walking around but since Niall has mentioned the food, he’s gotten even hungrier and it’s about time to eat dinner anyway. As he comes closer, Harry can hear people talking and shouting from inside. If he wasn’t that hungry, he would have turned and walked away but today he decides to be brave. The boy hates encountering unknown groups of people alone, especially when they’re being loud because that often intimidates him.

Harry steps into the kitchen as discreetly as possible and closes the door very quietly. He looks to the left quickly where he spots the group of people he was expecting inside the kitchen, sitting in the back at the huge table. It takes Harry two seconds to realize this group is nearly the same group he has already seen at the pub a few hours ago, including Louis, the guy with the messy hair and the unique voice. There are other people sitting on the table too, but he has seen most of them. Just in the second he spots him, Harry starts getting uncomfortable. His heartbeat increases, his mouth is getting dry and he can feel butterflies in his stomach that indicates that he doesn’t feel well at all. There’s a blonde girl sitting next to him Harry hasn’t seen before. She doesn’t look like Louis and his friends at all and clearly doesn’t fit in with the rest of them. The girl looks very pretty and nearly fragile with her light, porcelain skin. She’s wearing a thin, white jumper and huge silver earrings. Her long, loose hair completes the innocent look. She’s a total contrast to Louis’ group of friends. The people in the back are all smoking, yelling, cursing and behaving rowdy toward each other as they did in the pub before while the blonde girl is sitting there, watching them with her hands in her lap. She doesn’t seem to be included in their conversations or she doesn’t want to be.

A high, huge shelf functions as a room divider that kind of protects Harry from the group. Maybe they won’t notice him if he’s quiet. He could take out some food and sneak out of the room again? Harry thinks about this possibility as he’s walking over to the kitchen unit on the right where he discovers Niall’s cupboard immediately because he has written his name on it. Harry takes four thick slices of soft bread out of a blue airtight box. In the fridge he can find nearly everything he likes: ham, cheese, corned beef, salad, tomatoes, cucumbers and a bunch of spring onions. There are also some boiled eggs in Niall’s part of the fridge and two avocados. Harry loves avocado, so he takes a half. He will buy a new one for Niall, that’s for sure. When he was younger he hated the taste of avocado but since he’s tried it at a birthday party recently, he can’t get enough of it and it tastes heavenly in combination with eggs, cucumber and spring onions. Harry takes a huge bite when he has finished making the sandwiches. The ingredients feel like a tasty explosion in his mouth.

“Hey!” someone suddenly shouts. Harry recognizes the voice immediately, it’s Louis. He just knows although he’s not even looking over. Harry keeps putting the food back into the fridge and the egg shell into the bin. The boy doesn’t react immediately because he thinks that Louis might be addressing someone else other than him or he could just be shouting around. These people are shouting at each other anyway and he hasn’t paid attention to any of them. “Hey Curly!” Louis yells again. “Don’t be shy, turn around!” His voice sounds kind of mocking, not nice or friendly at all. Harry doesn’t like the tone.

Louis smirks at the boy before he takes a drag of his cigarette. “Come over!” he shouts while he’s blowing a cloud of smoke out of his mouth and gives Harry a sign to come over. Harry feels a lump building in his throat. The nerves are taking over quickly, and Harry feels the urge to run away but he knows this would make the situation even worse and Louis would probably laugh about him or worse. As Harry looks at Louis, he can see how his cheeks hollow by taking a drag of his cigarette again which causes Harry to turn up his nose. He hates smoking. When someone smokes next to him, the smoke causes his eyes to water, he hates the smell, especially the smell of cold smoke and most of all, it’s unhealthy. Is smoking even allowed in here? He doesn’t think so but stays quiet. Harry’s not in the position to tell this group what to do and he would never dare to tell Louis. All of them except for Julie look like they could murder someone.

“Come on, what’s taking you so long?” the older boy insists in a demanding tone.

Harry doesn’t dare to contradict so he walks over to the table without his plate. He’s not in the mood to eat anymore. Louis and some of his friends watch him while he’s walking over, almost scrutinizing him. The feeling of being observed of that group of people intimidates Harry a lot. He can feel his face getting hot again and his cheeks are probably red by now. Those guys don’t look friendly at all except for the girl who’s sitting close to Louis.

“Move, Julie! Make room for him,” Louis orders in an unfriendly tone, making a condescending gesture for her to move. The girl obeys immediately. She nods and gets up to let Harry pass.

“You don’t have to do that,” Harry tells the girl quietly. “Just stay there.” He doesn’t want to sit next to Louis and he thinks it’s not fair how he treated her.

Julie looks at Harry but before she can answer, Louis leans forward. “Don’t talk shit, baby boy. It’s not her who’s making the rules.” His tone is harsh and his eyes don’t look friendly at all. “Come here,” he commands, patting the space next to him.

Harry sighs. “Thank you,” he tells the girl sympathetically, trying not to sit too close to Louis. Julie gives Harry a shy smile before she sits down again too. “Hey, you don’t have to be scared of me,” Louis grins, “you can scoot closer, I won’t kill you!”

Harry flushes. He doesn’t find that funny at all and looks at him with wide eyes. Some of Louis’ friends start laughing at him again and although Harry hasn’t been around them for even more than one minute he is now regretting that he has decided to come here. He should have called the pizza service or look for the closest Mc Donald’s instead.

Louis wraps an arm around Harry’s shoulders loosely. “Look who we got here,” he says with a certain undertone, ruffling through the boy’s hair. Harry flinches. He usually loves when friends touch his hair but not now, not by Louis.  “Hey, what’s wrong? I just want to be nice to you,” Louis says, exaggerating his fake friendly tone. It makes Harry cringe. Louis takes his arm away to Harry’s surprise. Louis takes another drag of his cigarette and lets the smoke out of his mouth slowly. “You should be happy about that because many people would want me to get physical.” His tone is so irritating. Louis looks over to Julie provocatively, winking at her. The girl flushes and bows her head what seems to amuse Louis’ friends too. Do they really think picking on people is fun?

 

“Well Tommo, not everyone is able to value things that are good for them,” a deep red-haired girl with many piercings and tattoos opposite Louis says with a mocking undertone, giving Harry a scornful look. Her voice is kind of penetrating and unpleasant, just as her whole appearance. Her arms, neck and chest are covered in tattoos that don’t look friendly at all. “Especially people who think they’re better than us.” She lets out an evil laugh, takes a deep drag of her cigarette and exhales the smoke toward Harry on purpose. The smoke makes Harry cough and his eyes water a little bit.

Louis takes a drag again and nods his head slowly. “I see, I see. You’re evil, Meg,” Louis remarks amused and takes a sip of his beer. “He’s new here, don’t shock him right away.” It’s absolutely clear that Louis doesn’t mean the words the way they sound.

“Uh . . . I’m very sorry,” Meg answers as she’s grinning at Louis.

“He’s probably missing his mama,” the guy next to Louis remarks. He takes a huge gulp of his beer and burps loudly. “Are you even old enough to go out on your own?”

All of them laugh, including Louis. Harry feels so humiliated. “Are you even allowed to own tons of marihuana?” Louis asks his friend, but he just shrugs as an answer. Then they change the topic and Louis pulls his arm away from Harry again. He starts talking to his friends about some party and Harry turns to Julie who’s the only one who isn’t included in the conversation.

“Are they your friends too?” he asks Julie quietly. “And I’m Harry, sorry for not introducing myself earlier.”

“I’m Julie. It’s all good.” She shakes her head. “They’re not my friends. I’m just here because of Louis.”

“But he’s treating you poorly. I’m very sorry that he did that to you,” Harry says and touches Julie’s arm slightly.

“He’s my ex,” she answers, pushing her hair behind her ear. “I want him back.”

“Oh . . . but he’s nothing but rude to you.”

“I don’t mind. I love him,” Julie responds and sighs, bowing her head.

Suddenly, Louis turns to Harry again. “I think you should come to our next party,” he says, looking over to his friends, giving them a wink.

“Oh no, thanks,” Harry responds immediately, shaking his head. “I’m not into parties.”

“Oh come on, don’t be a baby,” Meg says. Her voice is annoying. “You’re new here, it’s never wrong to meet new people.”

“Yeah and it’s never wrong to make new experiences and step out of your comfort zone,” Louis adds. “Come on!”

“What’s your name by the way?” a blonde guy opposite Harry asks. He doesn’t seem to be as obnoxious as Louis’ other friends but still, his instinct tells Harry to watch out. At least there’s no undertone in his voice. The guy looks good, like a surfer boy who has just come home from a two-week holiday in Thailand. His skin is sun kissed, his body is well-formed, and he looks very fit. His blonde hair nearly reaches his shoulders and his whole appearance is well-groomed. The tattoos on his forearm almost look good on him and Harry can feel that the guy knows about his look.

Harry catches himself staring at the guy what makes his cheeks flush again. He crosses his arms in front of him and looks down. Harry is intimidated by Louis’ friends already and now he’s also intimidated by the guy who’s attractive as hell. He hasn’t said a mean word to him until now. “Hello?” the blonde guy asks, waving his hand in front of Harry’s face. “I’m Julian, what about you?” His tone isn’t mocking and he’s giving Harry a small smile.

Harry looks up, his cheeks bright red. “Um . . . sorry,” he stutters, “I’m . . . I’m Harry.”

The guy smiles at him. “Okay Harry . . . I also think you should come to the party tonight. It’s always great fun,” Julian continues.

Meg smirks at Harry and nods a few times. “I told you but seriously Julian, you’re wasting your time. Harry’s a baby, he won’t go anywhere without his mum.”

Julian shakes his head at Meg. “Some people need time to decide on good things you know?” he says with a smirk.

Harry shakes his head. “Thanks for the invitation but . . . no.”

“Oh come on, don’t be a coward!” Meg yells, gulping down her beer at once.

Julian nods. “It will be fun!”

“But I don’t like parties!” Harry whines. He thought Julian was a little bit different but now that he’s trying to convince him although he has turned down the invitation several times Harry thinks he’s just as the others.

“I bet you’ve never been to a proper one,” Julian insists. “Have you?”

Harry pulls a face. Meg waves her cigarette toward Harry. “Don’t be a baby. There’s no need to whine just because you’re invited to have fun.”

Louis shakes his head. “Meg, lay off, it’s worthless,” Louis sighs, nearly sounding angry as if Harry broke an important promise. He takes a drag of his cigarette. “My new friend Harry won’t come.” The way Louis calls him “his new friend” bothers Harry. He has never been in a situation like this where everyone was just trying to make fun of him or mock him on a regular basis. He just doesn’t know what to do or say so he stays quiet. Of course Louis wants to annoy him, Harry knows that but the bad thing is it hurts him. It hurts Harry being called a baby or a coward, no matter if he knows these people or not. Even the fact that they’re strangers makes it even worse.

Harry bites his lip and takes a deep breath. “Okay, I mean . . . I could come for maybe just one hour.”

“Hey,” Louis exclaims, “that sounds like a plan!” Louis says loudly, hitting Harry’s back with his hand. His tone is much nicer than before. Harry still doesn’t want to go but maybe Louis will forget about him or he can just go there for a while just to not come over as a baby. Harry has never been the type of person who did things just to be liked by others or to impress others but with this group of people, he feels like he has to do it. Otherwise they wouldn’t stop making fun of him, especially Louis wouldn’t. What if Harry met them on campus again? They could attend some of his courses too and then it could get worse. That’s why Harry decided to give away in attending the party.

“We should go now,” Louis says. “Jim is waiting for us.” The others nod and finish their drinks within a few minutes.

 

It doesn’t take long until almost everyone has left the room. Harry gets up first, but Julie waits for Louis, obviously. She looks at him and watches every move. When Louis is near her, he looks her in the eyes and it feels like the time stops. Suddenly, Louis puts his hands on Julie’s head, pulls her close and gives her a deep French kiss. As he lets go off her, he grabs his jacket and walks toward the door. Julie turns toward Harry and starts talking to him but Louis interrupts.

“Hurry up, we’re already late,” he barks as he’s walking away. Harry can’t wrap his head around the way Louis behaves toward the girl. Why did he even kiss her if he’s treating her so poorly?

“Bye Harry,” Julie mumbles as she hurries out of the kitchen.

Harry sighs. His stomach grumbles and just now he realizes that he’s gotten even hungrier. He takes the plate with his sandwiches from the kitchen counter to eat them in his room in silence. He doesn’t want to stay in the kitchen to risk encountering more people like Louis and his friends today.

 


	5. The First Party

In the evening, Harry takes a shower and puts on his pajamas. Louis hasn’t appeared yet which probably means he forgot about taking Harry to the party. Harry has nothing against it. He’s relieved that Louis hasn’t shown up and he probably won’t because it’s nearly ten pm. Harry wraps himself into his covers and puts a blanket on top. He presses his back against the huge pillows and takes his diary from the shelf. The diary is a mixture between a regular diary and a private sketch book. Writing and drawing relaxes Harry a lot and lately he has started to visualize his dreams too. He needs some time for himself after what has happened with Louis and his group and Harry really needs some distraction to process everything.

About one hour later someone pounds onto Harry’s door. Harry assumes it can’t be Niall because the Irish boy would never pound on the door like this person does. Harry puts the diary aside and gets out of bed. He shivers at the cold air that’s hitting him suddenly. He opens the door a little bit and can’t believe what he sees: Louis. He’s wearing Vans, black jeans, a white Adidas shirt and a light blue denim jacket on top. This look actually is a good one and a total contrast to how he looked at the pub and in the kitchen a few hours earlier.

“Hey baby boy,” Louis grins. “Are you ready for . . . what the fuck, why are you wearing pajamas?” he yells out. “Harry!”

“I’m tired,” Harry responds, his voice flat, trying to sound as unimpressed as possible.

Louis ignores Harry’s comment. “The party has already started. You have fifteen minutes to get ready, I’m waiting.” Louis says cockily as he’s pushing the door open. The older boy squeezes past Harry just to let himself flop down on the bed.

Harry closes the door and leans on it. “What if I don’t want to come?” he asks Louis who is getting comfortable on his bed.

“No excuses. I came here to pick you up and now you want to tell me no?”

“Yes and I’m definitely not plan-,” Harry says but gets interrupted by the ringing of his phone.

While Harry is talking, Louis looks around the room. He notices Harry’s diary on his bed and grabs it. He starts flipping through the pages lazily. When Harry has finished the call, Louis holds the diary up. “I noticed that’s pretty private, isn’t it?” he says with a grin.

“Louis! Louis, give it back to me!” Harry yells but Louis isn’t giving in.  

“This is private! You don’t have the right to look at it!”

Louis smirks at Harry. “It was on your bed.”

“Louis!”

“If you don’t come to the party with me I’ll show it to all my friends and to everyone I know,” he blackmails the boy. “And you will never get it back.”

“What are you saying?” Harry yells with a wobbly voice. He’s shocked, trying to process Louis’ words. “You can’t be serious!” The younger boy is at the verge of tears, but he tries to suppress them as good as he can. He won’t cry in front of Louis, he can’t expose himself like that. “Give it back!” he repeats quietly and tries to take it from Louis again, but Louis keeps it out of reach.

“Stop whining and get dressed for the party,” Louis commands unimpressed. He leans back and folds his hands over the diary on his chest. “This will be mine until you’ve changed your decision,” he states. “Twelve minutes left to get ready.”

“Fine,” Harry huffs and pushes his hair back. He really doesn’t want to go but he also doesn’t want to lose his diary. He’s sure that Louis _will_ show it to everyone if he doesn’t listen to him. Harry is totally convinced that he’s not just bluffing so he starts pulling out some clothes out of his wardrobe. As Harry pulls off his shirt, he notices Louis is watching him from the bed.

“Could you stop looking at me while I’m undressing?” he snaps.

Louis lets out a fake laugh. “God, you’re such a kid. There’s nothing I haven’t seen already,” Louis moans. He pretends to hide his face with a smaller pillow for a few seconds.

“You don’t even know me and I don’t feel comfortable being watched.”

“I’m a guy too so what’s the big deal. Hurry up now because we’ll be late and your time is going to run out quicker than you think.”

“You’re not nice at all,” Harry complains.

“I never said I was nice.

“That doesn’t mean you have to be mean to me,” Harry contradicts as he’s taking his worn Rolling Stones shirt off the chair.

“I’m not mean to you. I’m just trying to get you some fun tonight,” Louis answers, raising one eyebrow.

Harry sighs audibly and pulls the shirt over his body. It’s old but it’s one of his favorites.

“You never go into the sun, do you? You’re quite pale.”

Harry stays quiet. He doesn’t like Louis’ words, he doesn’t like how he looks at him, he doesn’t like his tone. Harry can feel that he’s flushing and he’s also a little bit scared what would happen if he contradicted him again so he doesn’t.

“This is what you want to wear to the party? Are you serious? An old shirt and baggy jeans?” Louis lets out a laugh. “You look like a kid from the nineties, seriously! Oh fuck!”

Harry looks at the boy who hasn’t done anything but hurt him since they’ve met. Harry is hurt. He really doesn’t want to go to the party so he tries to convince Louis to give him the diary back without coming to the party, but Louis insists on not giving him his diary back if he doesn’t accompany him. Harry agrees eventually. As he’s looking at the clock over the door frame it shows eleven pm already. Harry is sleepy; he’s not used to staying up that late.

“I’m tired,” Harry says quietly and yawns.

“God Harry, pull yourself together!” Louis says annoyed. “You’re young, you’re not here to sleep! You can sleep when you’re dead,” Louis says dryly. “Stop whining! Start enjoying your life for God’s sake. If you don’t stop behaving like a baby, we’ll never be friends.”

Louis gets up and stands next to Harry. “Now take everything you need and let’s go or the party will be over, and your diary and your private thoughts will get public soon,” he says, holding up the compact book.

“If you wanted to be my friend you wouldn’t do that to me,” Harry replies quietly and sighs.

“It’s up to you,” Louis responds, ignoring Harry’s complaint. He lets the book slip into his messenger bag. “Now move,” Louis demands and makes a gesture for Harry to leave. “I walked here because my dad needed my car and if you walk as slowly as you’ve put on your clothes, we won’t get there until two.”

Harry doesn’t respond. He just follows Louis out of the door and locks it.

***

The boys walk through the city center first, not talking to each other. The silence is uncomfortable since Harry knew he’s only here because he needs to save his privacy and he really doesn’t have anything to tell Louis. Harry has been here before and it’s okay, he knows where they are so he feels a little bit secure at least. He has been to Manchester before but then they pass parts that are more run-down and dilapidated than anything Harry has ever seen. He has never been to such areas in his life. The only time he has seen something similar was on TV, when his mum watched some criminal series. As they walk deeper into the run-down neighborhood, things change. Nothing seems familiar anymore and Harry really starts getting nervous about being there because he can’t recognize any buildings or places. He doesn’t feel good, he doesn’t feel safe and secretly he wishes he wouldn’t have agreed on going to this party. Who knows if there even _is_ a party? What if Louis wants to do something bad to him? What if Louis wants to murder him? Harry’s thoughts run wild and all he wants is to run away. But where should he run to? He has no idea where they came from since the streets are nearly pitch-black. Almost all street lights are broken or at least damaged. The small amount of the lights that are still intact aren’t strong enough to illuminate the streets sufficiently. The people they meet are very suspicious and most of them are drunk or just crazy. Harry tries to keep up with Louis. He feels the urgent need to grab his arm or press himself closer to him for shelter which would be stupid because he doesn’t even know if he can trust him. Plus, Louis wouldn’t want it anyway and wouldn’t understand. Harry thinks about this for another minute but then he decides not to do it. That’s why he follows the older boy down the streets, trying not to walk too slowly.

 

They soon stop in front of a group of apartment buildings with a courtyard in the middle. As they walk through the arch, Harry notices a lot of trash that’s lying around in the dark. There’s a huge tree in the center of the courtyard and lots of broken cobblestones. People are everywhere and there’s lots of smoke and everything just looks really dirty. Harry clings to Louis’ arm out of nervousness and fear this time, not overthinking his actions. It’s so loud, it smells bad and there are people yelling and pushing each other. Louis stops walking and jerks his arm away from Harry.

 

“What are you doing?” he yells. “Are you a baby who can’t walk on his own?”

 

Louis’ look intimidates Harry, so he doesn’t answer but takes his hand away. He isn’t used to being yelled at, at all. Louis makes his way through the crowd, not talking to Harry at all. Harry has the impression that he doesn’t even care if Harry’s with him or not. The boy tries to follow very closely. He’s scared by these surroundings and he feels like he doesn’t belong here. Louis is walking way too quickly and it’s difficult for Harry not to lose track of him because people are getting in their way all the time. “Louis, stop!” Harry yells but the older boy doesn’t react. “Louis!” Harry yells again and grabs his arm. The guy turns around and Harry is surprised. This isn’t Louis, this is someone else.

 

“Stop touching me you twink!” the guy snarls as he’s jerking Harry’s arm away. He stares at Harry with glossy eyes, his pupils are dilated. “Go home and grow up first before you dare to attend a party for adults.” He seems to be drunk or drugged something. Harry feels like he’s getting cold and clammy as the guy keeps looking at him. Harry doesn’t understand what a twink is but he doesn’t mind because all he wants is to get away from this terrible guy, he scares him. “Stop following me around!” he yells. Luckily he turns around and walks away. Harry’s in shock. His heart is practically racing in his chest and he’s unable to move for a while. If that person wasn’t Louis, where is Louis? Harry needs to find him.

 

Harry looks around but he can’t find him, no matter how hard he tries. Harry starts to panic. It was his biggest fear to lose him and apparently it came true. He’s alone in a foreign quarter, alone at a crowded party with no clue how to get home. He doesn’t know where he is. He starts to panic because he doesn’t know anyone there. He starts trying to look around and find Louis, but Louis seems to have disappeared. Nobody seems to notice Harry while he’s walking around too look for Louis. After a few minutes, he ends up going into the house which doesn’t seem better than anything he has already seen outside: The house is packed with people. Most of them are in their twenties or thirties. It’s warm, stuffy and partially dark. The music is playing loudly from the inside and the bass is hammering in Harry’s chest. People even smoke inside which makes it hard for Harry to breathe. It smells like cigarettes and something sweet Harry has never smelled before. It’s difficult for him to breathe while he’s pushing through the crowd to find Louis. There are people everywhere, they are dancing, grinding and in one corner, Harry even spots a girl and a man having sex in between the people. He has to look away, this is terrible. Where is he?

 

The more time it takes to find Louis outside in the yard the more nervous Harry gets. Luckily nobody is noticing him so he doesn’t have to deal with all the strangers. As he’s about to climb the stairs to first floor, an obviously drunk girl appears in front of Harry. She’s shorter than him, has straight long hair, wearing a leather mini skirt, heels and a barely-there-shirt that doesn’t leave much to imagination. She stumbles into him, grabs his shoulders to get hold, wraps her arms around Harry’s neck to steady herself again. She tries to drag Harry toward the living room and starts dancing without letting go.

 

“Hey . . . I’m just looking for a friend, Louis. Have you seen him?” Harry yells into her ear but she just tries to hold his head and kiss him. Harry tries to loosen her grip and pulls his head away from her. Maybe she didn’t get it. “Have you seen Louis?” he yells into her ear again. “He’s that tall, has brown hair, a fringe and a lot of tattoos.”

 

The girl doesn’t seem to understand. “We could . . . have a little fun instead of you shouting at me,” she slurs as she’s tracing Harry’s face with her index finger. “Who cares about Louis when I’m here,” she whispers into his ear and tries to kiss him again, but Harry turns his head away. Her breath smells terrible like cigarettes and whiskey. She pulls Harry’s clothes and hands as she starts grinding on him.

 

“Stop it!” Harry yells and tries to wiggle out of her hold. The more he tries to get away, the more she gets insistent.

 

“Don’t worry about him love . . . stay here and . . . have some fun with me,” she slurs. “Stop thinking too much about things, baby. Let me make you happy, okay?”

 

Harry takes a step back as the girl starts rubbing against his leg. Although she’s smaller than him she’s quite strong and it’s difficult for Harry to escape her hold because of the people who are around them. Harry tries to look out for Louis but still, he can’t spot him anywhere. The girl won’t stop pestering him and suddenly she starts unbuttoning his jeans when Louis appears out of the blue. Thank god.

 

“Stop touching him!” Louis yells at the girl so that the veins show on his neck. He pushes her away harshly so that she nearly falls. Just in time she manages to steady herself because of the man who’s standing behind her. He turns around and grabs her arms. “Hey baby,” she slurs and finally leaves Harry alone.

 

Louis pushes Harry toward the wall. He moves closer to Harry whose pants are half-open. “What . . . what are you doing?” he stammers as Louis bends down. Harry isn’t sure if he's’ going to reach into his pants like the girl did or what he will do but instead, Louis buttons and zips them for him. He smirks at Harry and pinches his cheek.

 

“You definitely shouldn’t wander around with your pants open, young boy,” he scolds him playfully and gives him a small smile.

 

This is the first time Louis isn’t rude to him. The small smile on his face seems real and Harry flushes even more because of his previous thoughts. “My friends are waiting for me so let’s go,” Louis commands in the next second. Ugh. The “I’m nice to you” phase obviously didn’t last long but Harry stays quiet and follows Louis into the living room.

 

Louis’ friends are sitting on an old beat-up dirty sofa and in front of it in the back of the room, playing some kind of drinking game. There are different bottles of alcohol standing on the floor, some of them already empty. Everyone is covered in smoke and the air in the room is so thick that Harry has difficulties to breathe. If he could only leave . . . Harry is relieved and takes a breath when he spots Julie sitting there.

 

“Hey baby boy, are you going to play with us?” Meg yells over and winks at Harry. “I wouldn’t have thought to see you again today!”

 

Harry can’t stand her at all. He hates her voice and he hates this stupid nickname but he’s too intimidated to respond so he just sits down in between Julian and Julie. He hopes that Julian will be nice to him since he didn’t seem as worse as the others. Harry gives him a small smile as he sits down but Julian just nods, straight-faced. Maybe he’s drunk already, who knows.

 

“Hi,” Julie says. “Hey . . . I’m glad that you’re here,” Harry responds. The girl smiles at him and brushes a streak behind her ear. “Me too, me too,” she nods.

 

“Okay so let’s continue guys!” Louis announces, looking at Harry. He holds the empty bottle up that’s put on the floor. “We’re playing spin the bottle but with drinking. Whenever the bottle points at you, you have to drink one shot and answer the question you’re asked. If you don’t want to answer, you drink two shots,” Louis explains. Harry doesn’t want to drink but maybe the bottle won’t stop in front of him? Harry seems like he’s lucky at first. He doesn’t really pay much attention to the game, it bores him. There’s nothing cool about it, it’s basically talking about sex and drinking what makes Harry uncomfortable. He puts his hand in his lap, pressing his lips together.

 

“Can I answer without drinking?” he asks shyly before Julian starts spinning the bottle. The guy looks at him frowning, as if Harry had asked him about if he’d fly to the moon with him or something.

 

“Not possible,” Mag fires back. “Answer and drink or don’t answer and drink twice as much. That’s the rules.”

 

“But I don’t drink,” Harry insists. He feels uncomfortable while everyone is staring at him. He feels small and exposed under the severe looks Louis’ group of people is giving him.

 

Meg shrugs and gives Julian a sign to start spinning the bottle. Harry follows it with his eyes – and then it happens. The bottle stops in front of him and he gets incredibly nervous all of a sudden. He swallows hard, trying not to look anyone in the eyes. Harry can feel his heartbeat increasing, pulsing uncomfortably in his neck.

 

“How did your first orgasm feel?” Julian asks Harry with a smirk.

 

 Louis gives him high five and Meg pulls an astonished face, giving him thumbs up as if this question was the best one she has ever heard from him. And just in this moment he realizes that none of those people, except for Julie, are his friends. They don’t like him. All they do is humiliating him, making fun of him because it’s what they like obviously. And what about Louis? Louis is laughing too and definitely not in a nice way, definitely not. Everyone is looking at Harry by now who would like to disappear forever. His cheeks feel hot again and he pushes his hair back in a nervous gesture. Even his hands are trembling a bit. “I . . . um . . . I don’t know-,” he stammers, his face red, his palms sweaty.

Louis rolls his eyes, looks at his friends and bursts out in laughter. Everyone is giggling, nudging each other or grinning at Harry, everyone except for Julie. “Harry?” Louis says, letting out another fake laugh.

 

“Do you want to tell us that you’ve never had an orgasm?” Meg yells, shaking her head.

 

Louis and her bump their fists. “He probably hasn’t ever had sex, why do you wonder,” he says derogatorily. “You have to drink. This wasn’t a proper answer, my friend.” As if Louis was his friend.

 

“No, I won’t drink,” Harry says.

 

“Just one won’t kill you,” a guy next to Louis says, filling a small glass with what appears to be Whiskey. Harry takes it but the smell is disgusting. He pulls a face and shakes his head.

 

“I won’t drink it, no,” he refuses.

 

“Oh come on, don’t be a coward!” Louis yells. “The Whiskey won’t hurt you!”

 

“On the contrary, it will relax you and then you will be able to get that stick out of your ass,” Meg adds which causes Julian, Louis and some others to laugh.

 

Harry shakes his head. “Oh come on, don’t be such a baby. Just do it!” Louis tries to convince the younger boy and pushes the glass toward Harry’s mouth.

 

“No Louis, I won’t drink this terrible drink!” Harry yells as he’s pushing Louis’ arm away, not thinking about the full glass he’s holding in his hand. Julian has a wet stain on his shirt now and he’s pulling the shirt away from his chest with his hand. “S . . . sorry,” Harry stammers, bowing his head. Julian doesn’t respond but Louis does.

 

“Oh for God’s sake if you don’t want to hang out with us then just fucking leave!” he yells.

 

Harry is overwhelmed. He’s trying not to cry because everyone is picking on him, especially Louis. Why are they so mean? Harry knew he doesn’t belong here, he knew that right away and he totally regrets coming here. It’s Louis’ fault that he’s here, he forced him to accompany him and now it’s him who’s yelling at him in front of everyone. Not that it would make a huge difference if Louis didn’t yell at him.

 

 “I want to go home,” Harry mumbles quietly, more to himself.

 

“Maybe that will be the best,” Julian huffs. “We don’t need a spoilsport tonight so fuck off already,” he grunts and grabs the bottle to spin it again.

 

Harry’s mouth falls open after this verbal attack which hurts him massively. He’s devastated by how. He’s hurt by the way he had been treated all the time and how this night passed by. Harry looks toward Louis who’s drinking the Vodka out of the bottle. The sight of it makes Harry cringe and he’s literally disgusted by Louis. Nobody pays attention to Harry as he’s getting up from the floor, walking away.

 

Surprisingly Julie gets up too and follows him. She puts her hand onto Harry’s back and walks next to him. “Don’t listen to them,” she says into his ear. “Come with me. I don’t have a car to take you home but if you want you can stay at my place.”

 

Harry just nods and follows Julie. When they’re in the corridor, the girl takes his hand and drags the boy out of the house because people are standing everywhere in their way. When they leave the building, Harry can see people throwing up, all of them are still drinking and there are even some people sleeping in the yard amongst the trash. It’s disgusting, absolutely disgusting.

 

“I live in a small apartment nearby,” Julie explains as they’re walking over the yard. “It’s not far. You can almost see it over there.”

 

“I’ve never been to an area like this,” Harry tells Julie as they’re walking down the street. “It’s so dark and trashy, why do you live here?” The girl looks at him but doesn’t answer. “Oh sorry, I mean . . . um . . . I didn’t mean it that way.”

 

“Oh no, no, it’s all good,” Julie answers friendly. “I know it looks kind of scary here and it’s definitely not nice but . . . I can’t afford something else, that’s my problem. The rent is low here, you know.” Her voice gets low in the end. Julie’s house is as trashy as everything around them. The apartment is very small and stuffed full with things. The girl puts the keys on the little shelf next to the door and makes a sign for Harry to step closer. On the right, there’s a small hall that probably leads to the bed- and bathroom. The kitchen unit is on the right and the rest of the room is a small living room with a few pieces of furniture that looks quite old but not dirty.

 

“Do you want me to make us some hot chocolate?” Julie offers. She hangs her jacket on a hook and rubs her hands to warm them.

 

“That would be nice,” Harry smiles at Julie. “I feel like I’m freezing although I haven’t been outside for too long.”

 

“Yeah, same,” Julie nods. While Harry sits down on the armchair, covering himself with a blanket, Julie heats up water in the kettle. While it’s boiling, she puts two sticks with a cube of chocolate into two mugs and fills them with hot water.

 

“Here you are,” she says as she’s handing Harry his mug carefully.

 

The boy wraps his hands around his mug. “Thank you,” he answers, “I really needed a hot drink.” He takes a sip then takes the mug down. “What do you think about Louis, Julie? In my eyes he’s really guarded and doesn’t seem to like many people . . . what’s your relationship?” He pulls the blanked up a little to get more comfortable. “If that’s too private, you don’t have to answer.”

 

Julie leans back on the sofa, turning her head toward Harry. “Don’t worry. We were on and off for almost two years until he broke up with me eventually but I’m hoping that he’ll come back because I still love him. He told me he wasn’t ready for this and that he needed time – this is why I want to give him time but . . . I can’t stay away from him. I believe him and he’s the love of my life so I’ll wait.”

 

Harry thinks that this is not how Louis should treat Julie but he has never been in a proper relationship so what does he know. But the talkative person he is, he can’t just sit there without responding. “To be honest . . . um . . . I thought . . . um . . . I thought . . . it was wrong how he treated you in the kitchen this afternoon,” Harry says. “I’m very sorry for that.”

 

Julie shrugs. “He’s a little bit rude sometimes but he doesn’t mean it that way.”

 

Harry nods as he’s pressing his lips together. It’s not what he thinks but anyway, he and Julie don’t know each other well so he thinks it’s better not to interfere here. He asks her something about her studies and the talk easily shifts to random, light topics. One hour later Julie falls asleep on the sofa. Harry watches her for a while and suddenly he feels the urgent need to talk to someone he really knows: a friend from home, his mum or maybe Niall. As Harry wants to pull out his phone from his pocket he realizes that he forgot it in the dorm. He thinks of what he could do. Harry doesn’t want to spent the night on an armchair at Julie’s. Since he doesn’t know where he is, Harry thinks about going back to the party to look for Louis. Maybe he can help him to get home.

 

Harry leaves the apartment quietly as he doesn’t want to wake the sleeping girl. He runs over to the backyard as quickly as possible because he’s so scared that something bad could happen to him. Harry is scared of unknown places and in general, he avoids walking alone in the dark. When he’s reached the long arch, he walks to the dark end of it but he doesn’t walk into the courtyard. Many people are still there and after a while he can spot Louis standing next to the tree with a group of people, smoking, of course. They look pretty intimidating so Harry doesn’t want to go there. He sits down in the next dark corner and waits for Louis to pass by.

 

Thank god he doesn’t have to wait long. Louis leaves after a few minutes but Harry lets him pass. Then the boy runs to catch up with him. “Louis!” he yells. “Louis wait!” Harry yells again while he’s running down the street.

 

Louis turns around but doesn’t stop walking. “What are you doing here?” he asks coolly.

 

“Why are you leaving without looking for me?” Harry is a little out of breath when he reaches Louis. The boy is walking so quickly that it’s hard for Harry to keep up with him.

 

“Oh Jesus, I thought you left with your new friend. Aren’t you old enough to handle yourself?” he gnarls unfriendly, rolling his eyes. He’s clearly annoyed and doesn’t stop walking what makes Harry grabs Louis’ sleeve and pulls at it.

 

The boy stops for a second but just to jerk Harry’s arm away. “Are you crazy?!” he shouts angrily, “stop pulling my sleeve!” Louis huffs and continues walking. It doesn’t seem as he wants Harry to follow but the younger boy has no other option.

 

“You . . . you were so rude to me at the party,” Harry complains quietly. “I felt like an idiot.”

 

Louis suddenly stops and turns around, causing Harry to bump into him. “You are an idiot, Harry! You don’t drink, you don’t want to have fun, you don’t want to go to parties . . . what’s wrong with you? Do you want to stay in your room all your life? Jesus, wake up!” Louis’ voice is so loud and ringing that his ears hurt. He seems to be a bit drunk but not as drunk as many other people were at that party. At least he isn’t slurring. The older boy pulls a cigarette out of his pocket and lights it quickly. Then they continue walking.

 

“Where are we going?” Harry asks. Louis doesn’t answer, he doesn’t even look at the boy. “How am I going to get home?” Harry continues. “Why won’t you stop walking?”

 

 “For God’s sake Harry!” Louis shouts, throwing his arms up in the air. His voice and his body language are so scary that Harry ducks away for a second. “If you shut up, I’ll drive you home,” he spits. “God, you’re so annoying, I can’t believe it.”

Harry’s heart is hammering in his chest. He doesn’t like how Louis treats him and he hates that he’s depending on him in this situation. Well, he could try to get home on his own, he could call a taxi but it would take too long to get out of this area plus it’s dark in the streets and he could get robbed or something else here. Walking away doesn’t sound like a good plan for him, not at all.

 

As they continue walking, Harry notices the sign of a nightclub. When they get closer Harry sees two big men standing in front of it among many other people who look like they belong into this kind of establishment. He has seen that kind of people in movies but never in real life until now. Harry gets nervous when they approach the group of people. When they pass the entrance, one of the big men greets Louis quickly and he greets back. Do they know each other? Why? What has Louis to do with the nightclub? The music from the nightclub is getting lower as Harry and Louis walk down the street further. At the end of the road they turn right where Louis walks toward a black car.

 

“Do you want to steal it?” Harry blurts out without thinking. He quickly covers his mouth because he knows he shouldn’t have said that and he’s afraid of Louis’ reaction.

 

“Are you serious?” Louis hits his forehead with his hand and shakes his head, letting out an annoyed sigh. “Jump in or not, I don’t care. If you want to stay here and discuss, I’ll be gone,” Louis says as he unlocks the car.

 

Harry looks down, rubbing his eyes. “Okay,” he says timidly and opens the door. It smells terribly like smoke and food from the inside. The seats are a little bit dirty at first sight and they’re also ripped partly. As Harry puts a foot inside of the car he steps on some trash that’s lying in the footwell. Harry tries to sit down carefully to not break something he can’t see. He stays quiet and looks out of the window while Louis tries to start the car but it doesn’t work. The older boy tries again but still, the car doesn’t start. The boy hits the steering wheel with his hands and curses loudly.

 

“I could help,” he says after a while, his voice low.

 

“With what? Stupid advice?” Louis snarls, rolling his eyes.

 

“I’ve learned a lot from my dad. If you like I could have a look.”

 

Louis lets out an annoyed sigh and huffs. Harry gets out of the car and Louis actually opens the bonnet when he tells him to. Within a few minutes, the car is starting. Harry smiles at Louis but Louis doesn’t return the gesture. “At least you’re good for something,” he mumbles as he’s driving down the street.

 

“Um . . . Louis . . . you drank alcohol,” Harry reminds Louis barely audible. He gulps. “You shouldn’t be driving.”

 

“So?” Louis asks unimpressed. “Since when do you tell me what to do? If you don’t want me to drive you can walk home on your own,” he says angrily. Louis pauses without looking at Harry. “Your choice.”

 

“You know, I-,” Harry starts saying but he immediately gets interrupted.

 

“If you want to get home save you should shut up and let me drive without talking to me all the time, is this clear?” Louis yells, looking at Harry this time.

 

“Please look at the street,” Harry mumbles.

 

“Oh what the fuck shut up Harry!” Louis yells again, hitting the steering wheel with the palms of his head again.

 

Harry gets scared by Louis’ ringing voice and flinches as he wasn’t expecting him to yell at him like this. He doesn’t dare to say anything to Louis. He really shouldn’t so Harry looks out of the window, thinking about how he got into this situation.

 

“Here we are,” Louis grunts annoyed, slowing down the car. “Now get off.” He doesn’t stop the engine, clearly signalizing that he’s not intending to stay here any longer than necessary.

 

“But . . . my dorm isn’t here?” Harry asks. “Couldn’t you drive me a little closer, please? It’s so dark and there’s nobody in the streets anymore.”

 

Louis shakes his head. “Nope. Take it or leave it,” he answers in a flat tone.

 

Harry sigs quietly and nods. Then he opens the door and gets off the car. Just when Harry has closed the door shut, Louis speeds off with no goodbye or anything. Harry watches Louis driving away, the red backlights of the car disappearing in the dark of the night. Harry looks around to make sure he’s alone then he hurries down the street. He knows it’s childish to be afraid of the dark but he is, especially in places he’s not that familiar with. As he’s walking fast, he can only hear a few voices from far away and somewhere in the neighborhood some idiots are testing their car engines to the limit. What if they pass him? What if they’re spoiling for a fight? Harry’s heart starts beating faster as he notices someone turning around the corner. It’s a tall figure and obviously a man. Harry doesn’t have time to make up his mind any further. He starts running as quickly as he can because he’s scared. He’s not far from the dorm but still, he’ll probably need about two minutes to get there. As Harry is running down the street he wonders what time it is. Since he has left the dorm, he hasn’t looked at a clock at all. Harry keeps running until he reaches the entrance door to building B. He feels relieved when he’s inside and safe when he locks the door to his room from the inside and flops down on his bed. He’s home, finally. His heart is still hammering in his chest from running as he’s trying to catch his breath again.

 

Harry quickly changes into his pyjamas and pulls the covers up. He wants to sleep, he’s tired but what happened at the party keeps him awake. He tosses and turns in his bed, the memories coming back every time he closes his eyes. The humiliation, the girl, Louis laughing at him, Meg’s voice, Julian’s question, the way everyone looked at him after that, the horrible smell that came out of the bottle, the girl . . . He needs to process everything that has happened - otherwise he won’t be able to sleep at all. That’s why he starts looking for his diary but can’t find it. Where is it? Harry looks everywhere for his diary again but it’s not in his room, it’s gone. It’s not under the covers or behind the pillows. It’s not on the floor, not in his bags or on the shelves. He remembers that he put it on his bed before Louis came into the room and Louis was the last person who held it in his hands. What if he took it? The feeling of having lost his most private things, his thoughts and drawings makes Harry feel sick. His diary is so private that he hasn’t shown it to anyone before, ever, and he had never planned to. And now Louis of all people has it, Harry just knows. He needs to get it back as soon as possible so he grabs his phone from the desk to send Louis a message. But just in that second he realizes that they’ve never exchanged numbers. Harry sighs. He decides to go to the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth. The thoughts of Louis having his diary and the party haunt Harry again, as well the party and everything that had happened. His worries don’t really help him to fall asleep soon. He manages it after a long time but sleeps really fitfully. Harry wakes up only a few hours later, feeling awful. His head is aching terribly and he feels sluggish too. Harry has to go to the bathroom anyway so he decides to take a shower. As he looks into the mirror, he wonders who this person in front of him is. His hair is a mess, and he’s got dark circles under his eyes and he smells terribly like smoke and alcohol. His throat hurts too. What a terrible weekend that is. Thank god there’s nobody in the halls yet so Harry takes his shower in silence before he decides to ask Julie for Louis’ number.

 

Just in that moment, Harry gets an incoming call from his mum. He waits two more seconds before he presses the button.  “Hi mum.”

 

“Oh sweetheart, what’s up? You don’t sound too happy, do you?” she says worried.

 

Fuck. She noticed something was wrong, of course. It doesn’t surprise him since Harry’s relationship with his mum is a very close one. She always knows how he feels, she even calls him whenever he needs her the most but today, he doesn’t want to tell her anything. Harry doesn’t want to tell her about Louis or the party or his diary, so he lies to her saying that he’s nervous about his courses next week.

 

“I’m sure everything will be fine,” Anne tries to reassure her son. “You’re clever and smart, I wouldn’t worry about you for one second when it comes to this, love.”

 

“Thanks mum. I’ll try my best but it’s like a new beginning for me and that’s always exciting.”

 

They talk for a while but no matter how much Harry tries to concentrate on the conversation, he feels uneasy because of everything that happened. The horrible party is on the back of his mind all the time and Harry really needs to end the chat with his mum in order to call Julie. The boy tries to end the conversation a few times until his mum reluctantly lets him hang up, promising that she’ll call back during the week to see how courses are going. Harry can’t talk about anything else right now so he lets out a sigh he was holding when he finishes the conversation with his mum. He scrolls through his phone and taps onto Julie’s name.  It takes some time until he can hear a quiet rustling at the other end of the line.

 

“Julie?”

 

“Who’s there?” she asks, her voice thick with sleep. In this moment Harry knows he woke her up and he feels guilty immediately.

 

“Harry here, sorry for waking you up,” he apologizes. Julie sighs. “I need your help,” he adds.

 

“Okay,” Julie sighs quietly.

 

“I wondered if you could . . . um . . . give me Louis’ number?” Harry asks, hot and cold waves running through his body. He doesn’t want to tell Julie the truth and that’s why he’s frantically trying to make up a lie he could tell her but nothing will come to his mind. Thank god Julie doesn’t want to know why he needs it. She promises to send it as soon as she’s awake.

 

“But don’t call him until four in the afternoon,” she says simply before she ends the call.

 

Harry stares at the ceiling. He would like to send Louis a message right now, to call him or whatever. He’s impatient, he hates waiting for things and it seems like Julie forgot about her promise. But as Harry’s looking at the clock, it’s ten in the morning. After lying in bed for more than two hours, Harry decides to head to the kitchen to get some breakfast.


	6. A Broken Promise

As Harry is walking toward the kitchen he meets Niall. “Oh Harry, hi!” the Irish boy says happily with a wide smile. He’s always in a good mood. Harry usually is a morning person too but the circumstances aren’t the best these days so he can’t be as bubbly and happy as Niall is.

 

“Morning Niall,” Harry says, giving him a small smile.

 

“You look like you haven’t slept much,” Niall remarks. “Have you spent some wild night with someone or were you just too nervous to sleep?”

 

“I was at a party,” Harry sighs, “but I didn’t like it there.”

 

“What? It’s your first night here and you’ve already been to a party?” Niall says surprised, his face telling Harry he wants to know more. “Where was it?”

 

“I don’t know exactly where it was but I was there with a guy named Louis Tomlinson, he-,” Harry tells Niall but the blonde boy interrupts him just in the second Harry mentions Louis.

 

“Louis Tomlinson?” Niall nearly yells out. He looks terrified.

 

Harry nods. What does Niall know about him? “I don’t know what you have to with him but trust me, it’s better if you stay away from him and his group of friends.” Niall rubs his face and shakes his head. “I wonder how you met him.” He pauses. As Harry doesn’t answer, he continues. “Well, it’s none of my business but I just want you to know that nothing good will come from him.”

 

“Do you know him?” Harry asks. They both start walking toward the kitchen.

 

“People talk a lot and words get round fast here on campus, that’s what you should be aware of. I’ve only met him a few times, we’ve never been friends or anything but from what I know he’s quite dangerous and seems to be a proper asshole.”

 

“So you don’t know him personally?” Harry asks.

 

Niall shakes his head.

 

“How can you say such things about him then?”

 

“Because it is what it is. He’s not a nice person at all,” he tells Harry. “I know it. But it’s up to you who you want to hang out with. I won’t stop you.” Niall opens the fridge to take some food out of it. “Would you like to have breakfast with me?” Harry agrees. He needs to kill time anyways and a breakfast with Niall seems the best way. They don’t talk about Louis at all and Harry starts feeling a lot better.

 

After breakfast Harry decides to walk over to the university which is just a stone’s throw away from his dorm. He wants to know where he has to go when his courses will start and he wants to familiarize himself with the campus. He hasn’t met any other freshman or first years so far so he’s completely on his own there. It’s Sunday so that’s hardly surprising that nobody is there. Harry is still really anxious from the night before so he’s trying to distract himself by walking around. Harry has always been that way. He likes to know where everything is when he’s new somewhere. He likes to get informed in time so he won’t have to hurry anywhere and get nervous about things that could have been cleared a long time before and in general he hates doing things at the last possible minute. Harry is the type of person who has to be in time, always. That’s the reason why he had decided to arrive here a few days earlier than necessary.

 

After he has finished walking around, Harry sits down on a bench near the park. It’s quite cold outside but he doesn’t mind. He’s wearing one of his thickest jackets and a huge scarf so it’s all good for him. He enjoys the cold, he enjoys when the wind is blowing, brushing over his hot cheeks. Harry pulls out his phone. Julie has sent him Louis’ number eventually. Harry saves it in his phone and opens a new message. It’s not four o’clock in the afternoon yet but Harry can’t wait any longer. After staring at the number in front of him for a while, Harry decides to text finally. He’s clearly too intimidated to call him.

 

_“I think you picked up my diary by accident? Can you check for me?”_ he sends. Harry waits for Louis’ response but nothing happens for minutes so he decides to walk back to his dorm. A few hours later, his phone buzzes eventually.

 

_“Who is this?”_

 

Harry can feel himself getting anxious and maybe a little bit nervous too. What if Louis doesn’t remember him because he was drunk? Will he ever get his diary back? Will Louis be angry if he finds out Harry got his number and messaged him without his consent?

 

_“It’s Harry. You invited me to your party yesterday.”_

 

Louis doesn’t respond right away again which makes Harry’s anxiety growing worse and worse. He can’t concentrate on anything else than his phone and the fact that Louis hasn’t written back. The boy stares at the screen while he’s pulling his bottom lip and pushing his hair back. Finally, Louis replies.

 

_“Ah. Did you have fun?”_

 

That’s not the answer Harry was expecting to get. He doesn’t want to be rude, even though he hated the party. _“It was a new experience for me, it was okay.”_ Doesn’t Louis remember how mean he was, how his friends treated him? Doesn’t he remember that he made fun of him, that he and his friends humiliated Harry? Harry wonders if Louis was too drunk or high or whatever to remember what happened. Obviously, he was.

_“Great! There’s another one next Saturday. If you come, I’ll give you your diary back.”_

“ _Can’t you just stop by and give it back to me?”_

_“No. Either you come to the party or . . . you won’t see it again.”_

_“But you broke your promise the first time.”_

_“Things happen. So will you come?”_

Harry feels like he could cry. Louis broke his promise and now he has the most personal thing on Harry. Harry is desperate, very desperate. What can he do? What if Louis will never give him the diary back? What if he has already showed his diary to his friend just for fun? Just because he was drunk and didn’t remember what he told Harry? Louis doesn’t seem to care about Louis’ feelings at all. So what options does Harry have? He doesn’t want to go to another one of those horrible, disgusting parties but he also wants his diary back and this will be the only possibility to increase the chances of getting it back. Louis isn’t willing to cooperate with him, which is the worst. Plus, Harry doesn’t know where Louis lives and as much as he’s thinking about avoiding this party somehow, nothing comes to his mind that could change the situation for him. He has no other possibility than obeying to what Louis wants from him, hoping that this time the older boy will hold to the agreement. _“Okay then, I’ll come to the party.”_ Louis doesn’t answer but Harry can see he has read his message.


	7. The First Week At Uni and Thwarted Plans

The first week at his university is overwhelming for Harry because everything is new and so different from school and everything he’s used to. The first hurdle he has to take is the organization of the different courses. He has to attend a certain amount of them in one week to get forward in his studies plus, there are different kinds of courses. He has to attend some of them because of his studies and there’s also the possibility to choose several ones. Harry decides to attend as many courses as he can. During the first week, he meets a lot of new people, gains experience and also gets lost a couple of times. Additionally, Harry takes part in every organizing that is supposed to help the students to orientate during their start phase. The boy is absolutely exhausted after the first week of being a student at university. Some professors tend to give homework additionally to the presentations and other duties the students will have accomplish during their semester. The situation lets Harry worry about if he can manage to keep up a certain level of motivation since everything seems overwhelming and also a little bit scary. Most of his courses are packed with information and handouts that contain at least more than 80 pages each. Every professor wants something else, there are hundreds of special regulation on each subject which make Harry’s head spin.

 

Between the courses Harry spends time with Niall mostly who is trying to keep him from falling apart already. Unfortunately, Harry isn’t sleeping well these days because of all the stress and the worries that bother him because of his diary. Harry has sent four more messages to Louis within two days but Louis hasn’t responded yet. Harry also hasn’t seen Louis for days. He wonders if he’s even a student.

 

On Friday evening Harry’s mum calls to tell him she would like him to come home for a small party to celebrate his first week at university. She tells him that she already has invited his aunts and uncles, all cousins, his grandparents and some friends from back home. In the first second Harry is very excited and happy about this idea but then he remembers what Louis told him. His mood changes from one to the other second.

 

“Thank you for organizing everything . . . um . . . but you know I . . . II have so much work to do for uni and . . . um . . . I’m not really sure if I can . . . you know . . . if I can afford coming home this weekend. Couldn’t we just find another date?” he stammers. Harry has a bad conscience because he’s lying to his mum. If he told her the truth, she would probably freak out so he practically has no other choice.

 

“Harry, what are you talking about?” she says softly as if she’s not believing his words. There’s no anger in her voice at all. “I’ve already invited everyone, love. They haven’t seen you for so long and I’ve already planned everything! I’m sure you will manage to do your work before tomorrow so it shouldn’t be a problem for you, don’t you think? Everyone would be very sad if you wouldn’t come.”

 

Harry sighs. “I know, I know.” He walks up and down his room, trying to think of what he could say. Not going there would break his mum’s heart, he knows that. She has already done so much for him and Harry feels really bad to not agree on attending the party. But on the other hand there’s Louis who still has his diary. “Okay,” Harry sighs, “I’ll come.”

 

“Really?” she squeals loudly and Harry can practically hear her smiling widely.

 

“Don’t worry, I’ll be there. Thank you for the surprise.” Harry isn’t sure if he might sound a little bit too disappointed but his mum doesn’t seem to mind.

 

“Oh love, that’s great! You can’t imagine how happy I am and everyone else!” she yells out happily. “It will be such a nice weekend for all of us, I can’t wait to see you!” Anne yells out. “I will ask Gemma to pick you up later, if you like.” Harry agrees on that and they continue talking for a few more minutes.

 

After his mum has ended the call, Harry flops down on the bed, staring at the ceiling. Although the party is such a lovely idea, Harry isn’t happy at all. If he wasn’t in the situation he’s in, he’d enjoy it but he can’t. He cudgels his brain how to tell Louis that he won’t come to the party with him but nothing comes out of it. Harry is too scared to tell Louis that he won’t be attending the party with him on Saturday. If he sent him a message, maybe Louis would be reminded so Harry decides not to contact him at all. Maybe Louis will forget about Harry this time so he thinks not messaging would be the best solution. Harry really starts questioning if he will see his diary again.

***

A few hours after Gemma has picked up Harry from the dorm, Harry has relaxed eventually. When they arrive at home, Harry can’t believe his eyes. His mum, Robin and Gemma have decorated the house with hundreds of garlands one huge one says “Welcome home, Harry!” which is so nice and probably took them at least a day to get everything ready. He’s overwhelmed, absolutely overwhelmed. Everyone Harry loves is already there: his family, his friends, even some of his neighbors he loves. Many of them have helped his mum with the preparations and the food which looks incredibly delicious. They have had many parties in this house but this one seems to be the absolute best. There’s plenty of finger food placed on huge trays, salads, cakes, home-made cookies and other sweets make his mouth water. Everyone is having a good time talking to each other Harry doesn’t even have time to think about his diary or Louis. Everyone keeps him occupied until he sits down at a table with his family and some of his best friends. Some of his friends go to fetch some food while Harry stays seated because he won’t get to the buffet anyways.

 

Suddenly, his phone buzzes in his jeans pocket. Harry takes a quick look but immediately regrets it in that second. A wave of heat rushes through his body in a very unpleasant way.

 

_“Where are you???? I’m at your place. I’m giving you five minutes before I’m leaving without you.”_

 

Oh no. Harry gets anxious again. He excuses himself and walks out of the room to sit down on the stairs to 1st floor, staring at the screen, reading the message over and over again. What should he tell him?

 

 _“I’m not in Manchester. My mum picked me up unexpectedly. I had to go,”_ Harry halfway lies.

 

 _“Lame.”_ Louis’ short message lets Harry feel guilty although he clearly shouldn’t be the one who should feel that way.

 

 _“I’m very sorry. I tried to tell my mum that I can’t go but she didn’t buy it. She organized a party for me and invited family and friends over so I couldn’t say no to her, I just couldn’t.”_ Harry’s heart hammers in his chest as he’s pressing the send button. Louis doesn’t reply soon so Harry sends more messages his way, hoping that he will answer soon and tell him that it’s okay.

_“She has done so much for me and I had no choice. I can’t disappoint her, you know.”_

_“Louis? Is everything okay? I’m very sorry, I mean . . . maybe we can go out another time?”_

_“Why aren’t you answering? Are you mad? Please don’t be. I bet you would have done the same if it was your family.”_

Harry can’t stop staring at his screen. Why isn’t Louis answering? The boy scrolls through the chat and reads Louis’ message again. He sighs and leans his head against the wall. Why does he feel so bad? Shouldn’t it be Louis who should feel bad because he took Harry’s diary and lied to him? But instead, Harry feels guilty and he can’t do anything about it. This negative feeling is dominating and he can feel the fear consuming his body. What the hell is this? No matter how many times Harry looks at his phone, Louis doesn’t reply to any of his messages.

 

“Harry?” his mum says astonished as she appears in front of him. “We were wondering where you were, sweetheart. What are you doing here?” She’s at the bottom of the staircase, her hands put on her hips. “Why aren’t you with your guests?”

 

“I just needed a minute for myself,” Harry says quietly and slides the phone into his pocket.

 

Anne points toward the living room. “They are all here because of you and what are you doing? Playing with your phone instead of talking to them?”

 

Harry gets up and walks down the stairs. “I’m sorry,” he says.

 

“It’s okay love. I was just upset,” she says softly as she’s wrapping on arm around her son, pulling him close. “I’m sorry too.” Anne walks into the living room with Harry who decides to fill his plate with some of the food which really tastes delicious. The conversations at the table are light and funny but although Harry enjoys it, he can’t stop thinking about if Louis has seen his messages. He excuses himself about half an hour later, pretending to having to use the bathroom. Seconds later, he stands in the hallway, frantically texting Louis who still hasn’t answered any of his messages.

 

“Harry Edward Styles!” the piercing voice of his mum rings in his ears so that Harry nearly drops his phone. “I thought you were going to the bathroom? But instead, you’re on your phone again?” She sounds shocked and even a little bit hurt. “What or who is so important that you even have to lie to me? Harry, what’s happening?” His mum is one of the nicest persons but when she’s feeling betrayed, she can get furious. Harry knows this and he’s aware of the fact this is such a situation. She’s angry, really angry. “Do I need to take your phone away from you, Harry? Really?” Anne shakes her head. “Can you please put your phone away and come join us?” she asks him with a low voice. Her tone lets Harry feel even guiltier and small.

 

Harry nods. Just in this moment he realizes that he has never lied to his mum before and how much it’s bothering her. He puts his phone away. “Sorry mum, a friend just needed some help,” he lies again.

 

Anne nods. “That’s okay . . . but you know, today you shouldn’t worry about others. I appreciate that you want to help your friend. I know you’re a good person and I love you.” Her voice doesn’t sound angry anymore. Anne hugs Harry and Harry gives her a little kiss on her cheek.

 

“I’m very sorry, I didn’t mean to cause trouble and I promise I won’t use the phone again tonight,” he reassures her, feeling his stomach twist.

 

“I’m sorry for yelling at you,” Anna says softly and kisses Harry’s hair. They hug again and walk back into the living room. Harry tries to do his best to not think about Louis or his diary and as more and more time passes, he actually manages to enjoy the party without distractions.

 

The next morning, Harry and his family have a nice breakfast together. They laugh a lot, talk about random things and for the first time all week, Harry feels positive and light. He knows that his family is amazing and he’s thankful to have them. A lot of his friends fight with their parents and sisters a lot but not Harry. It has always been different with them. Harry’s mood  carries over to the car ride until he gets a message from Louis.


	8. The Diary

 

_“You hurt my feelings brushing me off like that.”_

 

Harry’s mood changes immediately. _“Let me make it up to you,”_ he sends back.

 

_“What did you have in mind?”_

 

Louis’ words make Harry blush. What does he mean? Is he thinking about sex? Harry has never had sex before and he starts feeling nervous. What if Louis really meant this in a dirty way?

 

_“I could take you to lunch? You can pick the place.”_

 

While Harry is waiting for Louis to reply, Harry glances up and notices his mom looking at him in the rearview mirror. He blushes even harder and he’s embarrassed by the way she’s looking at him. “Must be something really important going on for you to be on your phone that much. You never were before,” she says with a strange undertone.

 

“Sorry but . . . there’s a group assignment that’s due on Tuesday and that’s why,” Harry mumbles. His face is red anyway so he shouldn’t worry too much about his little lie.

 

“Oh I remember doing those. They’re so annoying,” Gemma says and pats Harry’s knee playfully.

 

“Oh Harry, I’m sorry for making you come to the party,” she says with a low voice. “You should have told me you had a project! I wouldn’t have picked you up.”

 

“I tried to tell you, remember?” Harry answers but feels absolutely horrible for lying to her again. “But don’t worry, it will be fine. I enjoyed the party so much and it was lovely that you organized it,” he adds quickly, touching her shoulder. “You’re the best mum ever,” he says and leans back in his seat again. His mum smiles and concentrates on the drive again. Harry puts his phone away. Harry’s family hangs around for about half an hour. As they’re sitting in the kitchen and drinking tea, Niall stops by to say hello. Anne invites him for a cup of tea and of course Niall wouldn’t say no. “I’m really glad that you helped Harry with his start here,” Anne says. “It’s always important to have good people around you.”

 

 

“Harry is my friend, of course I helped him,” Niall says and puts an arm around Harry.

 

Anne repeats how happy she is that Harry found a new friend like him over and over again. Of course Harry appreciates that Niall helped him because he’s been studying at this uni for about two years and he really knows what’s going on. Plus, he’s the best story teller ever. Gemma, Robin and Anne laugh about every single one of his jokes until they can’t hold back the tears anymore. Before they leave, Anne thanks Niall for being so kind to Harry again and Harry starts feeling a little bit uncomfortable about that. He’s not a baby, is he?

 

“It’s all good Harry,” Niall tells him after they’re gone and Harry complains about that. “They’re just happy, let them be.”

 

Later in the evening, Harry replies to Louis’ message. Louis tells Harry to meet him during the break on Tuesday.

 

***

 

By the time Tuesday rolls around, Harry is really excited and nervous about meeting up with Louis again on a small street a little bit away from Harry’s dorm. Louis is sitting in his old car, smoking as usual. “Get in!” he yells as Harry is approaching.

 

“Hi,” Harry says as he opens the door of Louis’ car but the second he’s sitting down he gets a terrible coughing fit because of the smoke. The car is full of smoke, it’s hard for Harry to breathe and it doesn’t smell nice at all. Louis doesn’t seem bothered by Harry’s state. He waits until the boy has calmed down in his seat, not looking at him. “Oh god Louis, can I roll the window down a bit? I can barely breathe in here.”

 

Louis shakes his head. “Don’t. As you can see mine is already open a little bit and it will get too cold. I’m already freezing.” He takes a long drag of his cigarette before he starts the engine. Harry stays silent during the drive. Louis stops his car in front of a little café-type place. It looks cute from the outside and Harry really likes it until he notices the prices are horrendous. He doesn’t say anything to Louis because he doesn’t want to upset him and it was him who offered this to Louis. When they sit down, the older boy immediately grabs the menu without offering it to Harry. When he has finished reading it, he puts it back on the table. He doesn’t talk at all, instead he scrolls through his phone. After Harry has chosen what he wants to order, the silence starts feeling too uncomfortable.

 

“What did you choose?” Harry asks Louis, trying to start a conversation.

 

Louis doesn’t look up from his phone. “A burger,” he answers.

 

“Where do you know about this place?”

 

“Ex-girlfriend,” he answers flatly.

 

Harry sighs. This is not what he was expecting to happen. It’s the worst feeling ever and Harry doesn’t feel welcome at all. Why did Louis want to meet him if he’s not even talking to him a little bit? Harry looks at Louis, hoping that he will stop staring at his phone but he doesn’t. The older boy keeps looking at his phone and answering messages or whatever he does. Maybe it will get better in a few minutes, he thinks. Thank god one of the waitresses is approaching their table.

 

“Hi guys, I’m Linda,” she greets Harry and Louis. “What would you like to eat?”

 

“I’d like to eat you out but that’s probably not what you meant,” he says barely audible, winking at her. Harry frowns at Louis’ inappropriate word choice, why is he behaving that way? The waitress doesn’t respond to Louis, maybe she overheard him. “I’d like a coke and the buffalo mozzarella pizza with tomatoes and garden rocket please,” Harry says politely as he’s closing the menu.

 

“What about you?” the waitress asks Louis. The boy looks at her, raising his eyebrows in a playful way. He gives her a cute smile before he starts talking.

 

“Okay love, so please bring me the special burger dish and a pint of beer please,” Louis says sweetly. “It would be lovely if you would also bring me some of the garlic and pepperoni oil, if possible.”

 

The waitress gives him a smile back, notes the order down on her note pad and takes one menu away. “Of course, no problem,” she answers with a smile. “Anything else?”

 

“No thank you very much Linda,” Louis answers, winking at her. The waitress flushes a little bit then walks away. When she’s is out of hearing range, Louis switches to his old self again within seconds. “God Harry, I never knew you were such a pussy,” the boy grunts, letting out a short fake laugh. “Are you serious you want to eat a pizza with buffalo mozzarella and garden rocket? What the fuck? It’s pizza, not salad.”

 

Harry is shocked by the way Louis talks to him. What’s happening to Louis? He was so sweet to the waitress and now he’s being shitty to Harry again? Why? What has he done to him? Louis’ words and tone hurt Harry but he tries to sound as unaffected as possible. “I like the combination,” Harry answers. It’s hard for him not to show how disappointed he is. And again, Louis doesn’t respond. He’s still scrolling through his phone for several minutes without even looking up once. Harry feels like Louis is taking the piss out of him on purpose. He doesn’t want to be here and he needs a break.

 

“I’m going to use the bathroom,” Harry announces in a short voice, totally aware of the fact that Louis doesn’t care if he goes or not. In the bathroom he tries to calm himself down. Harry splashes his face and takes deep breaths. He is annoyed, but he’s also really sad because he was hoping to have a nice lunch with Louis but by now he knows that Louis doesn’t seem to care at all. Maybe Louis is still upset about him not going to the party?

 

When Harry gets back to the table, Louis puts his phone down surprisingly. Harry feels a little relieved and brightens back up a bit. The boy starts asking him a few questions about his courses and to Harry’s surprise also how his weekend at home was. While Harry is telling Louis about the party, Linda brings the food which tastes delicious. Harry wonders about the amount of food Louis has ordered but he doesn’t say anything. Maybe he ordered more when Harry was in the bathroom. “This is a good place to have lunch, I really like it and the food is delicious,” Harry admits while he’s cutting his pizza. Louis looks at Harry and nods, not answering because he’s just about to take a huge bite of his first burger.

 

As they’re eating in silence (Harry doesn’t like to eat with his mouth full anyway), Harry watches Louis. How soft his hair looks without products in it. How cute his fringe falls on his forehead and how the end curls itself a little bit inward. Louis might be rude as hell but he’s attractive, very attractive. His blue eyes are sparkling and his stubble looks really good on him, sexy even. Harry usually doesn’t like stubble in men’s faces but it looks so good on Louis that he has to change his opinion on this. Harry loves his voice which is has a very unique sound and the thick accent underlines this uniqueness.

 

When Louis looks at him for a second, Harry flushes. He gets a little bit flustered because of what he is thinking about Louis and he notices that he’s also getting butterflies in his stomach. Oh no. After they have finished their food, Harry pays the bill which reveals a sum that leaves him speechless and suddenly it’s obvious to him why Louis chose this place. He didn’t choose it because he wanted to show him a nice place. Louis came here because he wanted revenge, because he wanted Harry to pay, didn’t he?

 

“Did you like the food?” Louis asks as he’s approaching the dorm.

 

Harry’s thoughts from earlier seem so wrong all of a sudden. “I liked the place,” Harry answers, feeling incredibly guilty for his bad thoughts.

 

Louis nods. “Good,” he states, not making a move to continue the conversation so they sit in the car without talking until Harry opens the door and gets out, shortly saying goodbye. As he’s walking away, Harry hears Louis yelling. “Hey!” It’s a dull sound. Harry turns around but as Louis doesn’t do anything else, he continues walking. “Harry! Stop!” Louis yells again as he’s rolling the window down, whistling.

 

Harry turns around again. “Didn’t you want something back?” the older boy yells. Just in this moment, Harry remembers: the diary! Oh god. The boy runs back to the car and opens the door. Just in this moment, Louis thrusts the diary toward him. “Here, take it,” is all he says before he’s driving off quickly, leaving Harry standing there with his diary clutched to his chest.

 

The boy sighs. He rushes upstairs with a queasy feeling in his stomach. What if Louis ripped pages out or destroyed some? In his room, Harry sits down on his bed, a thick blanket wrapped around his waist. He’s so nervous when he opens the first pages of the diary but soon, he can relax. He flicks through the pages and luckily, almost all pages seem intact, except for one. There’s a small yellow post-it is tucked to a page that contains a few drawings. The word “beautiful” is written on the note. Harry’s heart flutters a little. This must be Louis’ handwriting. He pulls it away from the diary, reaches up for his corkboard and pins it up there. As he’s leaning back, still holding the diary in his hands, Harry thinks to himself that he would really like to see Louis again. He hasn’t been nice to him but still, something inside of him wants to see him again. But there’s just one problem: Louis has probably read the diary. It would be so embarrassing for Harry to meet him again because most of the entries contain very personal information Harry was never planning to share with anyone. The boy looks out of the window, watching the trees bending from the wind that whistles through the almost naked branches. Harry needs to talk with someone he trusts 100% so he decides to call Gemma, his sister.

 

“I need your opinion,” Harry says as he’s nuzzling into his pillows, the blanket thrown over his thighs only.

 

“Of course, what is it?” Gemma answers, her voice warm and welcoming. It feels so good to talk to someone who cares.

 

“Well . . . the problem is that someone took my diary away by accident,” Harry tells her. “I don’t know . . . um . . . I don’t know . . . how to handle this. It’s very personal but . . .  I have no idea how much he has read.”

 

“Who is it?” she asks. “And how could this happen?”

 

Harry lets out an audible sigh. He’s a little bit nervous because he doesn’t want to tell her the truth so he thinks of another story quickly. “He’s from my English course and we met a few days ago. We wanted to study so he brought his books to my place and my diary was underneath when he put them into his rucksack.”

 

“Is this the person you were texting in the car?”

 

There’s a small pause. “Yeah,” Harry mumbles quietly.

 

“Why did you lie to mom about it?”

 

Harry gulps. “Well I . . . um . . . I was really embarrassed about it and . . . um . . . didn’t want anyone to know. But it’s bothering me so much so I wanted to talk to you about it.”

 

“Oh okay,” she says quietly. “I get it. I can understand that you’re upset about it but you know, I think it would be the best to confront him with your worries.”

 

“But what should I ask?”

 

“Well . . . you could ask him how much he has read and let him know that it makes you really uncomfortable knowing he knows all those things and . . .  that you would appreciate it if he didn’t say anything to anyone else about your entries.”

 

“Maybe,” Harry agrees with her but he silently thinks that what she said really didn’t help at all. “I have to stop here, Niall is coming over,” Harry tries to end the conversation before Gemma has enough time to ask him more questions about this mysterious person.

 

Once he’s off the phone it startles Harry how easy it has become for him to lie but to his defense, he didn’t really have much of choice. Maybe talking to Louis could help, maybe his sister was right so after a while, a long while, Harry texts Louis that he wants to see him again because he’d like to talk to him about the diary. As usual, Louis doesn’t respond for a long time what causes Harry to worry about if it was the right way to text him. Maybe he shouldn’t have asked Louis about it. Maybe he shouldn’t have mentioned it again.


	9. A Night With Louis

On Monday morning, Louis hasn’t texted back. Harry goes to uni with Niall but he can’t focus on the contents, at all. “There’s something wrong with you, am I right?” Niall asks suddenly. Harry stays quiet as he’s looking at his phone. “Harry? You haven’t stopped looking at your phone since this course has started and you haven’t talked to me once.”

 

Harry looks up. “It’s . . . um . . . it’s nothing I mean . . . a friend of mine is in trouble and I’m just worried about him,” Harry lies but flushes. Jesus, what’s wrong with him? He’s been lying to almost everyone lately; his mum, his sister and now Niall. But Harry doesn’t want to tell anyone much about Louis, that’s the reason and there’s no other way.

 

Niall smirks at Harry, nodding. “Is it . . . about a girl I don’t know anything about yet?” he says slowly, raising his eyebrows in a playful way.

 

Harry shakes his head and waves him off. “No, Niall. I have to disappoint you here. It’s just a friend.”

 

“I see,” Niall replies almost a little bit disappointed. “Is there anything else I need to know maybe?”

 

Harry smiles at him and pats his arm. “I don’t think so but Niall but . . . what about you? Do you have a girlfriend?” Harry wants to avoid talking about Louis.

 

“Not at the moment,” Niall answers. “I broke up with my ex a month ago and now I’m just chilled. Whatever happens, I’ll be okay with it,” he smiles. “But look at the girls in the room . . . I mean . . . some of them are cute, aren’t they?” Niall points out the girls, asking Harry what he thinks about them. Harry has barely met anyone yet but he doesn’t want to tell Niall about his sexuality yet so he answers really vaguely. Niall gives him a funny look but doesn’t question it further.

 

Suddenly, the professor clears her throat. “Guys, if you two are done talking, do you think I could start presenting the next topic?”

 

Harry flushes as everyone is looking at them and Niall tells the professor that he’s sorry. He chuckles silently but stays quiet afterwards. Harry stops checking his phone and concentrates on the course since he’s got the impression that the professor is watching them more closely now. The day goes by normally with courses, eating lunch at the canteen and having chats here and there. It’s Harry’s second week at university and he’s getting used to everything slowly.

 

Later in the afternoon, he finally gets a message from Louis. _“I don’t have time to meet you, I have stuff to do.”_

_“What kind of stuff?”_ Harry texts back.

 

_“Work.”_

_“And what’s your work like?”_ Harry really wants to know what Louis’ work is like but he doesn’t get an answer. It frustrates him but also makes him more curious so he sends _“???”_ to Louis but still, the boy won’t respond.

 

The next couple of days Harry keeps himself busy with homework, schoolwork and studying. Louis hasn’t responded yet and it seems like he won’t anytime soon. Thank god Harry spends a lot of time with Niall and some of his friends so he doesn’t get to think about Louis that much.

 

***

 

On Friday, Harry and Niall are sitting in Sociology talking and laughing together when Louis suddenly comes in right before the professor shuts the door. Harry had no idea that he was attending this course too and he gets nervous immediately. Louis is on the phone, clearly arguing with someone. The boy is cursing loudly and shouting into the phone, obviously not caring about where he is. Almost everyone in the room stops talking and Harry watches Louis stomp to the desk in the very back to sit down.

 

“Mr. Tomlinson, if you want to participate in my course I’d ask you to stop talking on the phone now or you could just leave,” the professor says seriously.

 

Louis grunts something angrily but hangs up the phone, shoving it in his pocket. He yanks his backpack open and slams his laptop down on the desk. Then he pulls out his headphones and starts typing something. Niall and Harry blink at each other. The blonde boy leans closer to Harry and cups his ear. “I told you this guy is nuts,” he says and rolls his eyes.

 

“Maybe,” Harry half-heartedly agrees but if he’s honest, he’s really curious and worried at the same time about what made Louis so angry. That’s why the boy keeps sneaking looks at Louis during the course, but Louis doesn’t seem to notice. Harry starts thinking about how he could talk to him without Niall noticing but when the course is over, the problem solves itself. Niall rushes out quickly because he has a meeting so Harry takes the opportunity and goes up to Louis to ask what’s wrong. He can feel the butterflies in his stomach again as he’s looking at Louis who looks tired but still beautiful. Harry bites his bottom lip as he approaches Louis’ desk. He is still typing furiously, not looking anywhere than at his screen. The music coming from his headphones it so loud that Harry can practically listen to the song too.

 

It takes a while until Louis looks up. He pulls the headphones down so that they hang around his neck. “What?” he snaps.

 

“Is everything okay,” Harry says, pulling his bottom lip.

 

Louis frowns. Then he starts shoving his stuff into his bag without answering.

 

“Louis?” Harry tries again.

 

“None of your fucking business,” Louis just growls out.

 

Harry is a bit by the tone but he won’t give up. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

 

“No,” Louis snaps, not looking at him at all. Then he shoves past him, leaving Harry alone in the room.

 

Harry stands there, dumbfounded, feeling incredibly stupid. He had no idea how much it hurt to be rejected. Suddenly, he notices a black wallet on the ground. He picks it up and looks inside, seeing a lot of money. Harry ignores the money and starts pulling cards out to figure out whose wallet it is. As he’s looking through it, something flutters to the ground. The boy picks it up, noticing it’s a picture of a beautiful young woman holding a toddler and they’re both smiling. The picture is clearly loved, with folded corners and wrinkled edges. His eyes go wide when he realizes that the wallet belongs to Louis. He quickly rushes out of the room, wanting to find him. He hurries down the stairs and turns right toward the entrance where he luckily finds Louis standing in line for coffee. Harry rushes over to him and taps him on the shoulder.

 

“What do you want?” Louis snaps as he’s whipping around. His voice draws the attention of people around them.

 

Oh god. Harry doesn’t know what to say out of shock, he’s embarrassed so he only holds the wallet up. Louis’ eyes narrow. He snatches it out of Harry’s hand, rifles through it. “The money is all here,” he mutters. Louis looks at his wallet and then at Harry. Harry just shrugs and presses his lips together.

 

Louis blinks at him. “Uh, thanks.” He gets his coffee and turns around to leave. “Are you coming or not?” he yells into Harry’s direction as he’s walking toward the exit.

 

Before Harry can answer, a guy next to him puts a hand on his shoulder. “Wow, this guy is really rude and kind of a dick, don’t you think?”

 

Louis must have heard him because he’s turning around immediately. “Fuck off!” he yells and flips him off. Harry ignores the guy and rushes off to catch up with Louis instead. As he’s approaching, Louis phone rings. Harry can overhear bits and pieces of the conversation that’s going on. It’s about drugs and money and picking up some sort of product. Harry doesn’t like what they’re talking about.

 

“Look, I have stuff to do so why don’t we meet up later?” Louis tells Harry after the phone call. “I’ll text you.”

 

“Okay,” Harry says, a little bit disappointed. That’s not how he expected this to go at all but he’s happy Louis wants to see him later on. He watches Louis walk off and decides to head back to his dorm.

 

***

 

Later in the evening Harry is writing in his diary about his day when he gets a text message from Louis. _“Where are you?”_

 

_“In my room. Can we talk?”_ Harry sends back. Harry just continues drawing, waiting for a reply that won’t come. Why does Louis never answer?

 

A few minutes later, there’s a very loud knock on the door. A second later, the door is opened and Louis stumbles in without waiting for Harry to answer. The boy is sitting on the bed but that’s near enough to notice that Louis smells a little bit like weed. His eyes are glassy, his pupils are dilated and his hair is even messier than usual. Harry just stares at him, shocked, not able to talk. He watches Louis’ moves as he’s climbing onto Harry’s bed, shoving the boy over to make room. “What are you doing?” he asks Harry, glancing at the diary.

 

“I . . . I’m writing and . . . drawing,” he stammers, blushing. He’s sure that Louis will make fun of him or mock him but it doesn’t come.

 

Instead, Louis smiles. “That’s nice,” he says, his voice soft. “How was your day?”

 

Maybe he’s just nice because he’s high, Harry thinks but decides to answer his question. This is the nicest Louis has ever been so far. “It was okay. After you left I met some people from my English course and we worked on our project.”

 

“Oh, so you had a busy day,” Louis responds. “Like I did.”

 

Harry nods. “Yeah, I guess so.”

 

“And then?”

 

“Well, noting happened. We had lunch together and then I went home because I was kind of tired.” It feels so weird that Louis asks Harry about his day.

 

“Ohhh, the little baby was tired,” Louis smiles. His tone isn’t mocking at all, just sweet and warm what makes Harry frown. “I’m just joking, just joking,” Louis smiles again and leans his head back against one of the huge white pillows on Harry’s bed, his head still turned toward Harry.

 

The younger boy pushes his hair back. “Well, sometimes I actually . . . feel like a baby here because . . .  it seems like everyone is older, more experienced and more mature than I am.” This is the most serious he has ever talked to Louis and it feels . . . nice. Maybe that’s his real self that shows when he’s a little bit high?

 

Louis shakes his head. “Everything’s new to you so you’re doubting yourself, that’s normal.”

 

“Probably, I don’t know.”

 

“Of course. Nothing wrong with that, baby boy,” Louis chuckles. His eyes are still glassy but his look is soft. The nicest he has ever looked at Harry and the younger boy can feel the butterflies in his stomach again. He enjoys this special moment between them very much and it feels as if they were in a bubble.

 

“Stop calling me that, Louis!” Harry whines and pushes Louis’ shoulder playfully.

 

Louis grabs his wrist and puts it down. “Hey, I’m just joking,” he says with a smile and lets go of Harry’s wrist. “Don’t take everything I say to you too seriously.” The way his voice sounds makes Harry’s stomach flutter.

 

This is the most normal conversation they’ve ever had but Harry thinks it’s because he’s drugged and a little bit tipsy maybe. But still, it’s nice to not face the real Louis here. Who knows what he would have told Harry if he wasn’t in that state. Maybe now it’s a good point of time to ask Louis about the picture he saw earlier when he picked up the wallet from the floor.

 

“When I found your wallet . . . I . . . um . . . I looked through it and I discovered a cute picture,” Harry says and changes his seating position. He crosses his legs and sits down again, facing Louis. “I really liked it,” he remarks as he’s pulling his sleeve. “I know my mum has a similar one of me and her in her wallet.”

 

As Louis doesn’t answer, Harry clears his throat and rubs his cheek. “You don’t . . . you don’t have to tell me about it,” Harry adds after they both have been silent for a while. “I just wanted to tell you that I liked it.”

 

“It’s a picture of my mum and I.”

 

“She’s very beautiful,” Harry remarks. “And you were kind of cute too.” He freezes and waits for Louis to say something mean back or yell at him, but instead Louis just rolls his eyes.

 

“Of course you would say something like that.”

 

Louis looks serious at first but then he gives Harry a warm smile which causes Harry’s tummy to flutter again. He flushes because Louis’ smile is so lovely and it’s such a beautiful, rare moment between them. The younger boy leans back and Louis does the same. They don’t talk, just stare into the dark. This time, the silence isn’t uncomfortable at all. The sun went down a few minutes ago and Harry hasn’t switched on any light. Only the streetlights are illuminating the room a little bit so it’s enough to at least see something. When Harry looks at Louis, he notices that his eyes are closed. His breathing has slowed down a little bit and his head is slowly slumping over so that he’s almost leaning on Harry’s shoulder. Louis’ breathing gets deeper within seconds and his eyelids flutter a little bit what causes Harry to sigh quietly. He can’t quite tell if Louis likes him a tiny bit at least but he does. Harry likes how they’re pressed together, he likes to feel Louis warmth on his right arm and he likes listening to his breathing. The boy is afraid to move because he doesn’t want to disturb Louis. Suddenly, Louis tilts up. “Thanks again,” he whispers and pats Harry’s knee. Then he passes out.

 

Harry stays like this for a while but after a while, this position gets really uncomfortable. Louis is heavy leaning against him and Harry knows he can’t stay like this any longer. His shoulder hurts and Louis’ whole weight is pressing against Harry’s right side. Plus, Harry is tired but it wasn’t possible for him to fall asleep like this, sat up. He has to move. Harry does it gently, shifting both of them. Luckily, Louis falls like a rock and stays asleep. Harry covers him up then wiggles to lay down next to him. He falls asleep like that, within minutes.

 

On Tuesday morning, Harry wakes up next to Louis. It’s way too early to get up and even if he had to, he wouldn’t. Harry blinks as if he couldn’t believe that Louis is right there, next to him. He turns around to check if he’s really there. The older boy is all curled up next to the wall. His hair is messier than it had been the night before. Harry puts his hands under his cheek and watches him for a while. How cute he looks with his eyes closed, his hair fallen into his forehead and the stubble that makes him look so attractive. Harry really wants to touch the streak that’s falling into his face but maybe Louis wouldn’t want that.

 

After a few more minutes, there’s suddenly a knock on the door. Harry tries not to wake Louis as he’s moving slowly and carefully but as it seems, the boy is fast asleep. Harry opens the door slightly. “Oh good morning Niall,” he whispers as he spots his friend standing in the hallway, wearing his running outfit.

 

“Morning!” Niall says back.

 

Harry opens the door a little bit more to slip out quickly but he’s too slow. Niall’s eyes get really big as he’s looking into the room. Harry tries to close the door again but it’s too late. Niall has already spotted Louis laying there in his bed.

 

“Going jogging?” Harry tries to distract his friend but he only narrows his eyes at Harry and folds his arms across his chest.

 

“Yes, especially since you were supposed to be coming with me,” he states, showing his friend their messages. “But instead, I come here to find out that you forgot about me and Louis Tomlinson is right there your bed.” His voice is serious, angry even.

 

“Pssst, Niall! Be quiet, please!” Harry whines. “It isn’t what it looks like.” Just as he’s saying the sentence, he can feel the heat crawling up his body.

 

“Considering you’re fully dressed, I imagine not. But what is he doing here?”

 

Harry sighs. “He . . . he came by last night. And then fell asleep.”

 

Niall doesn’t look convinced. “This still doesn’t answer my question. Why did he come by?”

 

Harry holds up a hand. “Look, can’t we discuss this later? I have to wee and you need to go jogging.”

 

Niall raises an eyebrow. “You don’t want to come?”

 

Harry just looks at him and goes to answer, but just in that second, Niall pats his shoulder. “Oh I forgot you have a _guest_. You got to take care of him, don’t you _._ ” Niall’s tone is kind of mocking which bothers Harry a lot.

 

The boy blushes. “It’s not like that!” he whisper-yells but Niall just waves him off as he disappears down the hall. Harry sighs as he’s walking over to the bathroom. Before he heads back to his room, he goes to the kitchen to make some breakfast for him and Louis. He startles a little bit when he sees that Louis is awake, lying on his belly and smoking in bed. At least he has opened a window. “Hey Louis, how are you feeling?” Harry asks him as he’s holding the tray. Louis’ jeans and sweater are on the floor, he must have taken them off while Harry was away.

 

Louis shrugs. “Same old, same old.”

 

Harry watches Louis’ back muscles move as he’s adjusting the cover around his torso, blowing smoke out of his mouth and finds himself strangely attracted to that sight. He does hate smoking, doesn’t he? Louis turns aside to look at the tray of food and frowns. “We didn’t fuck last night, right?” he asks, taking another drag.

 

“Um . . . what?” What the hell is he saying? Harry blushes all the way to his hairline.

 

“I said we didn’t fuck. You wouldn’t have to make me food since we didn’t fuck,” he answers, his voice flat.

 

“Um . . . I just like making breakfast? I was hungry? You don’t have to eat any of it if you don’t want to,” Harry snaps. He wants the other Louis back, Louis with the sweet voice, Louis who had a normal conversation with him, not this.

 

“Are you telling me or are you asking me?” Louis teases, winking at him.

 

Harry just blinks at the boy, not sure what to say. Is he mocking him again? Should this be funny? Finally, Louis rolls his eyes at the dumbfounded boy and laughs. “I was just kidding, relax,” he says and takes another long drag of his cigarette. “It looks great, now give it here.” He sits up in bed, wraps the cover around his legs and waist, finishing his cigarette quickly.

 

Harry hands him the tray and sits down next to Louis, covering himself too. Harry is practically beaming with happiness as they share their breakfast. As usual, Louis doesn’t talk much but it doesn’t bother Harry this time. His phone rings after a while and he mouths “my mum” to Louis but gets embarrassed the second he tells Louis. What must he think of him? Every time they’re together, his mum calls as if she knew. Harry knows he can’t ignore her because if he did she would ask him what was wrong and he would have to make up another lie. Just the thought of it stresses him out. When Louis has finished his food, he gets up and starts to dress. He’s about to leave and Harry panics. “Wait,” he mouths at him but Louis just waves him off and disappears through the door.

 

“Harry? Are you listening?” his mum asks.

 

That’s when Harry snaps back to attention. “Yes mum,” he sighs before he starts talking to her “Sorry about that. I was just in the middle of breakfast when you called.” He’s half- listening to his mum and trying to get her off the phone because he needs to catch up with Louis. When he finally gets to hang up, he goes out to see if Louis is still there, but he’s not. Harry gets angry and kicks the ground before he goes back inside. He sends him a message. _“Why did you leave so quickly? I thought we would hang out and maybe go to uni together.”_

 

Louis doesn’t respond, as usual. Harry should be used to this behavior by now but he gets even more frustrated the more it happens. He finishes his sandwich quickly, carries the tray back into the kitchen and starts cleaning the dishes. When he comes back to his room, Louis still hasn’t answered. _“Louis?”_ Harry inserts a sad emoji at the end of his message which Louis will probably laugh about but that’s how he’s feeling. Why does Louis treat him like this? _“If you don’t want to talk to me, all you had to do was say so!”_ He’s never felt like this before. He’s never been that frustrate and angry. Harry can’t quite put his finger on the feeling that is filling him but it’s overwhelming and doesn’t make him feel good at all. Harry grabs his rucksack, throws some books into it and hurries to uni. He has skipped the first course but if he runs fast enough, he’ll arrive to the next one in time. Harry doesn’t want to sit at home and be sad, he needs distraction and he needs to meet people he likes.

 


	10. Julie

In the evening Harry decides to call Julie. He really needs distraction because the only thing he can think of is why Louis is ignoring him all the time. “Hey Julie how are you?” he asks her, trying to make small talk.

 

“Oh Harry! Nice that you’re calling, I’m okay,” she responds. “Just came back from work, I’m a little exhausted but it’s ok. What about you?”

 

“I don’t know, I’m not in a good mood today,” he answers. Harry doesn’t want to lie to her, maybe he won’t tell her everything but still. “I hate this feeling.”

 

Julie sighs. “I know what you mean. If you want, you can come over to my house and we could hang out if you like?”

 

“Do you really mean it?”

 

“Of course I really mean it,” she responds and lets out a cute laugh. “Just come over. I will make you another hot chocolate if you want.” Harry can hear that she’s smiling. “Hot chocolate always helps with everything.”

 

“That’s a new theory for me but I hope it will work out,” Harry smiles. Julie is a real friend and Harry is thankful that he met her. The girl sends Harry her address after they’ve ended the call. Before Harry leaves he takes a shower, styles his hair and gets dressed nicely. Then he leaves the dorm with his phone in his hands, google maps showing him the way. After a few minutes, his mobile internet stops working. Harry knows he’s not far away from Julie’s house because he recognizes the area which shocks him even more than at night. In the daylight it all looks even more run-down and dirtier. Harry starts feels insecure and even afraid as he’s walking along a street that’s covered in rubbish and dirt. Harry tries to call Julie several times because he doesn’t know where he is but she doesn’t pick up her phone. To crown it all, his connection starts getting really bad so he can’t use his phone anymore. He tries to call Julie again but it’s not possible. Maybe someone can help him to orientate? Harry stops and looks around. He spots a young woman leaning against a door frame across the street. Harry walks over and the closer he comes, the more he questions his plan. The woman is wearing a short leather skirt, a very tight black corset and her make-up is absolutely overdone. Of course she’s smoking and looks like she could beat Harry up within two seconds. But what should he do? She has already spotted him and walking away would be very stupid. He has no other choice than asking her for directions to the address.

 

The woman looks him up and down while Harry is walking close, her eyes narrowed. “What’s a sweet little thing like you doing in a dump like this?” Her voice is really deep for a woman her age. She ruffles his hair and Harry flinches away, which makes her laugh. “Sorry baby, I didn’t want to scare you!”

 

“I . . . I got lost and . . . um . . . you know, I’m looking for a friend but my connection is . . . um . . . really bad so I don’t know where I am,” he stutters, feeling uncomfortable. “I’m looking for Woodgate Street.”

 

“Oh come on, I bet that’s just half of the truth, isn’t it?” She winks at him, tilts her head up and takes a long drag.

 

“What?” Harry asks frowning. He has no idea what she’s talking about.

 

“Oh darling, I know some people are too shy to except why they’re here,” she says, touching his cheek. “But I also know people who could give you a good discount, eh?”

 

“Discount?” Harry flushes. He doesn’t understand.

 

“God you’re innocent. People do like _these_ kinds of boys, don’t they?” she says slowly, letting out a hoarse laugh. “Anyway . . . if you need help, come back.” Harry has no idea what she’s talking about. “Otherwise, that’s your direction over there.” She points to another street. “You go straight forward until this street over there. Turn right and walk along that street for like five minutes or so until you get to a corner. At this corner, there’s a bar which is called “Night Island”. Turn left, then right and walk straight forward again until you pass a Tesco. After the supermarket you turn right again and then you’re pretty close.”

 

Harry sighs. “This is too complicated.”

 

“Hey it’s fine, you can make it. Remember straight forward, the bar, left and right, Tesco. Not complicated at all,” she winks.

 

“Well thank you,” Harry says politely and starts walking away.

 

“Bye baby, good luck!” the woman yells but Harry doesn’t turn back. At least she was okay.

 

Harry hurries down the streets, afraid to forget where to go. He finally makes it to Julie’s after about fifteen minutes. “Why didn’t you pick up your phone, Julie?” He runs his fingers through his curls. “I tried to call you a dozen times! Do you have any idea how scary your neighborhood is?”

 

“Good to see you!” the girl answers, giggling. What’s wrong with her?

 

“Julie! Those strange people in the streets were scary? I was nearly kidnapped!”

 

“Oh come on Harry, you need to stop being dramatic,” Julie says seriously and opens the door for him to step inside. “I didn’t hear you calling, the music was too loud, I suppose.” She sighs. “I’m sorry. But you need to stop being dramatic, please.”

 

“I was scared, that’s all,” Harry replies quietly.

 

Julie rubs his arm. “It’s all good now, okay?” Harry nods. “I’m about to bake cookies, would you like to help me?” she asks and Harry agrees. Everything is better as long as it has nothing to do with Louis.

 

“So why did you come here? What’s bothering you?” Julie asks as she’s handing the boy an apron with printed muffins.

 

“Oh well I had a bad day,” he tells her, fixing it.

 

Julie washes her hands and continues mixing the dough. “Oh come on, once you’re here you should talk,” she smiles.

 

“It’s just me having a bad day, can’t explain why,” Harry lies.

 

Julie sighs. “Well okay then just occupy yourself. You can start mixing the dough for another sort of cookies, the recipe is over there and I think I’ve already put all the ingredients here so just do it.”

 

While the cookies are baking in the oven, Harry helps Julie to clean the kitchen. The girl makes Harry the hot chocolate she has promised and minutes later they’re settled on the sofa and turn on the TV.

 

“So Harry,” Julie states as she’s taking a bite of her cookie, “tell me what the rain reason for your visit is.”

 

Harry sighs. “Well okay, I guess you won’t leave me be without me telling you.”

 

Julie nods but stays quiet. “It’s because of Louis,” he admits. Julie’s eyes go wide but she stays quiet. “I don’t know how to handle him. He comes to my place but doesn’t talk to me or if he does, he’s only being sarcastic and hurtful. He doesn’t text back, he treats me like I’m a fool and I can’t cope with this. I have never met people like him and I just don’t know what he wants from me. I haven’t done anything wrong.” He shakes his head then takes a sip of his hot chocolate. “We’ve had one serious conversation but that was when he was stoned and a little drunk but it was the first time he treated me in a normal way. I like getting to know new people, you know? I’m a very open person, I do accept others but this is just too much. I can’t cope with the fact that he’s ignoring me, that he’s making fun of me on a regular basis. It hurts me, you know.” Harry’s voice gets low at the end of his sentence. He bows his head and pulls his feet up. “You know him better than I do and I thought you could help me. I don’t know what I’m expecting but . . . yeah, I don’t know.” Harry takes another sip of his hot chocolate and leans his head against the back of the sofa.

 

“Harry . . . you are so nice and such a good person, I can tell from the short time we’ve known each other. Louis is just another kind of person, he has nothing in common with you and that’s what’s probably irritating.” Julie takes another cookie from the plate and takes a bite while Harry is looking at her, listening. “You know, you usually get along with people who have something in common with you, whom you like because of different reasons, who do like you back and who tell you. You feel that they like you and it’s a constant shift of taking and giving but with Louis, it’s different. It has always been different and also difficult to deal with him, even for me. But you won’t change him, nobody will ever change him. His rude behavior, his strangeness, that’s the way he is. He would never tell you how much you mean to him, he’d maybe give you something or so but he’d never say it. I’ve known him like this for years now. He isn’t worth your anger because he’s never going to change, never.”

 

Harry wants to answer but just in this moment, Harry’s phone rings. It’s Louis. “What?” Harry snaps in a very unusual tone which startles him a little. Maybe that’s self-defense, maybe.

 

“You messaged me again?!” Louis yells as if it was a mistake.

 

“Yeah I did but you didn’t answer,” Harry says, his voice low. Louis’s voice is intimidating.

 

The older boy lets out a fake laugh. “What the hell?” he yells back angrily. “Some of us have jobs and can’t sit around their room all day long, looking at their phone and scribbling stupid things into their _diary_.”

 

The way how Louis talks to him hurts Harry but how he pronounces the word “diary”, in such a derogatory way, makes Harry unable to move for a second. Plus, he has to think of the note Louis wrote and which is pinned to his corkboard in his room. Why does he hurt him all the time? Harry gapes at his phone for a moment, not saying anything. Then he gets up a bit, slams his cookie down on the plate, making it fall off the table and crack. As Harry gets up, he accidentally touches the plate with his knee what causes it to fall on the wooden floor where it cracks into a million pieces. Harry can feel his face getting hot which makes his skin prickle uncomfortably as he’s trying to calm down because Louis wants him to be upset, he’s convinced that’s what he wants.

 

“I can’t believe you just . . . why are you such a-” he shouts into the speaker when Julie interrupts him.

 

“Harry what are you doing? Are you insane? That plate was a gift!” she screams. “And now it’s broken, look!” She’s clearly upset as she’s running her hand through her blonde hair, her face red, her eyes wide opened. Louis stays quiet at the other end. Harry goes quiet too while Julie is ranting and crying silently while she’s cleaning up the pieces.

 

“Let me help you. Give me a minute,” Harry says, touching Julie’s shoulder. “Just a minute.”

 

“Is that Julie with you?” Louis asks as if it was important to him. “Why are you with Julie?”

 

“It’s none of your business who I hang out with,” Harry snaps and ends the call. He bends down to Julie, touches her back slightly and says sorry over and over again. “I can try to fix the plate if you like,” he purposes. “Or I could buy you a new one but please Julie, please let me make it up for you. I’m so sorry.”

 

Julie wipes her eyes. “It’s okay Harry, I’m sorry for yelling at you.”

 

“I’m sorry for freaking out, I’m really sorry.” He gets up and helps her to clean up the mess. After that, he grabs his phone and jacket. “I should leave now, I think.”

 

“You don’t have to,” Julie responds.

 

“I do, I don’t want to ruin your night.” And with that, Harry leaves Julie’s apartment, heading home to his dorm.

 

When he walks into the yard, he can see Niall standing on his balcony, waving at him to come up to his room and Harry does so.

 

“Hey Harry! Where have you been?” Niall asks as he’s opening the door for his friend.

 

“I just took a walk. What do you think about playing some video games?” he tries to distract Niall and it seems to work. Niall agrees immediately and they settle down in front of his TV. Harry’s phone keeps going off with Louis texting him question marks and angry emojis but Harry keeps ignoring him. He doesn’t want Louis to yell at him again or to ignore him once he’s messaged back. While they’re playing, Harry’s phone battery dies. Niall ends up inviting more of their dorm mates to his room and they turn it into a fun little party. Harry forgets about Louis and he’s having one of the best nights ever.

 


	11. The Tattoo Studio

Harry stops messaging Louis eventually. He doesn’t want Louis to bother him and at the same time he’s still very angry about how he has been treating him. As Harry is walking back to the dorm with Niall and a girl they met at uni, he hears a loud whistle that gets his attention. Harry looks back and frowns. He spots Louis quite far away, leaning against a huge walnut tree in the nearby park. He’s motioning for Harry to come closer. He’s not alone. There are some other people around him too, but off to the side. As far as Harry can see, it’s the same group of friends Louis has around all the time plus some unknown people. Harry’s torn. On one hand he wants to go there to talk with Louis but on the other hand he’s afraid that they could humiliate him again so he just stands there, staring at him.

 

“What the hell does _he_ want?” Niall asks.

 

“It’s complicated,” he sighs and walks toward the tree. While he’s approaching he notices some of Louis’ friends staring at him and whispering behind their hands. Harry knows they’re talking about him and just the thought of it makes him want to turn around and run away but he can’t embarrass himself in front of them so he tries to keep a straight face. Louis looks at him without showing any emotion. He just motions him to follow and Harry does so. As they are walking away, Louis’ friends start cat-calling and whistling which makes Harry feel humiliated again. He hates that feeling and he hates people like Louis friends. He has never experienced that before but now he knows how vulnerable and small it makes you feel, as if you weren’t worth being at a place at that time. As much as he tries to ignore their rude yelling, it doesn’t help. Why isn’t Louis saying anything to them? Once they’re far away, Harry turns to Louis.

 

 “Why are your friends such assholes?” he asks.

 

Louis shrugs. “They’re just joking.”

 

“That’s a terrible sense of humor. It’s not funny at all.”

 

Louis rolls his eyes. “Maybe you’re just too much of a baby to understand.”

 

This is enough for Harry. He doesn’t want to cope with that anymore. The boy stops and starts walking off in the other direction. Before he can, Louis grabs him roughly by his shoulders.

 

“Hey, hey, hey - stop!” he tells Harry and pulls him back so that they face each other. “Look . . . I know I’m kind of an asshole sometimes and stuff but you can’t take half the shit I say seriously!”

 

Harry can hear the apology in his words, even if he doesn’t actually say them and his tone isn’t the friendliest one too but he gives in. “Sometimes?” Harry ask, blowing air through his lips. “I’m not used to that kind of humor,” he says, voice blank. “And you don’t have to be an asshole around me all the time. You being you would be just fine.”

 

Louis just blinks at him but doesn’t say anything. He flicks his cigarette and lights a new one before they start walking again. “So . . . you were with Julie the other night,” he states. The strange undertone tells Harry this isn’t even a question. Harry wonders why he wants to know.

 

“So what?” Harry admits. “Isn’t Julie allowed to meet other people than you?”

 

Louis doesn’t answer. He spots a vending machine and gets a drink, offering to share it with Harry. Louis wants to share something with him? That’s new. Harry takes the can and takes a sip. “So, did you fuck her?”

 

Harry spits out his drink and looks at Louis with wide eyes. “What?”

 

Louis shrugs. “I’m asking if you fucked her. I’m just curious,” he repeats without any emotion.

 

“Louis! No! Of course not!” Harry yells. “Why do you even want to know? I’m not like that. I would never just meet someone to have sex with them and  . . . by the way, I’m gay. I don’t like girls the way you do.” He holds up his hand. “And before you start making fun about my sexuality I think it would be better for me to leave,” Harry says dryly and turns around to walk away for the second time this afternoon. He really doesn’t want to hear what Louis has to tell him after his confession. He regrets it already.

 

Louis grabs his shoulder again. “Stay,” he orders, his voice low. “Have you ever tried to fuck a girl at least?” Louis asks as if that was the most normal thing in the world. Maybe it is but with this word choice and under those circumstances . . . it really isn’t. Harry scrunches his nose up. The way Louis talks about women is disgusting. “You talk as if you wouldn’t respect women at all,” he replies. “No, I haven’t and I’m not even interested in trying.” He runs his fingers through his hair.

 

“Well you know,” Louis starts talking but he’s getting interrupted by the ringing of his phone. Harry can hear a woman yelling that loud at the other end that he can understand every word.

 

“Goddamn it Louis, you’re late again! Where are you? Your damn shift has already started!”

 

Louis swats his forehead. “Jeez, I got distracted but I’m on my way now and . . . would you calm the fuck down? You sound like a crazy person, seriously!” Louis yells into the speaker as he’s starting to walk faster so that Harry has problems with catching up.

 

 “Get your lazy ass down here before I fire you for good, Louis!” the woman on the other side yells and hangs up. Louis rolls his eyes as he’s putting his phone away.

 

 “As you’ve probably noticed I’m late for work. You can tag along or you can leave, I don’t care either way.” Louis nearly starts running, not paying attention to Harry who’s obviously baffled. Eventually he runs to catch up with him.

 

 “I’ll come with you,” he states.

 

Louis shrugs and lights up another cigarette. “Want one?” he asks Harry.

 

“No thank you. I don’t smoke,” Harry replies, frowning.

 

“Coward,” Louis says but chuckles.

 

His sort of humor is something Harry just doesn’t understand. It’s not humor, it’s hurtful words he finds funny for whatever reason. Discussing with Louis wouldn’t change anything so Harry decides to stay quiet. They run all the way back to Louis’ car and climb in. Louis’ driving is crazy and Harry starts thinking of how much better it was when he was drunk. “Who was that?” he asks Louis to distract himself as he’s clutching at the armrest that’s built in the door.

 

“It’s my bitch of a boss, Dawn. She’s always fucking yelling at me and thinks she’s the coolest.”

 

“Why? Is it because you’re always late?” Louis grunts under his breath, letting out another stream of smoke. “You know, maybe if you were on time, she wouldn’t yell at you.”

 

Louis looks at Harry like he can’t believe he said that. “What the fuck would you know about working anyway? You’re like what, twelve?”

 

He’s constantly trying to hurt him, what the hell? Why? “Well . . . I used to work in a bakery at weekends and I had to be there at five in the morning. And _I_ was never late.”

 

“Oh, I guess that makes you an expert then, doesn’t it?” Louis turns toward Harry and a small smile escapes his lips for a second. For the first time he feels like he’s getting to closer to Louis somehow. Last time he felt that way, Louis was drugged.

 

After about ten minutes Louis pulls up in front of a grimy tattoo studio. As Louis hurries him along inside, Harry can’t believe people actually get tattoos here. This place looks terrible from the outside but when they get inside, Harry’s astonished how clean and neat everything is. Plus, it smells good, nothing like he could have ever imagined. Harry instantly relaxes, at least until a shorter blonde woman covered in tattoos and piercings walks up.

 

“Thank god you’re here finally! I thought I would have to come haul your ass in myself!” she yells. “Your client is already waiting for you!” She shoves Louis toward a station where a heavily tattooed man is waiting. Then she turns toward Harry. “Well, well, well . . . aren’t you the cutest thing I’ve ever seen? What’s your name cutie?” she asks Harry, walking toward him.

 

Harry flushes. “Nice to meet you, I’m . . . Harry?” He’s so nervous that he’s actually asking her if his name was Harry. This is embarrassing.

 

The woman pinches Harry’s cheek playfully and gives him a warm smile. “I’m Dawn. What’s a sweet little thing like you doing with the likes of that dick?” she asks, moving her head into Louis’ direction. Her words are equally harsh as Louis’ but still, there’s fondness in her tone which makes Harry smile a little. Louis doesn’t turn around. He just flips her off with his left hand.

 

“He’s a pain in the ass, isn’t he,” Dawn half-whispers as she’s offering Harry a seat in the waiting area. “Here are some cookies, I baked them myself,” she says proudly as she’s putting a box full with different cookies onto the table. “It’s my hobby and I made them for my birthday yesterday,” she explains proudly.

 

“Well, happy belated birthday then! They look amazing!” Harry takes one and takes a bite. “Mmm!” he hums happily. “They taste better than any cookies I’ve ever tried! Wow! Did you add orange juice to the icing? Because it doesn’t taste like you only used water and milk. It’s perfect!” Harry says with his mouth full but he doesn’t mind.

 

Dawn raises an eyebrow. “Woa, seems like someone knows their shit. Do you bake?”

 

Harry finishes his cookie and takes another one out of the box. “I used to be a baker,” he says proudly. “Before I started uni, I worked in a bakery, nearly every weekend and also-,”

 

“You and that damn baker story! I wasn’t aware of the fact that you were such a housewife, Harry,” Louis yells from the station without looking up.

 

“Oh would you shut up over there?” Dawn yells back at Louis. “Mind your damn business boy and pay a little bit more attention to your work because if you fuck up, Rob might fuck up your face!”

 

“Shut up!” Louis yells back but all Dawn does is laugh at him. She turns toward Harry again.

 

“Well, you must be quite experienced in baking,” she says, her voice absolutely warm. “What do you think about helping me with making a Swiss role? I’ve tried many times but I kind of suck at it.”

 

“Of course!” Harry agrees happily. “I’ve done it before and it’s not really difficult if you know how to do it.”

 

“Great,” Dawn replies and holds her hand up to give Harry a high five. The woman sits down next to him and they start talking about different desserts and recipes for a while.

 

“God Dawn, pick up that damn phone! It has been ringing for about two minutes now, can’t you just do you damn job!” Louis sounds almost petulant, which makes Dawn laugh.

 

“What a prick,” she says and rolls her eyes. “Hold on, darling. I’ll be right back.”

 

Harry leans to the side. “Thanks for bringing me, Louis.”

 

Louis just grunts. Harry smiles because at least he knows Louis heard him. When Dawn comes back, they start talking again. After a while Louis stops working and turns around. “You bitched at me about being lazy and now look at you. You’ve done nothing but gossip about cake since we’ve been here. You’re useless.”

 

”Jealousy doesn’t suit you, sweetheart,” Dawn replies, winking at Harry. It makes the boy giggle and press his fist against his mouth.

 

“Fuck off,” Louis fires back.

 

“Your boy has a cute laugh,” Rob, the client says loud enough for Harry to hear. Louis doesn’t reply but digs the needle in again what makes him yelp.

 

“He’s not my boy, Rob,” Louis hisses what makes Rob let out a laugh.

 

A few minutes later a new customer comes in and Dawn has to work eventually so Harry just sits and watches, fascinated. To his surprise he catches himself thinking about how good Louis looks when he’s focused and that he’s pretty attractive. He had already noticed when he was laying next to him but now, it hits him again. Harry starts to squirm in his chair because he gets a little hot watching Louis’ muscles flexing and how he’s concentrated.

 

Suddenly, Louis turns around. “If you've gotta piss, the bathroom’s over there,” he grunts as he’s getting up, leaving the room.

 

Oh god. What if he noticed something? There’s a mirror in front of him, maybe he saw Harry’s squirming? Harry looks away, trying to hide his flushed face. Thank god his phone rings in this moment and he walks out of the studio to talk. As he walks back into the studio and sits down, he takes a look around the place. Then he looks at the designs to pass the time.

 

“Did you design those yourself? Did you draw them all?” he asks Dawn who has just started cleaning the small glass table in front of him.

 

“Yeah I did,” she nods.

 

“I love your style and the outlines very much,” Harry tells her. “This one is perfect.”

 

“Oh thank you, love. Could you draw something for me?” Dawn asks Harry and hands him a note pad and some pencils. “I like testing the drawing skills of people I like.”

 

Harry nods. He sketches out a bird with a few lines, adds some shades to it and outlines his drawing again. “Wow Harry, you’re quite a talent!” Dawn yells out as she’s looking at the drawing. “Amazing, can I keep it?”

 

“Yeah,” Harry says flushing as he’s looking down. “Thank you.”

 

“You’re welcome, it’s great,” Dawn answers and tucks it behind the counter. Just in this moment Louis walks into the room again and listens to Dawn who’s talking about how beautiful Harry’s drawing is. Louis gives her an odd look, frowns and goes back to his station, not looking at Harry. He continues to work and Harry continues to watch him, until he gets tired. He stretches himself, lets out a yawn and rubs his eyes then he walks over to Dawn. “I’m getting tired,” he says. “Could you help me to get back to my dorm, please?”

 

Dawn starts explaining the way to the nearest bus stop but then she turns to Louis. “Louis, can’t you drive Harry home? It would take him too long to go back to the dorm by public transport. Plus I wouldn’t like him to walk around this area on his own in the dark.”

 

Louis turns around. “I don’t feel like driving him back.”

 

“Louis!” Dawn scolds him. “Don’t be an asshole!”

 

“Shut the fuck up, Dawn!” Louis yells. “You can stay at my place,” he says, not waiting for Harry to respond. The boy’s kind of shocked but also pleased by Louis’ offer. He doesn’t sound nice at all and Harry hopes he won’t forget what he said later.

 

Dawn shrugs. “Well then. Do you want to lie down for a while?” she asks Harry but he shakes his head. “Okay wait, let me check the calendar quickly. Maybe Louis can go home earlier today.”

 

“Oh no, please. I don’t want to cause trouble here,” Harry says quickly but Dawn waves him off.

 

“Don’t be silly. Okay so . . . Louis? I’d say you’ll only do your next client and then it’s okay for today. I can finish the rest on my own and despite that, Max will be here anyway.”

 

“Alright,” Louis answers shortly, not looking up.

 

When the next costumer comes in, Harry is getting uncomfortable. It’s a pretty brunette girl that Louis is clearly familiar with. He’s being sweet to her while he gets her ready for her tattoo. They exchange smiles and chuckles and it hurts Harry a lot. He pretends he’s playing on his phone but he’s really watching them out of the corner of his eye. He hates the way that Louis is laughing and joking with her, he really does. And he has to admit that he’s jealous. Yes, he is really jealous and wishes Louis would behave that nicely toward him.

Harry notices that Louis is very gentle with her and when he has finished the tattoo, he smiles at her sweetly. “See you soon love,” he tells the girl who wraps her arms around him and gives him a kiss on his cheek. Louis doesn’t return it to Harry’s surprise. He walks her to the door and waves goodbye before turning to Harry. “Ready to go?”

 

“Yeah sure,” Harry answers and gets up. As they start walking out, Dawn stops them to give Harry her phone number.

 

“In case if you need help or something, you can call me anytime.”

 

“Thank you so much, Dawn,” Harry says and presses his lips together.

 

The woman smiles at him and gives him a hug. “You’re very welcome, honey. And thank you for drawing this bird, it’s one of my favorites already,” she smiles and kisses him on the cheek gently.

 

Harry can see that Louis is frowning and feels bad immediately. He likes Dawn already and he likes the place but if he thinks about it, he doesn’t belong here. Harry feels like he’s invading this place and Louis might not like this but he stays quiet. He doesn’t want to leave because something is telling him that things will change once he’s alone with Louis again. Here, he was safe with Dawn but outside, there will only be Louis and him.

 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Louis asks Harry as they’re walking to the car. “You’ve been Suzy Sunshine all day and now you’re pouting like a brat.”

 

“Nothing is wrong with me,” he answers. He scrolls through his phone so he doesn’t have to look at Louis. “By the way, why didn’t you introduce me to your girlfriend?”

 

Louis frowns. He has an unlit cigarette dangling from his lips. “My what?”

 

Harry still doesn’t look at him. “You know who I mean. The brunette girl, your last client.”

 

Louis suddenly starts laughing but the sound isn’t nice. “She’s not my girlfriend, and even if she was, what the fuck difference would it make? Why does it matter to you?”

 

 

Harry flinches and goes quiet as he looks out the window. He folds his arms and draws them close to his chest. “I was just . . . wondering. Sorry.”

 

Silence grows between them from this moment on, silence that’s tense and a little awkward. Harry tries to ignore the queasy feeling in his stomach. He can hear Louis lighting his cigarette but he prefers to not look at him because he might start crying eventually. The boy starts thinking that maybe he should just tell Louis to bring him back anyway, but he’s not sure.

 

 “So, what did you think about that studio?” Louis asks as he’s starting the engine.

 

Harry looks at him for more than just one second since they got in the car and suddenly, he’s struck by how long and fine his eyelashes are. Harry stares at him for a while before Louis clears his throat and breaks Harry out of his trance.

 

“Um . . . sorry, what was the question again?” he asks slowly. He was lost in thought, far away from everything.

 

Louis rolls his eyes. “God, you’re such a dreamer. The question was if you liked the place.”

 

“Oh I did! It’s a nice place and Dawn is pretty cool too,” Harry answers. He can see the corners of Louis’ mouth turning down again. “And I really liked watching you work. You do a great job,” he quickly adds as he’s noticing that Louis’ corner of his mouth turn down a little. “As far as I can tell.” The faintest bit of pink dusts Louis’ cheeks as he’s taking another drag of his cigarette so that his cheeks hollow. God, this looks so good.

 

 “I love working there, been doing it for over a year now,” Louis says before he takes another drag. “I’d like to think I’m pretty okay too.”

 


	12. A Horrible New World

Louis parks the car near the club they passed the day before but Harry vaguely recognizes it. “Why are we here?” Harry asks as Louis turns off the car.

 

“I live here.” Louis’ voice is flat and his face blank. He sounds as if Harry should have known that. The boy doesn’t say anything and just follows him into the club. He does live in a club? Harry doesn’t know what to think at all. He hates this place even when he steps in. It’s loud in there, smoky and the music is making the walls shake. Harry can feel the bass pumping in his chest. He almost gets left behind when Louis starts walking through the crowd but he doesn’t want to get lost. That’s why he grabs Louis’ shirt and braces himself to get yelled at but to his surprise Louis lets him. As they move through, Harry is shocked to see the various different kinds of people there. There are dirty, scruffy punks, men in suits, women dressed up for parties, people in t-shirts and jeans, and even people he’s sure he’s seen on campus before. People keep stopping Louis to chat and he’s definitely more friendly and warm toward them than he has ever been to Harry. Why?

 

Suddenly Louis stops again and gets greeted by a waitress who kisses Louis on the cheek and they start talking randomly. Just now Harry notices the dancers on poles in the back of the large room and he’s completely shocked by what he sees. He’s disgusted by the things all the men around there are yelling toward them and the way they’re pawing at the girls. A guy bumps into him, nearly shoving him over and spilling beer down the front of his shirt.  It smells disgusting and Harry’s overwhelmed by everything he’s seeing that he doesn’t notice Louis is moving again until Louis tugs him along up a dirty staircase that’s nearly falling apart. They walk down a dingy hallway with patchy carpets and shabby light fixtures and the paint’s peeling everywhere. There are water spots on the wood and mold in the corners. Harry is horrified but he doesn’t dare to say anything to Louis.

 

Louis walks quickly down the hallway, opens the door to a room at the end of the hall and pulls Harry inside. “Here we are,” he says, closing the door behind him.

 

Harry looks around the sparse room. There’s only a mattress on two wooden pallets, a nightstand and a wardrobe. Louis also has a chest of drawers and dark curtains on his windows, and the occasional posters on the walls. He also has a metal desk that’s full of clutter and a small stool next to it. It’s actually pretty nice compared to what he has seen of the house so far.

 

“What happened here?” Louis asks as he pulls at Harry’s shirt.

 

“Some guy bumped into me and spilled his beer on my shirt. He didn’t even say sorry!” Harry complains.

 

Louis chuckles. “You should be glad he didn’t punch you or anything. Why don’t you go to the bathroom and rinse it out? I’ll give you another shirt for the night. Last door on the right.”

 

Harry doesn’t want to go there alone but he can’t tell Louis this so he just nods and makes his way down the hall. He notices the doors have numbers on them, some of them are open with red lights and huge beds. Most of them are closed, and he can hear noises coming from behind them. He doesn’t think too much about everything but the unknown makes him walk a little faster. At the end of the hallway there’s the bathroom but when he goes in, he’s surprised to see a young woman putting on make-up at the sink. He can hear someone else in a shower stall. “Excuse me? Am I in the wrong bathroom?” he asks as politely as his shock allows him.

 

The young woman looks at him and smiles. “No honey, we just have the one. You can do your business and we won’t bother you.” Before Harry can answer, another woman comes out of the shower naked, toweling her hair. She doesn’t seem bothered when she looks at Harry and smirks. “Well, aren’t you precious?”

 

Harry turns to look at the sink, his face bright red. “Um . . . where can I wash my shirt?” he stammers.

 

“You can wash it in the sink here. It’ll be fine,” the woman at the sink says and continues putting on her mascara.

 

Harry hesitates to take off his shirt first but then he does so. He doesn’t want to look like a kid that’s ashamed to show his body in the changing room at school. He slowly takes his shirt off and in this second, the woman who came out of the shower lets out a low whistle. Harry blushes even more but stays quiet. He starts to run water over the shirt to get the beer out of it.

 

As Harry is pouring some soap over the strain, the door slams open and another young woman storms in. “Does anyone know where that cocksucker put the condoms? I’ve got someone waiting and I can’t fucking find them!”

 

Harry jumps a little but keeps washing his shirt. “I swear to god he does this shit on purpose. I fucking hate Chad,” she growls as she starts tearing through the cabinets. Harry gets shoved out of the way without being asked by the angry girl who starts looking through the drawers under the sink. Finally she finds a box in the back of the cabinet. “It’s like he wants us to catch something on purpose, this bastard!” She slams the cabinet closed and storms back out of the room with the small box in her hand.

 

“Don’t worry about her, precious. She’s always like that,” the shower girl says, brushing her fingers along his arm. “If you stick around long enough, you’ll see.” Harry’s eyes go wide and he shakes his head, making both of them laugh.

 

“No, no! It’s not like that . . . I’m, um . . . I’m friends with Louis. He let me stay here for the night.”

 

They both look at each other with identical smirks, and it makes Harry blush again. “So . . . um . . . what did you mean by that?”

 

The make-up girl blinks, then laughs like she can’t believe it. “You mean you don’t know?”

 

Harry shakes his head and they both laugh again. “Oh honey, you’re so cute. Why don’t you go back to Louis and enjoy yourself, okay?” she says as if she talked to a child.

Harry feels very uncomfortable. He pulls the plug in the sink for the water to drain. “Um . . . thank you, I guess. It was nice meeting you both,” he says politely. His mum once told him he should always be polite, no matter under which circumstances. Both girls laugh at him again and Harry hurries out of the bathroom eventually.

 

He literally runs back to Louis’ room and his heart is pounding as he’s entering. Louis is sitting on his bed, which isn’t really a bed but only a mattress laying on the floor, looking up from his laptop. “What took you so long?” he asks.

 

“I was . . . I mean when I went there -,” Harry stammers but notices that Louis doesn’t even listen to him. Instead, he’s looking at the screen. Harry takes a deep breath. “Why didn’t you tell me that you don’t have separate bathrooms?”

 

Louis blinks then shrugs. “Whoops,” he says coolly. “Did something happen?”

 

“Uh, no, I was just wondering,” Harry lies and lets out a yawn. “Where am I going to sleep?” Louis pats the space next to him and Harry’s eyes go wide. “Are you sure? There’s only one blanket.”

 

Louis shrugs. “And? Would you rather sleep on the floor without a cover?”

 

Harry doesn’t answer. He swallows and turns around as he’s taking off his jeans before sliding into the bed where he lays down as close to the wall as possible, away from Louis. For a short moment he wonders if he should try to get home but he decides not to. It’s probably safer in this room than anywhere else in this area. Louis continues typing something into his computer without paying attention to Harry. The boy is laying there with his eyes closed, listening to the sounds that are filtering through the wall.

 

“So . . . I thought they were just dancers,” he says, voice soft and low. He wants to talk to Louis but he’s afraid he won’t like to. The silence between them isn’t a nice one, at least not for him. Louis doesn’t answer as usual but then Harry isn’t sure if he has even heard him over the noise that comes from downstairs. He clears his throat and turns toward Louis. “Did you hear me?”

 

Louis huffs loudly while he closes his laptop and puts it away. “What did you expect?”

 

Harry doesn’t answer. He rolls over, facing the wall again. Then he pulls out his phone and starts playing around on it, not sure what else to do. Louis laughs. “What are you doing, texting your mum something?”

 

Why can’t he stop being mean to him? What has he done wrong? The feeling of humiliation is consuming Harry, that’s why he stays quiet but keeps scrolling through his messages. Maybe he should never talk to Louis again and stop meeting him. After a while, he hears Louis getting up and leaving the room which only makes Harry frown harder. “Just great, he’s being an asshole and now he leaves. Perfect,” he says to himself quietly after Louis has shut the door with a loud bang. To his surprise, Louis comes back after a while and t climbs into bed with him. He tugs on the cover because Harry has taken most of it and that’s when Harry realizes how close they are. “Sorry,” Harry squeaks out, and of course, Louis doesn’t say anything, he only inhales audibly and Harry can feel him moving next to him.

 

They lay there in silence for a while. Soon, Harry feels that he’s relaxing slowly. He doesn’t touch Louis exactly but he can feel him being _there_. His body radiates warmth and Harry starts enjoying the feeling of their closeness for some reason. Harry somehow wishes they would touch, just a little bit. “I’m glad you came back,” Harry whispers, turning over to face Louis who is now laying on his back with his arms folded on his chest.  

 

“Why?” His voice is low but not a whisper and for the first time he doesn’t sound anywhere mean.

 

“Because I thought I made you mad and you left,” Harry answers honestly.

 

Louis exhales and pats him on the head gently. “You thought?”

 

Harry lets out a sigh, rolls his eyes and turns back over. It goes quiet again and the boy closes his eyes, trying to sleep. Soon, the soft sounds of Louis’ deep breathing can be heard and it soothes Harry to sleep as well.

 

***

 

The next morning, Harry is woken up by someone slamming the door open and yelling loudly as he flips the switch.  Light floods the room all of a sudden and Harry starts awake. He jumps a little when he realizes that he and Louis were spooning. He tries to sit up, but Louis’ arm is still wrapped around him. There’s a man standing in the room and he doesn’t look friendly at all.

 

“Get up, you lazy shit!” the man yells loudly, his voice deep and furious. “Fuck, you’re so useless Louis Tomlinson! You’ve got work to do, people are waiting for you and I want you to get your ass downstairs! Now!”

 

Harry rubs his eyes that are full with sleep. That’s when he really sees him: The man is tall, has broad shoulders and he’s heavily tattooed. His muscular arms and body are showing through his tight black tank top that shows off both of his biceps. The man is pointing a thick finger at the bed and his eyes are narrowed, forehead creased in anger. Harry is instantly terrified of him, scooting closer to Louis instinctively. He has no idea how Louis is still sleeping. Harry’s heart is hammering in his chest and he’s terribly afraid of what will happen next.

 

“Wake up!” the man growls as he’s walking toward Louis and kicks the bed. It shifts a little and Louis finally snorts awake. “And what the fuck is this?” he yells, pointing at Harry. “You’re fucking guys now?” he shouts, his face red. “I knew something was wrong with you but that’s incredibly disgusting!” The man looks at Harry for a second, shaking his head. “You little wanker, you shitty, little wanker,” he laughs spitefully, shaking his head.  

 

“Calm the fuck down, Chad,” Louis spits back as he’s sitting up. He rubs his eyes and leans against the wall. “Jesus, it’s not like that!”

 

Harry is shocked. He curls up under the blanket and pulls it close to his face.

 

“No son of mine is gonna be gay, Louis! I’ll beat it out of you if I have to! If you think I’m going to pay your way while you’re dicking some twink you’ve got another thing coming!” he continues yelling. Harry looks at Louis. He doesn’t seem afraid or scared at all.

 

“You’re not fucking listening to me you idiot! I’m not fucking him! He doesn’t even fucking matter!” Louis shouts, waving his arm toward Harry.

 

The man ignores Louis and moves closer, his eyes roaming across Harry’s face. He pulls the cover away from the boy, looking at his body. The way he looks at him makes Harry’s skin crawl and he feels exposed like never before. Who is this guy and why isn’t Louis helping him? What if this man touches him? Harry starts panicking and jolts back slowly. “At least he’s pretty,” Chad says slowly, his eyes still wandering over Harry’s almost naked body. I’d bet I know some people who would pay a lot of money for him.”

 

“Fuck off, you bastard,” Louis growls finally. “I’ll be down as soon as I’m dressed and now get the fuck out of my room and stop fucking looking at him like that!” Louis shouts. The man ignores him and leans over to brush a finger across Harry’s cheekbone.

 

“You pretty little thing,” he whispers, not reacting to Louis at all. His tone lets Harry freeze and he’s afraid he could do something to him, even that Louis is there. Chad gives Harry a disgusting smile. “Didn’t mean to scare you, pretty,” he purrs, making Harry flinch again and pull away. He starts to shake which makes Chad laughs loudly. “You’re too lovely to hurt, don’t worry.” Then he turns to Louis, eyes going cold again and grabs Louis’ face violently. “I want you to get your ass downstairs within seconds or I’ll do it for you, and we both know you don’t want that!” Then he shoves Louis face away before walking out the door, leaving it open.

 

Louis falls back onto the bed and covers his face. “What a dick,” he groans and lets out a loud sigh. When he turns to Harry, his eyes go wide. Harry’s face is covered in tears. His cheeks are on fire, his heart is pounding in his chest and he’s still shaking. Louis goes to touch him, but Harry moves away. He rolls toward the wall while he quietly cries.

 

Louis let’s out a huff. Then Harry feels him shifting in bed, away from him. All Harry wants is a hug or a cuddle, but Louis can’t even give him that, he just knows. Once he gets control over himself, Harry gets out of the bed and starts getting dressed, not caring about the fact that his cheeks are sticky with tears. “Harry-,” Louis says but Harry cuts him off.

 

“Where’s the nearest bus stop?” the boy asks flatly as he’s gathering his things.

 

“It’s just up the street, you can’t miss it,” Louis answers. “I can walk you out,” he offers.

 

Harry is having none of it. “Why bother? I thought I didn’t matter,” Harry replies as he pulls his dirty shirt on, throwing the one Louis gave him onto the bed. He grabs his phone and his wallet and gets to the door, hand hovering above the handle.

 

“I’m sorry,” Louis say barely audible. At least that’s what Harry thinks he heard but he’s not sure. Maybe he is wrong. Why should Louis say sorry, he doesn’t care about him, at all. The younger boy doesn’t look back as he leaves quickly. Harry hurries down the hall and down the stairs where he spots an exit sign. He tries to press the handle but the door is locked so he has to walk through the club. As he does he passes Chad who is counting money on the bar. He looks up and smirks at Harry.

 

“Bored already? Guess Louis couldn’t satisfy you, could he.”

 

Harry doesn’t look at him and keeps walking. Even if he wanted to, he couldn’t talk with the growing lump in his throat. Harry is disgusted by this man, disgusted and scared. The feeling he had a few minutes ago comes to his mind again and a tear is running down his cheek without warning. He just wants to get out as soon as possible.

 

“Don’t cry, pretty. I’m sure I can find someone to make it better,” he says what makes Harry practically running out the door and to the bus stop, glad to get away.


	13. The Letter

Harry manages to find the bus stop on his own where he takes the bus back to the dorm. There aren’t many people in the streets because it’s early in the morning. Harry sits down behind the bus driver to not encounter people at all. The entire time he’s shaking and trying not to cry for real although he feels like it but he doesn’t want to expose himself like that in front of strangers. That’s why he keeps his eyes down during the whole ride.

 

When gets off the vehicle at the campus bus stop, he walks back to his building very quickly. The campus is nearly empty so thankfully he doesn’t meet anyone he knows. His classes will start in about three hours so there’s still plenty of time for him to get ready. In his room, Harry grabs his diary. He should rather take a shower or eat something but he feels like he has to put his thoughts onto paper first. He has barely used the diary during the last days although so many things had happened. Harry needs to distract himself from the negative, tugging feeling in his heart. That’s why he sits down on his bed, pulls the blanket over his thighs and starts writing about how he accompanied Louis to the tattoo studio, his thoughs about Dawn and the brunette girl, he writes about Louis’ room and the club, what he experienced in the bathroom, how he felt when he got into bed next to Louis, how scared he was when Chad appeared in the room in the morning, that Louis didn’t defend him when he needed it. He uses the left page to write his entry and on the right one, he expresses himself by drawing a very dark, messy drawing. It stands for all the negativity Harry experienced yesterday, what he felt when Chad yelled at Louis, how the ugly man looked at Harry, how he bent over to touch him and how terrible Louis is in general. His honest thoughts make Harry cry out of disappointment to the point where he’s dripping tears onto the pages. Harry usually isn’t the type of guy who would cry often but this situation and his feelings are overwhelming. Everything is new around him, his friends, his studies, his surroundings and everything concerning Louis. What hurts the most is that Harry thought he and Louis had finally bonded but it feels like nothing like that has ever happened.

 

As he’s drawing, a knock sounds on his door but Harry doesn’t answer it, hoping the person will walk away. He’s not in the mood for people, he’s not in the mood for talking. The knock gets louder and as Harry still doesn’t answer, the door is being opened and Niall just barges into the room.

 

“Harry!” he yells out. “Get your hand out of your pants and let’s go get food!” he smiles. He’s always in such a good mood but his face falls when he sees Harry on the bed, red-faced, teary, looking up at him. “What the hell happened? Are you okay?” Niall says as he sits down next to Harry on the bed.

 

Harry doesn’t answer because he’s too emotional. His lip trembles for a moment and then he starts to sob again. He collapses into Niall, who awkwardly hugs him. The blonde guy stays quiet and pats Harry’s back very stiffly. Eventually, Niall tries to pull away and it makes Harry more upset, but he lets him go. Niall pats him one last time. “I’m gonna go get food now, I’ll be back in a bit. You know where to find me, if you need me.” Then he gets up again and leaves, making sure to lock the door behind him.

 

Harry watches the door closing and when it’s quiet again, he keeps staring. Why is nobody here who would just hug him, hold him close? He’d need someone so bad, he’d need someone who caressed his back, someone who’d cuddle him or maybe kiss him better. Gemma would do that every time he needed it, his best friend Jonny would do that but here? He’s on his own in Manchester, completely. Harry wipes away a tear and leans his head back against the wall, inhaling deeply then gets back to drawing. When he has finished, he decides he’s going to write Louis a letter. He needs to tell him how he feels. Harry can’t deal with this whole situation anymore and if that tears them apart, he wouldn’t mind. He needs him to know, he needs to feel relieved. The weirdest thing is that he wished Louis would hold him close although he’s constantly being mean to him. Harry doesn’t know why he feels this way but he does and there’s no logical explanation to it.

 

After his classes have finished, Harry hurries home. He would usually stay there and have lunch with his friends or just sit down at the cafeteria, drink coffee and chat with his friends but today, he’s not in the mood.

 

At home Harry changes into his comfy clothes, sits down at his desk and starts writing the lines that tug at his heart and make him feel small. When he’s finished writing, he folds the letter up and writes Louis’ name on it. He’s planning on giving him the letter the next day. Then he goes to bed early, ignoring the text message that just came in.

 

***

 

Because he went to bed early, Harry wakes up early the next morning. Before he gets up, he rolls over in bed and checks his phone. He’s got several texts and one missed call from Louis what makes him nervous a little bit. Harry feels hope swell in his chest, but when he reads the messages, his heart sinks again.

 

“ _What are you doing?” “Harry?” “Why aren’t you answering my messages?”_

He hates the demanding tone in Louis’ messages which disappoint him all over again. Harry decides not to respond to the messages but listens to the voicemail which isn’t any better.

 

 “ _Why aren’t you looking at your phone? Since when are you too busy to respond to my messages? Call me back.”_

Harry lets out a sigh and deletes the voicemail, tossing his phone on the bed next to him. He turns over and just goes back to sleep.

 

The day passes uneventfully. It isn’t until he gets to his last course where he sees Louis sitting in the back of the room but he’s not paying attention to Harry at all. Once the course is done, Harry stays seated. He watches Louis from the corner of his eyes, thinking about how he could give him the letter. Harry had planned on giving it to him personally  he doesn’t want to do it in front of everyone so he waits until most of the people have left the room. Just when Harry’s about to get up, Louis hurries out too but doesn’t take his rucksack with him. Maybe that’s not so bad? A new idea comes to Harry’s mind. He could put the letter into Louis’ rucksack so he wouldn’t have to do it personally. As he’s walking up the stairs to put the letter into the rucksack, Harry suddenly stops. He thinks to himself that this undertaking could be pointless. Suddenly the boy feels stupid for writing it. Harry is sure his words won’t change anything between Louis and him. It would be a matter of time until Louis started to make fun of his words, until he humiliated him in front of everyone and tease him about the letter forever so Harry stuffs the letter into his rucksack again and walks out of the course room. As he steps into the hallway, Louis is coming back inside. His arm brushes against Harry’s what makes Harry flinch away.

 

“Harry?” Louis says unfriendly as he grabs the boy’s arm, frowning. Harry lifts his head just enough to look Louis in the eye before he jerks back and dislodges Louis’ hand. Without a word, he runs away and leaves the older boy behind. Harry runs back to the dorm as quickly as possible and slams his door closed. He throws his rucksack away which spills all over the floor, making him even angrier. He grabs the letter and throws it into the mess on the floor too. He flops down on the bed and buries his face in his pillow, letting out a frustrated scream.

 

About half an hour later, a knock sounds on his door again but Harry ignores it as usual. The person knocks again. Harry lets out a loud huff. “What do you want now, Niall?” he yells.

 

“It’s not Niall,” is the reply he gets as the door is being opened.

 

Harry turns around a little bit and lifts his head. He’s surprised to see Louis standing in his room.

 

“What are you doing here?” he asks.

 

Louis slams the door closed and slips his hands in his pockets. “You didn’t call me back. And it bothered me.” The way he says it, so disinterestedly and casually, sets Harry off.

 

Harry gets up from the bed quickly and gets in Louis’ face. His eyes are wide, his back tense. For the first time he feels brave and not intimidated by Louis. “It _bothered you?”_ he yells. “Really?” Harry shakes his head, letting out an annoyed huff. “You never answer my texts or my calls, you never start conversations with me, you don’t even acknowledge me when people are around!” He’s furious. “ _I_ ignoring a couple of messages because I’m upset with you _bothers you?_ Are you serious right now?”

 

Louis stands there, not saying anything. He looks shocked and that makes Harry even angrier. “What?! You have nothing to say for yourself now?” Harry pauses, glaring at Louis who stays quiet. “I should have known. You didn’t come to apologize, you didn’t come to see if I was all right, all you did was come to demand more of me. I’m done!” The boy folds his arms and stomps toward the door, throwing it open and pointing out. “Just leave,” he says quietly, pushing his curls back. “Just leave.”

 

There’s silence at first and Louis doesn’t move. As he’s about to say something, Niall appears in the doorway. “Harry?” he says as with a frown as he’s looking at him. “What’s that shouting? What is he doing in your room again?”

 

Harry grits his teeth. “Don’t worry about it right now, Niall. It’s none of your business.”

 

“Um, okay.” Niall’s eyes go wide. “Hope everything is alright,” he half-questions but when Harry nods, he scurries off as quickly as he came.

 

When Harry turns back around, he sees Louis standing there with the letter he wrote in his hands. Louis is about to open it but Harry tries to grab it away from him. “Give me that,” Harry demands angrily but Louis darts away before the boy can grab it. He continues trying to get it away from him but Louis manages to keep it. Finally, Harry gives up. “You know what, it doesn’t even matter. It’s not going to change anything anyway and I’m used to you humiliating me all the time so . . . keep it, it’s okay.” He points at the door again. “And now, leave.” To his surprise, Louis does as he asks and Harry slams the door and throws a heavy book against it.

 

About which feels like an hour later, there’s another knock on the door. Harry sighs and gets up, knowing that it’s going to be Louis on the other side. He’s got the letter clutched in his hand. “If you’re going to make fun of me, let’s just get it over with.” Harry opens his arms. “Here I am, tease me. Call me names. Humiliate me but do it quickly because I don’t want to suffer for too long.”

 

Louis looks really confused. The two of them stare at each other, tension building in the air around. Finally, Louis thrusts the letter in Harry’s face. Lovely. “Do you mean it?” Louis asks rudely as if he gives a shit about it. He’s frowning, his eyebrows are furrowed and his face is a little red.

 

Harry pushes Louis’ hand out of his face, grabs Louis’ arm and pulls the boy into his room. “I don’t want to discuss this in the hallway.” Louis rubs his arm as Harry closes the door. “Say what you’re going to say, and then leave me alone.”

 

It seems like Louis is a little bit baffled. He stands there awkwardly before he sits down on Harry’s bed, not asking for permission. Louis glances at the letter he’s still holding. It’s wrinkled at the edges, like he’s been clutching it the whole time. “Do you _really_ mean it?” he asks again, his voice serious. There’s no room for interpretation in his tone, absolutely none.

 

Harry looks at him with disbelief. He stares at Louis with wide eyes for a couple of seconds, before he clears his throat. “Believe it or not, I do mean it.” His voice mirrors Louis’ and he unclasps his arms, letting them fall in front of him. “I want to be your friend,” he says.

 

“Why?” Louis is frowns harder and gesticulates with the letter.

 

Harry can feel his face getting hot again. “Are you serious right now? Because I kind of like you and because you’re interesting to me? You’re like no one I’ve ever met before. Do I need to keep going?” He starts pacing back and forth toward the balcony of his room, his face in his hands.

 

“Oh,” is all Louis says, sounding shocked and a little bit in awe.

 

Harry folds his arms again. “Is that all you have to say? Nothing else?”

 

Louis shrugs. “I haven’t planned this Harry. I don’t know what to say but . . . no one has ever said something like that to me before.”

 

Does he really mean it? Louis smirks at him just a little bit before his expression goes back to being bored again. They go quiet for a couple of moments before Louis gets to his feet. He’s still holding the letter in his hands. The older boy gets up from the bed and shakes the letter into Harry’s direction. “Good talk,” he states. “I’m going to take this home and think it over.” He pats Harry on the shoulder a bit awkwardly and then walks out of the door.


	14. Humiliation

Harry feels a little bit relieved. This wasn’t a very extensive talk but at least Louis didn’t seem as he wanted to make fun of him. Harry decides to go to the kitchen and make himself some dinner for the first time in a couple of days. He hasn’t eaten much because of everything that happened. When he heads there he’s surprised to see Niall sitting in front of the TV and eating by himself in his room. When the boy sees him, he jumps up. “Harry?” Niall asks as he’s looking up at Harry who’s looking into his room. “Where are you going?”

 

“I just want to eat,” he says.

 

“Can I come too?” Niall asks and Harry nods. Niall switches off the TV quickly and walks to the kitchen with Harry. They make themselves some sandwiches and an instant soup before they sit down at the huge table. “So what was that all about?” Niall asks with his mouth full, moving his head toward the door. “Louis.”

 

Harry doesn’t answer because he hopes that Niall will switch the topic and because his mouth is full. “Harry,” Niall sighs, “do you have any idea _who he is_?” As Harry stays silent, Niall continues. “Louis is dangerous and you should definitely stay away from him.”

 

Harry sighs. “Niall-,” but Niall interrupts. “No really! He’s like, constantly fucking around with girls, and he sells drugs in the park. To little kids, even! And he totally does wherever he pleases, and he robbed a liquor store and stole a car, and even he killed a guy! He was at a party and was like, high and then just stabbed him!”

 

Harry rolls his eyes at his friend. “You’re being ridiculous. Louis isn’t like that.” He doesn’t exactly deny it, but he also doesn’t think it’s _quite_ _that_ extreme.

 

Niall shakes his head. “How would you know? You seem awfully sure of yourself,” he says in between bites of his dinner.

 

Harry makes a face. “We’ve hung out a few times on campus,” Harry answers vaguely. He doesn’t really want to tell Niall about the current situation between him and Louis. Whatever that situation is, just the thought of it makes Harry’s belly tighten. “It’s no big deal.”

 

Niall’s mouth falls open and bits of food tumble out. Again, Harry makes a face and points toward him. “Mate, I saw it the night he was in your dorm, and in bed with you. You can’t tell me that’s not a big deal.”

 

Harry stares at Niall and starts to blush, his face going hot. “It’s nothing, really,” he tries to diminish the situation. He takes another bite of his sandwich and shoves some cucumber into his mouth too. “So, what do you think of that assignment from Thursday?” Harry tries to change the topic.

 

“Oh god, don’t remind me of this! I still haven’t even written a line of it,” Niall groans. He keeps griping about the paper they have to write and Harry nods along, eating his sandwich until Niall’s phone rings. “I have to take this. I’ll talk to you later?” Harry nods and Niall leaves the room. He finishes his sandwich and goes back up to his room to write out his thoughts in his diary.

 

***

 

In the late afternoon the next day, Harry gets a knock on his door again. “What are you doing here?” Harry hadn’t expected to see Louis so soon after what had happened.

 

The boy shrugs. “Well, I know you don’t have anything else to do so I figured you’d be here, like always.”

 

Again. Harry rolls his eyes and lets out a huff of breath. He motions Louis inside and closes the door behind them. “Get dressed and let’s go,” Louis says once they’re inside. Harry turns around and gives Louis a look.

 

“Are you being serious right now? What if I’ve got plans?” He’s shaking his head and really, the nerve of this guy. Louis looks a little wide-eyed for a moment and then his face goes blank again.

 

“Okay, okay, I guess I should have texted. Whatever. So, are you busy or not?”

 

“Actually, I don’t have plans, but still.” Harry goes over to his wardrobe and grabs a bunch of clothes. “I’m going to take a shower and then get dressed. Don’t rush me.”

 

“Do you want some company?” Louis pipes up with a smirk.

 

Harry feels his entire face go hot and he’s sure he’s red as a fire engine by now. “D-do you w-want to?” He stammers out, not realizing what he’s saying. He goes even redder after that and puts a hand to his mouth. Louis steps closer to the boy and ruffles Harry’s hair before shoving it away and sitting down on the bed. “Maybe when you’re older,” he smirks and winks at the dumbfounded boy.

 

Ouch. Harry stares at Louis for a second then rushes off to the shower and gets dressed in the bathroom because he’s too embarrassed do it in his room, in front of Louis. When Harry comes back, Louis is still waiting for him, playing on his phone. He looks up when Harry walks back in and shoves his phone in his pocket as he stands up. “Wanna get some food?” he asks,  already heading toward the door. Harry agrees.

 

The boys grab some fast food from a nearby restaurant and go to the park to eat. The weather isn’t warm but also not too cold so it’s okay to sit outside. Plus, Harry doesn’t mind the cold weather. To his surprise, Louis starts talking to him about courses and the upcoming assignments. It’s not a deep conversation or something substantial but Harry enjoys it anyway.

 

When Harry is about to take the last bite of his burger, he can see some of Louis’ friends approaching them.

 

“Hey Tomlinson,” one of the boys shouts, holding up his hand. Louis does that too and gets up to meet them. They greet each other with a cool handshake and everything and Louis gives one of the two girls of the group a kiss on the mouth which lets Harry’s stomach cringe. Why is he kissing her?

 

“Oh,” she says loudly as she spots Harry, “you’re with him?” Harry is sure she wants to make sure he heard her. Her tone isn’t nice at all and Harry feels small and unwanted again. This afternoon could have been a good one but now, Harry’s thoughts signify nothing. He knows Louis won’t stick up to him. The girls and another guy Harry hasn’t seen before walk up to Harry and form half a circle around him. Louis is standing nearby, talking to some other people, including Julian and Meg.

 

“Oh, aren’t you pretty?” one of the girls says and the other two laugh at Harry. She pulls his hair and ruffles through it. “Exceptionally pretty, uh,” she smiles and lets her hand run through Harry’s dense curls, a little bit too rough. Harry flinches, protecting his head. She hurt him and he knows she did it on purpose. Harry freezes up and looks to the ground while Louis is still talking to his friends, not paying attention to Harry at all. The boy who’s with the girls comes closer to him and kneels down. His hair looks soft and his eyes have a very nice, caramel brown colour. He must know what effect he has on people, definitely. Harry can see it in his eyes. The boy tilts Harry’s head up and pulls his shirt.

 

“You’re wearing quite interesting clothes for a teenager, aren’t you?” he says derogatorily, squeezing his chin. “You should know better than hanging out with Louis, baby boy.” He bites his lip and nods, not looking away from him. His gaze makes Harry nervous. “You know, Louis isn’t good for you. You shouldn’t surround yourself with people like him. He could ruin your pretty soul, he could take all the innocence of you and leave you alone naked, whimpering like a school boy while everyone is just laughing at your naivety.” His tone is mocking and he’s clearly amused about his words; and so are both girls. The worst thing is that he can hear Louis’ laugh too. He can’t see him because his friends are standing in the way but his voice is so unique that Harry just knows it’s him and he knows he’s laughing about his friend’s comment.

 

“Stop it,” Harry tries to defend himself, showing the guy’s hand he has put on his knee but he won’t budge. He even gets a bit closer to Harry, pushing his hand up his thigh a little bit. “Oh, is the baby gonna cry now?” he asks, his face disgustingly close to Harry’s. Harry doesn’t want to cry but it’s hard not to give in. He feels humiliated and his lip quivers, tears pooling in his eyes. “Do you want your mummy? I bet she would defend you against us but,” he pauses and looks around, “she’s not here and nobody cares about you, not even Louis.”

 

When the guy mentions Louis, Harry loses it. Tears roll down his cheeks and the face of the guy in front of him becomes blurry. “Look at him,” the guy continues, facing the girls. “Such a baby you are.” He squeezes Harry’s thigh forcefully as he’s getting up.” You’re not even worth being anywhere near us, fuck you,” he spats against Harry’s ear and pushes the boy’s head away forcefully. Harry is just sitting there, head down, intimidated and scared of Louis’ friends. He covers his face with his hands.

 

“Leave him be,” one of the girls says and in the first second Harry wants to thank her but she’s giving him an evil look that doesn’t match her words. “He’s not worth it,” she says and spits onto the ground next to Harry whose cheeks are strained with tears. He wipes his eyes and exhales audibly, wishing this terror would end. “Louis, we’re going to do some work, wanna come with us?” she yells and walks over to where Louis is standing.

 

“Yeah,” he agrees and walks away with them, leaving his leftovers and rubbish behind. Harry stares at the scene which seems so unrealistic but still, it happened. Louis is walking away from him again without helping him. What if his friends know about the letter? Just the thought of it makes Harry’s stomach tighten unpleasantly. The feeling of embarrassment is filling his body and causes him to cry again. Harry wipes his eyes and suddenly, Louis turns around but just gives him a short look. What was he expecting? That Louis would back and apologize? Of course he wouldn’t.

Harry is devastated. Louis has never been really nice to Harry but this is the worst that has ever happened, including the incident with Chad touching him. Louis treats him like scum and he doesn’t even care. Maybe that was his plan? Maybe he just wanted to play this sick game with him, for whatever reason? Maybe his friends know about Harry’s feelings and they’re having a bet or something? All those thoughts keep coming and make Harry feel even smaller and unwanted than he already feels. He needs to get away from this place as quickly as possible in case if Louis and his friends decide to come back and pester him again. He puts Louis’ leftovers and the other rubbish into a plastic bag, throws it away and heads back to his room where he sits down on his bed and stares at the blank wall for hours. He isn’t able to do anything because the whole situation bothering him too much.

 

As he doesn’t feel better after hours, he decides to call Dawn. “Hey love, what’s up?” she beams.

 

“Hey,” Harry says quietly, his voice still thick with tears.

 

“Oh Harry, what happened?” she replies, the tone in her voice tells Harry she’s noticing that something is wrong. “Do you want to come over? I’m at the studio.”

 

Harry can feel the tears pooling in his eyes again. “Yes please,” he half-whispers because that’s the only sound he’s able to make.


	15. Seeking Comfort

When Harry steps into the tattoo studio, Dawn immediately walks over to him, takes his hand and pulls him into the cozy break room. She closes the door and gives him a hug without saying anything. She kisses Harry’s hair and holds him close to her chest for a while. It feels good to be comforted and Harry feels very good around Dawn. “Sit down here, love. I’ll be free in a few minutes and then we can talk,” the woman says after a while, leading Harry to the sofa. She wipes away a tear from his cheek. Harry sobs quietly as he pulls his legs up and nuzzles into the corner of the sofa, covering himself with a blanket. He watches Dawn walking out of the room, leaving the door open ajar. It feels so good that she cares about him. He closes his eyes and concentrates on the sounds that come from the tattoo studio. The buzzing of the needles, the talking of two men man and Dawns laugh calm Harry down a little bit.

 

When Dawn has finished work, she makes Harry some hot tea and hands him a mug. Then she sits down next to him. “Okay honey, what’s bothering you?”

 

Harry sits down cross legged, holding the mug in both of his hands. “It’s Louis,” he answers with his head down. He feels the tears pooling in his eyes and it’s hard for him to hold them back so he just lets them run down his cheeks. He sobs and wipes his eyes. Dawn caresses his arm gently and runs her fingers through his hair in a gentle gesture.

 

“What did he do to you?” she asks, leaning back.

 

“I haven’t talked about this to anyone,” Harry admits, looking at Dawn. “I feel quite stupid now, I don’t know.”

 

“There’s no need to feel stupid, at all,” she assures him.

 

Harry sighs and snuffles. Dawn gets up and hands him a pack of tissues. Harry smiles at her. “Thank you,” he says and blows his nose, then exhales audibly and rubs his face. “You know . . . um . . . all I want is to . . . to be friends with him but . . . I think it’s not what he wants.” The boy takes a sip of his tea and wipes his eyes again. “He ignores my messages . . . but then he suddenly wants to meet me but . . . um . . . then he would ignore me again. Whenever we have a normal conversation I think like that’s cool but . . . something bad happens every time,” he says sadly, letting out another sob and more tears stream down his face because the memories come back to his mind.

 

“What are bad things?” Dawn wants to know, her voice soft and calm.

 

It feels so good that she’s listening. “It’s like . . . I text him but he doesn’t text back. Same when he texts me and I answer. Nothing happens. He comes to my room just like that and humiliates me and makes me feel small, unwanted, I don’t know why . . .  It’s like he’s pulling but when I’m there, nothing happens,” Harry explains. “I even wrote him a letter where I explained everything to him but then I . . . I didn’t give it to him because I thought his reaction would be . . . mean again, I thought he would make jokes about me and humiliate me in front of others so I . . . I didn’t give it to him but . . . when he came to me he took it while I wasn’t paying attention,” Harry sobs. “I know he read it but . . . I’m afraid that he has shown this letter to his friends because . . . because he came to me a few hours ago and wanted to have lunch with me so we went to the park and sat down to eat.” Harry takes a deep breath to calm down because just the thought of what happened recently upsets him again. He rubs his face and blows his nose again. He can feel tears running down his cheeks again. “And while we were sitting in the park, his friends came and humiliated me but Louis didn’t do anything about it,” he cries. “He just laughed at me, he just laughed.” Harry’s voice breaks at the end as he bursts out in tears completely. “They pulled my hair, my shirt, said mean things to me and called me a baby,” he continues crying, his hands pressed in front of his face. “The worst . . . thing . . . was . . . that . . . Louis . . . saw it and . . . did nothing, absolutely nothing to . . .to defend me,” Harry sobs and cries heavily. He can’t talk anymore because his feelings are just overwhelming him. He’s completely beside himself as he collapses into Dawns arms, shaking and trembling from the pain that’s burning in his heart.

 

“This fucking bastard,” Dawn says angrily as she’s wrapping her arms around the shaking boy. She pats his hair as Harry presses his head against her chest. “I’m sorry Harry, I’m so sorry,” she whispers as she kisses his hair again. Harry cries and cries for several minutes. He’s heartbroken, hurt, angry, sad, all at once. And yet he won’t get Louis out of his mind, he sees his face all the time.

 

“Thank you for listening,” Harry says quietly after he has calmed down a little bit. He pulls back and looks at Dawn with red, teary eyes.

 

“I can’t believe he did that to you! To you!” Dawn says, shaking her head and gesticulating with her hands. “You’re such a sweetheart, you’re a lovely guy and that you want to be friends with Louis is probably the best thing that could have ever happen to him and what is he doing instead of appreciating it? He’s treating you like his worst enemy! That’s not fair, that’s absurd! What the fuck is wrong with him? I somehow knew he would hurt you because he hurts people all the time but I had no idea what an absolute asshole he really is!” Dawn is clearly enraged. She exhales audibly, letting out a huff. “I swear if I see him again today I will-,” she spits just as the door swings open and Louis stands under the door frame.

 

His eyes narrow as he’s looking at Dawn and Harry. He furrows his eyebrows and his mouth falls open as he sees them sitting there. “What are you doing here?!” he snaps at the boy but Dawn doesn’t let him finish. She glares at him with narrowed eyes and immediately points toward the door.

 

“That’s none of your business you asshole!” Dawn yells as she’s getting up, walking toward Louis. “You are going to march yourself right back out that door and come back when you stop being a dickhead!” she shouts in his face. Her voice is so loud and if had shouted at Harry like this, the boy would probably burst out in tears and never come back to the studio again. She puts her hands on her hips as she stands in front of Louis.

 

“Oh my fucking god Dawn, just-,” Louis starts but Dawn cuts him off again.

 

“You better stop talking now and don’t argue with me! Get lost!” she shouts as she points toward the door. Louis looks at Harry for a second as if he expected him to do something but instead, Harry looks away. Without a word, Louis turns around and walks back out the door.

 

“I’m afraid of him now,” Harry says quietly as Dawn turns around. “What if he does something to me?”

 

Dawn kneels down in front of him, putting her hands on his knees. “I don’t think he will and I promise, I will protect you, if necessary. I won’t let him touch you, don’t worry.” She wipes away a tear from his cheek gently. “You don’t worry about Louis at all, okay?” Dawn squeezes his knees. “I have work to do but I’ll be back later,” she explains as she’s getting up. “You can stay here as long as you like.”

 

Harry nods and leans back again. He feels safe in this room and especially around Dawn. Although Dawn has closed the door, Harry can hear the two of them arguing outside.

 

“What the hell, Dawn? What is he doing here?” Louis demands angrily. It makes Harry’s stomach drop to his feet because he sounds so angry.

 

“Why can’t you see this kid is made of gold, Tomlinson? Not like your other shit friends you bring around here who treat you like garbage-” Dawn yells back, equally harsh.

 

“Since when are you my fucking mother? Nobody asked you!” Louis fires back.

 

“You’re so fucking blind! He likes you and all you can do is being an asshole, Louis! You keep it up and he won’t stick around forever! He’s not dumb! Not like you deserve him to after the shit you pulled for God’s sake! And now get the fuck out of here Louis, I don’t want to see you again today and I really mean it! Get the fuck out of here! Get the fuck out! Now!” she yells, her voice so piercing that Harry jolts back. Oh god.

 

Then it gets silent all of a sudden. Harry listens carefully but he can’t hear Louis talking. Maybe he’s really gone. Dawn comes back and slams the door behind her. “I’m sorry, sweetie,” she sighs. “Sorry for everything. Do you want me to bring you home, or do you want to stay here?”

 

“Could you bring me home please?” Harry asks quietly. “Sorry if that’s-,” he speaks but Dawn holds up her hand.

 

“Don’t worry at all.” She waits for Harry to get ready and both of them walk out of the studio.  When they’re approaching Dawn’s car, Harry can see Louis standing a few meters away, smoking. When he spots them, Louis comes closer and Harry hides behind Dawn almost automatically. Dawn puts her hand on Harry’s arm and pushes the boy behind her in a protective gesture. “You stay where you are Louis,” she tells him, her voice absolutely serious. She unlocks her car and opens the door for Harry to get in. Louis doesn’t come closer.

 

They drive back to his dorm in silence and Dawn drops him off at the door. “You call me any time, okay? Or stop by. I got you, kid,” she tells Harry as he’s getting out of the car. The boy thanks Dawn and goes upstairs. He gets ready for bed because he doesn’t feel like doing anything else. He’s exhausted. As he’s nuzzling down into the covers, Harry gets a text from Louis but the boy ignores it. Harry doesn’t want to talk to Louis after the humiliation he’s been exposed at. Plus, he’s kind of scared that Louis could be pissed at him and do something to him since Harry talked with Dawn about him. What if he decides to take revenge? Harry stares at his phone and gets another text from Louis that’s only question marks but still, Harry doesn’t answer. Finally, Louis starts calling him but Harry just looks at the boy’s name appearing on the screen. The phone is muted anyways and Harry doesn’t want to talk to Louis right now. He puts the phone away and closes his eyes.

 

But as much as Harry is trying to fall sleep, he can’t because he’s too upset. He tosses and turns for hours and eventually, he hears a loud knock on the door. Sighing, he rolls over and tries to ignore it, but the knocking sound gets even louder. Harry gets out of bed and opens the door. He’s got mixed emotions about Louis standing there; he’s happy to see him, but he also knows that Louis is probably mad about what happened at the studio.

 

The boy glares at Harry, pushes past him and throws his arms in the air, waving them around. “What the hell Harry? What was that?!”  Harry can feel the tension in his tummy, this weird feeling of fear and insecurity hitting him hard. Harry opens his mouth to answer Louis’ question, but the boy just keeps yelling over him. “Who do you think you are?! Why did you have to talk to Dawn about private things that are none of her business? She’s my fucking boss Harry, she’s my boss! My fucking boss! I had a good day until you ruined it, you made it shitty and I’m telling you now Harry, I’m telling you to stay away from Dawn! I don’t want to deal with that shit again, did you hear me?” He’s enraged and his voice hurts Harry’s ears. He knows how loud Louis can be but this is just another level that scares him a lot. Harry knew something would happen, he just knew but he’s on his own now and he really hopes Louis won’t hurt him or something. He shouldn’t be scared, he really shouldn’t but he is. He can feel a lump building in his throat and the feeling in his tummy isn’t pleasant at all. The boy climbs back into his bed and sits down cross-legged. “Haven’t you thought about my day? How you and your friends made me feel?” he says quietly, putting his hands in his lap.

 

Louis’ mouth drops open just a little bit but immediately he’s frowning and yelling again. “You can’t run and tattle every time something happens. You’re not a baby, are you?”

 

Harry pulls the covers up over his lap. “It’s not like that. I was upset and needed a friend. I-” he starts to say, but Louis interrupts.

 

“She’s not your fucking friend, Harry. She’s my boss, since you didn’t get it the first time!”

 

“Yeah, well she’s more of a friend for me than you are,” Harry replies.

 

Louis’ eyes get really wide as he slams his hand against the wardrobe. “What? What were you saying?” he yells, his voice cold.

 

Harry’s eyes dart to where the wardrobe has splintered a little. “What is wrong with you? This isn’t my wardrobe and you damaged it!”

 

Louis rolls his eyes. “So what? Dawn is my fucking boss and you told her!” Louis’ face is read from shouting. “It’s not that big of a deal. Calm down. Now, what did you mean?”

 

Harry bites his lip and takes a deep breath. He sits back against the wall and pulls his bear that Gemma gave him into his lap. “I just needed someone to talk to after everything that happened,” he repeats.

 

“Why her?” Louis asks angrily. “Why the fuck did you choose her?!”

 

Harry squeezes the bear in his lap. “I was upset about what happened in the park and I didn’t know who else to talk to.”

 

“What do you mean, what happened in the park?” Louis asks frowning.

 

“Are you serious? Louis, your “friends” made fun of me, pestered me and you didn’t say anything about it! You laughed with them and walked away just like that. Why wouldn’t I be upset?” Remembering the situation brings the old feelings back and it does hurt a lot.

 

Louis looks really confused. “They were just joking, you shouldn’t be so sensitive. Have a sense of humor,” he says and adds a fake laugh.

 

“But it’s not funny, Louis. It wasn’t just what they said, it was that they kept touching me. I didn’t like it. And it didn’t help that you were laughing right along with them.”

 

Louis looks even more confused. “Telling them to stop wouldn’t have fixed anything,” he remarks flatly as if nothing happened.

 

“At least you could have tried, which would have been better than nothing. Instead, I had to listen to you make fun of me too and then you just walked away.” Harry pauses and feels himself getting upset again. “That’s not what friends do.”

 

Louis doesn’t say anything for a few moments. “I don’t know what you want from me.”

 

“Can’t you understand that they hurt me? That they hurt my feelings?” Harry says quietly. “But even more than that, you hurt me too which is a lot worse.” Harry rubs his arms and squeezes the bear tighter to his chest, putting his head onto his head.

 

“Why?” Louis asks, sounding genuinely curious. He sits on the bed but keeps distance between the two of them.

 

“Would you like it if someone you didn’t know kept touching you and calling you names in front of your friends, whom you thought you could count on to have your back? Especially after you invited me to go with you, you took me to the park because you wanted to hang out with me – at least that’s what I thought. And then you acted like a complete jerk and left me there. That’s why I’m hurt.” Harry starts tearing up again and he chokes up a little bit as he’s talking. “So much for us being friends.” He wipes his eyes and refuses to look at Louis. “I think I’d like it if you would leave, please.” The boy lays down, facing the wall, clinging to his teddy.

 

Louis looks stricken for just a moment before his face goes blank again. “I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. I knew they were being dicks, but that’s how they are.”

 

“As my friend you didn’t need to be one too,” Harry says flatly against the wall.

 

“But I wasn’t. I just walked away with them,” Louis replies, furrowing his eyebrows.

 

“What’s the problem. You just left me there without telling me if you were coming back or not.”

 

“But I did come back! And you know what? You weren’t there,” Louis says, pointing at him. “ _You_ weren’t there, Harry.”

 

Harry sits up and throws his arms up in the air. “I’m not a mind-reader, Louis! How was I supposed to know you were coming back!?”

 

“Oh,” is all Louis says in response. He stands up to glance out the window and he’s clearly trying not to make eye contact with Harry.

 

“Can’t you understand why I was so upset now?” Harry asks, his voice soft and gentle. Louis looks back at him. “You could have texted me, you know.”

 

Louis sits back down on the bed but this time he sits closer and puts his head in his hands. Harry feels sorry for Louis. He touches his shoulder lightly, not wanting to startle him. “Hey . . . thank you, though. I appreciate you getting them to walk away from me.”

 

That makes Louis look up at him, and Harry offers him a small smile. He doesn’t want Louis to feel bad, just wants him to understand better. They’re both quiet for a little while. “Do you want to stay over?” Harry suddenly asks. Louis looks at him confused.

 

“It’s late and you’re upset, I don’t think it would be a good idea for you to drive right now.” Louis looks surprised by the offer and he smiles just the littlest bit. “I can’t. I have to work tomorrow. Next time, maybe?”

 

Harry nods and feels a little disappointed, but he tries to look like it doesn’t bother him. “I’ll text you,” Louis promises and leaves.

 

Harry sighs and goes back to his bed. Actually, he feels better than he did before although the situation hasn’t changed much. He grabs his phone and sends Louis a text that says

 

“ _Hope you sleep well.”_

It's about one hour later or so before he gets one back that just says “ _Thanks”._ Harry puts his phone away and smiles before he falls asleep eventually.


	16. Better Days And Another Party

To Harry’s surprise, Louis keeps his word and texts him the next day. It’s just a random message but still. Harry tries to keep the distance a little bit and tries not to get too excited about that. About two weeks pass, and the two of them start to hang out more. Thank god Harry hasn’t seen Louis’ friends in a while what makes everything easier. They sometimes spend time in the cafeteria together, they hang out in Harry’s room and Harry sometimes accompanies Louis to the tattoo studio. The first time they walked in together again was thrilled to see them again.

 

She went over to Louis and pulled him aside a bit. “I’m glad you got your shit together you asshole,” she told him what made Harry chuckle. Louis flipped her off but it was clear it wasn’t in a mean way. One of the times Harry goes, Dawn waits until Louis is busy with a customer before she sits down next to him. She gestures toward the older boy with her head. “Is everything okay with him?”

 

Harry is about to take a sip of his hot chocolate. “What do you mean?”

 

“Well, you know . . . after what happened a few weeks ago I chewed his ass out for being such an insensitive dick and I wonder if the whole situation has gotten any better.”

 

Harry presses his lips together and nods. “A little bit. We talked about it.”

 

Dawn’s eyebrows rise. “Louis actually talked about it? He must really like you.”

 

Harry blushes and stirs his drink. If that’s proof that he likes him . . . “It was the Louis version of talking,” the boy says with a small smile.

 

“I see,” Dawn smiles too and wraps her arm around Harry, pulling him close. “Don’t forget you can always come to me if you need anything, sweetheart. No matter what it is and especially if it’s about Louis. He’s a bit of a punk, but he’s good people - underneath all that tough stuff.”

 

Harry just nods. “Thank you,” he says. Dawn pats his shoulder and walks away to do some paperwork.

 

About half an hour later, Louis finishes up with his customer and looks at his phone while he walks over to where Harry is sitting. “There’s going to be a party at the club tonight. Wanna come?” Louis asks without making eye contact. He’s scrolling through his phone, probably writing something.

 

Louis mentioning a party again makes Harry freeze. He likes spending time with Louis but those parties have always been terrible for Harry and he doubts it would be any better if he went there again. “I . . . I don’t know?” The idea of going to the club again makes Harry’s skin crawl in an unpleasant way. Between Louis’ dad and his friends, he doesn’t really want to be there.

 

“You don’t know?” Louis repeats, looking up from his phone finally.

 

“Um . . . no, I don’t think so. I don’t think I . . . um . . . want to go. But thank you for the invitation.”

 

A strange look crosses Louis’ face, almost like he’s taking a deep breath. “Are you sure? Julie’s going to be there and she’s been bothering me about seeing you again,” he says and rolls his eyes. “And I’ll be there too.”

 

The last sentence makes Harry feel a little bit better, but he’s still really unsure. He’s afraid that it could end in a disaster again. Louis shrugs at him and goes back to his customer, squaring their bill away while Harry thinks about what he should do. He picks up his phone and sends Julie a message.

 

“ _Are you going to be at the party tonight?”_

Julie responds right away. “ _Oh yes! I hope you’ll come too! I’d really like to see you again.”_

Harry blows out a breath and sends her a happy emoji  in response. When he looks back up, Louis is watching him with his arms crossed. “Well?” he asks.

 

“Yeah, okay,” Harry sighs. “I guess I will come.”

 

Louis smiles a little bit. “Alright,” he replies as he’s looking at his phone again. “I have to work until eight and then we can head over directly.” Louis turns to walk away back to his station but Harry grabs his sleeve.

 

“You’ll bring me home after the party, right? I don’t want to go home by myself that late and I don’t want to stay at-,” Harry states but Louis interrupts him.

“Yeah, sure,” he says, kind of waving him off. He walks away and leaves Harry to his thoughts.

 

***

 

When Louis finishes his shift, they’re getting ready to leave. “Wait boys,” Dawn stops them. “I still have some homemade lasagna here, would you like some? I think you won’t get anything proper to eat at your party,” she offers, “so you should at least eat now.”

 

Harry happily agrees and also Louis is okay with that. They eat together and chat about random things. Harry tells Dawn about his family and he asks her questions about herself. Louis doesn’t really talk. He’s mostly on his phone, but occasionally he makes a comment or asks a question. Harry is still pleased that Louis’ is listening, at least.

 

“Be good, boys,” Dawn tells Louis and Harry as they’re about to leave the studio.

 

As Harry is walking toward the door, Dawn grabs Louis by his shoulder. “You take good care of that boy, you hear me?”

 

Louis rolls his eyes at Dawn and her words make Harry blush again. When they walk outside, Harry’s phone beeps.

 

_“Why don’t you come to my place before the party? We could hang out,”_ Julie sends.

“Julie asks if we want to hang out with her before the party,” Harry tells Louis. “I’d like to, what about you?”

 

Louis shrugs. “Okay,” he says a little bit bored. He doesn’t seem too excited about it but he keeps quiet.

 

When they get there, Julie opens the door and Louis gives her a quick kiss on her mouth. This reminds Harry of the day when Louis kissed one of the girls who were with him and it makes him feel uncomfortable. It’s the most passionless, emotionless kiss Harry has ever witnessed. He hasn’t been kissed many times but he thinks he knows a bad kiss when he sees one. Louis pushes past Julie after he has kisses her and heads to the kitchen area. Harry smiles at Julie, gives her a hug and asks her how she feels.

 

They go sit on the sofa while Louis is digging around in her fridge. “What are you looking for?” Julie asks Louis but she doesn’t get an answer at first. “Louis?”

 

“What,” he grunts and Julie asks him again. “Something I like, pizza or anything,” he mumbles, not looking up. Julie keeps trying to talk to him but he ignores her. She keeps trying to get into his space, but Louis maneuvers around her. “Where’s your vodka?” is his next question as he’s opening some of the cabinets randomly.

 

“Wait,” Julie says and takes a bottle out from another cabinet. “Here’s vodka, the good one you like,” she smiles.

 

“Finally,” Louis grunts and fills himself a glass quickly. Harry watches them and feels bad for the girl. Louis treats her as equally badly as him, maybe even a little bit worse. Julie offers Harry some of the vodka but he declines. He still doesn’t drink and he hates when Louis drinks too but he can’t tell him that. Louis wouldn’t listen to him anyways. While Louis goes to the bathroom, Harry motions for Julie to come over. “Are things okay between you two?” he asks quietly.

 

Julie just beams, her cheeks still red from the kiss. “Yeah, everything’s fine. Why do you ask?”

 

Harry takes a deep breath but smiles at her. “Um . . . no reason, never mind.”

 

As Louis comes back, he takes his glass and the vodka bottle from the kitchen counter and joins Harry and Julie on the sofa. He doesn’t say anything but fills his glass a little bit more. Harry and Julie start chatting about random stuff and Louis doesn’t really add anything to the conversation, though occasionally he’ll lean over and comment to Harry, never to Julie. She still doesn’t seem to notice the weird behavior. Eventually, they just leave Louis to his phone while the two of them talk.

 

After a while they head over to the club for the party. Harry starts walking toward the arch they went in last time.

 

“That’s the wrong way! Over here,” Louis tells Harry and pushes him down the street. Harry sees where they’re going and apprehension floods through him. “Are you sure about this?” he asks Louis, shifting uncomfortably. “You’ll still bring me home, right?”

 

Just as he has said this sentence, he thinks of the fact that Louis has already drunk alcohol and he’ll probably drink more tonight. Louis pats him on the back, a little bit too hard. “Don’t worry so much. It’ll be fine.”

 

Harry keeps walking close to Louis as he follows him inside the club. He is worried, of course he is but he knows it wouldn’t help if he told Louis now and it wouldn’t make a difference if he did it later because then he would be drunk and maybe drugged again. Harry isn’t sure if he should ever tell him, maybe he won’t.

The club isn’t very busy yet but it seems like Louis knows almost everyone. As soon as he’s inside, he drifts off immediately, greeting and chatting to people. Julie stays with Harry and they both watch Louis as he moves through the thin crowd of people until he makes his way back to where they’re standing. To Harry’s horror Chad walks over to them. He greets Julie by kissing her on the cheeks, clearly making her uncomfortable and Harry asks himself who this guy really is. Just in this moment, he looks at Harry and gives him a disgusting, smarmy smile. “Hey pretty. I’m so glad you came back to see me,” he snorts. The grin on his face isn’t anywhere nice. Julie looks at Harry, shocked, but she bites her lip and looks away again. What has she to do with him? And Louis?

 

Just then Louis returns and the guy greets him with an enthusiastic high five that Louis returns lazily. “Hey there!” he yells. Louis just pulls a face. “I lined up those dancers from last time for you. Thought you’d like that. The redhead really seemed to like you,” he says, elbowing him in the side. “I even bought her new boobs. They’re fucking incredible, perfect for sticking your face between. I think you should give them a spin later.”

 

“Sounds perfect. I’ll see what I can do,” Louis says with a smirk, nudging the guy back.

 

Harry is appropriately horrified by the interaction. His mouth is slack and his eyes are wide and his stomach is churning. This is awful.

 

“That’s my boy!” Chad yells, smacking him on the back.

 

Boy? Is this . . . is this Louis’ dad? Oh god. Harry’s stomach tightens. He really wants to ask Louis if this is his real dad but the whole situation is so overwhelming that he can’t talk. His mouth is dry and his heart is hammering in his chest. Finally, Louis’ supposed to be dad walks away, and Louis notices someone else across the room and goes, leaving Harry and Julie behind again. He hasn’t talked to them since they have arrived at the club anyway and Harry starts thinking about if he really wants to stay. “Let’s go to the bar and fetch some drinks,” Julie proposes and drags Harry over.

 

“Hey babes, want to have a tasty one?” she smiles and leans over on the counter top, folding her hands. “I’ll make you the best cocktail ever to start an evening like this!”

 

“I’d like one,” Julie says as she’s sitting down on the stool.

 

Harry isn’t sure if he should drink what the barkeeper is offering. “Come on love, one’s never wrong,” the girl behind the bar tries to convince him. “I make the best cocktails here, trust me,” she smiles as she’s crushing some ice in a machine.

 

“I forgot my money at home,” Harry lies but sits down on a stool next to Julie.

 

The barkeeper waves him off. “The first one is on the house. Don’t worry at all.”

 

“Oh . . . um . . . you know, I usually don’t drink,” Harry says quietly, watching her mixing the first drink.

 

Julie puts an arm around his shoulders loosely. “It’s just one drink and you will like it, I promise.”

 

“Yeah, one drink is always okay. You don’t need to be shy in here, love,” the barkeeper says and pours some blue liquid into the mixer. “So let’s add some of this one and . . . here . . . it . . . is,” she kind of sings, pouring the blue liquid into a beautifully shaped glass, sticks a thick piece of pineapple onto the glass edge and puts a small orange umbrella into the glass too. The drink really does look beautiful and Harry thanks the barkeeper as she’s handing him it. “Enjoy!” she says, starting to mix Julie’s.

 

After a few sips, Harry has to admit that he really likes his drink but he nips at it slowly. He can feel the alcohol spreading in his body already and he’s afraid of what will happen if he drinks too much. While he still has his first drink in front of him, Julie has already ordered her second one while the barkeeper is basically making small talk to both of them.

 

Eventually, Louis appears back by the bar, wrapping his arms around Julie’s and Harry’s shoulders. It startles Harry a little bit and Julie gets a little starry-eyed at the contact. Louis smells like alcohol and cigarettes. “What’s going on here? Everything cool?” he asks, his voice a little bit pitched.

 

“Everything’s great, Lou!” Julie chirps. Harry just nods along. Seeming satisfied with the answer, Louis gives them a thumb up and then walks off again. Harry doesn’t like that Louis isn’t with them but he also doesn’t want to follow him since he might think he can’t be on his own and call him a baby again.

 

“I’ll be right back, you wait here,” Julie says, slipping off her stool. “I need to find Louis,” she says before she trails off behind him.

 

Harry nods, stays at the bar to finish his drink. He watches Julie following behind Louis as he moves through the crowd. She keeps trying to get close to him and presses her body against him, but he keeps shoving her off. The barkeeper keeps checking up on Harry, offering him another drink for free, which he takes. Harry watches Julie get more and more upset, and he also notices that Louis keeps glancing in his direction. He doesn’t smile or acknowledge Harry beyond the eye contact they make and Harry wonders why Louis doesn’t just walk over to talk to him. Louis invited him to the party and now he isn’t even somewhere near him? This is weird but a well-known pattern of his. Ten minutes later Julie comes back to the bar.

 

“What’s wrong?” Harry asks as he notices the tears in her eyes. Julie answers but the music has gotten louder and Harry can’t understand a word. “Is there anywhere else we could go?” he yells into her ear.

 

Julie nods, grabs his wrist and leads him outside to the front of the club. They can still hear the music thumping through the walls, but it’s muted enough for them to talk. Julie sits down on the stairs and Harry sits down next to her.

 

“Why is he ignoring me?” she sobs. “He always does this. He invites me to his stupid parties and then pretends I’m not there,” Julie cries, tears falling down her cheeks.

 

Harry doesn’t say anything at first, just gathers her up in his arms for a hug. He practically dwarfs her and he can feel how small and thin she is. She keeps crying into his shoulder. “Why does he do this to me?” Sobs keep wracking her frame as Harry holds her shaking body tighter to him. Deep in his heart he feels a slight tug. Louis does this to him too and it hurts him, it hurts him every time.

 

After a while, Julie manages to calm herself down and she pulls back from Harry. “I’m sorry he hurts you,” Harry says softly, his hand on her back. He kind of feels sorry for her although he can feel his stomach tightening too. It really seems like Louis doesn’t care for people at all and that makes Harry angry. The girl wipes her face and looks at him again.

 

“Does he do that to you, too?” she asks, voice hoarse.

 

Harry gets really uncomfortable and isn’t sure how to answer her question. “He does, sometimes.” He doesn’t say anything else for a couple of seconds, before taking a deep breath. “How long has he been doing this?”

 

Julie sniffs. Tears are still rolling down her cheeks. “What do you mean?” she sobs.

 

Harry sighs. He doesn’t really want to have this conversation with her, especially when she’s been drinking and she’s already upset. “Well . . . um . . . it’s like earlier, in your apartment. Or when . . . um . . . we first met in the kitchen.”

 

“I still don’t know what you want to say.”

 

Harry runs his fingers through his hair. “Um, well . . . I just . . . I just noticed that he kisses you and then ignores you. Or he talks to you in this really rude voice. Remember when we were in the kitchen and he pushed you off the chair so I could sit?” At her nod, he continues. “That’s what I mean.” He puts his hands in his pockets and looks down at his feet. The silence stretches between them.

 

“But you know . . . I still love him,” Julie cries. “He knows I love him, and I just want him to love me back again.”

 

Harry cringes on the inside, but hides it behind a blank look. The boy sits down next to Julia again and rubs her back in soft circles. “How long were you together?”

 

“Just a month or so, but it was the best month of my life.”

 

Harry feels a bit confused; surely a month isn’t long enough to be that in love with someone, right? He thought it would have been much longer than that.

 

“If I could just get him to fall in love me again, everything would be fine. I know he loves me, deep down, he just needs more time. He just doesn’t know it yet.”

 

Harry isn’t sure what to say. He’s a bit taken back by her proclamation and he knows he can’t talk her out of it. “I see,” is all that Harry says and Julie stays quiet. The temperature has dropped noticeably within the last minutes. “How about we head back inside? You’re shivering.” Julie nods and Harry leads her back into the club.

 

Louis notices them walking back inside from across the room. He shoves his way through the crowd, frowning. “What the fuck were you thinking? Why did you take him outside?” he demands, getting into Julie’s space. “This isn’t a fucking playground!”  

 

Harry flinches back at Louis’ tone, his eyes getting wide. “He’s not a child, Louis.”

 

“I don’t care, Juliette. I don’t want him outside. Understand?” Louis says through grit teeth.

 

Harry goes to say something, but Julie cuts him off. “We were just talking! We were outside for less than ten minutes. It was too loud in here!”

 

“I. Don’t. Care,” Louis tells her with an angry look. He can be so scary sometimes, so scary.

 

“What’s with all the yelling?” a dark voice suddenly shouts. “This is supposed to be a party!” That’s when Chad is coming up behind the group. He slaps a hand down on both Julie and Harry’s backs.

 

“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it,” Louis says, still angry.

 

“Why don’t you go find that pretty redhead I mentioned? She’s been asking about you. I bet she’d cool you off,” he offers with a wiggle of his eyebrows. Louis doesn’t respond, just stalks off in another direction.

 

The man looks at Julie and smiles. He grabs her by the back of her neck and digs his thumbs in, like he’s massaging her. “Why don’t you go head up to my office, hmm?” Harry is confused and kind of disgusted. His words sound innocent, but his tone is not. “I have that tea that you like. You should make yourself a cup.” Julie just nods.

 

“Okay,” she says but her voice is very stiff. It doesn’t seem as if she liked his invitation.

 

Once she’s gone, he looks at Harry and his smile gets even wider. “What about you, pretty? What can I do for you?”

 

Harry can feel a lump building in his throat and he’s scared. The man’s face is too close to his, too close. “Um . . . nothing, I’m fine,” Harry says in a cool way, trying not to sound weak or scared in front of him.

 

The guy runs his hand through Harry’s hair, then brings it down to caress his face before grabbing his chin in his hand. “Surely, there’s something I can do for you too. I’d hate for a pretty thing like you to go to waste.” Harry tries to flinch back, but the man’s grip is strong. “Don’t be scared, pretty. I won’t do anything to you as long as you’re nice to me.”

 

Harry lets out a strangled noise and tries to shake his head again. Isn’t anyone here who could help him? “No,” Harry says quietly and tries to move away from the guy.

 

“Hey, hey, stay calm,” Chad says, his voice soft which doesn’t fit his look at all. “You’re trembling. There’s no reason for that. You’re in good hands.” He forces Harry to make eye contact with him and for a moment, Harry can’t look away because of the man’s grip. The longer they stare, the more Chad starts to frown. Finally, he shoves Harry’s face away. “If you were as smart as you are pretty, you’d learn it’s not wise to say no to me,” he spits.

 

Just in that moment Louis appears next to Harry, shoving the guy away. “What’s wrong with you?” he shouts, eyes hard. “He isn’t one of your cheap sluts!” Louis grabs Harry’s arm and forces him behind his back. Harry curls in on himself and he’s glad that Louis finally takes his side.

 

Chad laughs out and he reaches out to ruffle Harry’s hair again but Louis defends Harry with his body. “Oh, lighten up, Louis! We were just talking!” Chad smiles and sticks his hands in his pockets. “You’re getting soft. Careful, don’t make me change my mind, and don’t forget who pays your way in this world,” he says, winks and walks away.

 

“Fuck off, you wanker!” Louis yells after him but the music drowns his words. He lets out an angry huff. He hasn’t let go of Harry’s wrist yet and just the touch makes Harry feel a little bit safer. “Fuck him,” he snarls and then he pulls Harry into one of the private rooms off to the side. The one they’re in has a huge red sofa and a chair, as well as a small stage with a pole. Harry wants to ask what they’re doing in there but he can see Louis needs a couple of minutes to calm down. The younger boy grabs his hand and squeezes it, just a bit.

 

“Thank you,” he says softly but pulls back because he doesn’t want to make Louis uncomfortable. Louis tilts his head just a little bit and presses his lips together before giving Harry a small nod. It makes Harry want to hug him, but he knows better. “Don’t take what he does too seriously, okay? Half the time he does shit before he thinks about it. It’s not just you,” Louis tells him. It doesn’t really make Harry feel better, but he’s acknowledging Louis is trying. And it seems as Louis is also talking about himself. It’s quiet between them for a little bit until Louis stands up and walks toward the door. Harry is sure he’s going to leave him behind again and panics.

 

At the last minute, Louis turns around. “Come on, we’re going to my friend’s house.”

 

Harry’s eyes go wide and he shakes his head, but Louis rolls his eyes. “That’s where the real party will take place,” Louis says. “They’re not that bad, Harry. And they won’t mess with you tonight, I promise.” Harry asks how he can be sure about that but Louis doesn’t answer him.

 

They make their way through the crowd without incidents and soon, they’re walking out of the club and onto the street. The fresh air feels good on Harry’s hot face. Louis leads Harry to a house down the street and they go inside. It smells strongly of weed and it’s messy, with air mattresses and trash and clothes and stained carpets. There are beer cans and liquor bottles across all the surfaces. Louis leads him into the living room, where there are several people on various surfaces, passing joints back and forth. The air is thick with smoke and Harry has to fight the urge to cough. Louis makes a couple of people on the sofa move so they can sit down. He takes one of the joints and takes a hit, before offering it to Harry, who declines. Harry is expecting Louis to make fun of him, but Louis doesn’t. The people around them are talking to him mainly but some of them also start a conversation with Harry. Harry doesn’t feel very comfortable so he answers vaguely and listens to their talking. At least Louis was right. Those people don’t attack him. They might not be people Harry would like to be friends with but at least, they’re leaving him in peace. But still he’s not having fun. The best thing is that he is sitting close to Louis and their bodies are touching.

 

After a while, Harry starts getting tired and he doesn’t feel like he wants to stay any longer. There’s no reason for him to stay. He tugs on Louis’ sleeve and rubs his eyes. “I’m getting sleepy. Can you take me home please?” Before Louis can answer, a few people around them start cat-calling and whistling, but it’s not mean like last time. It still makes Harry blush because he doesn’t like being the center of attention.

 

Louis leans over to Harry. “I’m too drunk and high to drive you right now. You should walk or get a cab, I guess,” he says into Harry’s ear.

 

The boy’s face falls. “But you promised that you would bring me home this time,” he says disappointed. Louis looks at him with a blank face. Harry looks down at his lap, panicking a little. But then he feels Louis’ hand on his arm.

 

“Look, just lay down here on the sofa and sleep. I’ll wake you up when I’m good to drive, okay?” he says, exasperated.

 

Harry doesn’t like Louis’ tone but that’s maybe because he’s not himself right now so they boy nods, hesitantly, but he wants to trust Louis to take care of him. He won’t go home alone, not that late. At least Louis offered to drive him home later so Harry curls up and puts his head against Louis’ leg, not sure if he’ll let him stay there. To his surprise, Louis doesn’t say anything. He just goes back to talking with his friends. Harry starts to relax and falls asleep just like that, listening to the sound of Louis’ voice.

 

In the middle of the night Harry wakes up, his back and neck stiff and painful. He’s not at home, still lying on that old sofa – and there’s Louis almost next to him. Harry wonders why he hasn’t driven him home but he probably passed out. Harry doesn’t want to get up but his bladder is telling him to. The boy looks around and sees all those people sleeping on the floor. He wrinkles his nose and starts trying to tiptoe toward a hallway, where he guesses the toilet would be. He’s a bit disgusted by the trash, but he’s also nervous about being in a strange place. The boy makes his way to the bathroom, which is just as disgusting as the living room. He uses the bathroom quickly and hurries back to the sofa, where Louis is still sleeping.  Harry scoots close to Louis but tries not to touch him. He tries to keep himself occupied by looking around the room. There’s no television, and he forgot his phone at his dorm again. Everyone is asleep so Harry tries to fall asleep too but he can’t.

After a while Harry starts to get bored and uncomfortable, fidgeting and twiddling his fingers together. He glances over at Louis to see if he’s awake yet. He’s not, but Harry takes a moment to admire just how pretty he looks. Louis’ face is soft in sleep, and his eyelashes cast shadows on his cheeks. He’s never seen someone with such beautiful eyelashes . . . Harry shakes himself out of his thoughts and then starts trying to wake Louis up. “Louis? Louis . . . can you take me home?” he asks softly, poking Louis in the face and in the shoulder.

 

Louis blinks awake, looking confused and glancing around the room. “Louis? Can you take me home now?” he asks again. Louis blinks again and rubs his eyes as he groans.

 

“What?” he says with his raspy morning voice. Oh.

 

Harry takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry for waking you, but I’m hungry and I’m tired, and I’d really like to go home.” Harry almost sounds like a child but he doesn’t care. Why does he always end up in strange places with Louis? Louis shifts, rolling his head to the side, looking up at Harry. “Please?” he adds and gives him a pleading look.

 

Louis lets out another groan and rubs his hands over his face, covering his eyes with his arm. “Fine,” he huffs. “Just stop talking because my head hurts,” Louis complains. Harry feels a little sad at Louis’ harshness but he’s surprised that he’s not calling him a baby or anything so he stays quiet, glad that Louis is at least considering bringing him home. Louis gets his stuff and walks to the door, with Harry trailing behind after him. When they turn into the street where the club is, Harry starts to get nervous that they’re going to go in, but they don’t. Instead, they walk over to Louis’ car that is parked around the corner.

“Do you think we could get some breakfast first?” Harry asks in a whisper while Louis is driving down the empty streets. He knows isn’t fond of conversations while driving but Harry’s stomach is grumbling. As Louis doesn’t answer, Harry thinks he might not want to so he goes without asking him again. To Harry’s surprise, Louis pulls into a McDonald’s parking lot eventually.

 

“Getting food is a good idea,” he says as he pulls the key out of the ignition. Harry gives Louis a small smile. They walk in and order and eat, neither of them speaking very much. Harry wants to talk but remembers what Louis said about his head hurting. The silence is a bit awkward and kind of tense this time but at least, Louis is with him.

 

“So, did you have fun yesterday?” Louis suddenly asks Harry as they’re about to finish their meal. Harry is startled by the question because he didn’t expect Louis to care at all. He doesn’t want to be rude, but he feels like he should answer honestly and he’s asking himself if Louis doesn’t remember what happened yesterday.

 

“Um . . . not really because . . . it’s not what I usually do.” Louis raises an eyebrow. When he doesn’t say anything, Harry continues. “I mean, I don’t usually go to those kinds of parties. That’s all.” Louis just sips his coffee and waits for Harry to finish eating. Once they’re done, they both leave and Louis drives Harry back to his dorm in silence. He pulls up near the door this time.

 

“Thanks for the ride,” Harry says. He’s expecting Louis to just drive away but instead, Louis doesn’t.

 

“No problem,” he replies with a slight smile and waits for Harry to get off the car.

 

Harry goes up to his room and changes into comfy clothes. He picks up his phone to check his missed messages. While he’s playing around talking to different people, he gets a message from Louis.

 

“S _o what’s fun for you?”_

 

 “L _ots of things like movies, hanging out, video games.”_ As he’s typing, he gets an idea.

 

The week passes pretty uneventfully, until Wednesday comes around. Louis is actually in one of Harry’s courses that day. “Remember when you asked me what’s fun for me?” Harry asks Louis who looks up from his computer and nods. Harry gives him a small smile. “Well, my friend Jonny from home is coming to visit this weekend and we’re planning on going out. Do you think you’d want to come with us? You can meet us at the dorm on Saturday, around six?” he asks, biting his lip.

 

Louis stares at him for a moment. “I’ll think about it.” He goes back to typing on his computer, not saying anything else.


	17. A Fun Night With Real Friends

On Friday around lunchtime, Harry’s friend Jonny comes to visit. Harry and him spend the day hanging out together and when they’re watching TV in the evening, Niall comes into the room and Harry introduces him to his friend. Niall and Jonny get along really well and they all hang out until late into the morning. On Saturday, they meet up outside the dorm. Harry keeps them waiting as he looks at his phone to check the time.

 

“What are we waiting for?” Niall asks as he’s kicking some pebbles.

 

“Nothing,” Harry mumbles. It wouldn’t be a good idea to tell Niall that he’s waiting for Louis. “I’m just waiting for another friend,” he says after a while, “but I don’t think he’ll come since he’s always busy.”

 

“Oh okay,” Niall answers and starts talking to Jonny about some football matches he’s seen on TV. Ten minutes later, Louis still hasn’t arrived and he’s not messaging back neither so Harry finally decides that he’s done waiting, that Louis isn’t coming. “I should have known,” he mutters to himself, tucking his phone in his back pocket. Niall frowns as well, but doesn’t say anything. They walk through the entrance door and to Harry’s surprise Louis is standing outside the building, smoking a cigarette.

 

“Well, are we going?” he asks as if he was the one who had been waiting for them.

 

“What are _you_ doing here?” Niall sputters out, looking between Louis and Harry with his mouth hanging open. He’s red in the face and he’s gesturing wildly. Louis takes a drag from his cigarette and slowly lets the stream of smoke out between his pursed lips.

 

“I was invited,” he smirks.

 

Niall whips his head around to look at Harry. “Is this true?” He’s waving his hands at Harry.

 

“Yeah,” the boy simply replies.

 

Harry ignores Niall for a second, looking over at Jonny who is staring at Louis like he’s a creature in a zoo. Louis notices and looks over at him, giving him a wink. Louis’ reaction makes Jonny turn red and look at his feet. He has probably never seen someone like Louis and Harry chuckles a little. “Okay guys, we need to get going or else we’ll miss the bus.” Harry motions toward the bus stop.

 

“You’re out of your fucking mind if you think I’m going to ride the bus,” Louis complains. “Let’s just take my car,” he proposes, crushing the cigarette under his foot.

 

“I won’t get in a car with you,” Niall states, shaking his head.

 

Louis just looks at him, clearly amused. “Oh, I . . . I don’t know if we-,” Jonny stutters, looking at Harry as if he wanted him to tell him this was a joke. When Jonny isn’t paying attention, Louis grabs him in a headlock quickly.

 

“C’mon sweetheart, it won’t be that bad,” he says mockingly. “Just a little adventurous probably because I’m used to do illegal car races and . . . I’m a good driver, I guess.” Niall and Jonny look at him with wide eyes what makes even Harry chuckle. He knows Louis is being funny, as funny as he can be but Harry loves it. After Louis lets Jonny go, Niall and he don’t  talk to Louis at all. They seem intimidated as they’re following Harry and Louis to the car. Maybe that wasn’t as funny as Harry thought because Niall and Jonny are talking quietly about that strange guy they met in front of the dorm. This isn’t how Harry was picturing his day out with his friends and he hopes dearly that the atmosphere will change soon. Eventually, they all reluctantly agree on driving with Louis. Harry sits down in the front seat and the other two take a seat in the back of Louis’ black Volvo. Louis doesn’t hold back and drives like he normally does. By now Harry’s used to it, but the other two are clearly panicking, so Harry tries to start a conversation. It’s very strained and Louis just looks amused by it.

 

They finally make it to a go-kart place which is quite a surprise for everyone. They’re all racing and having a good time, with Niall winning most of the races. Harry comes in last almost every time. When they take their helmets off, Louis slaps Niall on the back. “Congrats, mate. That was sick.”

 

Niall’s eyes go wide. “Thank you,” he stammers out and flinches a little bit. Harry is pleased by the interaction because he knows Niall thinks Louis has murdered someone. They decide to have dinner at the snack bar and they’re all talking and getting along while they eat. Louis isn’t talking much but when he does, he’s funny and a bit sarcastic, like he usually is but still, it’s the nicest he has ever been. Jonny has bonded a little bit by now and asks him about university, but Louis is pretty vague about it and doesn’t tell too much. When he goes outside to smoke, Jonny turns toward Harry.

 

“He’s a bit different but really cool actually,” his friend says.

 

Harry smiles. “Yeah, I think so too.” Of course he wouldn’t tell Jonny that Louis keeps hurting him all the time, he won’t tell him that he took his diary and stuck a note on it, he wouldn’t tell him about the parties and everything he’s been through because of him but Jonny is right, there’s something about Louis that’s incredibly cool.

 

Niall takes a sip of his beer and clears his throat. “I never thought I could say this but I’m actually enjoying myself. He’s not so bad, even though he kills kittens in his spare time.”

 

Harry’s eyes go wide. “Niall!” he yells out, swatting his arm. Jonny looks horrified and Niall sticks out his tongue to his friends. In this moment, Louis appears back at the table and sits down again.

 

“What’s this shit about kittens?” he growls and puts his arm around Niall’s neck, pulling him close.

 

Niall’s face gets red since Louis isn’t just squeezing his head between his chest and arm but he’s also glaring at him.

 

“Do you really kill kittens?” Jonny chimes in.

 

Louis presses his lips together, pulling his shoulders up. He still holds Niall close who’s trying to escape Louis’ grip. “Sometimes I do and really, only the white ones.” He blinks for a moment and then cracks up laughing, finally letting go off Niall. “Mate, you should have seen your face!” He shoves Jonny’s arm playfully, nearly making him fall off the bench.

 

“You really had me for a moment!” Louis laughs and this time, his laugh seems real. Harry has never heard Louis laugh like that before and it makes him relax a little bit more. It’s such a nice sound which indicates he’s enjoying himself. Louis turns to Niall and looks him in the eyes. “You can’t believe all the shit you hear about me,” he says seriously. There’s a beat of silence between them.

 

“Did you really set that guy on fire and push him off a bridge last year?” Niall blurts out.

 

Louis doesn’t answer at first, just staring at him with a blank expression. “Can I ask _you_ a question this time?” Niall looks at him terrified but nods. “So,” Louis goes on, “if you really believed I did the things you hear about, would you be sitting here with me right now?”

 

The blonde boy goes bright red again, buries his face in his hands and shakes his head. He suddenly starts laughing, and soon the other three join in with him. Harry can feel the way the air around them has changed and it makes him smile. As they finish eating, Louis starts telling dirty jokes and keeps them all in a good mood. Harry has never seen Louis being happier than today and he has the impression that Louis feels good around his friends.

 

On their way to the car, Jonny wraps his arm around Harry’s shoulders and pulls him in for a quick hug. “Thanks for inviting me down this weekend. I’ve missed you, and I’ve missed this. It’s been fun.” Harry beams and hugs him tighter.

 

“To tell you the truth, I thought this was going to go much worse. Thank god it didn’t or else I might have cried.” They all start laughing again, but Harry notices the way Louis is watching the two of them.

 

As they’re walking back to the car, Louis looks at his phone. “So, are you guys up for a p-?” but he hasn’t even said the word out loud when Harry looks at him, frowns and bites his lip; he knows exactly what Louis is about to ask. But, to his surprise, Louis blinks and puts his phone back in his pocket. “Never mind. What should we do now?”

 

 Harry pipes up. “How about we go back to the dorm and play some videogames?”

 

Niall smirks and jumps on Harry’s back. “You really want me to kick your ass in FIFA that badly again?”

 

Harry laughs. “I’m not that bad, mate!”

 

“Keep telling yourself that,” Jonny says, pinching him in the side. “I know you are a lot worse than that,” he jokes and looks at Louis. “You wouldn’t believe how awful Harry is at games,” Jonny tells Niall and Louis. “For his sixteenth birthday, we made a bet that whoever lost the tournament had to steal one of Gemma’s bras and put in the freezer. Harry lost, and got caught rifling through her drawer, and started crying when she asked him what he was doing! I thought we were all going to die laughing. Gemma made him wear it for the rest of the night. Alice and Chloe still ask him if he wants to try theirs on every time he sees them.”

 

Harry is bright red and so embarrassed by this story but Louis laughs and again, it's not his usual mean laughter. He’s slapping his thighs as he bents over, clutching his stomach. “I bet you looked great,” he gasps between his laughs and ruffles through Harry’s hair.

 

Harry groans and kicks out at Jonny, who jumps out of the way. “Doesn’t that story ever get old? I could tell them about the time you had to streak down our street and that girl you had a crush on saw you.” Jonny throws his wallet at Harry. “Don’t bring that up, you asshole.”

 

“Hey guys, move a little bit quicker,” Louis remarks, “I have to kick your sorry asses in FIFA,” he smiles, getting out his keys as he’s walking toward the car. They all follow, still bickering and laughing.

 

“In your dreams, Tomlinson! Everyone knows I’m the best,” Niall shouts. “I’ll make you cry, I swear.”

 

Louis rolls his eyes playfully, grabs Niall on the back of the neck, squeezing a little bit too harshly but Niall seems to be okay with it.

 

Around midnight Louis tells Harry and the others that he needs to leave. When Jonny asks him why, Louis doesn’t tell him, he only gives very vague information but the boy doesn’t ask further. Harry wants to know too but he also knows that Louis wouldn’t tell them the truth anyways and he doesn’t want to ruin the atmosphere which is better than he would have ever thought. After Louis has left, Niall stays with Jonny and Harry for one more hour until everyone gets tired. Niall goes back to his room and Jonny crawls into bed with Harry. He rolls over and goes to sleep, while Harry is on his phone. Just as he’s about to put it away, he gets a text from Louis.

 

“T _onight was cool. I had fun.”_

_“I’m really glad you had fun. :)”_ Harry texts back.

 

Surprisingly, Louis sends “ _Is it always like that?”_ a few seconds later.

 

“ _It is. You’re always welcome to hang out with us again, if you like.”_ Harry doesn’t get an answer right away so he decides to switch off his phone.

 

***

 

When Jonny is getting ready to leave, Harry is texting. Jonny shoves him in the arm. “Oh, who are you texting so furiously over there?” he teases.

 

Harry looks up and flushes a bit at being caught. “Just texting Louis,” he answers, trying to sound bored.

 

Jonny smiles at Harry. “What’s he up to today? Is he coming by?” he asks, wiggling his eyebrows at Harry. Harry stays quiet and just gets red in the face. It takes Jonny a second but then his eyes get wide. “Shit, Harry, you really like him?! You really do!”

 

“It’s not like that,” Harry tells his friend.

 

“Of course it’s not,” his friend states, not looking as if he believed his words.

 

“I thought you liked him too,” Harry says, trying to change the topic.

 

Jonny finishes packing his bag. “I did like him. He’s pretty cool. Looks a bit rough, but seems like a good lad.” Harry smiles despite himself. “And Niall is hilarious. He’s just like you described him to me but . . . how come you didn’t tell me anything about Louis?”

 

Harry picks at his fingernails to not look at Jonny. “Louis and I only recently got to be friends. I’m still figuring him out.” Once again, Jonny doesn’t look like he believes Harry at all, but doesn’t say anything.

 

Jonny zips his bag and then the friends leave. They grab a small lunch from the bakery next to the train station and Harry hugs Jonny before he gets on his train. “I’ll have to come back and visit soon. I had a lot of fun, Haz,” Jonny says as he’s hugging his friend.

 

Harry wraps his arms around him. “You’re welcome anytime. Say hello to your mom for me!” Jonny rolls his eyes but smiles as he’s getting on the train.


	18. An Unexpected Guest

After Jonny’s train has left, Harry walks back to the dorm with his hands in his pockets. He thinks about the conversation with Jonny this morning and the one with Louis the night before. It all swirls around in his brain and he decides that he needs to talk to someone about it. He knows he can’t talk to Louis about his feelings. First, he doesn’t want to ruin the friendship they’ve built so far and second, Louis hasn’t reacted to Harry’s letter yet. They haven’t talked about it in particular and maybe that’s a sign that Louis doesn’t feel the same about their relationship. If Louis wanted to talk to Harry, he would have told him probably but he hasn’t. Maybe Louis didn’t read everything he wrote in the letter? Maybe he forgot about it? Harry sighs. His feelings confuse him so much, Louis confuses him so much. It’s weird that although he’s being mean and rude almost all the time, Harry kind of likes being near him. Harry would like to know how Louis feels about him. He would like to know his opinion about their relationship. There’s just one person in the world who knows him better than anyone, Dawn. So Harry pulls out his phone to send her a text. He ignores that Louis told him not to talk about private things to her.

 

“ _Is Louis working today?”_

 

“ _No not today. Why? What’s up, kiddo?”_ Dawn sends back.

Although he’s not in a good mood, Harry smiles at the term. “ _Can I come by? I’ll tell you later.”_

Dawn agrees and instead of heading back to the dorm, Harry catches the bus down to the studio.

 

Once he gets there, Dawn is smoking outside the studio. When she sees him, she puts her cigarette out immediately, walks toward him, opens her arms and pulls Harry close. She wraps him up in a big hug and Harry feels safe and welcome. “Thank you,” Harry mumbles into her hair.

 

Dawn pulls back and caresses his shoulder. “No need to thank me kid, it’s fine. Do you wanna go inside or should we go somewhere else?”

 

Harry pushes his hair back. “Maybe somewhere else?” he asks quietly as if the question wasn’t appropriate. Louis could come by anytime and that’s absolutely not what he wants. Even though he texted Harry an hour ago, saying he was going back to sleep.

 

“It’s time for my lunch anyway,” Dawn adds. “Let me grab my stuff and we can head out. My colleague can run the show for the next couple of hours.”

 

Harry nods. He waits outside the studio for her, rocking back and forth on his toes. He breathes out a sigh of relief when she comes back out the door. Louis is nowhere to be seen. “There’s a small café around the block, not far from here,” Dawn tells Harry. “You will love it. They also offer lunch and of course lots of tasty pastries, cakes and cupcakes.”

 

 It takes them only a few minutes until Harry spots a cute café at a street corner close to Dawn’s tattoo studio. She opens the door for Harry and leads him inside. It’s not too busy but there are enough people to give them a semblance of privacy. They order coffees and cupcakes, and Dawn insists on paying. Once they’ve sat down, she leans over to Harry. “Okay love, tell me. What’s the matter?”

 

Harry sips his coffee while he gathers his thoughts together. “Do you know Julie?” he asks.

 

Dawn frowns a little and gives him a confused look. “I think I saw her only once. Why?”

 

Harry takes a deep breath then continues. “I was just curious. Have you met a lot of his ex- girlfriends?” The word “ex-girlfriend” tugs at his heart in an uncomfortable way.

 

Dawn raises an eyebrow at that. “Uh, a couple. They never last long, though. Louis isn’t really big on dating, you know.” She shrugs and presses her lips together. Harry looks a little shaken at that; he knew it, but hearing it confirmed makes him feel uncomfortable. “Why are you asking?”

 

Harry turns red and looks down at the table. He starts picking at the cupcake on his plate and sighs. “I feel . . . um . . . I feel kind of stupid because . . . um . . . I mean, I haven’t really talked to anyone else about this . . . but . . . um . . . I . . . I have been thinking about this a lot . . . um . . . I mean . . . um . . . not a whole lot yet because it’s weird and . . . and . . . I don’t know . . . how to-,” he stammers as a lump builds in his throat. He’s nervous.

 

Dawn takes his hand in hers. “Harry, honey . . . spit it out already. Just tell me,” she says softly.

 

Harry swallows around the lump in his throat. “I . . . I think I like Louis.” There. He said it. He lets out a breath he was holding.

 

Dawn doesn’t look surprised. “Okay? Is that all?” she asks, still holding Harry’s hand. The boy bows his head. “Harry . . . look at me.”

 

Dawn smiles at him. “Do you think I haven’t noticed?”

 

Harry’s eyes get really wide and he suddenly starts thinking of what Louis could know. He wrote about his feelings in the letter but he didn’t write down _everything_. “But what if he-” he starts to say, but Dawn cuts him off.

 

“I don’t think he has noticed,” she smiles and takes her hand away. “Harry . . . the way you look at him, the way you talk to him . . . it’s sweet and it’s obvious that you like him.”

 

Harry goes quiet. He pushes his hair back and rubs his face. “You don’t think it’s weird?”

 

Dawn shakes her head.

 

“I’m so embarrassed,” Harry says and lets out a watery laugh. He looks out the window as he can feel tears welling in his eyes. “It’s stupid, isn’t it?” he whispers.

 

Dawn cocks her head to the side. “Why do you think it’s stupid?”

 

“Why would he be interested in me? I mean . . . I’m not a girl. I’m not as cool like he is. I’m very emotional, I don’t drink and I don’t like parties as the ones he likes and his friends don’t like me. On top of all of that, his dad . . . Chad, his dad . . . he scares me every time he touches me, and sometimes I wonder if Louis even likes me at all.” By now, tears are falling down his cheeks and he’s biting his lip.

 

“Wait, what did you say about his dad?” Dawn cuts in, suddenly frowning harder. “He touches you?!”

 

“He does,” Harry says and bows his head, “and . . . he scares me.” Harry’s voice is low. Dawn just looks at him but stays quiet. Harry takes a deep breath before he talks. “Every time I see him he touches my hair and . . . my face and he calls me “pretty” and stuff,” Harry says in a soft voice, barely audible.

 

Dawns eyes go wide and her mouth falls open. “What the fuck?” She’s clearly shocked. “Are you serious? And what did Louis do?”

 

“The first time he didn’t do anything. But last time, he got in his face and told him to leave me alone.”

 

Dawn lets out a growl. “He’s such an ass,” she fumes, banging her fist down on the table. “Louis told me his dad was a dick but it seems he left a few details about.” Harry nods but doesn’t know what to say. “Have you ever talked to him about his dad?”

 

“A little bit yes and I guess that’s why he got in his face last time but . . . um . . . I didn’t think he was really listening.”

 

“Well, Louis can be of a dick himself. That’s why I think he needs someone like you in his life.”

 

Harry gives her a questioning look.

 

She squeezes his hand again. “He needs you. He needs someone who is sweet and gentle with him. You treat that boy way better than he deserves most of the time. No one else in his life is gonna do that for him, I guess.”

 

Harry feels like he might cry again, but this time it’s for Louis. The two of them are quiet for a few moments, sipping their coffee and eating their cupcakes.

 

“So, you really like him, huh?” Dawn asks after a couple of minutes and her mouth quirks up in a smile. Harry doesn’t say anything in reply because he doesn’t want to expose himself. He can already feel his cheeks getting hot. He buries his face in his hands, looking down. “It’s okay if you do, Harry. There’s nothing wrong with that,” Dawn tells him, gently caressing his arm.

 

“I don’t know what to do,” Harry admits sadly, rubs his face and looks out of the window.

 

“Maybe you shouldn’t do anything. Just let things happen as they will,” Dawn suggests, finishing off her coffee. Harry sighs and nods. “Would you like to come back to the studio with me? You can organize the binders for me again if you like.”

 

Harry smiles but shakes his head. “Thank you, but I think I’m going to go back home. Thanks for listening to me, though.”

 

“You’re welcome, darling,” she answers as she’s holding up her arm to call the waitress. Dawn insists of paying for Harry before they leave. Outside, she hugs the boy and pinches his cheek, making him grumble.

 

At home, Harry writes his thoughts down in his diary. Once he’s finished, he sets it aside and lays down, ending up falling asleep. All of a sudden, there’s a loud knock on his door, startling him awake. Harry blinks and rubs his eyes before heading to the door. The boy switches on the fairy lights near his bed to light up the room a little bit, enough for him to see, and opens the door. Louis is standing there, tense and angry looking.

 

“Louis?” Harry asks surprised. The older boy doesn’t answer. He glares at Harry for a second then stomps inside, his fists clenched down at his sides. “Louis, what’s wrong?” Harry tries again but doesn’t get an answer. Instead, Louis starts pacing the length of the room. He’s in a ripped t-shirt and joggers, his hair messy like he just woke up. Harry goes and sits on his bed, just watching him pace silently.

 

“I could fucking kill that damn asshole!” Louis growls out angrily. He kicks out at Harry’s bedframe what startles the younger boy. He gasps, pulls his limbs close and grabs his stuffed bear, squeezing it tight in his hand. He flinches when Louis looks at him with his dark, angry eyes. Harry cringes. He presses the teddy closer to his body, resting his chin on its head.

 

Louis breathes a couple more times before he sits down on the bed, his elbows resting against his knees and hands folded together. Louis doesn’t say anything for a while. He just sits there, staring at the floor.

 

Harry doesn’t know what to do. He just watches Louis sitting there in silence. After a while, he puts the bear away and knee-walks over to Louis to rest his hand on his shoulder. Louis looks up at him, then at the hand on his shoulder, and then back at Harry. Harry pulls away, thinking that Louis doesn’t like it. The younger boy clasps his hands together and rests them between his knees.

 

“Do you want to talk?” he asks softly.

 

Louis turns toward him and opens his mouth, letting out a breath. Then he gets to his feet and makes a frustrated sound. He slams his hands down on Harry’s desk what makes Harry flinch again.

 

“You’d never believe what my fucking shitbag of a father did!” Louis says angrily. “He told me that he wasn’t going to pay me for all the fucking work I do for him and said he’s not going to pay for school for me anymore. He also told me I have two weeks to get my shit out of his house or he’ll call the police on me for trespassing. What the fuck is that? I’ve wasted years of my life doing shit for him, and this is what I get!” Louis hisses. He grabs the mug from the desk and within seconds, he throws it on the ground.

 

“What are you doing?” Harry yells as the mug scatters into pieces.

 

Louis seems to remember where he is when he looks down at the pieces at his feet. His eyes go wide and he looks at Harry with a shocked expression which doesn’t stay there long. He gets angry again as he frowns. “It’s just . . . I hate him so much! He always does this shit to me, to everyone! Fuck!” Louis leans against the wardrobe and slides down, banging his fist against the floor.

 

Harry looks at him at first but then he gets up and walks over to Louis, sitting down next to him and wrapping one arm around his shoulders to pull him close. Louis is stiff but Harry keeps him tight against his body, rubbing his shoulder softly. “I’m sorry,” he almost whispers as he leans his head against Louis’. “That’s terrible but . . . if you like . . . we’ll figure this out together.” Louis doesn’t respond but he also doesn’t pull away. Eventually, Louis relaxes and he lets Harry comfort him. Harry talks quietly, repeating his words again and rubbing Louis’ shoulder.  

 

They sit together like that for a couple of minutes but after a while, Louis tenses up. Harry moves a little bit away and Louis gets up. He takes a step back toward the door and runs his fingers through his hair. “I have to go,” he says, walks toward the door and leaves.

 

Harry stares at the door, unable to process what just had happened. He feels a bit cold where Louis was pressed up against him. With a sigh, he gets to his feet and walks over to the window from where he can see Louis is standing outside, smoking a cigarette. The boy keeps taking nervous pulls and lights another one up as soon as he’s finished with the first cigarette. Harry wrinkles his nose; he doesn’t think Louis should be smoking that much. Harry sighs as he watches Louis. Why has he left? Harry sits down on his bed, thinking about what he might have done wrong. He thought that it was going well but Louis got up and practically ran away again. Harry lies down and continues wracking his brain, trying to figure out what might have upset Louis. Suddenly, the door opens again and Louis comes back into the room, leaning against the door once it’s closed. Harry is surprised; he didn’t expect Louis to come back at all and this time he doesn’t really mind that Louis didn’t knock. He’s used to it anyway. Harry jerks forward but doesn’t get up. Instead he stays kneeling on the bed.

 

“Louis?” he asks softly.

 

“Don’t,” is all Louis answers as he holds his hand up. He looks at the ground, folding his arms across his chest. Harry isn’t sure what to do. He wants to help Louis, but Louis seems dismissive and closed off and the situation itself is frustrating. But Harry can’t just sit there without talking to him.

 

“Do . . . do you want to play video games? Maybe?” he asks, trying to distract Louis but the older boy just shakes his head, and Harry lets out a sigh. There’s a pause. “Why did you come back, then?” Harry’s wringing his hands and he looks down at them instead of looking at Louis. There’s a beat of silence between them before Louis answers.

 

“I’m not sure why I did,” Louis blurts out. He pushes off the door and walks toward the bed, sitting down next to Harry. They don’t touch, but Harry feels better just having him close by.

 

“I need a few minutes,” Louis says, leaning forward. He rests his elbows on his knees and runs his fingers through his tousled hair as he’s staring at the floor. Harry pulls his knees to his chest and wraps his arms around them while he waits for Louis to say something. “I’m not used to this,” the boy mutters finally and gestures between the two of them.

 

Harry shakes his head, not understanding. “What do you mean?” he asks, voice gentle.

 

Louis blows out a breath and finally looks up at Harry. “This. All of this.”

 

“Friendship?” Harry is frowning but still doesn’t get it.

 

“Yeah . . . no . . . I mean, um . . . I guess?” Louis tries to explain, getting frustrated with himself. “My friends would never do this. We hang out, we get fucked up, and that’s it. We don’t talk about shit and feelings and . . . all that.”

 

It finally dawns on Harry what he means. “Oh,” is all he manages to say. What Louis said makes him sad, because he thinks nobody should ever feel that way. Harry tries to find the words to say, but before he can, Louis’ phone goes off. The noise startles them both. Louis picks up his phone. He glances back and forth between Harry and the phone, before finally putting it back down on the bed.

 

“Is everything okay?” Harry asks, trying not to pry.

 

Louis is frowning at where he put the phone on the bed. “It is now, I suppose,” is all he says.

 

They talk a little bit, as darkness starts to fill the room. Eventually, Harry shifts and lays down on the bed, fluffing his pillow and getting comfortable on his side, facing Louis. Louis watches him and they keep talking until the only light on is the streetlight outside his window. Harry starts getting tired and starts rambling to him about his friends back home. Louis turns to face him, pulling his leg up and relaxing a little bit more. He asks short questions, and Harry can tell he’s trying to understand. Finally, Louis shifts and lays down on the bed too, arms tucked behind his head. He’s quiet, but Harry keeps rambling as he watches Louis. He’s lit up from the light outside and Harry takes a moment to appreciate how pretty Louis is. The boy’s eyes are closed. His eyelashes are thin, long and look cute. His breaths are even and eventually, Harry’s words trail off. He curls up and scoots closer to Louis, so that they’re barely touching. Louis lets out a soft, content sigh without opening his eyes. Harry feels warm and he smiles at the cute sound. It seems like Louis is falling asleep and soon, Harry does too.


	19. A Cry For Help

Harry wakes up before Louis the next morning. He quickly notices that he’s pressed against Louis’ side, almost spooning but their bodies are barely touching. Harry remembers the pleasant feeling from yesterday and again, the feeling makes Harry’s insides feel rather warm to have Louis that close, even if it’s just a little bit. That’s why the boy doesn’t move. He doesn’t want to disturb Louis because he doesn’t want make him move away. Harry closes his eyes again, concentrating on Louis’ closeness. If he could only scoot closer to him without being too obvious!   


It takes a little while until Louis moves in bed. He stretches and yawns, then rubs his face. Harry can feel him turning around, scooting further away from him before he gets up from the bed. Harry turns around and watches the older boy walking toward the door. Why is he always walking away from him? Louis doesn’t turn around and Harry doesn’t dare to say anything. He just squeezes his eyes shut until he hears the door close. Harry sighs and runs his hand across the warm spot where Louis had just laid. The boy is pretty sure that Louis won’t come back. This thought lets the feeling of disappointment wells up inside of him. As he’s about to fall asleep again, the door opens suddenly. It’s still a little bit dark in the room but Harry can see the shape of Louis moving toward him what makes his heartbeat increase immediately. Harry is surprised to see him again but he prefers not to talk. The boy pretends to be asleep when Louis climbs back into bed. Although he has moved further away, Harry is happy that he’s there. Harry can feel Louis being tense at first but finally his body starts to relax back into the sheets.

 

After a few minutes, Harry moves a little bit, yawns and stretches like he just woke up. “Good morning,” he says quietly, rolling over to face Louis. Louis looks at him for a short moment, eyes unreadable. Then he shifts onto his back and tucks his arms behind his head. “Did you sleep okay?” Harry tries again.

 

Louis hums in agreement. He doesn’t look at Harry but turns to the left to pick up his phone from the floor and starts scrolling through his messages. He turns to lie on his back again and   listens to the voicemail while he’s trying to lower the tone. Harry can still hear snippets of the voicemail and realizes it’s Julie. She’s crying and brokenly trying to explain something. It makes Harry sit up in alarm, but Louis looks like he doesn’t seem disturbed it at all. He doesn’t even listen to the whole message and tosses his phone onto the floor again.

 

“What happened?” Harry asks quietly, not really expecting an answer. He looks at Louis who is staring at the ceiling. “That was Julie, right?”

 

Louis shrugs and folds his arms behind his head again. “Yeah, it was her but it’s nothing really. She’s always exaggerating.”

 

Harry crosses his arms across his chest. “It didn’t sound like she’s exaggerating.”

 

“You don’t know her like I do,” is all Louis says as he’s closing his eyes like the discussion is over.

 

Harry stays quiet for a while and Louis doesn’t talk either. “Louis?” Harry says into the dark after a pause but Louis doesn’t respond. “Louis,” he repeats, shaking Louis’ shoulder a little. “Don’t fall back asleep! Something could be really wrong! I’m worried about her. Please?”

 

Louis opens his eyes and turns his head, looking at Harry. He lets out an annoyed sigh. “Seriously?” he asks, frowning. “It’s seven in the morning. Can’t this wait until later?”

 

“Let me hear it. Please?”

 

“Fine.” Louis grabs his phone from the floor and tosses it at Harry. “Knock yourself out.” Louis rolls over and closes his eyes again, like he’s going back to sleep. Harry leans  his head against his huge pillow that’s put between the wall and him as he listens to the voicemail. It’s a lot of crying and a lot of garbled words, and the sound of people in the background. It takes Harry a couple of listens before he realizes what’s going on.

 

“ _Louis please I need you,”_ she pleas and then cries. “ _Louis please I can’t deal with him right now he won’t leave me alone!”_ Her voice sounds desperate. There’s a muffled sound. “ _Stop. It’s fine. Please. Don’t! Fuck. I’m-,”_ and then the call goes dead.

 

Harry starts to panic and he shakes Louis awake again. “Louis! Did you hear that? I think Julie’s in real trouble!” He gets out of bed and starts getting dressed, taking his pajamas off in the dark and hurrying to find clothes. “We need to go help her!” Harry finishes getting dressed as he realizes that Louis hasn’t budged. “What are you doing?! Get up! We need to go!” Harry practically yells. Louis still doesn’t get up. The younger boy lets out a growl and pulls the covers off of Louis. “Come on!” he says impatiently. Louis growls but sits up and scowls at Harry, rubbing his eyes.

 

“She called me about three hours ago,” he says lazily. “It’s probably fine now.”

 

Harry is still running about the room, grabbing clothes for Louis to borrow before throwing them at him. “Will you chill out? Jesus, you’re giving me a headache just looking at you!” Louis groans and hits his forehead with his hand before he bends down and supports the weight of his head with his hands, resting his elbows on his knees.

 

Harry stops and throws his arms up in the air. “How are you not panicking? Didn’t you listen to the message? She’s clearly in trouble and she needs our help!” Harry yells. It’s early in the morning and everyone else is asleep but he doesn’t care.

 

“Are you insane? Stop yelling!” Louis hisses.

 

“Louis!” Harry whines. He walks toward him, touches both of his shoulder with his hands and shakes him again. “Come on!”

 

Louis raises an eyebrow. “Fine. We’ll go. But not now, okay? It’s too fucking early to be dealing with this shit,” he shakes his head and huffs. “The sun isn’t even up.”

 

Harry grabs his hair and lets out an annoyed sound. “We can’t sit here and do nothing!” Finally he sighs and folds his arms. “Okay, look. That message sounds urgent and it’s obvious that she’s in trouble, possibly danger! We have to go, Louis. We have to. If you come now, I’ll buy you whatever you want from McDonalds. Or Starbucks. Or both. I don’t care. Whatever you want, as much as you want but come on, move!” Harry yells.

 

Louis looks like he’s thinking about it, before he nods. Harry motions at him to get dressed, turning around to get his bag. When he turns back, Louis is still changing his clothes, but really slowly. Harry makes another annoyed sound. “Hurry up!”

 

“Jeez Harry, calm the fuck down!” Louis answers in an unfriendly tone. “Coffee first,” he says, “or I won’t come. Plus,” Louis adds, “I can’t function that early without coffee.”

 

Harry just walks toward the kitchen. “It’s so fucking early, you curly haired cunt,” Louis mutters angrily.

 

“What?” Harry yelps, his eyes opened in shock as he’s about to make Louis a coffee. How can he say such nasty things to him?

 

“Nothing,” Louis mutters as he’s looking out of the window.

 

***

 

When they walk out of the building, Louis is still complaining about how early it is and that he’s sure it wouldn’t be necessary to go there. Harry ignores Louis’ complaints. “For such a tough guy you’re quite whining a lot!” he remarks.

 

Louis frowns at Harry’s comment but when Harry gives him a small smile Louis’ facial features ease a little. He presses his lips together and pushes Harry’s head playfully to the side. It’s nice to laugh together for a couple of moments before they both get serious again.  

 

“Do you think we should call first?” Harry asks Louis who’s unlocking his car. Louis just shrugs as he’s sitting down in the seat, not acting interested in his question anyway. Harry pulls out his phone and calls Julie but there’s no answer; instead it goes straight to voicemail. Harry bites his lip and clutches the phone tight in his hand. “Why doesn’t she answer the phone?” he mumbles to himself and tries to call the girl again. “Come on Julie, answer your phone,” he mumbles over and over again until Louis cuts him off. He grabs the phone and throws it in the backseat.

 

“You seriously need to chill out,” Louis says annoyed. “You’re not making anything better by freaking out and all you’re doing is making it worse. Calm the fuck down.”

 

Harry looks shocked for a moment but then realizes that Louis is probably right. He gives him a shaky smile and takes a deep breath, pulling his sleeves up over his hands to give himself something to do. “Sorry,” he says softly, leaning his head against the window.

 

“Stop worrying about everyone,” Louis says. His tone is a little bit friendlier. “I can’t believe I’m sitting here with you and hell you owe me for dragging my ass out of bed this early by the way.” Louis shakes his head and rubs his eyes.

 

Thanks to the empty streets and Louis’ way too fast drive they arrive quickly at their destination. Louis parks the car directly in front of Julie’s apartment building, neither of them speaking. Harry begins to have second thoughts about this as they walk but he stays quiet. Harry suddenly starts wondering if maybe Louis was right. What if Harry actually made him mad for no reason? The thoughts make his stomach hurt a little because they had been having a good morning and Harry likely ruined it with his worrying. It felt so good waking up with Louis, and they probably would have hung out for most of the day but now that they’re here, Harry has no hope that it will happen. This fact makes him sad but Julie needs him, Julie needs help and that’s more important right now. As they’re walking toward the apartment, Louis is clearly in a bad mood and it doesn’t seem to get any better. So much for their nice day together. Maybe Louis doesn’t even like him anymore and once they leave, they won’t speak again.

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-” Harry starts talking.

 

“You’re doing it again,” Louis interrupts as they walk up the stairs. Harry snaps his mouth shut and doesn’t say anything else, quietly following Louis. When they’re upstairs, Harry knocks on Julie’s door. No one answers. “Nobody would hear this,” Louis growls and knocks harder the second time, pretty much pounding it with his fist. Harry is afraid he’s going to break down the flimsy door.

 

“Maybe she’s not home. Should we come back later?” Harry asks tentatively.

 

“Are you serious? You dragged me all the way here and now you want to come back later? Fuck that!” Louis pulls out his debit card and shoves it between the doorframe and the door, jiggling it until the lock gives. Harry looks stunned, with his mouth hanging open.

 

“What are you doing? This is illegal!” he nearly whispers in shock, looking over his shoulder like he expects someone to catch them.

 

“So? You said you wanted in, so I got you in,” Louis says dryly, opening the door. “Quit complaining already.”

 

Harry quietly follows Louis inside although he feels that it’s wrong. The apartment is dark and quiet, until Harry flips the switch. The light comes on, and he gasps. The coffee table is overturned, coffee spilled out all over the carpet. The sofa has been moved and one of the shelves against the wall has been knocked over. Books are spread across the floor and some of Julie’s knickknacks are on the floor too, some of them are broken and a cute little lamp that has the shape of a flamingo is cracked down the middle. “What the fuck!” Louis yells. Harry gasps, clasping his hands in front of his mouth because he wasn’t expecting this scene because he wasn’t expecting that mess in front of him. He starts calling out Julie’s name and looking into all the rooms, seeing if maybe she’s hiding but he Julie doesn’t seem to be in the apartment. “Do you think she was robbed? Or kidnapped?”

 

“She wasn’t kidnapped, don’t be stupid. Who would want to kidnap her?” Louis snaps, but it’s clear he’s not as calm about this as he’s pretending to be.

 

“I’m sorry,” Harry whispers, looking down at his feet.

 

Louis sighs. He walks over to Harry and pats his arm. “No, don’t apologize. You don’t need to do that all the time, okay? Just . . . I need you to stop freaking out. That’s not going to fix anything.”

 

Harry sighs audible. Louis is right here. Harry nods, feeling oddly calmed by Louis’ words. “Where do we look next? Do you know where she could be?”

 

Louis runs his hand through his hair. “There was probably a party last night. Let’s go over to look for her,” Louis suggests, leaving the apartment. Harry follows.

 

They walk over to the club quickly where Louis pulls out his keys. Harry’s stomach clenches as they enter. It’s dark in there and obviously there’s nobody inside because it’s so early probably and everyone is at home or sleeping upstairs. Harry doesn’t feel well at all but he tries not to show it. Louis leads Harry up the stairs to see if the girl is in his room, but the door is locked as he left it. The boy opens it anyway and looks around. Nothing has been touched since he left, so he closes the door again and they keep looking. Harry turns around, grabbing the fabric of Louis’ sweater because he’s afraid of whatever will happen. He notices a door that’s cracked open at the end of the hallway, light filtering out onto the dirty carpet. He tugs at Louis’ sweatshirt, pointing to the door. Louis doesn’t say anything but nods. He gives Harry a sign to follow him.

 

Harry draws back and stays close behind Louis out of fear but Louis doesn’t react. He pushes the door open, Harry following him. What he sees shocks Harry very much. Julie is laying on the dirty sofa. She seems to be asleep but the bruises on her face, wrists and neck indicate something else might have happened. Her dress is ripped and stained with dirt and coffee. Her hair is messy and unruly, and her makeup is smeared. Harry covers his mouth and has to blink back tears because of what he sees. He knows scenes like this one from the movies only but this is reality. Louis frowns and narrows his eyes as he looks around the room. As they move in, Harry immediately falls to his knees next to the sofa, gently touching her face.

 

“Julie . . . Julie, wake up, please,” he whispers, trying to shake her awake without hurting her more. He takes her hand and lifts it to his face. She’s cold, but he can feel her pulse in her wrist, which makes him lean down to listen to see if she’s still breathing. Her chest is rising and falling, much to his relief. “Thank god, she’s still breathing,” he whispers as he turns his head toward Louis. “I think she’s just unconscious.”

 

“Stop being dramatic,” Louis says dryly, a frown on his face. He looks around the room for a second and motions for them to leave.

 

Harry grabs Julie and lifts her arm over his shoulder, and to his surprise, Louis takes her other arm and does the same thing. They carry her out into the hallway, where suddenly a tall, broad figure appears out of the dark. Harry flinches slightly and feels a choking sensation that lets his heartbeat increase. He grabs Louis’ sweatshirt with his left hand and tightens his grip. The man looks like Louis’ dad. It seems as if he had already been waiting there for them. He’s wearing a white tank top and grey, worn jogging pants. He’s a little sweaty, like he just came back from a run. His eyes are cold and hard as he walks up toward them.

 

“Oh, you found her!” he remarks. “That’s good. Poor thing got herself into some trouble last night, as you can see. Thank goodness I was there to help her, right?” he says with an evil smile. The smile makes Harry’s skin crawl unpleasantly. If Louis wasn’t here, he would have already run away as quickly as possible. 

 

“What happened to her?” Louis demands forcefully. “Her apartment was all fucked up and then I find her here, on your sofa, covered in bruises? Why is that?”

 

Chad holds his hands up. “Hey now, I wouldn’t know anything about that. Besides, you know as well as I do what a bad neighborhood this is. Anything can happen,” he says in a patronizing tone. Louis still doesn’t look like he believes him, staring into his eyes. Then Louis motions to Harry to continue and tilts his head toward the staircase but Chad suddenly grabs Louis’ arm violently, holding him back.

 

“Didn’t I tell you that you weren’t welcome back here anymore? I think I remember discussing that with you a few days ago. Did you come to get your shit? I need that room ready as soon as possible because I have a new employee starting and she needs a place to stay.” There’s no emotion in his flat voice which makes Harry angry and brave all of a sudden.

 

“I think we have more important things to worry about right now,” he snaps. Louis stares at Harry in shock and so does his dad. It takes him about two seconds to process Harry’s words but then he comes closer, his facial futures become stiff again and he reaches out his hand to touch Harry’s face again. The boy jerks back and glares. “Looks like pretty kitty has claws, I’m impressed,” Chad says with an ugly smile. 

 

Louis doesn’t respond. He turns toward the staircase, ignoring his father and Harry does the same. All he hopes is that they can just leave without further distractions. “Fucking wankers,” Chad hisses but he doesn’t follow. Louis and Harry walk Julie down the stairs and out of the house carefully to where the car is parked.

 

Once they have the girl situated in the backseat, Louis folds his arms and smirks. “Damn Harry . . . I didn’t know you had it in you!”

 

Harry flushes a little but doesn’t look at him. He tucks a stray pillow under Julie’s head and covers her with his sweater. “He shouldn’t talk to you like that,” Harry says as he’s putting the belt around Julie. “Neither of you deserve that,” he says and juts his chin out toward Julie.

 

Louis doesn’t respond. He gets into the front seat and waits for Harry to sit down too. The boy pulls out his phone. “Do you think we could ask Dawn for help?” Harry asks. Louis only nods and makes a move for Harry to call her. Harry asks her if they could bring Julie to the tattoo studio and Dawn promises to be there as soon as possible.

 

The ride is quiet most of the time until Louis turns toward Harry. “That was pretty badass of you to contradict him the way you did,” Louis tells Harry. He smirks again so that the crinkles by his eyes show. Harry likes that look on Louis because it makes him look kind of soft, in a way. “Well done, Sherlock. You were right,” he admits, ruffling through Harry’s hair quickly.

 

Harry shrugs, a little embarrassed by the sudden scrutiny from Louis. “Thank you for listening to me.” Louis nods but doesn’t respond. When they arrive at the studio, Dawn is already standing there, waiting for them.

 

“What the fuck?” she yells at Louis as he’s lifting the girl out of the seat. “For God’s sake Louis, what did you do to her?”

 

“Fuck off,” Louis snarls as he’s pulling Julie out of the car. “I didn’t do anything but of course you wouldn’t believe me.” Louis doesn’t wait for Dawn’s response. He carries Julie up the few steps and pushes the door to the studio open. He carries the girl into the room behind the counter top where he lays her on the sofa. Harry slightly touches Louis’ arm.

 

“It wasn’t Louis,” he tells Dawn. “We’re not sure what happened but I think it was Chad. She sent Louis a voicemail but didn’t answer our calls so we went to the club where we found her in a room,” Harry explains while Louis’ stiff body seems to relax a little bit. Harry is surprised that Louis hasn’t moved away from him by now.

 

Dawn’s eyes widen. “What has she to do with him in the first place?”

 

Louis shrugs. “We just found her,” he growls, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

 

“Can you show her the voicemail we got this morning?” Harry asks Louis. Louis looks at Harry as if he doesn’t want to but then he decides to hand the phone to Dawn. She takes it and listens to the message, getting more and more upset as the voicemail plays. She hands Louis the phone back and shakes her head. Before Dawn can speak, Julie stirs and lets out a groan of pain as she starts to try and sit up. Dawn rushes to her side and starts caressing her forehead gently, while Harry kneels down next to the sofa to hold her hand. Louis leans up against the wall, watching them but keeping his distance.

 

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” she says softly. “You’re safe now. Your friends Harry and Louis brought you here.” Dawn looks at the girl and caresses her cheek with her index finger for a second. “My name is Dawn and you’re safe here.”

 

Harry is still kneeling next to the sofa, his left hand put on hers. “It hurts,” Julie whimpers.

 

“Looks like it, I’m sorry,” Dawn responds. “Where does it hurt?”

 

The girls nods, still a little out of it. “Everywhere,” she answers. “I have . . . painkillers in my . . . purse,” she says slowly, her eyes half closed. Then she grabs Harry’s arm. “Can . . . can you . . . you get my . . . purse?” Her voice is kind of sluggish. “Where . . . is . . .  my purse?”

 

Harry looks at Louis for a second, and then back at her. “I’m afraid it’s not here,” Harry answers.

 

Julie starts to cry. “I need . . . my purse. I had it . . . had it . . . with me . . . before!” She cuts off her own words with another whimper as Dawn comes closer to check on her bruises. Harry gets up and walks toward Louis.

 

“I bet it’s still in the room,” he whispers.

 

Louis frowns. “Yeah, yeah,” he says lazily. “We can go and have a look.” Louis doesn’t sound like he really wants this but Harry is glad he agreed on coming with him without discussing with him. Harry wouldn’t have walked back alone.

 

On their way to the club neither of them is really saying anything to the other. Louis leads Harry back up the stairs and toward the room where they found Julie. The door is still open but this time, Chad isn’t there. “You look by the sofa and I’ll look in the desk,” Louis tells Harry, who just nods. They spend the next few minutes searching around the room. Harry looks on the shelf near the door, finding nothing. Then he starts looking through the metal filing cabinets against the wall. He just finds a bunch of messily put together files and some random junk in the back of the drawers. Harry still can’t find anything, so he huffs out a frustrated breath and walks over to check under the sofa cushions and finally moves the sofa, finding Julie’s purse thrown carelessly behind it. He squeezes behind it and leans down to pick up all the contents of the purse, which have spilled out over the floor, probably when it was thrown behind there. It takes him another couple of minutes to gather everything up before he stands up, holding it in his hands. “The purse is here but not her phone,” he says.

 

Louis is still shuffling through the piles of papers on the desk, frowning as he sorts through the mess. The drawers are open and the desk chair has been pushed to the side. “How does anyone find anything in this fucking mess?” Louis growls out, slamming his fist against the desk top. It rattles the precarious piles of paperwork and it all falls to the floor. Louis curses again and drops to his knees. “Come help me over here,” he tells Harry, who also gets down on all fours to look through the mess. They shuffle through the pile of paper until Louis jolts up, holding a stapled pack of papers in his hand.

 

“What the fuck is this?” he mumbles. “This has Julie’s name on it.” Harry crawls over to kneel behind Louis and look over his shoulder. He tries to read but Louis is flipping through faster than he can keep up. “Please let me see,” he says and grabs Louis’ forearm to get him to stop him turning the pages. Louis shakes him off. “Later. Come on, we have to find her phone,” he demands.

 

They finally find the phone on the other side of the desk, lying on the floor next to the wall. Harry grabs it. “I’ve got it,” he yells out as he’s holding it up.

 

“Let’s get out of here, come on,” Louis says and hurries toward the open door. Harry puts the purse around his shoulders so that it touches his hip as he’s following Louis. “Walk quicker,” Louis hisses as they make their way down the stairs and across the main floor. Harry can feel his heartbeat rising so he nearly flies down the stairs next to Louis. He really doesn’t want to meet Chad again. Once they’re out of the club and down the street, they slow down a little and Louis stops pushing Harry out in front of him. They fall in step beside each other as they walk back to the tattoo studio in silence.

 

When they’re approaching the tattoo studio, Louis lets out a chuckle. “I do have to say, that purse really suits you,” he says, winking at Harry. It makes the boy’s face flame and he looks down at his feet as he pushes his hair behind his ear and bites his lip. Then, he feels Louis’ cool fingertips against his skin and he lifts his chin up, so that their eyes meet. “I was just teasing,” Louis says, voice just the faintest bit softer than it usually is. Harry’s afraid his heart is going to pound out of his chest because of the touch. He gives Louis a small, forced smile before they walk into the tattoo studio.

 

“We found the purse and the phone,” Harry says to Dawn who is sitting on an old armchair next to Julie. The girl is now sleeping. “I put the phone inside,” he tells her as he’s putting the purse on the floor next to Dawn.

 

“Thank you very much,” she says and nods. “If you like you can go now. I’ll be here anyway and l’ll let you know if anything changes.”

 

Harry thanks Dawn and hugs her goodbye. Then Louis and Harry leave and go back to the car. “Can we just go back to your place?”

 

Harry looks at Louis surprised and nods. He’s pleased about this suggestion but tries not to show his emotions too much because he’s afraid Louis could change his opinion. On the way to the dorm, the boys pass a McDonald’s restaurant. Louis suddenly turns into the parking lot. “I’m starving,” he comments as he parks the car next to the entrance. They get in line and order, but as Harry starts to pull his wallet out, Louis bumps him with his hip and hands the cashier his card.

 

“Don’t worry, I got this. You were right, after all and . . . yeah.” Louis smirks at Harry in a nice way which makes Harry’s tummy flutter a little. He pulls his shoulders up and gives Louis a small smile back. As they sit down to eat, Louis starts talking about the time when he made a bet with some of his friends that included eating as many burgers as they could. The story is quite gross but Harry is happy that Louis is talking to him at all. Then Harry chatters at Louis about he and his friends’ Saturday breakfast tradition and Louis just nods along. He doesn’t seem much interested in the conversation but he’s also not making fun of Harry.

 

Back at the dorm, Louis puts the papers on Harry’s desk before he walks out of the room. Harry really wants to know what’s written in the papers. He reaches out for them but hesitates for a second, pulling his hand back. It’s not really his to look at, and he’s afraid Louis might get angry if he’d catch him but then he remembers Louis saying he would show him later, so Harry makes up his mind to look anyway. He sits up a little bit more, crosses his legs as he starts to read.

 

“Harry?” Louis asks after a while. Harry didn’t even notice him coming back.

 

“Did you know about this?” Harry asks, not looking up from the packet.

 

“Know about what?”

 

“This contract. Did you know about it?”

 

Louis crosses his arms in front of his chest and leans back on the wall. “Not that it’s any of your fucking business, but no, I didn’t. I don’t know all the shit that goes in my dad’s business because he told me it wasn’t _my_ fucking business either.”

 

Harry starts to get upset, but takes a moment to collect himself. He sets the contract down in front of him. “Calm down, okay? I’m just asking,” he states, letting out a frustrated huff of breath. A few weeks ago he wouldn’t have dared to talk to Louis in that tone.

 

Louis stares at the younger boy for a moment, then starts pacing in front of the bed. After a minute or two, he drops his arms and sits down on the bed, next to Harry. “I know. Anyway, no, I didn’t know anything about this,” he repeats, his voice softer. “What does it say?” he asks, grabbing it from Harry to flip through it himself.

 

“From what I read, it looks like it’s a contract between Julie and your dad.” Harry bites his lip and drops his voice. “I think it’s . . . not good.”

 

Louis flicks through the contract, muttering under his breath. Harry leans close to hear what he is reading out loud to himself. “The stipulations of the loan include double interest . . . agreement about the apartment . . . living expenses compound interest by twenty percent, including medical care and contraceptives to be used on the part of the borrower . . . methods of repayment are to be discussed on a case by case basis . . . stipulations include inability to deny requests made on the part of the lender for a period of three years, pending possible renegotiations in the future.”

 

“What does that mean?” Harry asks, but he can feel his stomach sinking already. Silence stretches between them, until finally Louis speaks.

 

“It means that he can fuck her and do what he wants with her because he’s paying for her shit,” he says flatly. Hearing it spoken out loud shakes Harry to his core and he draws his legs up, resting his head on Louis’ shoulder for comfort.

 

“Why? Why would she do this?” he asks softly. He can feel himself start to tremble. Louis sighs and rests his head against Harry’s for a short moment.

 

“Because, Harry . . . sometimes people don’t have any other options.” Harry stays silent. “You might not know things like that but . . . when I first met Julie, she was already coming from a shitty household. Her dad beat her, her mom was an alcoholic and she lost all her friends when they found out about her family. That’s why she moved here and had nothing and no one.” He pauses and shakes his head. “She was always around the club. She was pretty, and that’s how I noticed her.” He doesn’t need to continue for Harry to understand.

 

Harry sniffles a little, hating that people he cares about have to live like that. “Does . . . does this happen a lot?”

 

Louis sighs and puts the papers aside. “I don’t know how it is where you’re from, but in that neighborhood . . . that’s how things are. People sell drugs, they sell their bodies for money and you just get by the best you can. You use people to get ahead and it doesn’t matter if you see them again or not. It fucking sucks, but that’s how it is. You learn to be like that, or you end up dead. Simple as that.”

 

“That’s horrible!” Harry exclaims, looking horrified. “I grew up in a small village, where everyone knew everyone and they all grew up together. We didn’t . . . we didn’t have anything like that. I mean, the most scandalous thing that happened was kids occasionally got caught with pot or stole chickens from behind the grocery store.”

 

Louis lets out a harsh chuckle. “Better watch out, you sound dangerous.” He nudges Harry with his elbow, and the two of them share a small smile. “If you only knew . . . you’d never survive there.”

 

“Yeah . . . I don’t think I would,” Harry answers honestly, playing with the end of the sheet. “I honestly don’t think I’d want to, though. And I really wish you and Julie didn’t have to, either.”

 

Silence falls between the two of them and the air is thick with tension. “It’s no wonder she felt like she did.”

 

Louis turns his head to look at Harry. “What do you mean?”

 

Harry sighs and looks down at his knees. “She just . . . she was really upset, you know? She said she needed to get away from you, from all of this because it was really hurting her. But she couldn’t. She said she was stuck here. Now, I understand why.” He lets out a breath and shakes his head. “I didn’t know what to tell her, especially about you.”

 

Louis’ eyebrows furrow and his mouth turns down. “What the hell do you mean, about me? I haven’t talked to her in weeks. I’ve been hanging out with you.”

 

 

 

Harry’s expression mirrors Louis’. “Can’t you see it? Can’t you see how much she likes you, how much she wants to be with you again? Louis, she’s infatuated with you, and you just . . . ignore her. Like she’s not even there, until there’s something you want from her.” It hurts him to say these words because he doesn’t want to think about what might happen if he does.

“Remember when we walked outside when we were at the club? She was crying over you,” he says, voice trailing off into a whisper. He swallows the lump in his throat and continues, “She had bruises, you know. All over her arms, like someone had pushed her around. I’m not stupid, but she kept lying to me about them. Told me she fell, she told me she tripped, that sort of thing. I didn’t know what to do or say.” He shrinks into himself, almost like he’s ashamed. “Now I know why,” Harry says, his voice low. “It doesn’t make it any better, but at least I know the reason now.” He sighs audibly. “I don’t know if I could do what she did, going through all this. I wouldn’t be strong enough. I’d probably run away or something, I don’t know.”

 

Louis is very still next to him. Harry thinks he might have made him angry, but Louis’ voice is soft when he speaks. “I . . . I never thought about that. She was just . . . there, you know? She was good for a fuck, and fun to party with. I never really thought about it beyond that,” he says flatly as if he didn’t care. Maybe he doesn’t.

 

Harry’s eyes well up, but he’s burning with anger. “She’s a _person_ , Louis. You can’t just treat people like that, no matter who it is. What if it was me? Would you treat me like that too?” Harry’s afraid of the answer he will get and he regrets what he has just said.

 

Louis tenses up. “It’s not like I know any better, all right? Fuck, you see what my dad is like, the people around me are like. How was I supposed to know that’s not how _you_ treat people, what the fuck!” He slams his fist against the headboard, making Harry jump. Harry’s diary falls and lands on the bed, but Louis doesn’t touch it or even acknowledge that it’s there. “You’re the first person with enough balls to call me out on my shit.” His voice is loud.

 

Harry buries his face into the palms of his hands. He’s not sure how he should take it. Louis just smirks at him and nudges his shoulder. “It wasn’t a compliment.”

 

Harry frowns as he’s looking at Louis. He grabs his diary and flips it open, turning to a certain page where he’d made a small drawing of Louis and jotted down a few lines. “Here. Read this,” he says, blushing a little bit as he’s handing him the book.

 

Louis grabs the diary from him. “Whatever,” he grumbles. He’s bracing himself, his body tense again like he knows he’s not going to like it. He reads it, his face softening as his eyes move down the page. “Really?” he asks when he’s finished.

 

Harry smiles sweetly at him and nods. “This is how I see you, when you’re being yourself. You can be such a good person, Louis. You just have to let yourself. And stop thinking that you don’t deserve to be, either.” He reaches out, tentatively, resting his hand on Louis’ knee. He glances up to make sure it’s okay. Louis doesn’t look angry or anything so Harry keeps it there.

 

“My mum would have loved you,” Louis says after a few moments. His voice is still soft, even though his body is still a little tense.

 

“Oh,” is all Harry says. Louis has never mentioned his mum. In fact, he has never talked about his family in general.

 

Louis nods. “She-,” he starts to say, but the sound of his mobile ringing cuts him off. He looks at it, frowns but presses the button to answer it. Before he can speak, a cold voice on the other line is yelling at him.

 

“You’d better have a damn good reason for why you went through my office!”

 

Louis clenches his jaw and takes a moment to reply. “Calm down you old wanker, okay?” he yells back. “I had to find Julie’s shit - it’s not like you were going to tell me where it was, Chad!” the older boy yells, a vain showing on his neck. It gets Harry every time he hears Louis talking to his dad, there’s no love between them, not the slightest feeling of being close. When Louis sits down on the bed again, Harry can hear Chad yelling at the other end.

 

“My office is not for you to go digging through and I don’t give a fuck if the Queen asked you to look! You don’t fucking touch my things you little shit!” he yells. “Maybe I should go in your room and fuck up your things, you think? Throw it all in the trash where it belongs because that’s what I’m going to do if you don’t get your sorry ass back down here and pick it all up in the next twenty minutes! I want you to get your shit and get the fuck out of my club and I don’t want to see you back in here or I’ll kill you!” The man’s voice is furious, beyond angry and if he was talking like that to Harry, he’s shit his pants probably.

 

The line goes dead all of a sudden. Louis growls and throws the phone on the floor. “I hate this fucking bastard!” he yells, his face getting red.

 

“Louis? Has he just . . . threatened you?” Harry asks, voice shaking a little bit.

 

“It wouldn’t be the first time,” Louis grits out, getting to his feet. He doesn’t look surprised by what happened, just resigned. “I’m leaving.”

 

As Harry is making a move to get up too, Louis holds his hand out to stop him. “You don’t have to come with me as it doesn’t concern you.”

 

“I’m not letting you go by yourself,” he replies, pushing Louis’ hand away from him.

 

“I don’t need you,” Louis says. Ouch. “Come on, you’re shaking like a leaf. Just let it go.”

 

Harry shakes his head again. “I _said_ I’m not letting you go by yourself. Am I scared? Yes. But I don’t want you there by yourself, not after what happened.”

 

Louis face softens a little and he chucks Harry’s chin with his fist affectionately. “All right, tough guy. Let’s go.” Harry smiles to himself as Louis walks toward the door. This was really cute. Harry grabs his keys and phone and hurries down the stairs with Louis. In the car, the older boy immediately lights up a cigarette. Harry wrinkles his nose but keeps his comments to himself as they start off. He drives like a crazy person as usual and that’s why they manage to get to the club in record time. There’s already people milling around, but Louis pays them no attention as he runs up the stairs, Harry trailing after him. Grabbing his keys, he unlocks the door and pushes it closed before anyone sees them. Thankfully, nothing has been touched, and Louis immediately starts shoving things into a duffle bag. While he’s packing, Harry notices a few slips of paper laying on the dirty floor. He leans down and picks them up, frowning when he notices the numbers and lipstick marks on them. They’re all varying degrees of vulgar, and Harry’s pretty disgusted by it. He crumples them in his fist, but he walks over to Louis and holds them out.

 

“Do you want to keep these?” he grumbles out, jealousy churning in his gut.

 

Louis looks them over and shakes his head. “Throw them in the trash.” Harry does so, almost gleefully. “Grab the stuff off the desk, will you? You can put it in here,” Louis says, tossing Harry a rucksack. The boy quickly shoves the few books and papers in the rucksack, moving over toward the windowsill. While he’s shoving the various things into the bag, he notices something shiny out of the corner of his eye. It’s a small, porcelain ballerina with soft, muted colors and clearly well-loved, if the tiny cracks are any indication. “This is beautiful,” Harry says reverently, picking it up with gentle hands. “What do you want me to do with it?”

 

Louis gets an odd look on his face for a moment before he shakes his head. “Put it in your pocket. I don’t want it to get crushed.” Harry does so, slipping it into the little white box it had been resting on.

 

They finish packing and grab the bags and boxes, wanting to get out as soon as possible. When they open the door, Louis’ dad is standing in the doorway, shark-like smile on his face. Harry lets out a squeak and nearly drops the bag he’s carrying.

 

“Looks like that’s everything. Do you need any help?”

 

“Not from you,” Louis barks as he shoves past him. Harry follows behind, careful to not touch Chad at all but the broad man blocks Harry’s path before he gets very far.

 

“A pretty thing like you has so many better uses than carrying bags for my shitbag son,” he says in an evil sweet voice. The sound makes Harry shudder as he’s trying to keep pushing past him so he doesn’t have to answer.

 

Finally, Louis turns around and grabs Harry’s arm to pull him behind him. “Don’t fucking talk to him like that!” he yells angrily.

 

“Oh, don’t be like that. It’s our last day together,” he says and grins at Louis who’s pulling Harry down the hallway. “By the way, where’s Julie? I haven’t seen her around, and I have some things to talk to her about,” he yells, letting out a fake laugh.

 

Louis’ shoulders tense and he drops his bags on the floor, storming back to where his dad is still standing. He grabs his shirt, pushes forward and gets into his face. “You leave Julie the fuck alone too, got it?” He’s beyond angry and if he talked to Harry like this, he’d be scared to death. “Understand? Leave. Her. The. Fuck. Alone! This fucking contract isn’t worth anything, I’ll rip that terrible thing in two!” Louis yells. “She’s not your slave you fucking asshole!” His voice nearly cracks at the end because he’s yelling so much. Forcefully, he shoves his father away.

 

Chad lets out a short laugh. “Silly boy, she knew what she was getting herself into. She signed on the dotted line, just like every other whore who needs something from me. She doesn’t get a free pass just because you’ve stuck your dick in her.” His smile is disgusting.

 

“You’re such a prick, what is wrong with you?” Louis mutters as he’s fiddling with his keyring until he has one key separated. “Thank fuck I don’t ever have to see you again, you and this shitty place that’s worth nothing,” he hisses as he throws the key at his dad and grabs Harry’s hand. “Come on, let’s get out of here!” he tells him and drags the boy away from the man.

 

“Never took you for a faggot, Louis - but I can’t blame you. I’d fuck this one too if I got the chance,” Chad yells as Louis and Harry are still walking down the hallway, toward the staircase.

 

This time, Harry turns around. “Say what you want, but you don’t even know your own son! He deserves so much better than this, than you!” Louis squeezes Harry’s hand and drags him down the stairs. They can both hear him cursing and something heavy hitting the door, but they don’t care enough to see what’s going on.

 

After they’ve put everything into the bunk, Louis lets out a relieved huff of breath. “Thank god that’s over,” he says and Louis gives Harry a hug. Harry is stunned for a moment but then he awkwardly returns it. He smiles into Louis’ shoulder and enjoys it for a moment, until Louis slaps him on the back and pulls away. “Thank you, for that,” Louis says, not looking at Harry. “You were very brave.”

 

“Thanks,” Harry replies and gets into the car.

 

When Louis starts it, he lets out a bitter chuckle. “Now what?”

 

Harry bites his lip. “You could . . . you could stay with me?” he says shyly.

 

Louis gives him a strange look. “Not forever! Just . . . as long as you want and need to stay. Until you get a place of your own, or find somewhere better,” Harry says, flushed.

 

They drive for a few minutes without talking. “Yeah, alright,” Louis tells Harry.

 


	20. Julie's Story

 

Once they get back to the dorm, Louis starts unpacking and Harry shows him where to put his things. He moves his own stuff around so that they have equal amounts of space. He slips the delicate ballerina doll out of his pocket and lets it sit on the desk up against some of his books. “Hungry?” he asks Louis, getting a short nod in reply. That’s why he goes to the kitchen and makes them both a few sandwiches with avocado, ham and boiled eggs, Harry’s favourites. Once he gets back to the room, they both start eating on the bed.

 

“So . . . do you think we should go see Julie later? Check on her?” Harry asks, taking a huge bite of his sandwich.

 

Louis shrugs. “Sure, whatever you want.”

 

“I would like to, yes,” Harry replies with his mouth full. “When we’ve finished eating. Or do you have other plans?”

 

Louis shakes his head. “It’s okay, it won’t take too long, will it?”

 

Harry shrugs. “I thought you didn’t have plans for today.”

 

“So what? But I don’t want to spend all my time checking on people.”

 

“Louis,” Harry says slowly, placing special emphasis on the name, “that’s not nice.”

 

“I’m not nice, you’ve already figured that out I guess,” Louis says seriously but immediately smirks and winks at Harry.

 

Harry smiles and shakes his head. “Of course you are nice, Louis. The question is if you want to show this trait to others or not.”

 

Louis just shrugs. After Harry has dropped off the dishes in the kitchen, they head to the car and Louis drives them to the tattoo studio. It’s open and relatively busy so Dawn just nods at them when they come in. Some of the customers tell Louis hi and he jerks his chin at them in greeting. Harry leads the way toward the breakroom, finding Julie seated on the sofa. She’s got her legs crossed and she’s covered with a blanket, sipping tea out of a chipped mug. She’s frowning, and her bruises are a mottled mix of purple, yellow, and blue. It makes Harry’s stomach clench to see her like that.

 

 

“Hi love,” the boy says to her and wraps his arms around her as gently as he can, so he doesn’t hurt her any further. He keeps her against him for a few seconds, before letting go and sitting down as close to her as he can. Harry lets his fingers run gently across her skin where it’s bruised and he starts to tear up. “Julie,” he says softly. “I’m so sorry.”

 

The girl bites her lip and looks down at her lap. “What are you sorry for, Harry? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

 

“Still. I . . . I didn’t know. I didn’t know that someone could hurt another person like that. You don’t deserve any of it.”

 

Julie lets out a bitter little laugh. “It’s not like I had another choice,” she replies, still not looking at him.

 

“It’s like I told you.” Harry looks up to where Louis is leaning against the wall near the door, his face expressionless. He pushes off and goes to sit down in one of the chairs across from the sofa. “We found your contract,” Louis tells Julie.

 

Julie’s eyes go wide and she sets the mug down on the table in front of her. She scrubs her hands across her face and lets out a sigh. She has leaned forward and Harry starts to rub along her back. “Don’t be afraid. You don’t have to go back again.”

 

“Yes, I do. Where else am I going to go?” she says. “If you saw the contract, you know I’m bound by it. I have to go back.”

 

“No, you don’t,” Dawn says, suddenly in the doorway. “You’re going to stay right where you are, with me. I ain’t about to let you go back to that shithole and get yourself hurt again,” All three of them startle a little, but Julie is the first to recover.

 

“What?”

 

Dawn comes in and closes the door behind her. “Don’t make me repeat myself. You’re going to stay here with me.” She takes a seat in the chair next to the sofa.

 

Julie’s eyes fill with tears and she gives Dawn a watery smile. “I can’t ask you to do that. He’ll probably come looking for me,” she sobs. Dawn sets her jaw and crosses her arms. “I’d like to see him try.”

 

“Last time when I tried to run away, he found me at my friend’s house, in the next village over. Once he got me back to my apartment he-,” she trails off, her voice shaking. Her hands are clenched in the blanket.

 

“How did he even find you?” Harry asks, though he’s pretty sure he doesn’t want to know the answer.

 

She sniffles and some of her tears pour over her cheeks. “I’m . . . I’m pretty sure he was following me. I would sometimes think I would see him, out of the corner of my eye, but when I’d get a better look, he would be gone. When he showed up at my friend’s house, I was shocked. There was no way he could have known where she lived.”

 

Harry reaches out to touch her, but thinks better of it at the last moment. He’s pretty sure she doesn’t want to be touched right now, not by him. Maybe by Louis but of course he doesn’t. Just the thought makes his stomach cringe.  Louis is frowning and his hands are clenched together. He’s leaned slightly forward and his elbows are resting on his knees.

 

“Did this happen a lot?” Dawn asks.

 

“It didn’t start out so bad. He was always nice and made me laugh. He offered me a job at the club, and he seemed to be really interested in taking care of me, making sure I had what I needed.” She lets out another sob, before she continues. “He would listen when I needed to talk. I told him about being lonely, and how I had no one here, and how badly I was struggling with money and finding a place to live. He made me believe he actually cared and wanted to help me.” She starts to cry some more, her voice getting thicker and more emotional as she continues talking. “I trusted him. But then . . . he started talking about me having to pay him back. And all our conversations became us talking about what I owed him and how I was going to pay him back. Of course I wanted to, but I couldn’t. I had been already working at the bar all the time and I was barely making ends meet as it was. So then, he told me that he’d let me pay him back slowly, you know, over time. So I agreed, and he told me we should have a contract, to protect both of us. It made sense to me then and I signed it without thinking.” She takes a deep breath and wipes her eyes. “I guess I should have read it more carefully but now it’s too late.”

 

Dawn’s eyes narrow. “What did it say?”

 

“He talked me through it while I was signing it, told me what he expected of me and what I was paying back. He promised me everything would be okay in the end,” Julie says, eyes welling up again. “But it didn’t. It got worse.” She starts sobbing into her hands and Harry wraps his arm around her and hugs her to him. He holds her while she cries and keeps holding her until she gets control of herself again. Julie leans over and grabs her mug of tea, sipping it before setting it back down on the table. “He started touching me, friendly at first. You know, just a hug, light touches but it got more and more intimate. It was nice at first, but then he wanted more. And he kept reminding me of the contract I signed, that I would do things for him.” Harry knows what she means so he doesn’t ask. “Then it just escalated. And when I wouldn’t do it, he started hitting me, grabbing me by the arm and pulling me back. He wouldn’t let me resist. Eventually, he-”

 

“That’s enough,” Louis says, cutting her off. Harry glances over at him and Louis gets to his feet before walking out of the room without another word. Harry wants to go after him, but he can tell Louis wants some space. Julie lets out another sob and covers her eyes.

 

“Why doesn’t he care? He can’t just walk out like that!” she cries, pointing at the door Louis has just walked through.

 

“It’s not that. He just needs some space. A lot of things have happened today and he hasn’t had the chance to process them. Give him some time, okay?” Harry says softly.

 

Dawn clears her throat. “That’s enough for today. How about I make us some lunch, and then I can get you settled in upstairs with me?”

 

“But what about all my stuff? I can’t just leave it there,” Julie asks, taking the mug in her hands again.

 

Dawn gets to her feet and pats Julie on the head. “Don’t you worry about that. You and me will go get it after lunch.” She turns to Harry. “We’ve got this. You go and take care of Louis. I’ll call you boys if we need anything.”

 

Harry nods. “Thanks, Dawn.” He gives her a hug and she kisses him on the cheek. He gives Julie a hug too before he heads out the door, looking for Louis. He’s not in the studio but Harry can see his car still parked outside through the door. Once out of the studio, he sees Louis leaned up against the wall, smoking. “Ready to go home?” Harry asks. Louis gives him a short nod and they climb into the car, driving back to the dorm in silence.

 


	21. Confessions

In Harry’s room, Louis immediately drops down on the bed with a heavy sigh. He’s got his hands folded in his lap and he’s staring off into the distance. Harry, not knowing what else to do, starts flitting around the room, full of nervous energy. He washes his hands, he picks up clothes off the floor, he opens the window, he straights up things on the shelf that don’t need to be straightened, anything to keep himself occupied. When he runs out of things to do, he looks at Louis, who is still sitting there, staring. With a sigh of his own, he heads into the kitchen to make some tea for the two of them. He thinks about everything that’s happened that day and he’s really worried about how Louis is handling it. He grabs one of his mugs out of the cupboard, the one with the contented cat hugging a mouse, and another mug for himself. He puts them on a tray with a small jar of honey, a pot of sugar, and some milk.

 

He finds Louis outside on the balcony, smoking. Harry sets the tray down on the rickety table next to Louis. “I wasn’t sure how you liked your tea, so I brought all this. I didn’t want to ruin it and-”

 

“A splash of milk and a spoonful of sugar,” Louis says, cutting him off. He grabs the mug with the cat, the corner of his mouth tipping up. “You worry too much about me.”

 

Harry shakes his head. “I think I worry about you just enough, actually.” He sits down on the other chair and fixes his own tea. Louis doesn’t answer, instead leaning over to ruffle Harry’s hair. It makes Harry smile and his stomach erupts with butterflies. He turns into the touch and is a bit sad when Louis pulls back.

 

They sit quietly together, drinking their tea for a while. “You shouldn’t have had to deal with that,” Harry remarks. “Any of that shit.”

 

Harry startles a bit, not expecting to hear Louis talking after so long. He waits for Louis to add to it, but instead the older boy lights up another cigarette. Harry bites his tongue. “What do you mean?”

 

Louis lets out a laugh, the sound bitter. “You don’t need to get involved in my shit. My dad, Julie, my friends . . . none of that. You’re too good for this.”

 

Harry frowns and looks at Louis. “You’re my friend, Louis. Why wouldn’t I?”

 

Louis shrugs and takes another drag of his cigarette. “Remember when you went to the club for the first time? In my room? And I didn’t do anything to protect you? That’s the kind of guy I am, Harry.” He takes another drag and blows the smoke out slowly. “My whole life, I’ve been that guy. You know, the first time I sold drugs for my dad, I was nine years old? He told me if I didn’t, he’d break one of my mom’s fingers for every time I told him no. I lost my virginity of age thirteen. My dad shoved me into one of those rooms upstairs, told me to watch and learn something. One of the new girls he had hired was getting fucked by this old guy, and when he was finished, he just got up and left. She saw me there and told me I could have a go if I wanted.” Louis rubs his face. “When my mom died, I was fifteen. My dad told me that he was glad she was gone and he wished she had died sooner because her being sick was making her useless to him. When I told him I wanted to keep some of her stuff, he said I had to earn it. He told me I had to drug some of his prostitutes and fuck them until they passed out, and then to take their money. I got a bunch of my friends hooked on drugs so my dad would have steady stream of customers. I spent so much of my time drunk and high that I barely remember the last five years beyond how many girls I’ve fucked.” He pauses and takes a deep breath, looking Harry in the face. “Girls like Julie. Girls I got to like me and I would just use them for sex until I was tired of them. They didn’t mean anything to me. None of them.” He stops and takes another drag, his lips curling into a mean smile as he’s shaking his head, letting out a small huff. “That’s why, Harry. That’s why I’m not worth you doing all this.” His shoulders are back and his entire body is tense. It makes Harry think back to the first time they met and it makes him sad.

 

The air is thick with tension as Louis stops and goes quiet. Harry sighs and gets up, going to grab his diary from where it’s tucked away on the shelf. Louis lets out a mean laugh. “What’s the matter, sweetheart? Is all my shit too much for you? You know, since not all of us can be pretty little virgin mommy’s boys,” he bites out. Louis’ words hurt Harry terribly but he tries to ignore them. He retrieves the diary, flipping through the pages as he walks back outside. Before he has reached the balcony, Harry hears something slam down on the table. Louis has his arms folded, and the tea tray is knocked onto the ground, sugar and milk spilled everywhere. When Louis sees Harry with his diary in his hands, he frowns and his eyes look cold. “Are you’re gonna write about this in your shitty little diary? How cute-” but Harry cuts him off by shoving the open book at him.

 

It takes a moment and Louis blinks up at Harry. “What?” he barks, but Harry doesn’t answer. Finally, Louis curls his fingers around the book and takes it from Harry. He goes to sit back down and he can see the bruising already showing up on the bottom of Louis’ fist. The silence stretches between them and Harry’s heart starts thumping against his ribcage. His pulse is jumping wildly in his throat, but he waits. After what seems like forever, Louis gingerly closes the diary and hands it back to Harry, a blank look on his face. After another beat of silence, the older boy looks up. “I shouldn’t have said that to you,” he says flatly, no emotion in his voice.

 

“No, you shouldn’t have,” Harry replies, voice hurt. He pauses. “But I get it now.”

 

Louis swallows and looks down at his lap. “There’s so much more, Harry. You don’t even know half of it by now. I don’t think you’d feel the same way if I told you.”

 

Harry shakes his head and looks at Louis, smiling sadly between pressed lips. He leans down and starts to clean up the mess, surprised when Louis wordlessly starts to help him. “Thank you,” Harry says, his voice barely audible. Once they’ve finished, Harry picks up the tray. “I’m going to bring this into the kitchen.”

 

Harry leaves, dumping the dishes into the sink and the pieces into the garbage can, before he heads back to his room. He finds Louis sitting on the bed, flipping through his diary. His heart jumps in his chest at the sight, but he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he watches Louis read, who is so absorbed he doesn’t notice Harry at all. Finally, Harry goes and sits down next to him, their bodies just barely touching. He looks down at the page Louis is looking at, one of the entries about the first time they met.

 

Louis finally looks up, motioning toward the diary, asking quiet permission to continue. Harry nods and waves him off, before laying down on the bed behind Louis. His back slightly touches Louis’ as he grabs the novel he’d been reading and starts to flip through, finding his place and continuing to read. He loses track of time until he feels the bed shift. Louis is putting his diary back on the shelf and to Harry’s surprise, he curls up next to him, putting his head on Harry’s chest.

 

Harry doesn’t know what to do with his hands. He moves them around in different positions until finally he gives up, tucking his hands behind his head. “Can you read to me?” Louis asks, in a very small voice. He sounds gentle, vulnerable, even. It’s a sound Harry hasn’t heard from Louis so far. He hesitates at first but when Louis looks at him, he does. Harry starts to read out loud, just starting from where he had stopped. After a few moments, he moves his hand down and starts to pet Louis’ hair, not realizing it until he feels Louis tense beneath him. But after a beat, he relaxes again and Harry keeps running his fingers through his hair. Louis’ eyes fall closed and it doesn’t take long for him to fall asleep with deep, even breaths. Harry smiles and watches him for a couple of minutes, before he closes his eyes as well. The feeling of having Louis that close warms his heart.

 

The next morning, Harry stirs and is surprised to find Louis already awake, because the bed is empty and he can feel the chill of the wind from the balcony door being open. He rolls over onto his stomach and lets out a yawn while he’s rubbing his eyes. “About time you woke up,” Louis calls from the balcony, but he sounds like he’s in a good mood. Harry grunts in reply and wraps himself deeper in the covers.

 

“It’s cold,” he whines, voice tapering off into another yawn.

 

Louis comes inside after another couple of minutes, closing the door behind him. He has his phone in his hand and he’s staring at something on the screen. “There’s a birthday party this afternoon,” Louis’ voice trails off. He looks up as Harry gets up to sit down on the bed.

 

“I have some homework to finish, but you go and have fun,” he says with a smile, but it drops when he notices Louis frowning at him.

 

“Can you finish before we leave?”

 

Harry’s eyebrows furrow in confusion. “Maybe but why? They’re your friends, and I don’t know them well, so why would I go?”

 

“But you invited me to go with you, and Jonny, and Niall. They aren’t my friends either,” Louis responds. He doesn’t seem to get Harry’s broad hint.

 

Harry lets out a sigh. “Fine, you’re right. If I finish my homework in time, I’ll come with you.”

 

Louis actually smiles a little, but it doesn’t stay for very long. Still, it makes Harry feel good to see. As he pulls out his schoolbooks and starts to get to work, Louis goes back out onto the balcony for a little while. They don’t speak, and after a few moments, Louis gets a phone call. The boy shuts the door so Harry can’t hear, but he can see him talking animatedly and he doesn’t seem distressed or upset. Once he’s finished, he steps back inside and slips his phone into his pocket. “I’ll be back,” is all he says before he leaves the room, leaving Harry alone to finish his work.

 

Harry spends the next couple of hours trying to finish his homework, but he gets distracted thinking about where Louis is and what he’s doing, wondering if he’s safe or not. He’s a little frustrated that Louis didn’t tell him where he was going, Harry doesn’t like when he leaves just like that but he knows it won’t help him to enquire so he doesn’t message him. Maybe he probably needs a little distance between the two of them after what happened last night. It doesn’t mean he has to like it, though. Harry gets grumpier and grumpier as the day goes on, but he manages to work at least. He knows it’s not the best he could do, but his mind is clearly somewhere else.

 

When Louis comes back, he’s got a bag of fast food with him and he just sets it down on the desk where Harry’s working. “Here,” is all he says, in between bites of his own burger. He’s leaving a trail of ketchup on the floor where he’s walking, and Harry scrunches up his face. “Louis, you’re dripping everywhere. Can you please go sit down and eat?”

 

Louis takes a big, obnoxious bite of his burger. “Could you stop bitching and get over it? It’s just ketchup,” he says while chewing his food.

 

“You’re getting it everywhere, though!”

 

Louis rolls his eyes. “Who knew you could be so annoying,” he grumbles, but there’s no heat behind it. He grabs the bag of food and heads out the door to the balcony again. Harry gets up from the desk and grabs a paper towel so he can clean up the mess, but he’s muttering under his breath the whole time. Once he’s finished, he heads outside too. He grabs the bag and the other burger so he can eat.

 

“Thanks for the food. I hadn’t eaten yet, I was starving,” he remarks with his mouth full.

 

Louis shrugs his shoulders and tosses his empty wrapper on the table. “No problem. I figured you would be.”

 

Harry shakes his head at Louis’ action, grabs the wrapper and tosses it in the bag as well. Louis smiles a little bit and shakes his head, biting his lip like he wants to say something but doesn’t. “Did you finish your stuff?” he asks instead.

 

Harry sighs, taking another bite before he answers. “Yeah, I finished it.” As Louis opens his mouth to say something, Harry quickly adds: “And I said I would go with you, so I will.”

 

Louis facial features soften. “I promise we won’t be there that long, okay? Just gonna show up, have a few beers, and hang out.” Harry bites his lip, because he _wants_ to believe that’s what will happen, but he knows how parties go with Louis. And this one will probably end in a disaster too.


	22. Dull Jealousy

The party takes place in a small apartment complex, but it’s a lot neater than the last apartment they went to last time. It’s in a different part of town than where Louis has brought him before. The place makes Harry feel more at ease and not so keyed up about being there. Of course Harry doesn’t know the people at the party and of course Louis immediately starts talking to different people in the crowd. Eventually, he disappears and Harry can’t find him anywhere. It has never been different. Harry sighs quietly and looks around the room. He notices a sofa in the corner of the room that’s empty, so he goes there and has a seat. Harry pulls out his phone, trying not to feel awkward that he doesn’t know anyone and nobody is talking to him. As he can’t spot Louis anywhere, he thinks about messaging him that he wants to go home. While he’s lost in thought, eventually a guy he has never seen before drops next to him, kicking his feet up on the coffee table and letting his head fall back against the cushion. He’s got a half-full beer in his hand and his eyes are closed. He’s got long brown hair that’s tied up in a small bun on the top of his head, and Harry can tell he’s a little bit taller than himself. He’s wearing a worn t-shirt and jeans, and a beat up pair of Vans that remind him of Louis’. His black leather bracelet stands out against the soft tan of his skin and has a thick, black band on his middle finger. The guy has another black leather cord around his neck that brings Harry’s attention to his narrow chest. Overall, he’s pretty attractive and Harry can feel himself blushing at the proximity. Finally, the guy opens his eyes, a soft brown color that appears in a warm tone.

 

“Fancy meeting you here!” the guy says, tipping his beer in Harry’s direction. His smile makes Harry blush even harder. “I’m sorry, but I don’t think we’ve met before?” The guy doesn’t look fazed at all. “We could change that! I’m Finn. And you are?” he asks, holding out his hand.

 

Harry takes it gingerly, smiling shyly. “I’m Harry. It’s nice to meet you.”

 

Finn chuckles. “What’s a cute boy like you doing in a place like this?”

 

Harry can’t keep a straight face and starts to giggle, trying to cover his mouth with his hand. “I . . . um . . .  came here with my friend Louis but I think I lost him? I haven’t seen him in a while,” Harry says, mouth turning down. It frustrates him that Louis just left him again but Finn breaks through his thoughts.

 

“Well,” he smirks, “his loss and my gain. Care to join me for a drink?”

 

Harry bites his lip and nods shyly, following Finn into the kitchen. The guy makes him a delicious sweet-tasting drink that makes Harry feel warm all over. They go outside to talk. Finn makes Harry laugh and they talk about random things. The music is very loud, so they huddle closer together so they can talk, and it helps warm Harry up when the temperature starts going down. He’s pleased, because this party is going so much better than the last couple he’s been to. He loses track of time, and eventually Finn pulls him to his feet.

 

“It’s getting cold and you’re not wearing a jacket. Let’s go inside.” It makes Harry flush again, how thoughtful and gentle Finn seems to be with him. He lets out a gasp when the boy tangles their fingers together to lead him back inside. Harry doesn’t protest because it feels good. They get another drink, go back into the living room and back toward the sofa where and they hang out some more. The more Harry drinks, the closer they drift together and it does feel nice, warm, comfortable. It feels good, being this close to someone who seems to like him and Harry really thinks Finn likes him. The boy keeps making him laugh and it feels good when his hand rests on his arm, or when Harry can feel the warm line of his body close to his own. He sees Finn’s eyes dart down to his mouth more than once while they talk and it makes Harry hot all over. The rest of the party seems to fall away and it feels like it’s only him and Finn. “Want to dance with me?” Finn asks, lips close to Harry’s ear. Nobody has ever talked to him like that but it feels right and exciting. It makes the younger boy shiver a little bit as he nods and lets Finn drag him to where other people are dancing. Harry giggles again, his head light from the drinks he’s had. Finn twirls him around so that Harry’s back is pressed against his front, and the two of them sway together to the music. It’s slow, and hot, and it makes heat rise in Harry’s cheeks again. It takes some time until Harry has found the right rhythm but it’s not as hard as he thought. No one has ever danced with him like this before and suddenly he wants more. His whole body melts against Finn and he lets himself go, letting all the tension of being so on guard all night bleed away. They dance some more together, and after a few moments, Harry feels warm lips press against his temple. Harry sighs happily and he feels those same lips press against his ear. “You are so beautiful, Harry,” Finn whispers hotly, “this Louis guy is a fucking idiot for letting you out of his sight.”

 

Harry gasps again, feeling a shiver running down his spine in a pleasant way. He turns his head to look up at Finn. Finn’s arm slides down to wrap around Harry’s waist, pulling him tighter against his body. He uses his other hand to tilt Harry’s chin up. Harry looks into Finn’s caramel eyes and bites his lip. The tension is there and he can feel something will happen. Finn leans closer, his nose touching Harry’s as he’s closing his eyes and kisses him softly. Before either of them can deepen the kiss, Harry gets pulled out of Finn’s arms roughly. Harry’s mouth falls open as he sees Louis standing there, his face murderous. He grabs Harry’s wrist and yanks him out of the room, toward the empty hallway.

 

“What the hell is your problem?” Harry suddenly hisses, jerking his arm out of Louis’ grip.

 

“What the hell is _your_ problem?” the older boy yells furiously. “You don’t even know that guy!”

 

Harry sways a little on his feet, but he keeps glaring at Louis, arms folded across his chest. “So what? I was just having fun! I had to do something after you disappeared and left me on my own again!”

 

Louis furrows his brows and clenches his fists at his side. “Are you drunk right now?”

 

“So what if I was?” Harry shouts, feeling a little bit stronger because of the alcohol that’s flooding through his veins. “It’s not like you cared! Finn and I were having a very nice time and you disturbed us!”

 

Louis lets out a frustrated, angry growl. “I will tell you something about guys like Finn, Harry! This bastard was going to take you off and fuck you! That’s the kind of guy he is, Harry!” Louis spits and lets out a fake laugh. “Finn. What a fucking gay name that is.”

 

Anger floods through Harry as he pushes Louis away, putting more space between them. “Newsflash, asshole, _I’m_ gay!” Harry yells into Louis’ face. “It’s not a fucking insult! And you’re not my mother, why do you care who I’d sleep with?”

 

“Harry, you’re drunk, don’t-,” Louis starts yelling but Harry cuts him off with a snarl.

 

“You don’t get to decide things for me after you dump me off at a party all by myself, for hours on end. It’s not like you cared four hours ago what I was doing, so why do you care now?”

 

Louis doesn’t answer. He just presses his lips together, tight enough to make them go almost white.

 

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go back and get kissed by a guy who actually wants me!” Harry yells and storms off. He walks back quickly toward where Finn is still standing, waiting for him.

 

“Hey, everything okay?” he asks, putting an arm around Harry’s shoulder. “Your boyfriend seemed really pissed off,” he says, but Harry waves him off.

 

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Harry says angrily. “He’s just acting like the dickhead he really is,” he continues. Just in the moment the words have escaped Harry’s lips, he clasps his hands in front of his mouth, his eyes wide open. These words usually don’t belong to his vocabulary but the alcohol seems to loosen his tongue. He glances over to the hallway entrance, just in time to see Louis walking back into the living room. Feeling vindictive, Harry reaches up and grabs Finn by the back of the neck to crash his mouth on his and kisses him hard. It doesn’t feel as good like it did before, and that makes Harry even angrier. Finn kisses Harry back, equally harsh. When they break apart, Finn rests his hands on Harry’s shoulder and gives him a scrutinized look. “You’re not as innocent as you seem, aren’t you?” he smirks. Harry just stares at him and his new friend caresses his cheek. “Hey, it’s okay, all right? We’ll get another drink and dance some more in a few minutes but I really need to go to the bathroom, okay?” he says. Then he walks away.

 

Harry watches Finn disappearing in the crowd. Now that he’s so angry, his good feelings are gone. He doesn’t want to stay anymore so he turns around and seeks Louis out, who is standing off to the side with a group of people Harry has seen him with before. He ignores them and grabs onto Louis’ arm to get his attention. “Take me home,” he demands.

 

Louis’ friends start whistling and laughing. “Ooooh, the baby boy wants to be taken home, how cute is that?” A girl bends down to Harry, touches his cheek and gets into his face. “Isn’t your daddy here to bring you home? Are you too scared to go on your own?” she says mockingly, tracing Harry’s jaw. “What a pretty boy you are, what a pity that you’re probably too young for me to fuck,” she says, her voice soft but nevertheless full with venom.

 

Louis whips around immediately. “Shut the fuck up,” he snarls at his friends. “Gotta leave, see you soon!” he says as he’s grabbing Harry’s wrist, pulling him through the crowd and heading toward the door. The entire walk back to the dorm is quiet and filled with tension.

 

Once they get upstairs, Harry changes his clothes and climbs into bed, glaring at the wall with his arms folded. He pulls the covers up tight around his shoulders and closes his eyes, pretending to be asleep. He can hear Louis shuffling around, as well as the sound of the balcony door opening. Cold air fills the room, but Harry keeps glaring at the wall and doesn’t say anything.

 

Finally, the door closes and he hears Louis’ feet across the floor, before he climbs into bed too. That’s when Harry turns over, frowning hard at Louis. “Did you really have to smoke before going to bed? You smell like an ashtray,” he growls.

 

“Oh you know what, I could also sleep on the fucking floor so your delicate princess nose won’t be bothered,” Louis replies spitefully.

 

“Idiot,” Harry says quietly as he turns toward the wall again.

 

“Wanker,” Louis replies and scoots away a little bit more.

 


	23. Conversations and More Confessions

When Harry wakes up the next day, his head is pounding and his stomach is flipping. He crawls out of bed and goes to the bathroom to take a shower. The hot water feels good on his skin and it helps ease his headache at least a little bit. Once he’s finished, he wraps a towel around his waist and heads back to his dorm room. Louis is still in bed, slowly sitting up as he rubs the sleep out of his eyes. His hair is ruffled and all over the place, making Harry’s heart flutter. But then he remembers he should be mad at Louis for what he did at the party. “Glad to see you’re awake,” he grunts out as he starts getting dressed. He wants to annoy Louis and at the same time he wants to start a conversation with him.

 

Louis grumbles back and rubs at his face. He takes a deep breath and exhales loudly. Harry can feel Louis watching him as he gets dressed, so he turns around and of course catches Louis staring at him. When their eyes meet, Louis looks away immediately. He pulls the covers up to his shoulder, pretending not to look at the younger boy.

 

Harry isn’t sure what to think about that so he quickly throws his jumper and sweatpants on. He takes the towel and starts to dry his hair, taking his time before he sits down on the bed, his back flushing against the curve of Louis’ body. “Are you going to talk to me?” he asks after a while.

 

“Depends on what you want to talk about,” Louis replies, voice flat.

 

Harry would have been offended by his tone, if he hadn’t known Louis by now. “What was your problem last night?” Harry doesn’t turn around. He sits there with his hands in his lap, looking down.

 

Harry can feel Louis turning around, away from Harry. He doesn’t answer. Harry decides to be patient this time. He waits him out, even as the silence stretches on between them. After what feels like hours, Harry turns around, reaches out and gently shakes Louis on the shoulder. “Please, just tell me what it is,” he asks again, voice soft. Louis stays quiet. Harry keeps his body still and just waits.

 

Finally, Louis lets out another breath. “I didn’t like that guy touching you. He made me so fucking angry.” His tone is soft, almost sad but maybe that’s just because he’s still sleepy.

 

“Why?” Harry asks cautiously. He startles a bit when Louis’s whips around, eyes bright and wild.

 

“I don’t fucking know? All I know is that this fucking stranger was rubbing his dick all over you! He could have hurt you, dragged you off and fucking did whatever he wanted to you! And you were just going to let him because you weren’t aware of what could have happened and you don’t know what people like him would do to someone like you and I just fucking-” he stops, pausing his hands from where they’re waving around mid-air. He snaps his mouth shut, teeth clacking together hard enough to make Harry wince at the sound. Louis’ eyes are wide and the two of them stare at each other. This is such a weird situation. Something clicks in Harry’s brain and angry butterflies kick up in his stomach, again.

 

“But if it was going to bother you, why did you leave me alone? I mean, I spent hours just sitting there, with no one to talk to and nothing to do. Finn came up and started chatting with me, and it was nice. Finn was-,”

 

Louis cuts him off by throwing the covers off of himself and getting to his feet. He’s only dressed in a pair of jeans and Harry has to stop himself from staring at his chest. The older boy starts to pace the length of the bed, his hands still wildly gesturing as he talks. “Don’t fucking say that prick’s name, okay? And you’re right, maybe I shouldn’t have left you there, but that doesn’t mean you go off with some asshole little boy who just wants to get his dick wet.” He lets out a frantic breath and looks at Harry again.

 

Louis’ words are still unfamiliar and still, they make Harry uncomfortable. “Louis, nothing happened, okay? It’s not like we were going to run off into the sunset together. I knew it was just fun. You’re acting like he was going to rape and murder me or something. Why do you care so much about me having a good time with random guy?”

 

Louis narrows his eyes. “You don’t know that. And I just didn’t like him,” he snaps.

 

“But why? You can’t just say you don’t like someone, there has to be a reason behind it.”

 

A beat passes. “Because you’re not his to touch!” he thunders and throws his arms up.

 

The air goes still around them and Harry’s jaw drops, while Louis stands there, gaping. Then it’s like someone presses play and Louis is grabbing his shirt off the ground and heading toward the door. He storms out of the room, slams the door behind him but opens it again just to tell Harry he’ll be back before he shuts it again, more gently this time. And again, Harry is left in the room by himself. It takes him a moment to collect his thoughts. Harry blows out a breath between his lips as he’s looking around the room. He reaches behind him and touches the spot where Louis had been laying, the sheets still warm. He’s sort of glad that Louis stormed out because it gives him a chance to digest what has just happened. He mulls over what Louis said, about Harry not being Finn’s to touch. It makes his stomach clench; could Louis really have meant what he thinks he means? Harry gets up and opens the balcony door to air his room. The fresh air feels good against his skin and Harry inhales it deeply.

 

A sudden knock on the door lets Harry startle a little bit. He’s surprised to see Niall standing in the doorway when he opens it. “Hey . . . is everything okay? I heard shouting,” he says, shifting from foot to foot. Harry nods, motioning for the boy to come inside. Niall steps into the room and closes the door behind him, eyes zeroing in on the rumpled state of the bed. “Harry?!” he asks frowning, pointing at the bed. “Did you two . . .” he asks, making obscene gestures with his hands.

 

“Christ Niall, no!” Harry shouts, his turning red.

 

Niall holds his hands up in front of himself. “Hey, look. What you do in your dorm room is your business, I’m not judging you here,” he remarks. Then, his face gets serious. “I just heard shouting and I got worried that something could have happened, you know? My grandma always tended to say safe, sane and consensual. It’s important,” he smiles. “But I’m glad you’re okay.”

 

Harry lets out a relieved laugh and covers his face with the palms of his hands when realization sinks in. “No, it’s nothing like that. We were just . . . it’s complicated,” he tells Niall as he’s starting to make the bed. “Louis and I were out yesterday and some things happened last night so we were talking about them this morning.” He pauses, licks his lips and presses them together. Harry isn’t sure if he should say anything else.

 

Niall snorts as he leans against the wall. “Talking? More like shouting, bro.”

 

“I’m sorry, did we wake you up? It’s not like I meant to start shouting this early in the morning, you know,” Harry tries to apologize, but Niall waves him off.

 

“Nah, I was up. I just got worried because you’re the only one on the floor who is actually quiet. It was just weird.”

 

Harry contemplates what he’s going to say next. “I was dancing with a guy at a party last night and Louis got all weird about it.” At Niall’s eyebrow quirk, he continues. “Louis invited me out with him last night and we went to some birthday party. He ditched me kind of early on. After a while, this guy started talking to me and we had a good time.” He smiles at the memory, just a bit, before it drops when he starts talking about it again. “Louis broke in and started yelling about it, asking me what I thought I was doing, blah blah blah, and he just got _so_ angry about the situation.”

 

Niall nods along. “Has it ever crossed your mind that he might be jealous because he wants more from you as he’s willing to admit?”

 

“What?!” Harry asks, taken aback. It’s not that he hadn’t thought of Louis being jealous for whatever reason but now that Niall is thinking this too . . .

 

“Well, I mean . . . why else would he have acted like that?”

 

Harry sighs and looks down at his feet. The more he thinks about it, the more it sounds like a possibility. “Do you really think so?” he asks softly, trying not to get his hopes up.

 

Niall shrugs. “It’s what it sounds like to me. You know the guy better than I do, so. I think you should talk to him when you see him next.”

 

Harry ruffles Niall’s hair and Niall throws an arm across his shoulder. It strikes him just how different being with Niall feels than being with Louis. It’s warm and friendly with Niall, but when Louis touches him, it’s like lightning crackling under his skin, warming him from the inside out. It makes him hot and his skin prickles with awareness at where their bodies touch but the problem is that Harry doesn’t think Louis feels the same. Plus, the moments where Louis has been nice to Harry have been very rare and barely there. The thought of it makes Harry sigh. “Thanks Niall,” he says, forcing a small smile. Niall grins back and pats him on the back.

 

“Go get ‘em, tiger. Just make sure you keep it down, okay? There are other people that live on this floor,” he says with a wink. Harry just shoves him and rolls his eyes.

 

“Mind your own business, or I’ll give you all the sordid details later.”

 

”Oh please, anything but that!” Niall cries out as he’s walking toward the door. He stops and rubs his stomach. “What do you think about the two of us having some breakfast? My treat, considering your crisis?”

 

Harry grins and gets up from the bed. “Sure. Sounds perfect.” He has no idea when Louis will come back and a little distraction would surely help him to sort out his thoughts.

 

That morning, Harry has an enjoyable breakfast with Niall. When he gets back to the dorm, he sees Louis sitting on the floor in front of his door, back up against the wood. He’s playing with his phone and his knee bounces, like he can’t sit still. Niall and Harry are laughing and talking as Louis looks up, frowning hard. Harry goes to say something, but Niall nudges him. “Well, I’ll leave you to your lover boy. Good luck, and keep it down!” he mumbles and pats Harry’s back.

 

Harry feels his face getting hot and he elbows Niall back. “Will you shut up!” he hisses through his teeth but Niall just crackles and moves out of the way before Harry can elbow him again. He thumps Harry on the back one last time before he takes off down the hall, giggling the whole time. Harry turns back to Louis, face still burning hot. Meanwhile Louis has gotten to his feet. Harry greets him shortly and pushes through him to open the door. Neither of them speak. Harry shuts the door behind them and swallows around the lump in his throat and his breakfast sits heavy in the pit of his stomach.

 

Louis sits down on the bed. Harry doesn’t follow. Instead, he leans up against the wardrobe, giving both of them some space. Louis stays quiet as he’s leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. He folds his hands and stares down at the floor. Harry waits, not wanting to push him into talking. Finally, after what seems like an eternity Louis starts talking. “I don’t want you to be with anyone else,” he simply says and runs his fingers through his hair which has gotten a little bit longer.

 

Harry’s jaw drops a little. “Excuse me?” he blurts out in a somewhat harsh tone he regrets but Louis’ answer is too shocking for him.

 

Louis rubs his hands. “I. Don’t. Want. You. To. Be. With. Anyone. Else,” he repeats equally harsh through his gritted teeth.

 

Harry shifts off of the wardrobe, clenching his fists at his side as he stalks across the room toward where Louis is sitting. “What?”

 

Louis doesn’t respond; he keeps looking down at the floor, shaking his head. “Fuck, I shouldn’t have said anything, so fucking stupid . . .” Louis mutters under his breath like he didn’t intend for Harry to hear him but Harry does understand every word. That’s when it clicks for Harry; Louis is trying to _tell_ him something. He kneels in front of the older boy and gently puts his hands on his knees. “Louis . . . ? I don’t understand what you want to tell me,” he says quietly. It’s true. He can’t be sure what he really means.  

 

Louis looks up for just a moment before flicking back to the floor. He doesn’t speak and silence stretches between them again. With a sigh, Harry clasps his hands around Louis’. The boy looks up again, startled by the touch. He meets Harry’s eyes for the first time during this conversation. To Harry’s surprise, he doesn’t pull back and Harry counts it as a win. “Harry . . . I . . . I mean, well . . . it’s this, it’s this whole fucking thing . . . in my head . . . like . . .” he stutters out, before snapping his mouth closed and biting his lip. Flutters kick up in Harry’s belly when he realizes what Louis might be trying to say.

 

“Louis . . . are you trying to tell me . . . you like me . . . maybe?” Harry asks quietly, trying to keep the hope out of his voice. The older boy doesn’t say anything, just jerks his head up in a nod. He’s looking down again, avoiding looking Harry in the eyes. Harry feels like he might bust out of his skin. He gets up a little bit so that his face is almost in a line with Louis’. Harry still holds his hand wrapped around Louis’ as he lifts the boy’s chin up with his hand a little bit. To Harry’s surprise, Louis opens his legs a little bit so that Harry can scoot closer to him on his knees. He looks into Louis’ blue eyes before he starts to lean forward a little bit, giving Louis a sweet, soft kiss on his lips, barely there and chaste. Louis’ eyes go wide but he doesn’t flinch. “It’s okay, I like you too,” Harry says quietly as he puts his hand onto Louis’ left again. To Harry's surprise, the faintest pink blush appears high on Louis’ cheeks and he can’t help but reach out and touch it, the skin warm beneath his fingers.

 

They stare at each other for a long moment, only broken when Harry gets up and sits down next to Louis so that their bodies touch slightly. None of them talks. Louis fishes his cigarettes out of his pocket and gets to his feet in silence. He reaches out and cups Harry’s chin in his hand, brushing his fingers lightly across his cheek as he gives him a small smile before he heads out onto the balcony to smoke. The gentle touch lets Harry’s tummy flutter.

 

The boy flops backwards on the bed and settles his hands on his stomach as he stares up at the ceiling. He lets himself take a deep inhale and then exhales, enjoying the soft sound of his breathing. Outside, he can hear Louis shuffling around the balcony while he smokes, not even the sound of Louis’ phone ringing breaking his bubble of contentment. Harry focuses on the sound of Louis’ voice as he answers the call.

 

“Yeah?” he says, his voice tight. “No, I have other plans . . . fuck off you asshole!” There’s a pause. “That’s none of your business . . . whatever. Go fuck yourself right away, seriously,” he shouts into the speaker angrily. Louis hangs up and finishes his cigarette, before stepping back inside. The smell of smoke makes Harry’s nose wrinkle a little but at the same time, the smell has become so familiar that he can’t quite hate it. Louis sits back down on the bed, scooting until his back touches the wall. He runs his hand through Harry’s hair for a short second but pulls back, like he’s not sure if the touch is okay. Harry lets out a noise of protest and then sits up to move closer to Louis. He folds his legs against his chest and pulls them close, leaning his head on Louis’ arm, the line of his body pressed up against Louis’.

 

They sit like that for a moment until Louis very tentatively wraps his arm around Harry’s shoulder and pulls him close. Taking the opportunity, Harry pushes closer and snuggles deeper into Louis’ arms. He presses his face up against the warm skin of Louis’ neck, pressing one soft kiss there before nuzzling closer to him, letting out a sigh of content. Louis tenses at first when Harry wraps his arms around Louis’ middle in a tight squeeze, but then he ends up tightening his own hold on Harry’s shoulder, sliding his hand down to his waist. Harry lets out another happy sound that’s coming from deep inside of his chest and just holds on tighter. He’s glad that Louis doesn’t speak. The boy closes his eyes to enjoy the closeness and warmth that’s radiating from Louis’ warm body. The feeling of being so close to Louis (and the fact that he’s okay with it) makes him feel safe and warm at once. It’s such a soothing and calming feeling Harry has never felt in this intensity before which makes it even more special. To his surprise Louis presses a soft kiss to the top of Harry’s hair, thrilling him down to his toes. He smiles as he adjusts his position, putting his head on Louis’ chest. Louis holds him tighter and Harry starts drifting off like that. He doesn’t wake until the next morning.


	24. Julie's Hurt Feelings

As Harry is still half asleep, he feels someone touching his shoulder. He turns around slowly, still sleepy and kind of unaware what’s happening. His eyes are still closed when he feels another touch on his cheek. Harry opens his eyes slowly, rubs them and looks into Louis’ face. The boy pulls away from Harry and blinks. His hair is standing up in a funny way and his eyes look puffy because obviously, he’s still tired. A small smile plays around Harry’s lips as he sees him.

 

“Hey,” Louis says with his raspy morning voice that Harry loves so much. Louis’ eyes look soft for the first time. Harry has already woken up next to him a few times but he has never looked at him like he’s doing in that moment. “I have to go to work this morning . . . do you want to come with me?” Louis asks quietly. Harry has never heard him speaking that softly.

 

Harry looks at Louis without answering. It’s Monday and he should attend his lessons but on the other hand he’d love to spend the day with Louis only. He sighs because it’s unreal how cute Louis looks after waking up. His eyes scan the older boy’s face in silence.

 

“You don’t have to come,” Louis adds while he’s pushing the covers away. Harry shivers at the cold air that hits him and pulls the covers back to cover his body while he’s nuzzling closer into the soft, warm fabric, letting out a quiet whimper.

 

“I’d like to go with you,” Harry says quietly. His voice is husky and also very deep, thick with sleep. He pulls one arm out and pats the warm space next to him. “Couldn’t you come back for like . . . a few minutes maybe?” he asks Louis, giving him a pleading look.

 

Louis shakes his head but gives the boy a small smirk. “I’m already late, your lazy slug!” he says in a playful tone as he starts getting dressed.

 

Harry chuckles. “What are you calling me? I’m not a lazy slug, I just like to spend time with you.”

 

Louis pats the bed twice. “Come on, hurry up sluggie!” he laughs, “less talking more getting up!” he says while he’s fumbling at the button of his jeans.

 

Harry stretches with a sound and rolls over the empty side of the bed. He stays there for a few seconds, rubs his eyes with his hands again and yawns loudly while Louis ruffles through his messy hair. He loves this and he’d wish for Louis to do it more often. Harry gets up, grabs his toiletry bag and his clothes, tucking them under his arm. “I’m going shower. Will you wait for me?” Louis nods as he steps out onto the balcony.

 

When Harry and Louis arrive at the tattoo studio, Dawn is smoking in front of it. When Harry steps out of Louis’ car, she quickly walks over to the boy and gives him a long hug. “It’s good to see you again sweetie, how are you? Long time no see!” she says affectionately.

 

Harry is a little bit shocked by her demeanor but then he happily returns the hug. “I’m good how are you?” he answers with a smile.

 

“Everything’s alright, got a lot of work and wrangling Louis is, as you might imagine, a full time job!” she laughs out loudly winking at Louis who is scowling.

 

“Watch your mouth, you old hag!” he says with a grin before he walks over and holds his hand out for a cigarette. Dawn smacks him onto his arm playfully before she pulls out one and places it into his hand. “Oh how I’ve missed your sunny attitude. Now hurry, we have to set everything up!”

 

While Louis and Dawn are getting ready for their work day, Harry sits down in the break room where he meets Julie. They chat a little bit about this and that, nothing too serious. She tells him that she has to leave soon so Harry pulls out his mobile and starts texting his friends and sister.  


After a while Louis walks into the room and fills a cup with coffee from the dispenser before he sits down next to Harry. He rests his arm along the back of the sofa, running his thumb up and down Harry’s neck gently. Harry shivers a little because of this gentle touch and goosebumps spring up on his arms while he’s still typing a message. It’s a new, surprisingly good experience for him. He lets Louis caress him for a while, then he lets his head fall back on the back rest of the sofa, turning his head to look up to Louis. The air feels charged and Harry feels his pulse jumping as he’s getting nervous all of a sudden. Louis’ eyes lock with Harry’s and in the next second Louis cups Harry’s cheek, tips his head down and presses their lips together, gently at first. He pulls back, looks into the boy’s eyes again and kisses Harry on the mouth again, moving his head up just to turn back again and repeat his action. Harry tilts his head a little as he opens his mouth, causing Louis’ tongue to brushing against his lips and tongue gently. Harry puts his hand Louis waist to steady himself as Louis is kissing him softly. The gentle kiss isn’t very deep but very intimate. Harry is surprised by how gentle Louis can be when they pull away. Harry’s face must be red, heated, heated and he can feel his skin prickle. Harry licks his lips and lets out a quiet, shaky breath. He’s a bit overwhelmed as he’s looking at Louis because his lips are shiny and pink from kissing which looks wonderful. His eyes are glowing and his look is different. It’s almost too much for Harry to cope with that. He can’t stop that easily, he needs to feel Louis again. He changes his seating position, pulls his legs up so that he can kneel on the sofa next to Louis. He just leans in closer, closes his eyes and initiates the kiss this time. It feels even better with closed eyes and Harry wraps his hand around the back of Louis’ neck almost automatically to pull him closer. Shortly before their mouths touch, Louis lets out a pleased sound as he flicks his tongue against Harry’s bottom lip for a second. Then Louis pulls back a little bit what makes Harry chase his mouth to get another kiss from him. The second time it is even better than the first time; it’s more intense, and he can feel it in the pit of his stomach while their lips and tongues are touching over and over again. Harry’s not sure how long they’ve been kissing when Harry hears someone walking into the room. That’s when he opens his eyes and jerks away immediately because Julie is standing by the door, glaring at them. Louis turns around, gives her an unimpressed look before he gets up from the sofa. Before he leaves, he leans down to give Harry a short kiss onto his lips. “Duty calls,” Louis mutters against his mouth before he saunters out of the room.

 

Julie follows Louis with her eyes. When he has closed the door, she storms over to Harry, stops in front of him and starts shouting at him in a sharp, piercing tone Harry had never heard from her before. “Harry! What are you doing?!” She’s upset as she’s gesticulating wildly. “Are you serious? You know exactly how I feel about Louis and you’re sitting here kissing him in front of me? What the fuck?!” Julie’s face starts getting red, her veins showing on her neck.

 

Harry gets to his feet with his mouth wide open and his eyes popping out. He clenches his fists at his sides and starts feeling angry too. “Why are you shouting? I didn’t do anything wrong!”

 

Julie looks at him disbelievingly. “You _know!_ You know how I feel about him, and here you are, kissing him! How could you betray me like that?” She shakes her head and folds her arms across her chest. “I thought you were my friend!”

 

Harry just stares at her, still trying to process what’s happening. He shakes his head and blinks at her. “Really? That’s all it took?” he spits at her. He can’t remember ever being this angry at someone before. “After everything we’ve been through?” He folds his arms and keeps going. “You know what? Louis isn’t your property, okay? At all. And he’s not mine, either. I never said anything to you because I knew you would do this,” Harry says, his voice tapering off. He lowers his head and starts to walk out of the room. When he’s near the door, Julie suddenly rushes toward Harry, grabs his arm roughly and yanks him back.

 

“Don’t you walk away from me like that!” she screams into his face.

 

Harry gasps at Julie’s grip which even hurts him. Just as he’s about to fire back, Louis storms into the room, shoves past Harry and pulls him behind his back in a protective way.

 

“Don’t. You. Ever. Put. Your fucking hands on him!” he yells at her loudly, stressing every word. Louis points his finger at Julie’s chest. “What gives you the right to shout at him like that? Are you fucked in the head?” He sounds so angry and the veins are showing on his neck, too.

 

Harry stands behind Louis, his face getting hot because he’s defending him but on the other hand he’s a little scared. He has never seen Louis this angry before, ever. Julie just stands there, her eyes and mouth wide open in shock. She probably wasn’t expecting Louis to react that harshly and forceful and she seems to be having trouble finding the right words.

 

“I didn’t . . . um . . . I . . . baby, I thought we were . . .”

 

Louis immediately cuts her off. “Stop talking!” he shouts as he’s letting out a nasty laugh. Louis gets in her face, rising on finger up in front of her eyes, his face hard and frowning. He’s staring at the girl and all of a sudden, his voice gets calm but even Harry can hear the danger underneath the tone. “First of all, I’m not your fucking baby. Second, you’re not and you’ve never been my girlfriend. I fucked you and got you off a few times, that’s it.”

 

Harry’s eyes go wide as he listens to Louis. He’s shaking because the tone in his voice because it reminds him of Chad and he tries to seek comfort by putting one hand on Louis’ waist. Julie seems to be scared too because she’s biting her lip and bowing her head, stepping one step back. Louis is still staring down at her as she tries to escape his eyes by looking elsewhere.

 

“But Louis . . . “ Julie tries to speak as tears start running down her cheeks. “Louis, I . . .”

 

Louis shakes his head and grabs her arm harshly, shaking her once. “Stop crying. You’re the one who started this. Did you think about that when you tried to upset Harry? Did you?!”

 

“You’re hurting me!” Julie screams as she’s sobbing quietly, which makes Harry feel a little sorry for her but the harshness of her words still rings in his chest.

 

Louis lets go of her, wrapping his arms around Harry but turning his head toward her. “And now fuck off finally,” he commands. After that, he turns back toward Harry and starts to rub his back. “You . . . you scared me,” Harry sobs into Louis’ chest and out of the shock, Harry is starting to cry as he wraps his arms around Louis. Louis gently caresses the back of Harry’s head as he’s pulling him closer. “I know, I know . . . I didn’t mean to scare you.”

 

How can Louis change so much? He can be so cruel in one second but then he can also change his mood so fast. This is the nicest he he’s ever been and that fact let Harry cry even more. He sobs into Louis’ chest, his body trembling a little. Louis manages to calm the younger boy down finally. He leads him to the sofa again and they both sit down next to each other.

 

Louis stays quiet. Harry rubs his eyes and reaches for the cup of tea he left sitting on the table, hands still shaking from the rush of emotions.

 

“I knew she liked you but . . . I didn’t expect that,” he says, his voice thick with tears.

 

 “Well, she’s a bitch,” he says. His soft tone isn’t matching his rough words at all.

 

“Don’t say that,” Harry answers, looking at Louis with wide eyes. “She’s not a bitch, she’s just hurt.”

 

“Oh trust me, she is,” Louis responds and motions for Harry to get up. “Let’ go. I don’t like to meet her again today.” A glimpse of the old Louis shines through.

 

When they leave the room, Harry can hear Dawn talking to Julie harshly. “Who do you think you are? How can you talk to Harry like that? He hasn’t done anything wrong?!” He pushes his hand against Louis’ stomach to make him stop.

 

“But he knew how I felt about Louis! He knew and he still-” Julie argues.

 

“Look, you think you’re in control here, but you’re not. You don’t own Louis and you can’t decide things for him,” Dawn says with a tone of finality in her voice.

 

Julie tries to argue again, “But-”

 

“No,” she stops her. “I have work now so why don’t you head out somewhere else for a little while,” Dawn says, but it’s not really a suggestion. “You won’t change anything now.”

 

Harry gives Louis a nod and they continue walking. He turns his head into their direction. Julie stands there like a picture of misery. For a short moment Harry considers walking over to her because he feels so guilty but before he can walk away, he feels Louis’ hand touching the small of his back, pushing him toward the exit. “Leave them alone, that’s not our business anymore,” Louis says as if he could read his thoughts.

 

***

 

Suddenly, Louis stops his car. He gasps and smacks his forehead. “Fuck! I should be working today, what the hell?” he says, dropping his head onto the steering wheel for a few seconds. Harry looks at Louis and can’t hide a smile. “Are you okay?”

 

Louis doesn’t lift his head but turns to look at Harry and his lips quirk up in a small smile. He’s clearly trying to hold it back and fails. “What’s happening? Everything is fucked up! I was supposed to be working now and look where I am!”

 

Harry bites his fist, trying to stifle his giggle but can’t manage to stay quiet. It bursts out of him and within seconds they’re both cracking up laughing. Harry still has his hand in front of his face and Louis’ face is still squished on the steering wheel while he’s shaking from laughing. He lets out a high pitched sound that makes Harry laugh even harder, holding his tummy. They’re looking at each other, laughing harder every time their eyes meet. Harry feels like he can’t breathe anymore and he just can’t stop. The only sounds he’s able to make are tiny wheezing noises, tears running down his face. Amazing.

 

Suddenly, there’s a loud knock on Harry’s window what makes him flinch and laugh even harder. Louis points at the police officer, slapping his thigh over and over again. The man’s face tells Harry that he’s not pleased with this situation. He looks kind of grumpy and annoyed as he’s knocking at the window again, harder this time. Louis wipes his eyes and rolls down the right window.

 

“Excuse me, you’re blocking the road, boys! I need you to move,” the lady demands harshly, leaning on the window.

 

Harry tries to behave normally but he can’t. Louis tries to school his features into a matching stoic expression, but he’s losing it as she raises her voice. “Are you mocking me?”

 

Harry pushes his hair back. “Sorry Ma’am, we’re just having a hard time collecting ourselves,” he says, trying to sound serious but he doesn’t manage.

 

“I will only tell you once again. Leave or you’ll get a ticket,” she says harshly, “and if . . .” she says but before she can even finish her sentence, Louis pushes the gas and Harry gets pressed into the seat with full force.

 

“Jesus, I didn’t know it was Bitching Day today,” Louis says, shaking his head as he drives to the parking spaces and shuts down the engine.

 

Harry just looks at him and bursts out into laughter again, burying his face into the palms of his hands. As they walk over to the dorm, Louis smiles at Harry. “I can’t remember the last time I laughed that much, seriously. It’s been years!”

 

“I like the way you look when you laugh,” Harry says, ducking his head a bit.

 

Louis doesn’t answer; instead, he pulls out a cigarette and lights it. As they’re standing in front of the building, Harry’s phone rings.


	25. Unexpected Guests

“Hey love, how are you?” Anne chirps happily. Harry has to pull his phone away from his ear because her voice is so loud. “Did I catch you at a bad time?”

 

“Hey mum!” Harry says, walking a few steps away from Louis. He glances back at the older boy who just waves him off while he takes another drag of his cigarette. “No, no . . . it’s fine. Everything is fine.”

 

“Were you in course? I hope I didn’t disturb you!”

 

Harry can feel his face growing hot. He looks down at his feet and takes a deep breath. “Um . . . no mum, my last course got canceled today,” he lies. His voice is trembling a little bit because he’s nervous. Maybe his mum won’t notice. He can hear Louis chuckling from behind, but he does his best to ignore it. He clears his throat and lets out a cough. “So what are you up to?”

 

His mum pauses. “Nothing much. Gemma and I are just out and about. We might get dinner.” Harry narrows his eyes, even though she can’t see him. She keeps talking, but he tunes her out as cold dread settles in his stomach. “Are you in a car? The reception is terrible! I’m having trouble hearing you. Where are you?” he nearly shouts. He’s not sure if he wants to know the answer. Harry glances at Louis, who just looks back at him with a confused look as he taps his wrist, like they’re late for something. He’s smirking, which makes Harry roll his eyes.

 

“I don’t know why, I can hear you just fine,” she says.

 

“Well I’m sorry, but I have to go. Say hello to Gemma for me and have a nice dinner, love you!” Harry says quickly, hanging up the phone before she gets a chance to answer. The boy lets out a loud sigh as he slips the phone back in his pocket.

 

“My mum told me she’s going to have dinner with my sister, they were in the car so I couldn’t understand a lot,” Harry tells Louis.

 

“You can’t lie for shit, you know that?” Louis comments as he’s ruffling Harry’s hair a bit as the boy walks back to him. He chuckles again and shakes his head. “You’re such a terrible liar, Harry!”

 

The boy groans and rubs his hands across his face. “You don’t even know. And she _always_ knows but at least I tried.”

 

Louis cackles and nudges Harry with his shoulder. “I’ll have to teach you sometime. I’m pretty good at it.”

 

Harry inhales sharply and bites his lip. “I bet you are,” he says quietly. He doesn’t like that because he’s not sure if Louis has ever lied to him before. Before he can spiral into thoughts of Louis lying to him, Louis puts his arm around Harry’s shoulder loosely and pulls him close for a second.

 

“Come on, I wouldn’t lie to you,” he says. “So wipe that dumb look off your face, kid.” His smile takes the sting out of his words. “Let’s head up and get our shit together before your family takes over.”

 

Harry’s brain gets caught up on the “ _our”_ that he doesn’t catch what Louis is saying. “They’re not going to show up,” he replies automatically.

 

“Sure they’re not,” Louis snorts. “Now hurry up.” Harry watches Louis walk ahead of him, disappearing into the building.

 

When he gets up there, Louis is already packing his duffle bag with clothes. Harry looks on as Louis throws clothes back onto the floor after he sniffs them. He pushes the rest of them down into the bag carelessly what makes Harry cringe. His mum told him not to do that because the clothes could get wrinkles. Louis closes the zipper and tosses the bag by the desk, walking toward the balcony door. “Done,” he says proudly as if he had won a competition.

 

“Done? You’re not done! Look, there are still crisp packets everywhere, the bed is a mess, and your dirty clothes should go in the hamper!” Harry says, even as he bends down to start picking said clothes up off the ground.

 

Louis scowls and folds his arms. “Didn’t know I was signing up for a housewife,” he grumbles, which makes Harry glare at him. Louis heads out onto the balcony and closes the door. Harry glares harder but just continues picking up, rushing around to get it all done. His face is getting red from exertion. That’s why he stops and takes a moment to breathe, when he hears the balcony door open again. Louis walks toward him, tips his chin up and kisses him gently, leaving Harry a bit stunned with his mouth hanging open. “Close your mouth, you’re attracting flies,” he teases, flopping down on the bed that Harry had just made. He throws the pillows on the floor, much to Harry’s dismay. Louis shoves down the blanket and gets comfortable, leaning up on his elbow and looks Harry in the eyes. “Your ass would look amazing in a French maid outfit.”

 

“What?!” Harry demands, getting flustered all over again. “What are you doing?!” Harry flails around, pointing to Louis and then to the floor. “Look at this mess! I’ve just made the bed! And the floor is dirty and now my nice pillows are dirty too and everything is just . . . oh god, Louis!” he moans annoyed. He stops flapping his arms and looks at Louis, who just raises his left eyebrow. “Who even am I?”

 

“A crazy person who needs to take a deep breath and stop for a second!” Louis says. “You’re giving me a headache,” he adds, letting himself fall back on the bed.

 

Harry gapes at him. “But my mom-,”

 

Louis cuts him off, shaking his finger as he starts laughing at Harry’s facial expression. “Flies, Harry. Flies.”

 

That’s too much. Harry picks up one of the pillows from the floor and throws it at Louis, who catches it. Louis looks at it, his grin widening when he sees which pillow it is. It’s pink and soft, with an embroidered crown that Gemma made for Harry years ago. “Forget the maid idea, I think a princess outfit would suit you better,” he teases, giving Harry a dirty grin. “ _Much_ better,” he says, biting his lip, nodding.

 

Harry launches himself onto the bed and straddles Louis’ waist so he can slap at Louis’ chest. “Stop it! You’re being a jerk again!” he yells, though Louis keeps making him laugh when he blocks his hands. Louis is still laughing as he finally grabs each of Harry’s wrists in his hands. For a moment, they look into each other’s eyes without talking but then Louis jerks Harry down on the bed a little bit hard, straddles his lap and pushes his wrists down on the bed. Louis and Harry’s eyes meet as the older boy lowers his head to give Harry a soft kiss again. Harry can’t move anymore, he feels like paralyzed. The boy closes his eyes, opens his mouth and feels Louis’ lips and tongue playing with his over and over again. The warm feeling fills his head and this time, the kiss lasts a little longer as Louis leads Harry through it. He flicks the tip of his tongue against Harry’s bottom lip once before he pulls back.

 

Louis gets up, climbs out of bed. Harry’s still flashed, his heart is beating fast in his chest, his lips are swollen, his breathing has increased and he feels warm all over. He turns his head to the side just to see Louis putting his bag over his shoulder. “I think I’m going to clear out for a couple of hours. Text me when they leave?” he says, grabbing his shoes by the desk.

 

“You’re leaving?” Harry asks, voice shaking. “Forever?”

 

Louis rolls his eyes but he leans close to Harry and bops him on the nose with the tip of his finger. “I’m coming back, you dummy,” he says, but it’s so full of affection that it makes Harry’s heart pound. “But I don’t want to get caught by your family so I think it’s better for me to go now,” he explains.

 

“My family?” Harry asks in a daze. “They’re in Holmes Chapel, not here.”

 

“Not yet but soon, trust me,” Louis replies. “Remember your mum’s words?”

 

“Oh no!” Harry yells out, clasping his hand against his forehead. “I’m so dumb!” he yells.

 

Louis chuckles. “You’re not dumb, Harry, just a little naive but that’s okay.”

 

Harry lets out a sigh. “Where are you going to stay?”

 

“I’ll find a place,” Louis answers and shrugs. “I have some work to do anyway, don’t worry about me. I’ll text you, and maybe we can even-”

 

A knock on the door startles both of them as they stare at it, then share a look of confusion. Neither Harry nor Louis move to open the door, so there’s another knock and Harry’s mom’s voice filters through the door. “Harry? Are you in there, dear?”

 

“Fuck,” Louis mutters, running his fingers through his hair. “I don’t think she’ll be happy to see me here,” he whispers.

 

Harry swallows, his face getting hot as he looks over at Louis who motions for him to open the door. There’s no other way. He can’t hide in the small room and jumping from the balcony isn’t possible since Harry lives on 2nd floor.

 

Immediately his mother storms in and wraps him in a hug, squishing him to her and petting his head. “Harry! It’s been so long since I’ve seen you . . .” she trails off when she catches sight of Louis. Harry’s mum pulls back sharply and nearly runs into Gemma, who was following behind her. “Who’s this?” she asks, motioning toward Louis with her head. Her expression is suddenly stormy and closed-off.

 

Harry frowns, looking over at Louis. Louis is biting his lip, clearly trying not to laugh at Harry’s mother’s emotional outburst. His hands are tucked in his pockets and he makes no move to introduce himself. “Um . . .  this is my friend, Louis?” he replies, confused. He can feel his face getting hot.

 

Anne hums, still frowning. “Well, we came to surprise you and take you to dinner,” she says, looking at Louis as if he’s the reason they can’t go. She looks him up and down for a while and sniffs disapprovingly. Louis doesn’t look fazed by her behavior at all.

 

Instead, he pushes past Harry’s mum, shoving her with his bag. “I’ve got stuff to do anyway. I’ll see you later, Harry?” he asks with a dirty smirk. He winks and licks his lips before walking away. Gemma starts making kissy faces from behind their mom’s back and Harry feels his face flush even harder. She mouths “Harry and Louis sitting in a tree . . . ” and continues making kissing motions with her fingers. Harry shakes his head and tries to tell her to stop but she wouldn’t so he just clears his throat and looks away.

 

“Who was that?” Anne asks again when Louis is gone. She folds her arms across her chest.

 

Harry refuses to look her in the eye, pretending to look around the room for his wallet and shoes. “Um . . . that’s just a friend . . . so . . . I suppose you came here to have dinner with me?” he asks, trying to change the topic. His face still flushed. “Where do you want to go eat? Have you planned anything?”

 

“Why don’t we go to the place we were last time,” Gemma breaks in, patting her stomach. “I’m so hungry.”

 

Anne blinks at the both of them for a moment before nodding. “Okay, if you both want, let’s go there.”

 

Harry doesn’t want to, but he doesn’t want to explain why. He’s not really in the mood to spend the evening with his mum and sister since he had planned to spend it with Louis. But maybe they won’t want to stay too long since it’s Monday and Gemma has to work on Tuesdays. Harry feels bad for having these thoughts as he grabs his jacket to head out.

 

The way to the pub isn’t far and thankfully it isn’t crowded that day. They sit down and start making small talk. Anne asks Harry about his studies and how his courses are going, and in turn, he asks about the bakery and how Robin is doing. Gemma chimes in about her job and her new apartment.

 

“Harry! Hey!” a loud voice suddenly calls. Harry looks up and sees Niall walking toward their table. They grasp hands in a quick handshake. They don’t say anything else as Niall walks off, toward the bathrooms.

 

“Do you think we should invite him over?” Anne asks, taking a sip of her drink. “He seems really nice, are you close? That’s the friend you told me about, right?”

 

Harry raises an eyebrow. “Yes, that’s Niall.” He glances over at Gemma, who shrugs. Anne usually isn’t that nosey.

 

She smiles and folds her hands on the table. “Maybe we should invite him over. You’ve told me so much about Niall and I’d really love to get to know him better.”

 

“I think he’s busy, mum,” Harry replies, feeling even more confused. “He’s always studying in here so I don’t want to disturb him.” Harry doesn’t understand why she’s being so insistent about Niall when she was so dismissive of Louis. “I don’t think he’d want to join us.”

 

“Nonsense,” she waves him off, “he could use the break, I’m sure. Oh look, here he comes.” She motions toward Niall to get his attention. “Niall! Come over here, won’t you?” Niall looks a bit bewildered as he’s walking closer. “Why don’t you sit down with us for a while?”

 

 

Niall glances at Harry, looking a bit lost. “Um . . . sure. Let me finish my reading and I’ll be right over,” he replies politely, before walking back to where his stuff is.

 

Harry nudges Anne with his hand, hissing through his teeth, “What are you doing?”

 

His mum blinks at Harry and smiles again. “Nothing darling. I just thought it would be nice to have your friend join us.”

 

He looks over to Gemma who shrugs again but looks just as confused as Harry feels. He lets out a sigh and they go back to talking. Niall eventually joins them, and Anne asks him the same questions about school and where he’s from. Harry enjoys having Niall next to him but after a while, his friend makes noise about needing to leave, but Anne insists he stay for coffee with them.

 

Harry is really confused by his mum’s persistence and even Gemma seems a little put off by it. They keep exchanging looks and finally Gemma motions to her watch. “Mum, we need to get going anyway if we’re going to make it home at a decent time.”

 

Anne claps her hands together. “You’re right. Niall, it was a pleasure talking to you. Maybe next time Harry comes home, you could tag along with him, if you’d like?”

 

The offer throws Harry for a loop. Since when does his mom invite his friends from school over herself?

 

Niall gives her a shaky smile. “Thank you, I’ll have to consider that. I appreciate the offer.” He gives Harry a strange look and then grabs his backpack to leave.

 

Harry can’t shake the feeling of confusion over the entire evening with his mom. Every time he thinks about it, it makes him frustrated because he doesn’t understand what’s going on. His mom is usually polite and the loveliest person ever, but this almost seems like overkill. They make it back to campus and suddenly Gemma nudges Harry with her elbow. “Isn’t that your friend Louis?” she says quietly, her voice low as she’s motioning her head toward a rowdy group of people who are smoking and passing bottles around, a few meters away from them. As Harry takes a closer look he notices she’s right. It is Louis. He has his arm around a girl, but he’s turned away from her and his fist is closed. Even though Gemma kept her voice down, Anne seemed to hear what she said.

 

“What’s that?” she asks, pulling a face. Her eyes go wide and she frowns hard. “Ugh, those kids should be ashamed of themselves. What an unacceptable behavior on a university campus,” she scoffs, hurrying both of them along like they were small children.

 

Anger flares in Harry for just a moment, but he lets himself be lead into the yard in front of the dorm without saying anything. They head back up to his room where Harry nearly trips on a book sitting in front of his door. He recognizes it as the one Niall borrowed a few weeks ago. It’s got a note sitting on top that says “ _Thanks for letting me borrow this. –Niall”_

 

“Do you make it a habit of leaving your books in the hallway?” Gemma teases.

 

Harry rolls his eyes and holds up the note in his hand. “No. Niall must have left it here. He borrowed it and I guess he was finished.”

 

“What a nice thing to do. He seems like such a thoughtful boy,” Anne chimes in, smiling widely.

 

Harry’s eyebrows furrow. “I guess he is.” He shakes his head. “You feeling okay, Mum?” Harry half-jokes. He opens his arms to give her a hug. “I think I should go to bed since I’m very tired.”  

 

“It’s okay sweetie, we’ll leave now,” his mum says and hugs him back. Harry gives her a kiss on her cheek. He loves her very much, and he wants her to know.

 

“You guys have a safe drive home, okay?” he smiles after hugging his sister, too. “And say hello to Robin.”


	26. Hopes And Prejudices

Harry goes on his balcony and waves until he can’t see them anymore. He quickly sends Niall a text message, telling him that he got the book. Harry also sends Louis one to tell him that his family has left. A few minutes later, Niall is standing in the hallway, his hands in his pockets. Harry motions for Niall to come inside and closes the door behind him. Niall keeps his hands in his pockets, and there’s a small frown on his face.

 

“So . . . what’s up with your mum? That was kind of weird, mate.”

 

Harry shrugs. “I don’t know.” He bites his lip and goes over the events of the past few hours in his mind.

 

“It seemed like she thought we were together or something.” Niall chuckles, but they taper off when Harry doesn’t join in. He rubs a hand across his face and blows out a breath. “Haven’t you told her about you and Louis yet?”

 

Harry blushes a little. “Um . . . no? She’s a little funny about people who . . . um, look like Louis. And it’s really none of her business anyway,” Harry argues weakly. “If I told her about Louis, she’d probably freak out.” His face burns hotter when Niall looks him in the eyes. Harry breaks eye contact and sits down on the bed, staring at the floor. “I don’t know, Niall. I’m not sure how to tell her, if I’m honest. And I don’t really know what we are.”

 

“Then own up to that. Don’t make excuses. I’m not saying you have to tell her about Louis, but you need to tell her that we’re not a thing,” Niall says, gesturing between the two of them. “I mean, we’re good friends and I like you a lot, but that’d never happen in a million years.” He laughs, and this time Harry laughs too. “Not that you’re not great but . . . you’ve got the wrong parts, my friend.”

 

Harry can’t help but smile at his friend. It’s small, but present. “I know, I know. I didn’t mean for that to happen. I’ve never said anything like that to her before.”

 

“I know I’m a great catch . . . I can’t really blame her,” Niall jokes, pulling another laugh out of Harry. “Is your sister single?” he says jokingly, wiggling his eyebrows. Harry groans and grabs one of the pillows off his bed and throws it at Niall. Niall catches it with a laugh and tosses back onto the bed.

 

“How about we forget the last two hours happened and play some video games?”

 

Harry lets out a relieved breath and nods so the two of them settle in and start playing, losing track of time. Later in the evening, the door swings open and Louis comes in. He kicks the door closed behind him and it startles Niall enough to drop his controller. “Jesus, you scared me!” Niall cries out, clutching his chest. A second later, the music plays. “Fuck, now I’ve lost the game because of you!”

 

“Don’t care,” Louis says flatly, tossing his bag next to the bed. “Aren’t you in the wrong room anyway?”

 

Niall snorts. “Don’t see your name on it anywhere,” he fires back. Louis turns around and glares, hard enough to make Niall shrink back. But he doesn’t say anything and walks past them. “Do you want to play too?” Niall calls back.

 

Louis doesn’t even look at him. “No,” he replies flatly, his voice indicating he’s not very pleased about the situation. He smokes on the balcony then he walks over and ruffles Harry’s hair once before sitting down next to him. Harry can feel how tense he is, but chooses not to mention it, not wanting to make it worse. Instead, he goes back to playing. “Had fun?” he asks, not looking away from the screen.

 

“It was okay,” is all Harry says as he’s concentrating on the game. As they keep playing, he feels Louis relax little by little. The boy reaches over and squeezes Louis’ knee quickly. Harry looks at him, a little confused, but doesn’t say anything. Eventually, Louis leans back on his hands, his arm just barely brushing Harry’s. It’s a small gesture, but it makes Harry’s heart jump.

 

They finish the level they were playing on and Niall tosses the controller to the floor. “Well, I’m beat again,” he states. “I’ve got so much homework to finish. I’ll leave you two to it.” Harry knows it’s not true, he’s just being nice. Niall gets up and brushes off his pants with his hands. “I’ll see you tomorrow at uni. You owe me a coffee, by the way for not calling you out,” he says with a wink. Harry knows he’s talking about ditching lessons and winks at him. “That’s what friends are for, I suppose,” Harry answers. “You’ll get you a coffee tomorrow, even two if you like, I promise.”

 

“Deal,” Niall smiles and leaves.

 

“What was that all about?” Louis asks when Niall has left. His voice is noticeably softer now.  

 

Harry sighs and looks down at his hands that are folded in his lap. “While we were out at dinner, Niall happened to be in the pub and my mum . . . kind of . . . assumed Niall and I were . . . you know . . . ,” he explains, gesticulating with his hands.

 

“Fucking?” Louis says with a smirk.

 

Harry jolts back, swatting Louis arm. “Louis!” he shrieks and flushes. “Stop it!”

 

Louis wraps his arm around Harry’s shoulder, pulls him close for a second and chuckles. “Why Niall, though?” he asks seriously.

 

Harry shrugs. “I don’t know. Maybe because I haven’t told her about you,” he answers. “It was really weird.” His sentence tapers off and he bites his lip. Harry doesn’t want to tell Louis what his mum said about him and his friends. “I think she misunderstood-,” he fumbles, but before he can get his words out, the phone rings.

 

He gets up and answers it, watching Louis let his head fall back on the bed. “Hello?”

 

“Harry! Just wanted to tell you that we go home safely,” she says, “it was so good to see you today. I enjoyed having dinner with you and your friend Niall,” Anne says joyfully, putting emphasis on the word _“friend”_.

 

It rankles Harry a little but he doesn’t react. “Glad to hear you got home safely. I enjoyed it too. I always love seeing you and Gem,” he says, a little bit dismissively.

 

She doesn’t seem to notice and barrels on. “It was even better this time, considering we got to meet Niall finally. I was calling because I was wondering if you wanted to come home this weekend and bring him along? I know Robin would love to meet him as well, and you can show him the village and everything, what do you think?”

 

Harry winces. “Mum . . . it’s . . . not like that. I don’t like . . . Niall and I aren’t . . . I’m not interested in Niall that way. He’s just my friend, stop talking like we’re getting married.” Harry can feel himself getting more and more angrily although he didn’t want to react to her allusions. He glances over to Louis who is sitting back up. He raises his eyebrows. “What the fuck?” he mouths at him with a hard frown. Harry waves his hand and motions for him to wait.

 

“Oh but . . . Harry, he seems so nice. And a much better influence than that Louis character.”

 

“What?”

 

She huffs. “Well Harry, surely you’ve seen all those tattoo, piercings and stuff that’s stuck in his body. You know people like him are always addicted to drugs and do bad things all the time. You’re too sweet to be influenced by someone like that. All he wants to do is hurting you. If you-”

 

“Are you even listening to yourself right now?” Harry interrupts, nearly yelling at her. “You don’t even know him, or what he’s been through, or anything about him! If all you’re going to do is insult my friend, whom I care a lot about, then this conversation is over mum!” he nearly shouts into the speaker.

 

“Harry sweetie, you’re exaggerating!” his mum replies. “I just want what’s best for you, and I want to keep you out of harm’s way. You’re still so young, and there’s so much you don’t know,” she tries to placate him.

 

“No mum. There’s so much _you_ don’t know, and you don’t _want_ to know,” he grits out. With that, he hangs up and turns the phone off, tossing it to the floor. He takes a couple of deep breaths and clenches his fists hard at his side.


	27. Mixed Feelings And Monsters Under The Bed

Louis curls his hands around Harry’s arms and awkwardly rubs them, clearly trying to comfort him. Harry appreciates the effort and lets himself be steered backwards toward the bed. He sits, and Louis sits down next to him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “What happened?” he asks.

 

Harry sighs and shifts closer to Louis. To his surprise, Louis tightens his hold. “She doesn’t know you,” Harry whispers, trying not to cry. “And it hurts that she doesn’t seem to want to get to know you.”

 

Louis rubs his arm and pulls him close to press a kiss on his hair. “I’m used to it.”

 

Harry gasps and looks up, meeting Louis’ eyes for a moment. “That doesn’t make it okay.”

 

Louis chuckles and shakes his head. “I’m not a good person, Harry. I’m a failure on legs,” he states.

 

“You’re not, Louis. You just haven’t met the right people yet, you’ve been put through a lot and that’s why,” Harry tells him. “You’re not a bad person.”

 

Louis flicks Harry gently on the tip of his nose. “You’re too cute for your own good, you know that don’t you?” Louis asks, pulling down onto the bed to rest on his chest. Louis runs his fingers along Harry’s spine over his shirt and Harry closes his eyes, enjoying the closeness and the comfort.

 

Harry puts his hand on Louis’ tummy. “You know . . . when we walked home, my mum said some really hurtful things about you“, Harry says quietly. He clenches his hand in Louis’ shirt. “It was so unfair.”

 

“Why?” Louis asks.

 

“We saw you and your friends hanging out and then she just said that people like you should be ashamed. She doesn’t like your look too,” Harry replies.

 

“Oh, you saw us hanging out?” Louis asks. “You know, it didn’t mean anything.”

 

“What are you talking about?” Harry frowns but Louis just blinks at the boy, not answering.  “You were drinking and smoking and stuff.” Harry thinks back to what he saw, replaying it in his head, and it dawns on him what Louis is talking about. “Oh! I know that. You were just hanging out with your friends, and she’s a friend, right?” Louis nods. “Yeah . . . I know it didn’t mean anything. I trust you,” Harry says quietly as he’s putting his hand on Louis’ tummy again.

 

“And your mum didn’t like what she saw, did she?”

 

Harry nods and bites his lip.

 

“Thought so. As I said, I’m used to it,” Louis remarks. “But to be honest . . . I might repeat myself but I’m really not a good guy anyway, you know. I’ve done stuff and . . . “

 

Harry shakes his head. “I know you have but people can change,” he replies and lets out a sigh. “You’ve changed already.”

 

“Not really. Maybe you just think I’ve changed but I haven’t,” Louis says and kisses the top of Harry’s head.

 

Harry lifts his head from Louis’ chest slightly again, pointing at him. “Ha! See? You’ve changed!” he says with a smile, looks into Louis’ eyes.

 

Louis returns the smile. “Okay,” he smiles and runs his hand through Harry’s dense curls, maybe I’ve changed a little bit . . . for you only.”

 

“Maybe?” Harry replies jokingly. “Look how far we’ve come! You’re not yelling or snapping at me for example.”

 

Louis shakes his head and gives Harry a mischievous smile. “That’s just because you kept annoying me until I finally gave in and now I’m trapped here with . . . “

 

Harry covers Louis mouth with his hand. “Stop saying that!” he half-laughs. “It’s not true!”

 

“It is!” Louis says his voice muffled through Harry’s hand. “It is!”

 

“No!” Harry giggles. “No! It’s not! I don’t want you to say such things, stop!”

 

Louis shakes his head while he’s trying to remove Harry’s hand from his mouth. “You think you’re so smart, don’t you?” he chuckles as he’s trying to get hold of Harry’s wrist. Harry half-heartedly tries to pull free, but it leaves them both laughing. “You may be the smart one, but I’m definitely stronger than you!”

 

Harry suddenly rolls them over and Louis sits on Harry’s hips, grabbing both of his wrists to pin them down next to the boy’s head. Their eyes meet for a second and it makes Harry’s skin tingle even more than last time. He loves being pressed down by the older boy and bites his lip in excitement. Louis looks him deep in the eyes, his face serious as if he’s about to preserve what he sees forever. He smirks and all of a sudden he lowers his head quickly to bite the sensitive skin of Harry’s neck a few times.

 

Harry gasps at the feeling and bucks his hips up without thinking. He starts getting hard in his jeans and his body flushes hot as Louis’ tongue trails up his neck. “Is that what you want?” Louis whispers in his ear.

 

As much as he does, Harry twists his wrists out of Louis’ grip and pushes gently on his chest.

 

“Wait, we . . . we need to talk first,” Harry says. His face is flushed and his heart is beating a little bit faster by now. Louis gets off of him, kissing his cheek before sitting down on the bed in front of him. Harry sits up as well, their knees touching. The boy feels his cheeks flush in embarrassment even more as he’s sitting across Louis. He pushes his hair back and lets out a quiet sigh. “I’m sorry that . . .” Harry mumbles. Louis gives him a small smile and pinches his cheek without saying a word.

 

“Before we . . . you know, do something like that . . . um . . . I . . . “ Harry murmurs and rubs his face with the palms of his hands, letting out a small, nervous chuckle before he continues talking. “Um . . . I’m just afraid that you . . . I mean, it’s just that . . . I don’t want to be like Julie,” Harry admits quietly, covering his eyes. Maybe it was wrong to say that, maybe it was.

 

Louis touches Harry’s wrists, pulling his hands down.

 

“You don’t need to be embarrassed,” Louis tells him calmly. “What do you mean?”

 

Harry presses his lips together. “Okay, it’s just that um . . . I’m afraid that . . . that you will treat me like Julie and I don’t want to be another . . . you know, I . . . um . . . I don’t want to be just another . . . person you . . . um . . . slept with,” he says quietly, not meeting Louis’ eyes. He chews the inside of his cheek, wringing his hands. He doesn’t tell Louis that he’s a virgin and that he’s quite unexperienced. It’s too embarrassing for him to tell Louis and the thing with Julie actually _is_ an excuse but also not a proper lie.

 

Louis puts his hand on Harry’s shoulder and shakes it gently. “Hey, look at me,” he says.

  
Harry looks up, not quite meeting Louis’ eyes because he’s scared of what Louis will say.

“Listen,” Louis says. “You will never be like Julie.” He leans forward and gives Harry a sweet kiss on his mouth, holding his chin. “You will never be like _them_ ,” he adds, taking Harry’s hands in his. The younger boy just looks at Louis and blinks. Them. Harry doesn’t like the thought of the fact that Louis has had sex with many people or that others got hugs and kisses and whatever from him.

“You don’t believe me, do you?” Louis asks but Harry doesn’t respond. Louis gives him a smile and holds his arm up, giving him a sign to come closer. Harry moves next to Louis, wrapping one arm around his waist. Louis also wraps his arms around the boy and they stay like this for a few minutes before Harry cuddles closer, tucking his face into the space between Louis’ neck and shoulder. The skin is warm and he presses a soft kiss there. “I just . . . I just really want you to be my boyfriend,” he mumbles against Louis’ neck, letting out a soft exhale.

“I’ll be your boyfriend, but don’t call me that,” Louis teases, “especially not in front of your mum.”

 

Harry goes rigid in his arms and starts trying to pull away, face burning. He didn’t think Louis was actually going to hear him. Then, he feels Louis’ arms shift and pull him even closer as he lays down with Harry, his head propped up on one of the fluffy pillows.  “Where do you think you’re going?”

 

“I thought . . . um . . . I didn’t . . .” Harry stammers, face still hot as he shoves it back into Louis’ neck. “I didn’t mean for you to hear me,” he mumbles.

 

“Well, I did. And like I said . . . I’ll be your boyfriend,  just don’t call me that.”

 

Harry lifts his head back up and looks at Louis. He blinks up at him, still not quite believing that Louis said that. “Do you mean it?”

 

Louis snorts, smoothing his fingers through Harry’s hair gently. “I wouldn’t have said it, otherwise. Now stop looking at me with those Bambi eyes, I can’t deal with them.”

 

Harry’s still not convinced. Harry frowns and asks again, “Are you sure?”

 

Louis widens his eyes and he nods very slowly, like he thinks Harry won’t understand otherwise. “Yes,” he drawls, speaking slowly while he nods. “Lighten up, Harold,” Louis smiles as Harry still won’t believe him. He pinches his cheek and caresses it for a second.

 

Harry squints at Louis but then shakes his head. He sits up, straddling Louis’ hips and covers his mouth before clutching his hands together and holding them to his chest. “Really? It’s just . . . I mean . . . I’ve liked you for so long and . . . I didn’t-,” he babbles, before Louis’ hand covers his mouth.

 

“Harry . . . shut the fuck up now,” Louis says quietly, his voice warm and gentle which makes up for his harsh word choice. Louis fists his hand in Harry’s shirt and pulls the boy back down to kiss him again. It’s harder than the last one, but it makes Harry’s whole body tingle. When he breaks the kiss, Harry takes a much needed breath and shifts again, tucking his face back where it was before.

 

“Would you hold me for a while, just like this?” Harry asks sweetly as he adjusts his position next to Louis.

 

Louis sighs annoyed and wraps one arm around Harry lazily. “Fine,” is all he says. But then, to Harry’s surprise, Louis starts rubbing along his spine softly, until he drifts off to sleep, warm and happy.

 

***

 

It’s still dark outside when Harry starts awake. He moves a little bit and it takes him a moment to remember where he is. He blinks the sleep out of his eyes and looks down, making out the outlines of Louis’ arms wrapped around him. He wiggles back against Louis and smiles when he remembers what happened before they fell asleep. He turns over completely, pushing his face against Louis’ chest. Louis lets out a grumble in his sleep and tightens his hold. It makes Harry smile even wider and he lets out a small sigh of contentment as he closes his eyes and falls back asleep.

 

When he wakes up again, they’re still pressed close together and the sun is shining through the blinds. Harry yawns and pulls back a little, so he can see Louis’ face. He reaches up and caresses Louis’ face with his finger, his touches soft and feather-light. He keeps at it until Louis grunts and swats his hand away. Louis cracks open his eyes and grabs Harry’s wrist, giving him a sleepy smile.

 

“Good morning,” Harry rasps, voice thick with sleep.

 

Louis shivers a little and his mouth tilts up in a smirk. “It’s too early for you to be seducing me with your voice,” he mutters.

 

Harry cocks his head to the side. “What?”

 

“Your voice. It’s all . . . deep . . . and rumbly,” Louis repeats, voice dropping a little lower. “Especially in the mornings.”

 

“You can hear it every day from now on,” Harry smiles at Louis while he lets his hand trace along Louis’ stubble. “You’re my boyfriend now, remember?” The boy’s voice comes out like a hoarse whisper. The words tumble from his mouth just like that but in that moment he’s not sure if that’s how it is or if he just imagined everything.

 

“I don’t remember that,” Louis says seriously. Harry pulls his hand away quickly. He looks away from Louis, bowing his head. “Sorry I . . .,” he mumbles, but just in that second Louis pulls him close and turns around in bed with him, kissing his cheek a few times.

 

“Silly, of course I am!” he laughs as he hovers over Harry who looks at him with a shocked expression. It’s new to Harry that Louis is showing his feelings like that but he likes it. Louis looks Harry in the eyes and smiles. “Just don’t call me that,” he adds and gives Harry a quick kiss before he gets off Harry and out of the bed. Harry watches Louis getting dressed.

 

“Where are you going?” he says, disappointment swaying in his voice.

 

“I have to work today and you shouldn’t forget to go to uni,” Louis answers, pulling a grey hoodie over his torso. “I know you’ve skipped some courses and you shouldn’t have.”

 

“You sound like a teacher,” Harry moans. “It’s not that you haven’t skipped any.”

 

“Thank you, Mr. Skippy,” Louis answers, sticking out his tongue at Harry.

 

Harry sighs. “That’s very mature, Louis.”

 

Louis just pulls a funny face, ruffles through Harry’s curls and gives him a kiss on his cheek. “I’ll text you later, okay? It will be a long day, don’t wait for me.” And with these words, he’s walking out of the room. Harry sighs. It’s the happiest he has ever seen Louis and Harry hopes that it’s not just a phase. But he’s afraid that it could change again.

 

***

 

“Harry . . . wake up before you suffocate yourself with that big ass textbook!”

 

The words sound far away as Harry blinks awake. Everything is blurry and Harry actually has to peel the book off his face. He has no idea when he fell asleep, but he blinks again and Louis’ face comes into focus. “I thought you were at work?”

 

Louis looks puzzled. “Harry . . . it’s nearly seven in the evening. Dawn let me off early, and I came straight home.”

 

Warmth pools in his chest at the way Louis calls his dorm “home.” Harry sits up and rubs his eyes. His notes and books are still spread out around him. He watches Louis grab some of his pages and start to thumb through them. “According to Milton, it could be argued that Lucifer is actually an anti-hero rather than a villain, blah blah blah, so boring. Next!” Louis says, tossing the first one on the floor. “Cells contain their own organelles that help support the system . . . boring as hell . . . Harry what were you doing while I’m gone?” More pages flutter to the floor as he shakes them in front of Harry’s face. He tosses them back on the bed and picks up the book Harry peeled off his face. “Sociology Themes and Perspectives? What the hell is this?”

 

Harry snatches the book back and rolls his eyes, trying not to laugh at Louis’ antics. “Well, I can’t all spend my days sticking people with needles and drawing stick men on their arms.”

 

Louis barks out a laugh and puts his hands on his hips. “You know, I think I liked you better when you were a meek little mouse. You’re getting really mouthy.”

 

“What can I say? I’ve learned from the best,” Harry says playfully.

 

Louis lets out a growl and tackles Harry to the bed. It sends his notes and textbooks flying, the sound of crumpled paper and cracking spines filling the air. Harry shrieks and tries to wriggle out from under Louis, but Louis keeps him pinned down.

 

“Damn it, Louis! These books are expensive!” he shouts and tries to wriggle out of Louis’ grip.

 

“And boring,” Louis says, grinning like a shark.

 

Harry finally manages to push Louis aside. He gets off the bed and starts trying to gather up his notes. He flexes the book that fell down, trying to bend it back in place. He’s grumbling under his breath. “My book,” he laments when it won’t bend back. He sighs and puts it down on the floor gently, turning to glare at Louis. “Do you know how long it took me to write all those notes and organize them?”

 

“No, but I’m sure you’re going to tell me,” Louis says.  

 

Harry’s frown deepens. “Louis, I’m not kidding. It took me…”

 

Louis cuts him off by wrapping his arms around his waist and pulling him into his lap. “And it took me months to realize how cute you are when you get angry. I like ruffling your feathers,” he whispers, kissing Harry on the cheek.

 

Despite himself, Harry feels his anger start to melt away. How can he stay mad when Louis is being so sweet? He sighs and tilts his head back to kiss Louis on his jaw, the stubble rough against his mouth. “You’re a menace,” he grumbles, but it’s warm with affection.

 

“And since you’re _such_ a good student, I could teach you something else,” Louis nearly whispers, his voice hoarse and low as he lets his hand start drifting down Harry’s stomach, teasing along the edge of his waistband. Louis’ voice sounds appealing and sitting on his lap feels like heaven but although he’s getting hard at Louis’ touch (and he hasn’t even reached any of the important parts), Harry stops Louis’ hand from touching him further.

 

“What’s wrong?” Louis asks, letting his hand rest on Harry’s tummy.

 

The boy gets up from Louis’ lap. He can feel his face getting red and he tries not to turn to Louis. “I . . . um . . .  I need . . . um . . . I need to go to the bathroom,” he lies and hurries to get off Louis’ lap. He nearly runs out of the room, slams the door and walks down the hallway. He feels like a kid, running away from something that he should like and what should be normal to him but he can’t stay in the room with Louis. Plus, Harry feels like he can never return to his room again. What will Louis think of him? That he’s a baby? That he’s a looser who has literally no experience with sex stuff and who always wanted to wait until . . . until what? He has no idea. Harry just knows that every time, someone has tried to touch him, he has run away like now. Just because of fear? What is it? Harry keeps walking down the hall quickly, his heart hammering in his chest but he doesn’t go to the bathroom. He takes the stairs to the laundry room, checks if there are people in the room with the sofas near it and thank god, it’s empty. Harry doesn’t need to switch on the lights since a street lamp in front of the window is illuminating the room enough for him to see where to go. He sits down on a sofa that’s in the last corner and covers himself with a blanket that’s next to him. He’s mad at himself but also terribly afraid of these new experiences he has never done and he can feel his eyes watering. Why is he such a coward? Harry wipes his eyes as he silently cries to himself, laying down on the sofa. He stares out of the windows, as if he was in trance, the tears running down his cheeks slowly. He sobs and shivers, not only because of the crying, also because it’s very cold in the basement but he’s too ashamed of himself to go upstairs again, he just can’t.

 

After a while he hears steps outside. It has gotten darker by now and Harry’s afraid who it could be. There’s a thin ray of light shining through the door that doesn’t close neatly. “Harry?” a voice calls and Harry knows it’s Louis.

 

“No,” he whispers to himself and tries not to give the slightest peep. “Go away,” he breathes and closes his eyes. He feels like a child, like a silly, dumb child that hides from the monsters under his bed. The only difference is that he’s not in his bed and the monster is not in 3D.

 

“Harry!” Louis yells again. He’s coming closer. Harry listens to the steps that seem louder now. And there he is. Louis opens the door to the room slowly. Harry doesn’t even breathe. Maybe he can’t see him and he’ll go away again but he doesn’t. Louis stands in the door frame, looking into the room for a while. “Harry? Is this you?” he asks and walks over to the sofa. Harry turns around and curls up against the back rest. He feels Louis sitting down next to him, his hip touching his bent legs.

 

“What are you doing in here?” Louis wants to know but Harry stays quiet. What should he answer? That he ran away from having sex or getting touched by Louis? He would sound like an idiot. People usually have their first sexual experiences when they’re much younger than him. This is embarrassing enough and then there’s the fact that he’s afraid of the unknown. Harry is eighteen and that means he’s an adult. Adults shouldn’t be afraid of sex. The imagination of telling that to Louis is so absurd. Could he do that? Wouldn’t Louis only laugh at him, make fun of him and humiliate him in front of his friends and even more people at uni since Louis is quite popular and known among the students? He would maybe tell him that he did a mistake by admitting he liked Harry, leave him and ruin his life? Harry would probably have to leave the city probably and go somewhere else. But how should he explain this to his mum who’s paying for his education? All those thoughts are too much for him and make the tears run down his cheeks even faster.

 

Louis stays there for a short while. He doesn’t move, he doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t touch Harry. Then he gets up eventually and walks away. Harry still doesn’t move. “You know what Harry, if you want to fool me, I’m not the right person. I hate those games of hide and seek, I’m not fucking doing this and I won’t chase after you.” His voice doesn’t sound friendly at all, not a single bit. It reminds Harry of the Louis he met a few months ago which feels like a sting directly to his heart. “You should be old enough to handle adult things like adults do, for fuck’s sake!” he growls, then closes the door.

 

When Louis is gone, Harry cries even harder. His whole body shakes as he whimpers to himself quietly, clutching tighter to the blanket that’s not even warming him anymore. Harry can’t move although he should run after Louis and explain everything but he can’t. Something inside is telling him to get up and do something but his body feels like it’s gotten heavier. He can’t move. Secretly, Louis hopes that Louis will come back but he knows he won’t. Harry can’t think straight right now, he can’t.

 

After a long while, Harry regrets to not having said anything. What if Louis left? Harry wipes his eyes but continues to cry. It feels as if the pain would never go away. But still, Harry is afraid of how Louis would react if he went upstairs. Harry can’t stop thinking about the two of them. Louis has tried to come close to Harry twice within a few days but every time Harry has refused further actions. What if Louis wouldn’t understand? What if Louis thinks he has done a mistake? Is he really Harry’s boyfriend or was he just saying that to silence him? The thought of it makes him doubt everything. Harry feels empty, as if someone took all the happiness away from him. And suddenly there’s nothing he wants more than to be cuddled by Louis but what if he isn’t in the room anymore? The boy shivers from the cold as he gets up from the sofa after what seems forever because he can’t take the cold anymore. On his way upstairs, he’s terribly afraid what Louis’ reaction will be like.

 

The way up to his room makes Harry almost sick. He tries to dry his tears before he opens the door. He looks like a mess – thank god it’s dark already. When he opens the door to his room as quietly as possible, Harry spots Louis’ silhouette on his bed, his face turned toward the wall. Harry closes the door carefully and stands still for a few moments until he can be sure that Louis is actually sleeping. Harry can hear his regular breathing and listens for a while. The younger boy lets out a barely audible sigh, glad that he can avoid talking to Louis. Harry gets off his jeans and jumper before he slips into bed next to Louis as careful as possible. Thank god he put on a shirt under his jumper this morning first so he doesn’t have to sleep completely naked. His room is way too cold, even for sleeping in a shirt only but something else isn’t possible right now. His pyjamas are hidden somewhere in his wardrobe but the doors are squeaking and he doesn’t want to risk waking Louis up. Thank god the cover is thick and warm so he won’t freeze.

 

A few seconds after Harry has slipped into bed, Louis stirs. “You’re back,” he states without turning around.

Harry only manages to make a low sound because his voice is still thick with tears. Louis doesn’t reply anything after that and Harry tries to fall asleep but it’s not possible. It seems like hours that he can’t drift to sleep. Louis seems to have problems either; his breathing is regular but he’s also shifting.

 

“Are you still awake?” Harry asks quietly after a while but Louis doesn’t answer. “Louis?”

 

“Oh god Harry, yes!” the boy suddenly growls, “can’t you just shut up? It’s in the middle of the night.”

 

“Can’t you just stop being mean to me for no reason?” Harry whines, close to tears.

 

Louis suddenly switches on the small lamp over their heads and sits up. “Are you fucking serious?” he growls, eyes cold. “It was you who acted like a child when I wanted to talk to you! It was you who decided to get all in a hurry and now you’re playing the victim here?” Louis crosses his arms in front of his chest. “It wasn’t me who ran away for whatever damn reason, was it? Who do you think you are, Harry? Do you think the world is only turning around you and your selfish behavior? What the fuck!”

 

 “Stop yelling at me,” Harry cries as he gets up too. He wipes his face with his hand. “You have no idea,” he sobs, “you judge me just like this without considering that . . .” Harry isn’t able to talk anymore as the tears stream down his face, dripping onto the covers. The lump in his throat nearly makes Harry choke, the pressure in his chest almost gives him chest pain. Harry’s bottom lip quivers, his body shakes from the sobs. He’s afraid of what Louis will say or do next.

 

“What,” Louis barks, “without considering what?”

 

Harry bows his head, loud sobs still escaping his mouth while Louis glares at him. “Stop fooling me, you little selfish fu-,“ the older boy hisses but that’s when it gets too much for Harry.

 

“I . . . I will tell you why,” Harry sobs as more tears start running down his hot cheeks, “it’s . . . because . . . because I’m afraid to tell you that . . . that I’ve never had sex and that I’m unexperienced when it comes to all of this and . . . that I’m afraid, no scared actually that you will leave me or make fun of me or humiliate me in front of everyone just because of that and that’s why!” Harry shouts with teary eyes and a hoarse voice. He breaks out in even heavier sobs as he’s pressing his hands in front of his face. “I’m so insecure,” he cries, his voice coming out in a muffled sound. He looks up but everything’s blurry. “Why aren’t you saying anything?” he cries, “why?”

 

“Because I don’t know what to say,” he answers as he’s looking at the crying boy. Louis’ voice isn’t as venomous as it was a few seconds ago.

 

The younger boy looks at him shocked but just in that second Louis gets closer to Harry, wraps his arms around the boy and pulls him close to his warm body. Harry puts his head on Louis’ chest and nuzzles close to him, curled up like a kitten. This gesture means so much to Harry and he just can’t stop crying. “Please don’t hate me now,” he whispers, his voice thick with tears. “Please don’t leave me.”

 

“Calm down,” Louis says, his voice much softer as he’s placing a kiss on Harry’s hair. “I won’t leave you.” Louis’ words let Harry cry even harder as his whole body is shaking like a leaf. The older boy keeps his arms wrapped around Harry for a while. Then he pulls him down and spoons the exhausted boy from behind, pulling him close to his body.

 

As Harry has calmed down again, he takes Louis’ hand in his, caressing it with his thumb. “I feel like a dumb teenager,” he finally says, still sniffling a little bit. “You were right; I am a baby,” Harry admits, his voice teary. He wipes his face and exhales audibly. He feels like he could cry again.

 

“No, you’re not,” Louis answers, his breath tickling Harry’s neck.

 

Harry turns around to face Louis. The little lamp is still switched on and they look each other in the eyes. Harry lets his hand trace along Louis’ cheekbones, lips and stubble. Louis doesn’t budge; he just looks Harry in the eyes the whole time. Suddenly, he stops Harry by grabbing his wrist. He props up on his arm, puts Harry’s arm down and looks him deep in his eyes. Louis scans Harry’s face. He touches Harry’s cheek with his hand and lowers down to give him a small kiss. Harry moves his mouth against Louis’ slowly as he’s closing his eyes, feeling Louis’ lips brushing gently over his.

 

“You don’t need to be afraid,” Louis almost whispers as he pulls away.

 

“Don’t you hate me now?” Harry asks, his voice barely audible.

 

Louis sighs and shakes his head. “No.” He leans down and kisses Harry again. “Now let’s get some sleep and we can talk about this tomorrow, okay?” Harry nods. Louis turns around, away from Harry. The younger boy wraps his arms around Louis’ waist and nuzzles close to his body. Like that, they fall asleep again until the alarm rudely awakes them from their sleep the next morning.

 


	28. Time To Play

“No, I don’t want to,” Harry groans as he tries to hit his alarm clock. Louis growls and turns around. He manages to put the alarm out but nuzzles back into the covers. When he turns around, Harry moves his hand but pulls it back in shock when he feels Louis’ morning wood under the covers. He flushes and takes his hand away quickly. As he wants to turn away, Louis stops him.

 

“Hey, hey!” he says slowly, his voice raspy and kind of appealing, “you can leave your hand there,” he smirks. “If you like,” he quickly adds, “I wouldn’t mind.”

 

Harry has never heard Louis talking like that. It felt a little bit strange to touch Louis there but Harry kind of liked what he felt, if he was honest to himself, even if it only was for a second or two. Louis’ eyes burn into Harry’s as the older boy takes his hand and guides it toward his hard dick. Harry gulps but doesn’t pull back, still looking Louis in the eyes. He tries to concentrate on Louis’ steady breathing and his eyes, letting him guide his hand further.

 

Of course Harry has touched himself before, it’s not that he doesn’t know how it feels and once he gave a quick hand job to a boy at a party but he hasn’t done more than that. Harry hates the feeling of insecurity and he’s thinking of what happened between them yesterday again what makes the boy getting nervous again but he doesn’t want to be a coward this time. When Harry feels Louis’ erection, he gently wraps his fingers around it. Louis smirks at Harry, pulls the covers away and gives Harry a quick kiss. “Please touch me,” he whispers into Harry’s mouth as he kisses him again. Then he looks Harry in the eyes, letting his hand run through Harry’s messy curls. Harry gulps heavily, his eyes exploring Louis’ face. “You don’t need to be afraid,” Louis whispers and caresses Harry’s cheek. Harry nods shyly but starts to move his hand slowly over the fabric, pretty uncoordinated at first. Louis turns to his back which makes Harry pull his hand away. He hides his face behind the palms of his hand. “Sorry, I suck at this,” he whispers, shaking his head.

 

“Don’t say that,” Louis tells Harry. “But if you want,” he whispers as he is slowly getting up to hoover over Harry, tracing the younger boy’s lips with his index finger, “I can make you feel good now,” Louis says, letting his hand slide up and down Harry’s length lazily. Although his touch is barely there, Harry can feel the arousal growing. Fuck. The younger boy bites his lower lip and nods shyly. “Alright then,” Louis says with a smirk before he lowers down, licking over Harry’s lips, moving them against his. Harry opens his mouth a little bit and that’s when he can feel Louis’ tounge. He’s brushing it against his over and over again. Harry grabs Louis’ neck and pulls him closer, not ready to stop. The kiss is a bit wet but not necessarily bad and when Louis slows the speed down, it feels like it’s the most appealing thing ever. Harry has kissed before but never like _that_. This kiss isn’t just a kiss, it makes him getting harder and before Louis has even touched him, Harry is letting out a quiet moan. It feels as if the electricity of their kiss leads directly to his lower abdomen and he bucks his hips up, longing for a touch.

 

“You’re getting hard, aren’t you?” Louis whispers with a smirk, kissing Harry one more time, then pulls away. Harry flushes and hides his head. Louis lifts Harry’s chin up to give him another slow kiss. Then he sits up in bed. “Come here,” he says and makes a sign for the boy to come over. Harry has no idea what Louis is planning but he sits down next to him. The older boy wraps his left arm around Harry who hides his face into Louis’ neck. “Relax now, okay?” Louis tells him as starts to slide his hand down to his briefs. Harry grabs Louis’ shirt as the boy lets his hand run over Harry’s half-hard dick a few times. He wraps his fingers around it, moving his hand slowly up and down the shaft. His touch isn’t much but it feels so good that Harry lets out another quiet moan. “More,” he whispers, biting Louis neck. He can hear Louis chuckle before he wraps his hand tighter around Harry’s length and gives him a few more firm strokes.

 

“Time to free him”, Louis demands and pulls Harry’s briefs down his thighs a little bit. “Wonderful,” Louis states before he grabs Harry again. “You’re so big for your age,” he mutters, stroking the boy firmly. Pre-come is already leaking out of the tip so Louis teases Harry’s wet head with his fingers first before he spreads the liquid further along his shaft. Louis’ touch feels so good - better than his own and definitely the arousal is way more intense. It doesn’t take long until Harry tightens his grip on Louis’ shirt and bites his neck again as a sign that he’s close. Harry’s breathing increases and the boy whimpers quietly into Louis’ neck. “Do you feel good?” Louis asks and Harry nods frantically, whispering “yes, yes” over and over again. Louis smirks into his hair and gives him a tiny kiss on it before he wraps his hand tighter around Harry who’s bucking his hips up by now, clearly wanting more. Louis lets his hand run up and down Harry’s haft in firm and quick strokes for a while before he increases the speed and grip on Harry’s length. Harry lets out another quiet moan and within seconds he comes undone, leaving white traces of sperm all over his shirt and Louis’ hands. Harry is panting and trembling from the sensation and still, the older boy hasn’t pulled away his hand which feels nice. Harry doesn’t move. Soon he goes soft again and that’s when Louis pulls back. “You did well, baby,” he says as Harry looks up at him with glossy eyes and flushed cheeks. Louis smirks at him. “I’ve never seen someone glowing as much as you after coming,” he states. “Wow. And it’s so appealing, look,” he says and shows Harry his erection. “I usually don’t get that aroused by jerking someone off so take it as a compliment,” he adds.

 

Harry stares at Louis’ bulge and the wet spot on his black briefs. He doesn’t know what to say, his face still flushed. “I . . . I need to use the bathroom,” Harry stutters as he gets up from the bed. He quickly pulls some joggers out of the wardrobe, pulls them on, rushes out of the door and runs down the hall. He sits down on a toilet and buries his hands in his hair. Why is he so shy when it comes to sex? Why couldn’t he just jerk Louis off like he did? Harry exhales audibly, gets off the toilet and splashes his face with cold water. He doesn’t want to be a coward. He’s eighteen, not twelve. He wants to do the same to Louis and he will. Right when he will be back in his room.

 

After he made that decision, he feels a little bit braver. As he walks back into the room, he spots Louis in bed with his eyes closed and his arms crossed behind his head. His erection is clearly visible and the wet spot is still there. He looks appealing but yet so innocent like this. A look at the clock tells Harry that there’s still plenty of time until uni starts so he doesn’t hesitate. The boy walks toward the bed and kneels down next to Louis who smiles without opening his eyes. “Hi baby,” he says, reaching out for his thighs. He blinks quickly and looks at Harry. Louis calling him baby warms his heart.

 

“Thank you for . . .” he says, too shy to say the word out loud but Louis understands.

 

“It was a pleasure to make you come. I love your dick already and the way your body is reacting to me.” He winks at Harry who lets his fingers run over Louis’ forehead, brushing some streaks out of it. Louis grabs Harry’s hand, kisses his knuckles and puts it down on his chest, looking into his eyes.

 

“Can I . . . can I try?” Harry stammers, pointing at Louis’ length.

 

Louis smirks. “Oh fuck yes of course! I was hoping you’d say that!” he tells Harry as he closes his eyes again.

 

“I’ve just done it once,” Harry admits quietly. “I’m afraid that . . . that you won’t like it.”

 

Louis opens his eyes and gets up, giving Harry a quick kiss. “I’m sure I will like it.”

 

Harry sighs. “Okay.”

 

“I’m not forcing you,”

 

“I know,” Harry answers, taking a deep breath. “But what if I do something wrong?”

 

Louis touches Harry’s arm. “You won’t, I’m sure.”

 

Harry sighs. “Okay but . . . close your eyes,” he demands. “Please.”

 

“Bossy baby,” Louis laughs. “I’ve planned that anyways and now stop talking and make me come already.” He chuckles again but closes his eyes.

 

Harry kneels down next to Louis but he kind of doesn’t know how to start. It feels like he doesn’t know how to start. Suddenly, Louis sits down. “What’s wrong?” he asks. “Everything ok?”

 

“It feels like a blockade, I don’t know what to do,” Harry tells Louis. “I’m such an idiot,” he whispers. “But I want to Louis, I want to touch you!”

 

“Well then,” Louis says, lowering his voice, “maybe what you need is just a little push,” he adds, crawling over to Harry on all fours, giving him a slow kiss. He’s pushing it, pushing his tongue into Harry’s mouth as the younger boy responds by kissing him back without touching. Louis suddenly pulls back a little bit, kisses Harry’s jaw and neck, biting the soft skin and sucking at the sweet spot near Harry’s ear what makes him moan again. “See,” Louis says seductively, “it doesn’t take much to get you into the right mood,” he coos, gently continuing to bite Harry’s skin. Harry tilts his head to give Louis more access to his neck as he feels himself getting hard again. What the fuck? “And now, please touch me Harry, please,” Louis says while he places small kisses along Harry’s neck toward his jawline, “please make me come.”

 

Harry cups Louis face with his hands, looks into his eyes and gulps. He licks over Louis lips, kisses him and nods. “I want to and I will do my best,” he whispers, gently pushing Louis back again as he’s straddling his hips, Louis erection pressed against his crotch. He kisses him again, then moves down. Louis parts his legs for Harry who kneels down in front of Louis, letting his hand glide up his shaft slowly. The fabric of his briefs is silky and smooth, easy enough for him to move without problems. Louis lets out a quiet moan which motivates Harry to do more. He finally wraps his hand around Louis and pumps him slowly through the fabric. He’s a little bit clumsy at first as he can’t really do a smooth movement. That’s when he starts pulling Louis’ briefs down to his ankles where Louis gets rid of them eventually.

 

Harry wraps his hand around Louis’ dick again and this time, it’s getting better. He lets his hand run up and down his shaft slowly, trying to touch the tip too but he’s not doing it all the time which drives Louis crazy. “More Harry, please!” he whines as he bucks his hips up, “don’t tease me like this!” His breathing is increasing and he’s gripping the sheets. Harry tightens his hold and moves his hand up and down faster but suddenly Louis puts his hand on his to stop him. “You’re doing good but . . . try a bit less hard,” he tells Harry. “It hurts a little,” he admits. Harry pulls a sad face but Louis immediately intervenes by tilting his chin up, looking him in the eyes. “Hey, I love it. Just be careful, that’s all,” he says, giving him a quick, heated kiss. “And now go back to work because I’ll be on the edge soon,” he smiles, propping his body up on his elbows. As Harry looks at him, he winks. “I’d like to watch if it’s okay for you.”

 

Harry nods and wraps his hands around Louis again, a little bit more gentle this time. He pumps him a few times before he gets a nice rhythm that makes Louis drop his head back and let out a whimper. Harry suddenly stops, lets some spit run out of his mouth, letting it drip on Louis tip. “Fuck Harry,” the boy moans as he notices. Harry’s breathing on his tip and the wet spit feel heavenly. Harry does it again and continues pumping Louis. “Faster baby, faster,” Louis tries to encourage him, gritting his teeth at the sensation. Louis’ voice makes Harry want to do whatever he tells him. He does his best to please him, concentrating on his grip and speed. Louis looks him in the eyes, his face red, his hips bucked up. “Yes baby, yes, yes, yes,” he whimpers, clenching his fists. “Faster!” he commands and Harry does so until Louis comes with a loud moan over Harry’s hands.

 

“I made it!” Harry laughs and leans in for a kiss.

 

Louis’ cheeks are flushed as he opens his eyes again. “You did and it felt so good,” Louis answers, giving him a quick, wet kiss. “But I need to go now, Dawn is waiting for me and you should go to uni.”

 

Harry protests but Louis gets off the bed. “I’ll take a quick shower,” he states and leaves the room. Harry is a little bit disappointed. He wouldn’t have minded to skip classes today and stay in bed with Louis the whole day. Who knows what Louis can do to him? Harry lays down in his bed again, thinking about sex with Louis. His thoughts make his skin tingle and he can feel his excitement grow again. Fuck. What can he do? Harry starts touching himself, thinking it was Louis. He moans his name with his eyes closed, letting his hand gliding up and down his hard shaft. “That’s fucking hot,” Louis whispers into Harry’s ear which makes him startle. He pulls his hand away, his face dark red.

 

“Louis!” he practically yells, “what are you doing here?”

 

“Watching the hottest show on earth,” the older boy whispers, looking him in the eyes. “Isn’t it enough that you came once? Now you want to come again?”

 

“I . . . I . . . you know I . . .” Harry tries to explain but he can’t find the right words. Louis lowers down to give him a kiss.

 

“Don’t stop, make yourself come but let me watch,” Louis says into Harry’s mouth, kissing him one more time.

 

Harry can feel the heat pooling in his lower abdomen by Louis’ words only. Fuck. “Okay,” he gulps, grabbing Louis’ arm to hold on to. Harry closes his eyes again, trying to imagine he’s on his own. He puts his hand back on his dick and starts rubbing it gently at first before his movements get faster and faster.

 

“You look so fucking hot baby,” Louis whispers, “so fucking hot. Yeah, like that, make yourself come, make yourself come,” he says, his voice low, full with lust. Louis’ voice gives him the rest and that’s when Harry comes hard. “God, I’m addicted to how you look after coming,” Louis admits, caressing Harry’s face. “When will you be home this afternoon?” he asks as he’s getting up from the bed.

 

“Around six, I think,” Harry answers, still dazed.

 

Louis is about to pull on his jumper. “Good,” he winks at the younger boy and walks off the door without turning around again.

 

***

 

A few seconds later, there’s a knock on the door. Harry rushes to smooth his hair and pull on his joggers before he opens the door.

 

It’s Niall. He raises an eyebrow. “So . . .” he starts to say. His eyes are narrowed and he’s staring hard at Harry, like he’s studying him.

 

Harry’s face goes hot and he motions for Niall to close the door. “Come here!” he hisses.

 

“Who’s gonna hear you, Harry?” Niall replies loudly, glancing out the door.

 

“Shut it!” the boy hisses again, his motions more frantic this time. Niall rolls his eyes but does as Harry asks. He crosses the floor and goes to sit down on the bed, but hesitates. “Is this safe to sit on?” Niall deadpans. There’s a hint of a smile on his mouth, but it still makes Harry go even redder.

 

“Well, I mean . . . I suppose it is, we just . . . we,” Harry stammers.

 

Niall smacks him lightly on the back of the head. “Don’t hurt yourself,” he says with a laugh, flops down on the bed, bouncing a little. He leans closer to Harry finally, rests his chin in his hand, his eyes wide and sparkling. “Soooo . . .  tell me everything,” he demands. Harry can’t even look at him. “I mean, every time I see Louis, he looks like your illicit lover sneaking out your back door before your husband gets home. What’s up with that?” Niall barrels on. He seems unconcerned with Harry’s discomfort.

 

Harry rubs his face with his hand. “That’s none of your business, Niall.”

 

His friend folds his arms and grins. “So you admit it, then? You’re doing the dirty with Louis? You barely know each other!”

 

Harry picks up a pillow and throws it at Niall. His face is burning now. “Shut up, Niall!”

 

Niall catches the pillow with ease and laughs. “Aha! I knew something was going on. You’re avoiding the question, Harry, which gives you away, you sly dog.” Niall throws the pillow back at Harry who smacks it away. He laughs again and sits up. “You’re way cheekier than I thought you’d be.”

 

Harry clenches his fists. “Shut up Niall!” Harry shouts. “Louis is . . . he’s my boyfriend now,” he replies angrily, though he whispers the last word. Harry bites his lip and looks down at his lap.

 

To his surprise, Niall wraps his arm around Harry’s shoulders and it makes him look back up. Niall’s smile has changed, it’s soft. “I’m just teasing you, Harry. I know how much you like Louis, so I’m happy for you. Is he good to you?”

 

Harry nods shyly, the beginnings of a grin curling on his mouth. “He is actually. We still have a lot to figure out though.”

 

“Well that’s great, I’m glad. Maybe it means your mum will stop trying to set us up,” he teases, but it makes Harry tense. Seeming to sense the change in attitude, Niall stops laughing. “Have you told her yet?”

 

“No. But . . . I really want to take him home, Niall. Show him what it’s like . . . ” he starts to say, but shuts his mouth with a sharp clack. Louis’ business isn’t his to tell, not even to Niall.

 

Niall nods along. “You should.” He gets to his feet and shoves his hands in his pockets. “Hey, since your honeybun is out for now, do you think you have time to have lunch with me later? There’s this new diner that just opened down the street, we can check it out after the courses.”

 

Harry nods, grateful for the shift in topic. “We can do that. When do you have to leave?”

 

“Ten minutes.”

 

“Okay, I’ll be ready,” Harry tells Niall and hurries to the bathroom.


	29. Hurt

Before Harry meets Niall outside, he sends Louis a text. _“Heading out to uni with Niall! <3”_

 

 “ _The leprechaun?”_

 

Harry rolls his eyes, but smiles as he’s walking down the stairs. “ _Don’t call him that.”_

 

_“;) I’m just teasing. I’ll see you later, baby.”_

 

Harry flushes. He loves being called “baby” by Louis, it makes his heart jumps and his stomach flutter. He meets Niall on the stairs and both boys walk to uni quickly because they’re a little bit late, as usual. During the whole walk Harry bites his lip so he doesn’t grin like an idiot all the time. Thankfully, Niall doesn’t seem to notice as he keeps chattering about a girl in one of his courses.

 

The day goes by normally. Harry and Niall attend some of their courses together, have lunch with their friends in the cafeteria and spend the afternoon at the library, working on a presentation for politics. From time to time Harry checks his phone but Louis hasn’t messaged yet.

 

_“What are you doing?”_ Harry sends but doesn’t get a response. _“I miss you.”_ Still, after hours, there’s no answer from him what makes Harry nervous. What happened to him? Where is he?

 

Outside the library, Harry meets some friends. They decide to hang out at the cafeteria for a while which is good because it distracts Harry from thinking of Louis for a while, at least. Niall has to leave soon but Harry stays there until it gets dark. It has been a good day so far and Harry can’t wait to see Louis again. He was probably busy, that’s why he hasn’t answered, he tries to excuse him.

 

Louis walks home around half past eight. When he passes his dorm, his thoughts immediately go to Louis again. The windows of Harry’s room aren’t illuminated so Louis probably isn’t home yet. Why? Is he sleeping or in the bathroom? Who knows. Although Harry has sent him several texts throughout the day, Louis hasn’t replied to any of them. What if Louis is at a party or something? Or maybe he has to work in the evening too? Harry’s stomach cringes when he thinks about the parties and what could happen there. Louis has been out in the evenings a lot during the last weeks but he always promised that he wouldn’t attend parties and Harry believed him.

 

Since he’s hungry and has to go grocery shopping, the boy decides to stop at the small Tesco market near his dorm to buy some food and drink for the weekend. As he walks past the small park, he notices a group of people yelling and laughing. People are hanging around in this area all the time so Harry doesn’t really care who it is. He pulls the hood over his head to protect himself from the sharp wind that’s whistling through the streets. How can they even spend time outside? It’s terribly cold and uncomfortable.

 

In the shop, Harry spots a blonde girl who’s standing at the very end. She looks like Julie but Harry isn’t sure. The thought of Julie causes a sting in his heart. He hasn’t seen or talked to her after the incident at the tattoo shop and if he’s honest, he didn’t want to. As he’s walking along the corridor with bread and cake, a guy with a thick winter jacket and a green snapback puts his arm around her loosely whispering something in her ear. The girl giggles and Harry turns away. He wishes that Louis would make him giggle like that but still, there’s no message showing on his phone.

 

Harry hurries to get everything he needs. When he steps outside, he notices the blonde girl and the guy again. They’re walking up the street toward the group of people. Harry thinks it could really be Julie and . . . Louis. Hot and cold waves spread through Harry’s body as this thought comes to the boy’s mind. The way he’s walking, the jacket, the snapback . . . but what if he isn’t Louis? If Harry talked to him and would be wrong they would laugh at him for sure so he decides not to do anything but observing.

 

When the girl and the boy are with the group again, the guy leans over and kisses the girl hard, cupping her face. And just in this moment Harry notices it actually _is_ Louis. His stomach drops immediately, his heart starts to race and he can’t hold back anymore. He doesn’t care if there are people or not, he just reacts without thinking.

 

“Louis!” he shouts, running towards the boy. There are empty bottles spread everywhere and the smell indicates what Harry should have known already. “Louis, what are you doing here?” Harry continues, drawing attention to himself. He pulls Louis’ arm away from the girl and when he looks her in the eyes, he sees that he was right. It is Julie. Her lipstick is smeared, her eyes red just as Louis’. Everyone is staring at them by now. “What are you doing here? I’ve sent you texts, I was worried about you and then I come here to see you . . . and your . . . friends getting drunk, doing drugs and the worst is that you’re kissing _her_ again? You’re cheating on me, really?!” Harry’s face is red and his throat hurts from yelling. His feelings are overwhelming, causing his head to spin as Louis looks at him with a blank look, dilated pupils and the smell of alcohol. “I thought you were my boyfriend!” Harry yells, close to tears.

 

Suddenly, everyone goes quiet. “Boyfriend?” Louis laughs, shaking his head. “I’m not your boyfriend, silly,” Louis grins as he motions to his friends that Harry’s mental. “We might have had some fun but that’s what everyone does around here so no big deal,” Louis slurs as he’s grabbing Julie by the neck. Louis’ group of friends whistle, yell and clap their hands together provocatively as an answer. Harry’s mouth falls open at Louis’ words but he can’t speak. “Now go home and get your shit together,” he hisses sharply. “I’m busy and fucking horny,” he grins and shoves his tongue down Julies throat harshly. “Fuck off now,” he half-yells into Harry’s face.

 

“Maybe Julian can show you how you get a man off the right way since you’re not in the position to do so,” one of Louis’ male friends yells, making the other ones laugh. Julian is the blonde guy Harry stared at when he met him the first time.

 

“Man, Louis you old wanker, you still got it!” Oh no. Harry knows that voice. It’s Meg; the girl Harry hates the most. “You’re still the one who has had the most sex in about two weeks, congrats!” she appreciates him, giving Harry a nasty smile. “I wonder that you chose him,” she tilts her head towards Harry, “he’s such a baby. And you can practically see he doesn’t know anything, he probably hasn’t gotten himself off so should you expect from him!” her voice is full of venom. Louis’ friends laugh at Meg’s comment as Louis makes a victory pose.

 

“I know, I’m the best,” he responds in a funny way and laughs out loud. Just in that moment, someone hands Louis a joint. Louis takes a drag and turns toward Harry again. He lets the smoke escape from his mouth right into Harry’s face. “Now fuck off already,” he growls, pushes Harry’s shoulder and turns away again.

 

Julie suddenly turns around. “I told you that Louis is mine, he would never be with a guy, ever,” Julie spits. “Just because he made you come it doesn’t mean you’re in a relationship with him, you idiot.”

 

“What?” Harry whispers shocked, trying to process the words that hurt so much. What is wrong with Julie? Maybe it’s the drugs, but anyway, it hurts Harry more than he could have ever known.

 

“You heard her and now fuck off!” Louis shouts without turning around. Julie gives Harry an evil smirk before she puts one arm around Louis’ waist provocatively and pulling him in for another kiss.

 

When Harry walks away, he feels as if his whole world is tumbling down. Back in his dorm, he lays down in bed, a worn shirt of Louis pressed against his trembling body. He cries for hours until he falls asleep eventually in the early morning hours.


	30. Reasons

On Saturday, Harry only leaves the bed to go to the bathroom. His phone is switched off, his door locked. He wants to be alone, completely on his own. The boy still hasn’t processed what happened the other day, he still can’t believe it was real but the pain in his heart tells him it is. He misses Louis as much as he hates him for what he did to him. Harry switches on his phone in the evening but still, there’s no message from Louis. The boy puts the phone away again and turns around in bed. Sleeping seems to be the only thing that eases his pain while he’s drifting to another world.

 

On Sunday afternoon, there’s a knock on his door. Harry thinks I could be Niall since he doesn’t expect Louis to come home at all. But when he hears that someone is trying to open the lock with a key, he freezes. Louis. Harry gave him a second key a few days ago but he can’t enter since Harry has his put his key in the keyhole inside. “Harry open the door!” Louis yells pounding against it heavily. Just Louis’ presence hurts Harry and makes him cry again.

 

“Go away!” he yells voice thick with tears. “Go away and never come back!” Harry’s voice breaks at the end and he nearly chokes because of his heavy sobs.

 

“Harry, let me talk to you!” Louis yells back. “I need to explain everything, let me in!”

 

“No!” Harry cries, “I don’t want to see you anymore!”

 

“Harry!”

 

“Leave me alone!”

 

Then it gets quiet outside. Harry sobs and cries into Louis’ shirt. He misses him so much and even if he hurt Harry, he seems to be the only person who can make his pain to go away but . . . he really doesn’t want to see him right now. Why? Harry nuzzles into the covers, listening to the sounds that come from the hall. It’s very quiet outside, maybe Louis has left. Harry cries himself to sleep again, his headache nearly killing him. He somehow manages to fall asleep and when he wakes up, he feels the urge to go to the bathroom. Harry doesn’t think of Louis when he steps out of the door, sleepy walking over to the bathroom.

 

When Harry comes back, Louis is sitting on his bed. The moment he sees him, Harry bursts out in tears. “Why?” Harry cries as he slumps down on the ground, covering his face with his hands. “Why?”

 

“Because I’m an asshole,” Louis says.

 

“You really are,” Harry cries as he gets up. His face is swollen from crying, his eyes are blurry and the pain is stinging in his heart as he looks at Louis even more. The boy walks toward the bed, his fists clenched ad he starts hitting Louis with his fists and pushing him away. “Why did you hurt me like this?” he cries. The pain in his heart makes him dizzy. “Why did you tell your friends about it? Why?” Harry’s voice breaks at the end. “I hate you!” he yells, lashing out at the boy while he pushes him away too. “I hate you Louis, I hate you!” he cries, choking at his sobs. He feels as if all his power and strength is drawn off his body.

 

Louis grabs Harry’s wrists to stop him, pulls Harry close and wraps his arms around the crying boy. Harry lets him do so as he curls up on Louis’ lap like a baby, crying into Louis’ chest, his whole body trembling. “Why Louis? Why?” Harry whimpers quietly, bumping his fists weakly against the older boy’s chest. Louis stays quiet as holds Harry’s head down. He just holds the boy close until he calms down a little bit. After a while Harry gets off Louis lap and sits down in the corner of his bed, pulling the covers over his body. Harry wraps his arms around his legs and puts his head on his knees. “I hate you,” he mumbles.

 

Louis bends forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “And I love you,” he says quietly.

 

“You don’t say!” Harry replies. “It didn’t seem like that when you humiliated me in front of everyone and kissed Julie! You’re just playing with me, Louis. You’re just playing with me and I want you to stop your sick game!” Harry can feel tears running down his cheeks again. “I’ve never been hurt so much,” he sobs and wipes his eyes. Harry has got a headache again because of all the crying by now.

 

“I didn’t mean it,” Louis simply says.

 

“And you want me to believe this?” Harry replies with a teary voice. “Even now you’re playing me, Louis, even now.”

 

Louis turns around. “I’m not playing you, Harry!” Louis yells at the boy. “I’m not! I’ve been crying for more than a day because of it, I’ve barely slept because I was thinking of how I could make it up to you but I had no idea how to make it up to people because I never wanted to do it and I never had to do it! When I was an asshole toward my mum and she got ill and I should have apologized, I couldn’t! I failed and then she passed away before I could say anything!” Louis shouts at Harry. “It’s easy for you to say I’m lying Harry, but I’m not! I’m not fucking playing you – I just don’t know how to cope with love and friendships and intact families because I’ve never experienced any of them in a way that other people do! And that’s why I’m an asshole, I’ve never been someone else and I know that but you have to believe me that I wasn’t fucking with you!”

 

Harry is shocked. Louis doesn’t have a mum anymore? As he looks at him, Harry notices the dark circles under his eyes. He really looks like he hasn’t slept for days. “I met my friends by coincidence yesterday. They stopped me and because I hadn’t seen them for so long so I decided to hang out a bit after work. We went to a small party first where we met Julie and they did drugs and alcohol so I couldn’t say no and . . . yeah, I was high, drugged and drunk when we met and I barely remember what I said to you that evening.” His voice is low.

 

“You told me that you weren’t my boyfriend and obviously you told them about . . . what we did and everything, you kissed Julie and your friends laughed at me,” Harry reminds Louis, the words stinging in his heart.

 

“I was drunk and drugged,” Louis tells Harry. “But I love you, at least I think it’s love since I don’t really know how it feels. But when I’m with you, it’s the closest to what I consider being love or being in love,” Louis says softly.

 

Harry gets on his knees, wraps his hands around Louis’ waist and puts his head onto his back without saying anything. They stay like this for a while until Harry pulls Louis down and both of them lay down on the bed. Louis curls up next to Harry, his face nuzzled close to him, his arm wrapped around his torso. Harry gives him a kiss on his temple and gently massages his scalp. Louis’ body is tense at first but then he relaxes as Harry keeps holding him close. Louis presses a gentle kiss on Harry’s neck. “Please don’t stop,” he whispers and Harry spots a tear running down Louis’ cheek. The younger boy wipes it away with his thumb and kisses the spot. “I lied to you,” he whispers into his hair.

 

“About what?” Louis asks barely audible.

 

“It’s not true that I hate you.”

 

The older boy looks up and reaches out for Harry’s hand to interlock their fingers. “And it’s not true that I’m not your boyfriend.”

 

The younger boy kisses Louis’ knuckles and props up a little. “But you don’t want me to call you that, remember?”

 

Louis shakes his head, eyes scanning Harry’s face. “That’s old shit. I don’t mind, really. People know I’m bisexual so it’s not a big deal.”

 

Harry traces Louis’ lips with his index finger before he lowers down and kisses him gently.

 

“I never knew that kisses could be that soft,” Louis tells Harry as he’s playing with his curls.

 

Harry gives him a small smile. “And I never knew that people could go through so much pain,” he responds as he’s tracing his fingertips along Louis’ tattooed arm. “Didn’t those hurt?”

 

“They didn’t hurt as much as not being loved or watching your mum die,” Louis responds and changes his position. Both boys are sitting next to each other now, Harry’s head leaned on Louis shoulder. “I got most of them for my mum, some were just silly and some of them were just made to move my inner pain to another place.” Louis gives Harry a kiss on his hair then points at an realistic rose that’s combined with a human eye. “My mum loved roses. It was her dream to own a garden where she could plant them, white or red ones. But she never owned a garden to plant them so I gave her one rose every Sunday. She kept them all and hung them up to dry but Chad threw them away when they were fighting one evening.” He sighs. “And she was a great artist as well. It was her who drew the eye. It’s the only drawing I could save from Chad’s rage. The day she closed her eyes he burned all her belongings, even the things she gave me as presents. He forced me to give everything to him or he’d kill me, he said. I was young and incredibly scared of him, so I did. I only forgot that I had put the drawing in one of my schoolbooks as a bookmark.”

 

Harry is close to tears. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, pressing a cute kiss on Louis’ forehead. He reaches out for his hands and Louis takes them into his.

 

“It’s not your fault, Harry.” Louis says.

 

“What about the small ballerina?” Harry asks, motioning his head toward the small figure.

 

“It’s the only thing besides the picture that reminds me of her. Mum loved ballet but she never had the money to learn it or go to a show. When she told me about that, I wanted to make it possible for her but since I had no income, I started doing drugs, selling my body and stuff like that.”

 

Harry can’t believe what Louis is telling him. “I think my mum loved me, but she passed away too early for me to realize.” He gulps. “When I had the money, I bought the tickets and a nice outfit for me and her eventually but my asshole of dad found them and threw everything away. Chad didn’t want her to have fun. He hated my mum in general and let her feel it every day. She was poor, grew up in the gutter and when Chad met her, he thought she was perfect for his business and she got a possibility to get away from the streets. She was about twenty when they met, practically a teenager. She did sex work for him, she was his best prostitute. She worked her ass off for this bastard but still, he hated her with every fiber of his body. Mum told me that he told her to have an abortion when he got her pregnant. When she refused, he planned on terminating her pregnancy by treating her the wrong way most of the time.”

 

Harry leans his back at the wall, pulling Louis onto his chest, gently massaging his scalp. “Mum told me that he treated her even worse when he found out that she wanted to keep the baby. She told me that Chad made her carry heavy stuff on purpose, that he gave her drugs, forced her to smoke and drink but the worst thing is that he hit her right into her stomach from time to time so that she could have an a miscarriage. She had to fuck other men in her state because he threatened her even more than before, can you imagine?” Louis shakes his head. “It’s a wonder that I’m not paralyzed or something. When she knew she would pass, mum gave me the ballerina. She said that it always gave her hope, even in the darkest times.” Louis pauses. “And he didn’t want me to call him dad,” Louis adds. “He told me if I wanted to address him, I should call him Chad.”

 

Harry gulps. “What was your mum’s name?”

 

“Johannah,” Louis answers. “But Chad never called her that.”

 

“How did he call her?”

 

“Slut, bitch, scum . . . that’s why I thought she had three names when I was little.” Louis shakes his head. “Look how fucked up my childhood was.”

 

Harry doesn’t know what to respond. It makes him sad that Louis has gone through this. “And how did you get to uni with that background?”

 

“My mum wanted a better future for me so . . . but to be honest, I have no idea what she had to do to get Chad pay for uni. Maybe it’s better that I don’t know. I’m only doing it for her, not because I want to. I know how much it meant to her to get me out of this milieu.”

 

“What kind of job do you want to do then?”

 

“I have no idea, to be honest. I like the work at the studio so maybe I’ll start my own business or so,” Louis answers. It gets quiet between them. “Harry?” Louis asks after a while.

 

“Yes?” Harry responds, caressing Louis’ arm gently with his fingertips.

 

“Being close to you is one of the best feelings in the world,” Louis says and nuzzles closer to the younger boy. “I’ve never experienced something like that before but . . .  it feels like there’s no better feeling then that.” Harry doesn’t answer but gives Louis a soft, gentle kiss. “When we go to bed, could you hold me like this until I fall asleep?”


	31. Help

The next morning Louis is already awake before Harry’s alarm gets off. “I have a lot of work to do today,” he says as he’s zipping his jeans.

 

“But you told me your shift starts around three on Mondays?”

 

“It does but . . . well,” he sighs, “I think I have to tell you something.”

 

Harry sits up in bed, wiping his eyes. He’s still very tired since it’s early in the morning. “Hm?”

 

Louis sits down next to Harry and takes his hand into his. “I don’t want to hide things from you since you’re the first person I fully trust,” he starts with and sighs. “As you know, Chad stopped paying for uni last month and . . . well, my salary at the tattoo shop isn’t enough to pay my costs so I’ve been selling drugs and stuff again to afford everything but before you protest . . . hear me out.” Louis looks down and pushes his hair back that has gotten longer. “I haven’t told you about it because I thought you could leave me . . . that’s why.” Louis gets up again and leans against the wall.

 

Harry gulps. “Oh,” he says, looking at Louis. “Have you . . . have you slept with . . . with people for . . . money during the last weeks?” Harry whispers. He doesn’t want to hear the answer because he’s expecting the worst.

 

Louis looks down, tears running down his face without warning. He presses his lips together and nods, looking at Harry with sad eyes. “I had no other choice,” he sobs and for the first time, Harry sees Louis crying for real. He stands there in front of him like a school boy, broken and sad. “It’s hard for people like me to get a normal job. Everyone always judge me because of my piercings, my hair, my tattoos, my clothes, my language but . . . they don’t know what I’ve been through, they don’t know my shitty background and most of all, they don’t know me! But nobody cares for these things, all people want clean people who fucking kiss people’s asses!” Louis wipes his eyes. “If you want to leave me now I will understand but I beg you not to. You’re my only stability in my life right now.” Louis doesn’t look up. He rubs the palms of his hands over his face. “Please don’t leave me,” he repeats again before he collapses on the floor.

 

Harry gets up from the bed, kneeling down next to Louis who immediately wraps his arms around him and cries into his shoulder. Harry pulls Louis closer, gently caressing his back. “I won’t leave you, Lou. I won’t.”

 

When Louis calms down, Harry caresses his shoulder. “If you like, I could help you to find a new job, what about that?”

 

“Would you?” Louis asks, hope raising in his eyes. “Because . . . the only person I want to sleep with is sitting in front of me,” he whispers and leans in for a kiss. Harry cups Louis’ cheeks and kisses him back as gently as he can. “You deserve better, Louis, you really do.”

 

“You’re such a nice person, Harry,” Louis says and pulls the boy to his chest. “My mum would have loved you,” he says and wraps his arms tighter around Harry. This is the most emotional and honest Louis has ever been. It touches Harry so much that he’s close to tears again.

 

After Louis has left, Harry gets an idea.

 

***

 

On Wednesday morning, Harry tells Louis that he’s got a surprise for him. Louis keeps messaging Harry throughout the whole day what kind of surprise that is but Harry keeps quiet. Around six in the evening, they both leave the dorm. Harry leads Louis to a small Italian restaurant in the city.

 

“We’ve never been out really,” Louis states as Harry opens the door to let him in.

 

“Remember that nobody knows about us yet,” Harry answers and winks.

 

 

 

“Uh . . . true,” Louis stammers. As he steps inside, he immediately spots Dawn sitting on a table nearby. She smiles at him and waves. “What the fuck is she doing here?” he asks as he’s turning to Harry, giving him a confused look. Harry just shrugs. “Coincidence?” he asks, not really expecting an answer.

 

“Of course,” Louis answers, rolling his eyes.

 

Dawn greets Louis and Harry with a hug and they sit down to order their drinks first. “I’ll pay for you today,” Harry whispers into Louis’ ear. He frowns but accepts the offer eventually.

 

“Why are we here?” Louis asks Dawn.

 

“Why not? We get along quite well at work, why shouldn’t we go out?”

 

“Of course Dawn . . .  since when do we hang out?”

 

“Since today, I guess,” she smiles and pats his shoulder. “It was Harry’s idea, actually,” she adds, giving Harry a smile.

 

Before Louis can respond, the waitress comes and takes their orders. The three of them make some small talk about uni, the tattoo shop and weird clients. Soon, their food and drinks arrive. It’s a nice evening actually and Louis seems in a good mood. He doesn’t talk much as usual but he gently rubs Harry’s knee under the table from time to time which makes the younger boy’s stomach flutter.

 

When the waitress brings the desserts, there’s an envelope attached to Louis’ plate. Dawn winks at Harry without Louis noticing. The boy looks at the envelope in his hands, frowning and turning it up and down. “What is this?” he asks, looking at Dawn and Harry.

 

Dawn shrugs. “Open it, I don’t know.”

 

Harry giggles and Louis shoots him a glare. The boy holds up his hands. “I’m innocent!” he squeaks but Louis just shakes his head, slowly opening the envelope. There’s some money in there and a letter. The boy takes it out, unfolds it and reads it out aloud to himself, mumbling the words.

 

_“Dear Louis,_

_Harry told me about your shitty father and that he stopped paying for you tuition and everything. He told me you have to earn money with things nobody should need to do. That’s why I want to help you out for as long as it takes for you to finish your studies and get a job. Since I have no kids but a lot of money nobody knows about, I would like to pay for your tuition and all necessary costs concerning your studies every month plus the money you earn for your job. The amount in the envelope is the payment for your overtime hours during the past weeks._

_You can be a pain in the ass sometimes but also, you’re a great tattoo artist and a friend. Thank god Harry found you because since he has stepped into your life, you’ve become a better person. You can always come to me when you’re in trouble._

_-Dawn._

While he’s reading, Louis shakes his head and frowns. “Is this . . . is this . . . real?” he asks, looking at Dawn with his mouth open. “I mean . . . do you . . . these words, like . . . do you mean it?”

 

She nods. When Louis reads the letter again, his eyes get glossy. “This is . . . this is . . . I don’t know what to say . . . this is . . . amazing, I mean . . . I can’t believe you want to do this for me, I mean . . . I don’t know what to say,” Louis stammers, looking at the letter and Dawn alternately. He wipes his eyes and gives Dawn and Harry a hug. “Thank you so much, I don’t know what to say,” he whispers.

 

“You can accept that without feeling bad,” Dawn says and Harry rubs Louis’ arm gently. Louis hugs Dawn again and even gives her a kiss on the cheek.

 

“You have no idea how fucking much this gesture means to me, Dawn you old fucking bitch,” he says playfully.

 

Dawn chuckles and ruffles through Louis’ hair. Harry knows it’s just the way they communicate. “Let’s eat the desserts now before they will melt away on our plates,” she adds. While they’re eating, Louis tells Dawn more about his mum and dad, his childhood and his needs. Harry gets very sad again. He starts thinking about how unfair Louis’ life has been so far. That it isn’t his fault how he is since he has never experienced real love and security.  That it isn’t his fault that he grew up in a milieu that’s not good for children. That it’s not his fault his dad didn’t love him and that it’s not his fault that he lost his mum. He thinks about what Louis told him about other people, that they judge him without knowing him at all and Harry also thinks about the fact that Louis has probably never had real friends from what he’s experienced by now.

 

In the evening, when they lay in bed, Harry spoons Louis from behind in his sleep and kisses his neck gently. “You deserve better,” he whispers, pulling him closer to his body.

 


	32. Close To You

The next morning Harry wakes up, looking directly into Louis’ blue eyes. “Good morning baby,” Louis whispers, gently touching the boy’s cheek.

 

“Morning,” Harry croaks, his voice thick with sleep. “You look so good with your long hair,” he smiles, running his hand through Louis’ hair, resting it on his neck.

 

Louis strokes a streak out of Harry’s face and leans in to give Harry a small kiss on his eyelids. His gaze wanders to Harry’s pink mouth where he quickly licks over Harry’s soft bottom lip before taking it between his teeth, pulling it gently. Then Louis repeats his action again before he closes his eyes and brushes his tongue against Harry’s mouth, longing for access. The younger boy closes his eyes too, parts his lips and lets Louis access his mouth. Harry props up slowly, his hands still buried in Louis’ hair. His lips are gently brushing against Louis’ and he loves how Louis beard tickles him. Harry tilts his head a little to deepen the kiss that changes from being cute and innocent to a heated, lustful one within seconds. Louis breath is hitting Harry’s mouth as their tongues brush against each other in a wild rhythm. Louis’ kisses send a shiver down Harry’s spine and he can feel the arousal in the pit of his stomach. Louis’ hands cup Harry’s face as he continues to kiss the younger boy a little bit sloppier. He pushes Harry down on the mattress, not breaking their kiss for another few seconds. When Harry opens his eyes, Louis’ pupils are dilated, his face red and he’s nearly panting. Harry can feel Louis’ bulge pressing against his and he wants to be touched by him so bad.

 

“Can you . . . can you touch me?” he asks quietly, blushing at his words.

 

Louis gives him another quick kiss and smirks at him while he’s sitting up. “I wanted to do that anyways, baby,” he coos. Their eyes meet again and they stare at each other for a long moment, the air around them getting more and more intense. Harry tucks his bottom lip beneath his teeth and watches Louis staring at his mouth hungrily. Harry’s heartbeat kicks up in his chest and he can feel a flush creeping up the back of his neck. He gasps when Louis leans closer and kisses him again. He sucks Harry’s bottom lip between his teeth and nips, just enough to pull a whimper out of Harry. Harry slides his hand up the back of Louis’ neck and pushes his fingers into Louis’ hair to pull him even closer.

 

The older boy growls and deepens the kiss, forcing his tongue between Harry’s lips. Harry kisses back just as fervently, his tongue sliding against Louis’ own. The air is filled with the slick sound of their lips meeting, their tongues moving against one another. Harry can’t stop the small whimpers and moans in the back of his throat. It feels like he’s dizzy with how good it feels. Louis shifts up without breaking the kiss, pressing the line of his body against Harry’s as he cradles his head with his other arm. Harry’s on his back before he realizes what’s happening, but doesn’t mind at all. Louis looks him in the eyes and lowers down to kiss him again. Slowly, their lips move against another, then Louis circles Harry’ tongue gently, causing Harry to let out a light moan. This is so intense that the younger boy pushes his hips up almost automatically. “Just wait, baby,” Louis says softly, pushing a curl out of Harry’s face while he looks him deep into his eyes. Harry’s breathing has increased and he can already feel a certain tension building up in his lower region. He’s nervous, his heart is beating fast in his chest. Harry has never had sex before, of course he has touched himself but this is different. He keeps looking at Louis who’s hovering over him. “Are you . . . afraid?” Louis asks.

 

Harry inhales audibly. “No . . . I mean . . . it’s just that . . . that it’s still new to me and I’m not that experi-,” he says, flushing terribly but Louis interrupts him by pressing his index finger against his lips.

 

“Shhht baby, don’t talk. Don’t think about that,” Louis says, caressing his hair. “I’ll make you feel good, okay?” the older boy says as he’s caressing Harry’s cheek. “You’ve done so much for me so far and now it’s my turn to please you . . . I can feel that you’re already hard and . . . I would like to make you come right now, right here.” Louis’ voice sounds so hot that Harry bites his lip in excitement. He wants Louis to touch him so bad but he’s also terribly afraid of the new experience. He would never tell Louis, he’d look like an idiot. “You lie down and enjoy, okay? There’s nothing to worry about you, I promise.” Louis pushes Harry’s chest down as he hovers over him again, straddling his thighs. “You are beautiful,” he purrs, leaning down to kiss him again. Louis nudges Harry’s head so that he can easily access the soft skin on his neck where he leaves a trail of kisses and a barely invisible hickey. The older boy moves down to Harry’s lower region, his nose and mouth barely touching Harry’s milky skin. He traces Harry’s slight bulge with his hand before he starts pulling down the boy’s briefs.

 

Louis touches Harry slightly, running his hand up and down his shaft a few times until he responds. He lets his hand rest on the bottom or Harry’s shaft and lowers his head to kiss Harry’s inner thighs. Louis bites Harry gently before he lets his mouth trace along Harry’s length slowly. His hot breath makes Harry shudder. When he feels Louis lips brushing against his tip, he lets out a small whimper. Louis smirks against Harry, gives the tip a proper lick before he takes Harry into his mouth, slowly bobbing his head up down Harry’s shaft, not leaving out the tip. It feels heavenly, and Harry needs more. He grabs Louis arm and holds it tight, digging his nails into his skin. Louis wraps his lips tighter around Harry’s erection until his lips press firmly against the boner. While he blows Harry, he lets his free hand slide up Harry’s torso, touching his nipple that’s hard by now, twisting and squeezing it gently before he takes his hand away to massage Harry’s balls very gently. He lets his tongue slide up and down Harry’s dick and tip, doing it over and over again, changing between slow and fast moves. Harry whimpers at the sensation and squirms. “Fuck,” he whispers, followed by another needy whimper.

 

Louis pulls away, gives Harry a few painfully slow strokes and hovers over him, looking him in the eyes. He looks wrecked already and of course, he is. Harry has probably never gotten a proper blowjob before. Harry puts his hands on Louis’ neck to pull him close for a sloppy kiss that turns out to be so needy, that he whimpers and begs Louis to continue. “Please . . . “ he whimpers over and over again, “please don’t stop!”

 

Louis smirks against Harry’s mouth, kisses his neck again and lets his tongue circle around his hard nipples. “You needy little shit,” Louis smiles against Harry’s skin, props back up to give him a sloppy, lustful kiss before he lowers down again, taking Harry’s hard length into his hand. He moves down to take Harry's balls into his mouth again, gently sucking and licking them while he’s moving his hand up and down Harry’s shaft, gently spreading the pre-come. When he takes Harry into his mouth again, the boy moans silently, digs his nails deeper into Louis’ arm and props his hips up needily. The sensation is too much for him. “More Louis,” he whimpers, “it feels so good but . . . please!” His eyes are glossy and his face is red from lust.

 

“You look so hot baby,” Louis whispers, tracing Harry’s torso with his hand while he’s pumping Harry faster. “Do you like how I make you feel?” he asks, looking directly into Harry’s sparkling eyes.

 

Harry gulps and nods eagerly, gripping the sheets with his right hand and Louis’ arm with his other. “Please,” he whimpers again as he closes his eyes.

 

Louis lowers down on him again but this time, Harry bucks his lips up harder what makes him bump against Louis’ throat, making him gag a little. “Fuck,” Louis mutters as he takes Harry deeper into his mouth.

 

“Sorry Lou, sorry!“ Harry suddenly yells out, propping his body up in bed. “Sorry, I didn’t want to hurt you,” he says worried, making Louis stop.

 

Louis just smirks at him as he’s looking deep into his eyes. “I loved it, don’t worry. Do whatever you want, I won’t stop you,” he says and takes Louis into his mouth again. He keeps sucking and licking him firmly as Harry’s breathing increases. Louis’ strokes and his bobbing get more and more intense until Harry can’t keep it anymore. The boy squirms and whimpers more the closer he gets to his orgasm. His body stiffens a little while  quiet moans escape his mouth as he bucks up his hips again and again, until Louis watches Harry’s legs and body twitch and tremble while hot spurts of come run down Louis’ throat. “Oh my god,” Harry moans while the orgasm is still floating through his body. His skin feels hot, his face is flushed and his breathing is still beyond normal.

 

“You’re so hot, baby,” Louis coos into Harry’s ear as the boy is coming down from his heigh. “So fucking hot.”

 

“Thank you,” Harry breathes, still dizzy from coming. He lies down on the bed next to Louis who’s supporting his weight on his elbow.

 

Louis kisses Harry’s cheek. “You’re welcome. You’re so appealing that you got me fucking hard too.”

 

“Shit,” Harry giggles. He lets his hand gently run along Louis’ hard dick. “You feel good,” he states, slowly moving his hand up and down Louis’ shaft.

 

Louis lets his head fall back at the gentle touch. “Fuck,” he moans as Harry doesn’t stop. He tightens his grip on Louis as he lets his hand run up and down Louis’ shaft as good as he can. “Fuck baby,” he whispers as he leans in for a sloppy kiss before he slumps down on the bed, touching Harry’s back with his hand. “Keep going, okay?” he whimpers as he digs his fingernails into Harry’s hip.

 

Harry has no idea what he’s doing but he tries to react to Louis facial expressions and moans. Just as he’s about to pull his briefs down, Louis lets out a loud moan as his body jerks and spasms next to Harry, releasing directly into the fabric, leaving a huge wet spot. “Nobody has ever made me come in my pants that quickly,” he breathes as he pulls the boy on top of him, wrapping both arms tightly around his naked torso. Harry puts his head on Louis’ broad chest, gently caressing his arm with his fingertips. He enjoys the silence and the feeling of warm skin between them. Louis pulls the covers over their bodies and sighs.

 

“Did you like it?” Harry asks, his ear still pressed against Louis chest.

 

“Oh, it was okay,” Louis says flatly.

 

Harry props his head up. “Okay?” he says, disappointment taking over. Louis made him feel so good and he . . . what did he do?

 

Suddenly, Louis tightens his grip and rolls around with Harry until they’re laying opposite each other. Louis pulls Harry close to his body and lets his hand run up and down his spine. “I’m joking, it was great,” he smiles as he presses a gentle kiss against Harry’s forehead.

 

As the two of them lay in bed quietly, Harry enjoys the feeling of their bodies pressed together. He has nuzzled closer to Louis, his eyes are closed and he’s smiling. Harry listens to the soft sound of Louis’ heartbeat while he’s stroking his hair. All of a sudden, Louis takes a deep breath.

 

Harry tilts his head up to look at Louis. “What is it?” he asks.

 

“Nothing.”

 

“It’s not true,” Harry insists.

 

Louis lets out a sigh and tweaks the end of Harry’s nose, the tiniest of smiles on his lips. “Fine, you’re right,” he admits. He takes a deep breath and exhales audibly. “It’s just . . . I’ve never cuddled after sex before.”

 

Harry blinks, feeling his face heat up. “Oh,” he says, squirming a bit. “Me neither,” he adds, hiding a smile in Louis’ chest. He lets out a little yelp when Louis tugs on his hair. “How does it feel?”

 

“Warm. Pretty good. I guess I could get used to it,” Louis replies.

 

“Just pretty good?” Harry answers back, flicking Louis in the side. It makes the other boy laugh, and Harry beams. “Me too, though.” He snuggles back down against Louis and wraps his arm around his waist.

 

Louis doesn’t respond. He squirms down to where they’re face to face, looking into each other’s eyes. He leans close and captures Harry’s lips in another sweet kiss that makes Harry’s stomach fill up with butterflies. If it was possible, Harry would bottle up this feeling and keep them with him forever. He definitely could get used to this and it makes him feel so proud and happy. “I love you,” Harry tells Louis. The boy wraps his arms closer around him and presses a kiss to his temple.

 

“Please say that again,” Louis whispers against Harry’s hair.

 

“I love you,” Harry repeats.

 


	33. Ups and Downs

The next day, Anne calls Harry to ask what he’s doing. They talk for a while and all of a sudden Harry realizes how much he’s been missing his family. “Would you like to come over for the weekend? Robin wants to test his new grill he bought from the DIY superstore and he immediately thought of you.”

 

“I’d love to visit, of course!” Harry responds happily. “But isn’t a bit too cold for a barbecue?” he asks, frowning.

 

Anne lets out a laugh. “Of course it is but you know Robin. Always being extra,” she smiles. Harry can hear Robin talking in the back but he can’t understand what he’s saying.

 

“Say hello from me, okay? And tell him that I’d love to take part in the winter barbecue!”

 

“Oh Harry, that’s wonderful!” Anne squeals. „I can’t wait to see you again! Gemma will also be here with her boyfriend so you know what? I thought you could bring your friend Niall along?”

 

“Mum!” Harry growls. He doesn’t like the tone in her voice. She still seems to think that there’s something going on between the two of them. “I’m not sure if Niall is free this weekend. He’s in his fourth year what means he’s busy almost all the time, especially on weekends.”

 

“But you know, you could ask him at least and then surprise me when you arrive. I really hope he’ll agree, he’s such a nice guy. I could prepare the guest room for him and of course he doesn’t need to bring towels and stuff.”

 

“I know you like him,” Harry smiles. Suddenly Harry has to think of Louis’ childhood. That he doesn’t have a mum anymore who could ask him about his friends, that Louis’ dad probably never wanted him to invite his friends over. Anne has been such a good mother to him and his sister for years, not only a mother but also a friend. She has always welcomed his friends at home and suddenly Harry feels guilty for being rude to her when all she wanted to do was to invite one of his friends over because she was happy for her son.

 

“And I appreciate it very much,” Harry answers. “I promise I will ask Niall. I’ll take the train on Friday afternoon as usual,” he suggests.

 

“Sounds great,” Anne smiles. “So I suppose you’ll be here around four or five, do I remember that right?”

 

“Exactly. And you don’t need to pick us up from the train station since we’re just staying for two days. We won’t bring much luggage.”

 

Harry keeps talking with his mum for a while until she ends the chat because the cat has vomited on the white rug. Harry sighs. There was so much going on during the last weeks that he didn’t even have time to think about home, his mum, his stepfather, his sister, his beloved cat Dusty. It’s clearly time for him to go home again but he won’t ask Niall to accompany him, he will ask Louis.

 

***

 

When Louis comes home after work in the evening, he’s in a good mood. “Harry, you won’t believe what happened,” he smiles as he walks through the door, throwing his backpack on the floor.

 

“What?” Harry asks and puts the book away he’s reading.

 

Louis gives him a kiss and flops down next to him. “First of all, Dawn told me that she wants to make it possible for me to go to further education because she thinks I’m one of her best workers.”

 

“That’s amazing!” Harry smiles and wraps his arms around Louis.

 

Louis nods frantically. “But it will even get better!“ he smiles. His eyes are sparkling, his face is glowing. Harry has never seen him that happy before. “Second, Dawn told me that she has an uncle who is leasing out apartments here in Manchester and she promised that she’ll ask him for help.” His smile is wide. “And third, she offered me a part-time contract at her studio and she told me that she wants to accompany me to the chancellor of our university to find a solution for me to balance work and studies.”

 

“Dawn is such a good soul,” Harry remarks, rubbing Louis’ back. “And you deserve everything good.”

 

Louis gives Harry a quick kiss on his temple. “Thank you, Harry. I’m so excited!”

 

“Me too. I’m happy that things are going to change for you,” Harry smiles.

 

“I want to change, Harry. I want to get out of this fucking milieu.” He rubs his hands along his face. “Tomorrow, I will change my phone number and I will also tell my friends and all the other people that I won’t be involved in their dirty business anymore.”

 

“That’s a huge step,” Harry remarks, gently running his hand up and down Louis’ back.

 

“I know and I know it won’t be easy. They won’t understand but it’s not about them. It’s about me and . . . you, baby,” he says softly as he cups Harry’s chin in his hand, leaning in for a kiss. “Kissing you is like a reward for everything, I love our kisses,” he says into Harry’s mouth before he lets his tongue circle Harry’s again.

 

Harry smiles at Louis and changes his seating position. Kissing him always gets him aroused somehow, it’s embarrassing. “My mum called me a few hours ago. She invited me home for a barbecue at the weekend,” he tells Louis as he’s grabbing a pillow to put it on his lap to hide his bulge from Louis.

 

“A barbecue?” Louis asks frowning. „Isn’t it way too cold for barbecues?“

 

Harry smiles. „It is but my stepfather Robin bought a new grill and he wants to test it at the weekend, no matter what.“

 

“So you will go home for the weekend?”

 

Harry nods. “Yes but . . . I want you to come with me.“

 

„Why?” Louis says. “I don’t think your mum likes me. I would probably ruin your family party.”

 

Harry puts an arm around Louis shoulders. “Maybe she doesn’t like you but I do,” he smiles and gives Louis a small kiss on his cheek. “I want my family to know who my boyfriend is and I want them to get to know the real you.”

 

Louis shakes his head. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Harry.” He gets up and opens the balcony door. Then he lights a cigarette and takes a long drag.

 

“I know it is, please Lou. Please come home with me,” he pleas. “You’ve already met my friend Jonny and he liked you too so why shouldn’t my family like you?”

 

“Jonny is not your mum.”

 

“Please!” Harry begs and Louis promises that he’ll think about it. When Louis steps into the room again, he notices Harry’s bulge and jerks him off quickly while he whispers dirty things into his ear. Harry thinks he might explode and squirms under Louis’ touch until he finally allows him to come. The both fall asleep after that, their warm bodies pressed against each other.

 

***

 

On Thursday, Louis leaves earlier than Harry. When Harry gives him a questioning look, Louis shrugs. “I want to change, Harry. I don’t want to keep skipping courses all the time just to have fun and hang around with my friends from earlier who just fuck around and get drunk all day long. I want to get a good job, I want to be proud of myself,” he tells Harry when he asks him where he’s about to go.

 

“I’m proud of you already,” Harry whispers as he kisses Louis goodbye. “When will you be back?”

 

“Around seven probably,” Louis tells Harry as he leaves with his rucksack.

 

When Louis isn’t home around nine, Harry tries to call him but his number isn’t valid anymore. Harry remembers that Louis wanted to get a new number, maybe that’s it. He calls Dawn, maybe she might know something.

 

„Hey love, what’s up?“ she asks, the background noises making it difficult for Harry to understand what she’s saying.

 

“Hi Dawn, do you know where Louis is? He wanted to come home around seven but still, he isn’t here!”

 

“Sorry love, he left the studio at six and wanted to quickly visit some friends but I have no idea what happened.” She doesn’t sound worried so Harry tries to stay calm.

 

“He wanted to change his number so I can’t call him,” Harry explains.

 

“He didn’t tell me about it, I have no idea. Have you tried to call him?”

 

“I have.”

 

“Well then . . . don’t worry too much about him. I’m sure he’ll be with you soon. Have a nice evening, bye!” And then the line goes dead.

 

Harry sits in his room for a while but then he needs to do something. He takes the bus to the club and walks over to the old house where the first two parties took place. It’s a strange and uncomfortable feeling to be back, pushing through all those people who are drunk and drugged. It smells terrible in the house and when he passes the bathroom, a girl is about to vomit into the toilet. Harry turns up his nose as he spots her, quickly hurrying along the hallway. Louis is nowhere to be seen. Harry walks into the living room where most of the people are but he can’t spot Louis anywhere. Suddenly, he sees Julian, the blonde guy. Should he ask him about Louis? Harry first walks into the kitchen but he’s not there. As Harry walks out of the room, someone grabs his shoulder. It’s Julian. “Hey baby boy, do you want me to show you how to jerk off someone properly?” he’s a little bit tipsy and his pupils are wide. “No,” Harry says and jerks his arm away. “You should forget about Louis. You’re not his type, you’re way too innocent and too boring for him,” he slurs. Harry knows that either people get aggressive when they’ve drunken too much or tell the truth. Harry tries to ignore the sting in his heart as he’s walking away from Julian. The guy follows. “Wait,” he yells, running after him. “If you want to find someone to fuck, my friend Finn is looking for people all the time and he’s a pro, a real pro. If you want to learn how to fuck men, he should be your teacher and if you need to get off, he could help you too, I swear.” Julian grins and comes closer. “But you know . . . you’re quite a good one yourself, what do you think about-,“ he says with a low voice, his breath smelling like alcohol and weed.

 

Finn. Is he talking about the guy Harry met before? The one who kissed Harry and was so nice to him? Harry pulls away and pushes Julian hard so that he trips and falls down on the floor. “Leave me alone Julian!” Harry yells and goes away.

 

“You fucking bastard!” the blonde guy yells back as two girls help him to get to his feet again. Harry had forgotten how disgusting this place is. He walks up the stairs and hears different voices coming from different rooms. There are some people sitting in the hallway, some of them talking, smoking and taking drugs. The smell is disgusting and Harry feels his chest tighten because of all the smoke.

 

Harry walks over toward two girls who are sitting on the floor. “Excuse me, have you seen Louis Tomlinson?” Harry asks politely.

 

“Tomlinson?” one of them asks. “I’m not sure. Does he have a brow piercing and a lot of tattoos?”

 

The other girl hits her forehead. “Oh fuck yes! Tomlinson, Louis Tomlinson! He’s a sex god Mary, I swear! My friend Andrea spent one night with him a few days ago! She payed him a small fortune but he made her come with his tongue twice and she squirted when he fingered her, Jesus Christ!”

 

“Holy fucking shit!” her friend yells, “are you serious?” The other girl nods frantically.

 

Listening to them makes Harry feel sick. His stomach turns and he feels as if he needed to vomit. “Do you know where he is?”

 

One of the girls shrugs. “He works at the club at the corner. But you should have booked him earlier, he will be busy tonight.”

 

“I don’t want to have sex with him, I’m his boyfriend,” Harry tells her what makes both of the girls laugh.

 

“Boyfriend? Are you drugged or something?” They laugh again. The brunette girl shakes her head as the other one hands her the joint. “You should better go home now and do something serious like studying or reading.” she giggles and nudges her friend who tunes in.

 

If it wasn’t for Louis, Harry would have gone home by now but he can’t. He needs to find him. Harry decides to check all the rooms upstairs but only finds people who are doing drugs, people who have sex or people who have passed out. This is such a disgusting place for Harry; either people are ignoring him or they’re yelling vulgar things after him. Just when he’s about to turn around and walk down the stairs again, he hears a ringing voice talking through a door. It must be Meg, nobody else has such an annoying voice. He follows the voice to a door on the right he hadn’t checked.

 

“Oh come on, you’re way too drugged, Tommo!” she laughs. “You should come back to work here and forget about the real world.”

 

“Stop touching me, bitch!” Louis. That’s Louis.

 

Harry opens the door and steps into the room. It’s dark and the air is thick with smoke that he nearly feels dizzy by just standing there. And there he is. Louis is sitting in a corner, Julie close to him and Harry sees as she’s about to stick her hand under his shirt but he’s trying to push her away. Meg is sitting close to them, clearly enjoying the show and there are some other guys in there who are smoking and yelling at each other.

 

“Harry!” Louis suddenly says as he spots the younger boy standing against the closed door. Julie glares at Harry as she touches Louis’ chest and bites his neck just to provoke him. “Stop it, you little bitch!” Louis shouts, giving the blonde girl a rough push so that she nearly falls onto the guy next to her. In that second, everyone turns around and they all stare at Harry.

 

“What are you doing here?” a guy barks at him. “Did you get lost?”

 

“You don’t belong here!” Julie yells, getting to her knees. “Fuck off!”

 

Just in that second, Louis gets in her face. “You fucking bitch stop yelling at him! You know who doesn’t belong here?” he asks as he’s getting to his feet. “Me!” he points at himself, taking a drag of his joint. Seeing him with the joint hurts Harry. Louis has opened up to him that he was still smoking pot but only when he felt helpless or sad. The energy in the room is clearly negative. “I don’t belong here because I belong to Harry and I want to live a normal life without sex work, without drugs, without shitty friends as you are!” His face is red from shouting as he walks over to Harry.

 

“I came here to tell you about him but you didn’t believe me. You tried to convince me I was hallucinating! You wanted to talk me out of it, especially you, Julie! That’s not what friends should do!” Louis is clearly upset. “You suck, your life sucks and I hope that every one of you gets their own Harry because since I’ve met him, he has shown me that love and friendship mean more than getting high together, selling drugs and getting drunk every weekend!”

 

Harry stands there with his mouth open. What is Louis doing? He suddenly cups his face and gives him a kiss. Louis tastes awfully like pot and cigarettes, but Harry doesn’t pull back. He’s kissing him right here, right in front of his group of friends and he knows that Louis wants to prove a point. When he lets go of Harry, he kisses his temple gently and takes Harry’s hand into his. “Maybe you believe it now. We’re together and that’s what I wanted to tell you. I will never come back again.” And with these words, Louis throws the joint on the floor, steps on it and walks out of the room with Harry besides him.

 

“I will tell you everything later,” he whispers into Harry’s ear as he drags him along the hallway. When they pass the two girls, the gasp and look at Harry and Louis with shocked faces.

 

“Will you be free tonight?” one of them asks but Louis just flips her off.

 

“I don’t want to return here ever again,” Louis says as he walks out of the house, still holding Harry’s hand. Before they drive home, Louis stops at a McDonald’s where they buy something to eat.

 

“You don’t have to explain anything,” Harry tells Louis as they’re sitting on the bed, eating. “I heard you and I can understand that it’s not easy for you to change everything at once.”

 

Louis looks sad as he chews his burger. “It’s true, you know me too well.”

 

Harry touches Louis’ knee. “It’s okay, don’t worry.“ Harry gives him a small smile before they stop talking and finish their meal in silence.

 

After they’ve showered and got ready for bed, Louis pulls Harry closer to his body, wrapping his arms around him. “You know how much you mean to me, don’t you?” he asks and Harry nods. His curls tickle Louis face and he brushes them away. “You know, I was so proud when you stood there and when I told them that we were together.”

 

Harry looks up and kisses Louis’ jaw. „Really?“ he asks as he nuzzles back to Louis’ chest.

 

“Really,” Louis assures. „I’ve never been that proud in my life.”

 

“Do you think you will see them again?”

 

“Probably, but I don’t want to hang out with any of them in the future.”

 

“What if they changed?“

 

„I don’t know.“

 

„Hm,“ Harry mumbles, tracing a finger along Louis‘ jaw. „I like the stubble,“ he says giving Louis a cute kiss. “It feels funny on my skin.”

 

Louis wraps his arms tighter around Harry and places a kiss on his forehead. “You are amazing, baby. I love you.“

 

Harry tilts his head and kisses Louis gently. „I love you,“ he whispers and closes his eyes. “Will you come home with me tomorrow?” he asks sleepily.

 

“Do you want me to?”

 

„Yes, very much,“ Harry mumbles, kissing Louis‘ chest. Then they both fall asleep.

 


	34. Friday

„I have to tell you something,“ Harry mutters after the train has left the station in Manchester.

 

“What?” Louis asks as he turns toward Harry.

 

"My mum has no idea you're coming," he admits, "she asked me if I could bring Niall." Harry looks down, twisting the ring he's wearing.

 

"Harry," Louis moans as he lets his hand run over his beard, shaking his head.

 

“Are you mad at me now?" Harry asks with a low voice. He takes a deep breath and runs his fingers through his hair again.

 

Louis shakes his head. "I'm not mad at you, silly."

"I know that my mum doesn't like you but that's just because she doesn't know who you really are," Harry blurts out.

 

"And maybe it's better that way," Louis tunes in. "Your mum, no your whole family shouldn't know about my life since it only consists of drugs, sex and a fucked up childhood."

 

Louis' words hurt Harry deep inside, not because of his tone but for Louis. Harry puts his hand on the boy’s shoulder. "Don't say that, please. It's not true."

 

"Harry," Louis says seriously, "it is true and you know that. The truth is never nice and you know that as well as I do but people like you or your family will never be able to understand. You can't compare your princess life to mine because we’ve been basically living in different worlds."

 

"So much has changed," Harry chimes in, "and I bet everything will get better."

 

"My past won't disappear just like that. It's still present, it's also important to me, although it was shit but it made me who I am today." His voice sounds serious and a little pissed. "Don't think that everything will be deleted just because you're here now."

 

Ouch. Harry stays quiet for a long while. He stares out of the window, wishing he wouldn’t have taken Louis with him without telling him in advance what his plan was. Louis’ words hurt Harry and his tone also. The boy’s chest feels tight and he would like to just run away. "I'm sorry,” he mumbles. “I just wanted my family get to know you," he says timidly, barely audible. He feels this whole thing was a very bad and idiotic idea. "Do you want us to get off the train at the next stop? We could take the next train home or so.”

 

It gets silent between them again. Louis looks out of the window, not saying anything. “As if it was that easy,” he groans.

 

"It is that easy," Harry answers quietly, feeling a lump building in his throat.

 

"You think everything is just easy, don't you." Louis’ body is clearly tensed up next to Harry.

 

"It’s not true,” Harry replies. “I will have to tell my family about you anyway since you're my boyfriend. Why not now? I want them to accept you.”

 

The second Harry has finished talking Louis' body relaxes a little. He lets his head fall against the headrest of his seat and turns his head towards Harry. "Oh baby,” the older boy sighs and puts his hand on Harry's knee, giving it a tight squeeze. "I’ll be fucked if I have to sleep outside in the cold.”

 

“You won’t have to sleep in the cold,” Harry answers but Louis just chuckles quietly.

 

“If your mum won’t let me into her house, you’ll be staying with me outside,” he tells Harry, raising his eyebrows twice. Harry sighs as he leans his head on Louis’ shoulder. To Harry’s surprise he doesn’t pull back but both of them stay quiet for the rest of the journey while the fields, villages and forests pass by.

 

When they arrive in Holmes Chapel, Harry first wants to show Louis the small bakery where he worked when he was at school. The shop isn't far from the station and soon, they spot the huge dark red writing that can be seen from afar. A light bell rings when the boys enter the shop where it smells heavenly.

 

A second later, a woman in her fifties comes out of a door behind the counter, carrying a baking tray with small pastries. “Harry!” she squeals, "what a surprise to see you again!"

 

"That's Barbara, the boss," Harry whispers to Louis. "Hi! Nice to see you busy again!"

 

"Of course, always," the older lady laughs as she's putting the pastries into the display. She puts the baking tray on the counter top, washes her hands and wipes them on her apron before she walks over to Harry and Louis, opening her arms to give Harry a warm hug. "It's so nice to see you Harry, we miss you here every day. How's Manchester? How are your studies? Do you like it there?"

 

Harry wraps his arms around the older woman too and hugs her. "I miss you too and I also miss working here. Everything's fine in Manchester, I like the city and I like the studies."

 

"That's good," Barbara nods. "A change is always something exciting, isn't it? What a pity that the others aren't here today, I bet they'd be happy to see you again too," she says, then turns toward Louis. "And who's that?" she asks, giving him a friendly smile too.

 

"That's Louis, my boyfriend," Harry says without batting an eyelid, caressing Louis’ shoulder gently. Just in this moment, Harry can feel Louis tensing up, giving him a horrified look. "Harry," he hisses through his teeth.

 

"Nice to meet you, Louis!" Barbara beams, reaching out her hand toward him.

 

"Hello," he says awkwardly as he shakes her hand.

 

"Where have you two met?"

 

"At the dorm," Harry says quickly, not looking over at Louis.

 

Barbara nods. "I see, I see," she smiles as she's fixing the bow of her apron. "Would you two like to sit down for a while?" She moves her hand toward a table near the window.

 

“Oh Barbara, that's so nice of you but my family is already waiting," Harry tells her. "I just wanted to show Louis the bakery and say hi. Maybe we’ll stop by another time and then.”

 

Barbara nods. „Of course Harry, you're always welcome here. Have a nice stay at home and send them greetings."

 

“I will do that!" Harry says as he's walking toward the door. "See you soon!” he yells and waves as they walk through the door. “I love this place,” he tells Louis when they continue walking down the street again. "Of course I gained money here but also found a place where I was welcomed and where we always had fun," he explains.

 

Louis stays quiet for a while but the silence isn’t uncomfortable as it was in the train so Harry stays quiet too. “She is the first person who didn’t judge me right away," Louis suddenly says. "Usually people would give me strange looks and turn up their noses when they saw me for the first time."

 

“Yeah, she's a good soul," Harry answers. "I knew she wouldn't say anything mean or uncomfortable, that's why I told her about us. You don't have to worry about it, she won't tell anyone." Louis lets out a sigh.

 

"Oh and what I wanted to tell you earlier . . . you look good today," Harry smiles. He loves Louis' bad boy look, especially with the longer hair he looks sexy and appealing, in Harry's eyes.

 

Louis turns to Harry and gives his neck a tight squeeze, rubbing his thumb across the soft skin. “Thanks, baby.” Louis's touch lets Harry shiver a little bit, definitely not in a bad way.

 

As they continue walking down the streets, Louis suddenly stops Harry by grabbing his arm. “I don’t know if it’s a good idea to turn up with me just like that.”

 

“I want you to come with me without hiding somewhere," Harry blurts out immediately.

 

Louis lights a cigarette, trying to prevent his lighter from going out because the wind has gotten stronger. He takes a drag and exhales it into the cold air, a cloud of smoke forming a weird object. Harry puts his bag down. “I need one now," Louis explains. "I’m nervous as fuck.” He hastily pulls at his cigarette, blowing the smoke out of his mouth slowly. “Do you want a drag?” he asks.

 

Harry holds his hand up and shakes his head. “No, thanks," he declines politely.

 

Louis shrugs. "Won't force you." Just the moment he says it, he smirks at Harry. “For a short moment I forgot that you’re actually a good boy, no drugs, no smoking but," he winks at Harry before he takes another drag, "no sex isn’t valid anymore."

 

“Oh stop it, Lou!” Harry mumbles as he pushes Louis’ arm playfully, feeling his face getting hot.

 

Louis raises his eyebrows twice as he gives Harry another smirk. “I like seeing you blushing," he tells Harry, "you look almost as good as after coming.”

 

“Louis!” Harry hisses but can’t hide a smile.

 

“Okay, okay," Louis half-laughs, flips his cigarette on the ground and steps on it. "I should stop now because I don’t want you to show up in front of your mum with a bulge in your jeans.” Louis chuckles as he looks at Harry's facial expression and ruffles through his curls playfully. “Come on," he says, tilting his head, "let’s go and shock your mum with my appearance.”

 

“Okay," Harry sighs, putting his bag back on his shoulder. They walk for another while before they turn to the right. “I'm so nervous," Harry says as he’s wiping his face, “look, there's my house. The boy points toward a typical English house with an entrance that’s paved with rusty coloured flagstones. There's a small garden next to the entrance that leads to the back of the house where it probably turns into a typical English backyard. Two cars are parked in front of it. "My sister is already home," Harry comments, "the grey car is hers. I think she knows there's something going on between us."

 

"Did you tell her?”

 

Harry shakes his head. “No but she did an allusion to it when she visited me with my mum and saw you in my room, I think you didn't notice."

 

“Probably not,” Louis shrugs. “Whatever.”

 

Harry takes a deep breath before pressing the doorbell. Harry can hear a rustling sound inside, then someone approaches the door. "Harry!" Gemma yells as she's opening the door, immediately wrapping her arms around her younger brother, "so cool that you're here! Robin has already put up the new grill - I'm telling you, it's a monster!”  


Suddenly Gemma stops talking and looks past Harry. "Oh . . . hey," she says slowly and frowns. "Did you guys . . .,” she lets her finger move between Harry and Louis, “meet here by . . .  coincidence?" The look on her face tells Harry that she’s trying to put the puzzle pieces together but actually knows that she’s wrong.

 

"Um . . . no," Harry mumbles, "it was planned but . . . mum doesn’t know." Harry blushes, nervously pushing his hair back as he puts his bag on the floor in the hallway.

 

"Mum doesn’t know?" Gemma repeats more quietly and Harry just shakes his head.

 

Just in this moment, Anne appears in the hall, a huge smile covering her smile when she sees Harry but when her gaze wanders to Louis, her face drops within a second. "Harry? What is _he_ doing here?" She's clearly upset. "I thought you'd bring Niall?"

 

" _You_ wanted me to bring Niall mum," Harry says quietly. He’s definitely trying not to upset his mum more. "Louis is my . . . friend and . . . since you've always welcomed my friends here . . .  I thought . . . it wouldn't be a problem." The boy looks down, nervously fumbling with his hands.

 

Anne looks at Louis for a second, then to Harry again. "Can I talk to you for a minute in the kitchen?" she asks, tilting her head.

 

"I'll be back in a minute," Harry sighs as he starts walking behind his mum into the kitchen.

 

Before Anne can say something, Harry spots Robin waving from the garden. There’s a huge parcel standing outside, probably the new grill. The man is about to open the balcony door to the living room. "Harry!” he yells, “great that you're here!" He takes his shoes off on the doormat and walks toward Harry to give him a hug. "The grill has arrived this morning and I’m about to open the parcel and I bought really good meat at the butcher's here in Holmes Chapel, your mum bought vegetables at the market and she also made some really good sauces and Gemma prepared different salads! It will be such a nice evening, I can’t wait!" Robin is so happy and joyful that Harry feels stupid again for not telling his family that he'd bring Louis. What would Robin think of him? What would he say? His mum's look at least speaks volumes. "Oh . . . do you two have . . . problems to discuss or . . . something?" he asks as he notices Anne's sour expression. Harry has the impression that the temperature has dropped with five degrees within one second.

 

"Well Robin . . . Harry brought someone here without asking me and I'm not very happy about it!" Anne scolds. "You could have told me at least!" she scolds.

 

"And then? I bet you would have told me that he shouldn't come, that's why I didn't tell you!"

 

"Wait, wait, wait," Robin says, placing one hand on Harry's shoulder to make him turn toward him. "Where is your friend now?" The man looks around the room but of course he can't spot anyone. He frowns as he leaves the kitchen to check the hall. "Why are you leaving him standing outside?" Robin remarks as he sees Louis, pointing toward him. “It’s cold!” He walks out of the kitchen, toward him. "I'm sorry that you've been waiting here in the cold, please come in!" The man opens the door a little bit more as a sign for Louis to step in and closes it quickly again. "I like meeting Harry's friends, what's your name?" Robin asks Louis, reaching out his hand toward him.

 

"Louis," he simply answers.

 

"It’s nice to meet you. I’m Robin, Harry's step-dad," the man answers as nice and friendly as he is. There’s no judgement in his voice which lets Harry relax a little bit.

 

“Robin, what are you doing?” Anne nearly hisses. “You don’t know him!“

 

Robin puts his hands on Anne’s shoulders. His voice is warm and soft as he speaks. “Why are you upset? He’s Harry’s friend and Harry’s friends are our friends. It has always been that way. Please don’t make the boys uncomfortable.”

 

Anne sighs but doesn’t react to Robin’s words. “You’ll find me in the kitchen then.” Gemma follows her mum into the kitchen.

 

Harry gives Robin a hug. “Thank you,” he simply says, “thank you for not being mad at me . . . us.”

 

“Why should I?” Robin half-laughs, “there’s nothing wrong about bringing a friend.” The man lets go of Harry and turns toward Louis. “I’m sorry for her behaviour. She usually isn’t like that.” He rubs his forehead that’s put in wrinkles. “I don’t know why she’s making such a fuss about you.”

 

“I know why,” Louis answers. “I’m not like Harry’s friends and I don’t look like Harry’s friends. People like me don’t fit into her perfect world.” Harry puts his hand on Louis’ back. “That’s why.”

 

Robin pats Louis’ shoulder twice. “Well, that might be true but . . . for me personally, it doesn’t matter how you look. Do you like steaks?”

 

“Love them,” Louis answers.

 

“See?” Robin smiles, “that’s what really matters. Harry will show you the guest room and when you’ve made yourself comfortable, please join me outside.” Louis nods and puts his bad on his shoulders.

 

“But mum won’t -,” Harry says worried but Robin interrupts him.

 

“Stop worrying about her,” he speaks as he’s signing his refusal. “She will be okay and if not, we’ll try to have a nice evening nevertheless.”

 

Harry nods and starts walking up the stairs, Louis following him. “On this floor there are the main bathroom, the bedroom and Gemma’s old room,” Harry explains as he’s climbing up the steep stairs to third floor. “And that’s my room on the left and the guestroom on the right. We’ll share the bathroom.”

 

Harry opens the door to the guestroom which is small but looks lovely. It’s held in white and crème colours. The bed under the window looks very comfortable and the slope of the roof on the left gives the room a cosy atmosphere. A wardrobe with a mirror on it and a small chest of drawers complete the perfect look. There’s an old wooden chest standing at the food of the bed, a fluffy sheep fur is spread out on the floor in front it. The room smells fresh and clean. The ajar white door with a golden knob leads to the small bathroom.

 

“Wow,” Louis says as he puts his bag down and walks over to the bed, touching the soft fabric of the cover, “that’s fucking perfect!”

 

Harry closes the door behind him and leans against it, watching Louis who is looking around the room with wide eyes. He pushes the curtain aside a little bit. “It’s so quiet here,” he says, rubbing his neck as he looks out of the window, taking in the landscape.

 

Harry quietly walks over to him and wraps his arms around him from behind. “That’s what you deserve,” he mumbles, pressing his cheek against Louis’s back.

 

They stay like this for a while until Louis turns around. He cups Harry’s face with his hands, his blue eyes exploring they younger boy’s face and lips before he leans in, giving him a soft kiss. Harry parts his lips automatically what allows Louis to turn it into a slow, intense French kiss which turns Harry into putty in Louis’ hands. Harry’s knees are getting weaker with every second as he sinks into this kiss completely. When Louis pulls away, Harry refuses to open his eyes; he needs to feel the sensation one more time. “Again,” he whispers as he puts his hands putting on Louis’ hips to prevent himself from falling. The moment he has said it, Louis pulls him closer again, lets his tongue run along Harry’s already parted lips before they share another intense kiss that makes Harry moan quietly into Louis’ hot mouth. Harry explores Louis’ tongue and lips with his, hungrily leaning into the kiss that’s so hot that he digs his nails into Louis’ hips to express the tension that has been growing slowly but intense for a while and the pleasant burn of it makes him press his body closer against Louis’.

 

“You’re such a tease baby,” Louis whispers into Harry’s ear as he pulls away, “such a fucking tease.” Harry  puts his head into the crook of Louis’ neck, inhaling the smell of Louis’ neck that smells like soap, his voice making Harry whimper against the soft skin. “If you don’t stop pressing your dick against mine I swear I will make you come right here, no matter if we’re in your mum’s house or not,” Louis breathes. The words combined with the hot breath lets a shiver run down Harry’s spine all the way down to his toes and back. It’s so intense that he can even feel himself getting harder in his pants, still pressing against Louis’ bulge. Harry doesn’t want to stop, he needs to feel Louis again but the boy pulls away.

 

He caresses Harry’s cheek with his thumb. “You look incredibly appealing with your puffy lips and flushed cheeks but we should stop it here before someone catches us,” he winks and looks at Harry’s bulge. “Or do you want me to help you out quickly?” Harry flushes even more as he covers his crotch quickly.

 

Just in this moment, Harry hears someone walking up the squeaky stairs outside what makes Louis chuckle. “What a pity,” he whispers as he’s kneeling down to unzip his bag.

 

It takes a few seconds until someone is knocking on the door. “Harry?” It’s Gemma. “Harry are you in here?”

 

Harry exhales then opens the door a little bit. Thank god they didn’t do something they would have regretted afterwards.

 

“Oh good,” his sisters smiles, “you’re here. Robin just wondered if you and Louis would like to help him setting up the grill since he thinks you might like doing it.”

 

“Oh yes of course,” Harry answers, “we’ll be downstairs in a few. Louis is unpacking his clothes and I’m about to show him where to put everything,” he lies.

 

“I’ll tell him,” Gemma nods and walks down the stairs again.

 

“What do you think about that?” Harry asks Louis, “would you like us to help him?”

 

“Could be fun, why not?” the older boy answers as he’s getting up. “I can’t wait to fall into those covers tonight,” he smiles and lets his hand glide along the cover. “Does anyone in your family smoke?” Louis asks as he takes his cigarettes out of his bag, shoving them into his pockets.

 

“Robin does sometimes and I know Gemma smokes but she hides it from my mum since she thinks smoking makes people evil or something.”

 

Louis chuckles and shakes his head. “Not surprising, really.” Harry presses his lips together and shrugs before they leave the room.

 

***

 

While Gemma and Anne work in the kitchen, Louis and Harry help Robin to set up the grill. It had been delivered in a few pieces which have to be put together but it’s not a problem for them since Robin is a craftsman who knows what he’s doing. Louis and Harry help him with whatever he tells them and soon, the grill is put up. Harry is happy about the fact that Robin doesn’t have any fear of contact when it comes to Louis which relieves him a lot. They get along quite well and even Louis’ harsh language doesn’t seem to bother Harry’s step-dad. When they start talking about the different settings of the grill, level of heating and the right temperature for steaks, Harry decides to help setting the table. He likes barbecues but talking about grilling techniques isn’t really his thing. Despite that, Robin and Louis are talking to each other without stopping and they’re clearly having a good time on their own which makes Harry’s stomach flip in a pleasant way. It’s nice to watch but also a little bit boring so Harry walks inside to help setting the table.

 

Gemma is as bubbly and chatty as always but his mum doesn’t talk as much as he’s used to which unsettles Harry a lot. It’s clear that she’s kind of inhibited towards him and of course Harry knows why. Harry doesn’t like this suppressed atmosphere that’s clearly noticeable so he walks over to his mum who’s about to get the barbecue out of the fridge. He leans against the kitchen work surface opposite her with both hands and watches her. As she doesn’t react, Harry lets out a sigh. “Do you hate me now?” he asks quietly, trying to get her attention.

 

Anne takes small glass bowls out of the shelf, looks at him briefly and shakes her head. “But I feel like it,” he mumbles. “We haven’t even hugged.”

 

Anne immediately stops her work and looks up. “Sorry,” she whispers, walks over to her son and pulls him into a hug. When Anne pulls back, she lets out an audible sigh and leans against the sink. “I’m not happy that you brought him here,” she admits. “He’s a stranger in my house and I’m worried about you a lot. Since when do you hang around with people like him? What do you even know about him?” She doesn’t look Harry in the eyes.

 

Anne’s words hurt Harry but not because of him but because of Louis. The words burn in his heart and it feels as if Louis could feel it too. A fight wouldn’t help right now so Harry tries to stay calm. “Don’t you trust me?” he asks, a little bit too harsh.

 

“I usually do but . . . not when it’s about people like _him_ , Harry. You should have warned me, you should have told me in advance. Now I feel like I’m not safe in my own house anymore.”

 

“Mum,” Harry moans desperately, “he’s not a terrorist! He might have tattoos and stuff but that doesn’t make him dangerous!” Harry’s stomach cringes slightly at his word choice because he knows about Louis’ past but that’s not important right now.

 

“Harry, stop that,” she orders sharply. “Stop trying to defend him. I will try to make the best of this evening and I won’t kick him out of my house until you leave but this was the first and last time for you to bring him here, that’s what I’m telling you.”

 

 

 

Harry bows his head. “My other friends were strangers too when you met them for the first time and you never said anything like that about them,” he just states quietly. He feels the urge to yell at his mum, to tell him about Louis’ childhood, about his abusive father, about the death of his mum but he can’t do it without Louis’ consent. Harry tries to calm himself by taking deep breaths. “But okay, I see that we won’t get anywhere with this so what can I help you in here?”

 

“That’s a different story,” Anne replies as she starts pouring the sauces into the bowls. “You could go to the cellar and get some red wine out for us.”

 

The discussion with his mum has made Harry even sadder. He tries to ignore the negative feeling that’s consuming his body as he walks through the living room to check on Robin and Louis. He can hear them laughing and talking through the windows which makes him feel a little bit better. If Robin likes Louis, his mum should like him too. “Are you two okay out here?” Harry asks.

 

“We’re good,” Robin answers with a nod. “We had to fix the stand again but now it’s fine. Louis has lit the charcoal and we’re about to start grilling. Is the table set already?”

 

“We’ve almost finished, I think,” Harry remarks and Robin nods.

 

“It will take about ten to fifteen minutes until the first steaks will be ready,” Robin tells Harry before he closes the balcony door.

 

Harry shivers and rubs his hands together because of the cold. On his way to the cellar he’s secretly glad that he doesn’t have to stand outside. Harry gets a red wine out of a shelf and puts five wine glasses on the table too. Meanwhile Gemma and his mum have set the rest of the table and it looks really good. Gemma has even put on some decoration: pine twigs since it’s almost December. Everything looks so nice and beautiful and Harry wishes his mum would change her opinion on Louis what would made everything so much better and enjoyable.

 

 

“What do you think of Louis?” Harry asks Gemma as they’re standing in the living room, watching Robin and Louis through the huge windows.

 

Gemma shrugs. “Until now I’ve only seen him acting weird with his friends when we were at the pub but it seems as he’s getting along with Robin which is a good thing,” she says flatly. “I don’t know him so what do you expect me to say?”

 

Harry shrugs. “I’m just asking.”

 

“And I’m just saying,” she smiles, pulls him close and gives him a kiss on his cheek. “I missed you a lot,” she admits and Harry wraps his arms around her too.

 

“Me too,” Harry mumbles as his sister is ruffling through his curls.

 

Just in that moment Anne walks inside, carrying two bowls of salad. “Tell them to come inside,” Anne tells Harry as she’s placing the bowls on the table before sitting down on the closest chair to the kitchen. Gemma sits down next to her.

 

“The steaks still need a few minutes,” Robin explains as he’s sitting down next to his wife. Louis takes a seat next to him and Harry sits down next to Gemmy, opposite Louis which feels like miles away. “Thanks for preparing everything,” he says, pressing a kiss on Anne’s hair. He gives everyone else a nod before he takes the bottle of wine from the table and pulls the cork out.

 

“Would you like some red wine, Louis?” Robin asks the boy as he’s about to pour some into Gemma’s glass.

 

“No,” Louis answers in his usual tone. “I-,” he starts explaining but Anne interrupts.

 

“We don’t have hard alcohol in the house,” Anne grunts, glaring at Louis.

 

“Mum!” Harry whines.

 

“Sorry Louis, I forgot about your headache,” Robin tries to intervene, sending Anne a glare. “Harry, could you get Louis a glass of water please?” he asks, tilting his head. Harry nods and walks over to the kitchen to get Louis some water and Aspirin.

 

“In case if you need it,” he tells him as he places the glass and the pill next to Louis’ plate. The boy thanks Harry and gives him a small smile.

 

The atmosphere at the table doesn’t really get better although Robin tries his best to keep everyone entertained. Harry feels very uncomfortable too, although it’s just Anne who’s blocking every serious conversation and doesn’t laugh at Gemma’s stupid jokes. Robin goes out to check on the meat after a while before he sits down again, piling some salad up on his plate. “So what was the main reason you started studying in Manchester, Louis?” Robin asks, trying to start a small conversation between them.

 

“I . . . um . . .  when I finished school . . . I worked at my dad’s and then . . . I . . . decided to do something else,” he says, clearly in trouble to find the right words. He takes a bite of the garlic bread and shoves a fork full of potato salad into his mouth.

 

“What was your work like?” Anne asks, not sounding interested at all and Harry knows she’s just about to tease him.

 

“Louis worked in his dad’s company,” Harry tries to help Louis out, “he kind of . . . coordinated everything with him.”

 

“What kind of company?” Anne insists, her voice cold as she’s glaring at Louis.

 

“A club,” Louis says, shaking his head at Harry secretly. “Don’t,” he mouths at him quickly and takes another slice of garlic bread out of the bread basket.

 

“I wonder why you decided to study since you probably made a lot of money in that _business_ ,” Anne continues.

 

“Someone I loved,” Louis fires back as he’s immediately turning over to Robin. “If you want I could check on the meat,” he suggests.

 

Robin nods. “That’s a good idea. If you think they’re ready, you can put the sausages on the grill too. Thanks.”

 

“Alright,” Louis nods and walks away.

 

When Louis is outside and the door to the living room is closed, Robin turns toward his wife. “Anne, would you stop that?”

 

“What?” she snaps.

 

“Pushing him.”

 

“I’m just asking questions.”

 

“No, you make him feel as if he was interrogated by the police!”

 

“It’s my house here, isn’t it?”

 

“That has nothing to do with it.”

 

“It does,” she grunts. “It’s _my_ house.”

 

“Do you seriously think it’s okay that our guest stands outside in the cold, making our food?”

 

“So you really think he’s the nice guy who wants to help us? Look at him! He was only looking for a possibility to escape and smoke!” she remarks derogatorily, tilting her head into Louis’ direction. “I hope he won’t be doing drugs in my house because if he dares, I will-,” she continues but Robin grabs Anne by her shoulder.

 

“Are you listening to yourself? What are you saying?” Robin’s eyes are wide open in shock. “Have you thought about his feelings for one second?”

 

As much as Harry hates his’ mum’s mean words as much he’s happy and proud of Robin that he’s standing up for Louis. It even feels like a small victory.

 

“Can we please just have a nice evening without fighting?” Gemma asks, giving her mum a pleading look. “He might not look common and his language is a bit harsh but most of all he’s Harry’s friend. You’ve always welcomed Harry’s friends in this house so why not him?” Her voice is low but determined.

 

“Please mum,” Harry adds. “Please stop picking on him.”

 

Anne rolls her eyes as she lets out an annoyed sigh but stays quiet at least. Outside, Louis is standing in front of the huge grill, turning over the steaks and smoking. The glowing end of his cigarette looks like a little firefly in the dark which looks cute, kind of and makes Harry smile.

 

“Why am I not surprised that he smokes,” Anne mumbles.

 

“I smoke too,” Robin contradicts.

 

“It’s different with you.”

 

“It’s not.”

 

“It is.”

 

Harry rolls his eyes at his sister who just shakes her head. Robin doesn’t respond. He walks out to join Louis outside while Anne stays quiet and the siblings just stare at the table. It’s a terrible evening so far and Harry has no idea how to change that. He’s hungry and he wants to eat, he missed his family but this was not what he was expecting. And maybe it’s his fault. If he hadn’t brought Louis with him, everything would have been different. But this is not about him, it’s about Louis. How must Louis feel? Harry really didn’t mean to put him through this and suddenly, he feels awful for him. While Harry is still lost in thought, Robin and Louis come back inside with a pile of steaks on a plate.

 

“Wonderful,” Robin says as he’s taking in the smell. He puts the steaks on the table and gives the first one to Louis. “You deserve to get the first piece since you helped me preparing them,” he says and gives Louis a smile.

 

“Thanks,” Louis nods, rubbing his hands together. “I’m so fucking hungry,” he growls what makes Anne pull a face.

 

“Me too,” Gemma adds, licking her lips as Robin gets her a steak. “These look amazing!”

 

After everyone has gotten their steaks, they start eating and thank god Anne stays quiet. Robin starts chatting soon and everyone’s mood, except for Anne’s, lights up. Even Louis starts making jokes which are silly as hell but they make Robin and Gemma laugh so bad until they’re nearly crying. Harry has never seen Louis that happy and boisterous, which makes him happy too. When Anne has finished her plate, she excuses herself and goes to bed.

 

“I’m sorry for her behavior,” Robin excuses his wife, “I don’t know what’s wrong with her.”

 

Louis takes a gulp of his wine and shakes his head. “I’m used to this, don’t worry about me.” After that, Robin tells them the story how he and his friends stole a hen from their neighbors chicken coop when they were about six or seven and other stories from his childhood which make everyone laugh and giggle for a long time. It’s so refreshing that Louis tells another ridiculous joke afterward which is so bad and silly but funny as hell. They can’t stop giggling for minutes and even Gemma admits that she would have never thought that this evening could have taken such a positive turn. She chimes in with funny stories from her studies and Harry starts talking about his experiences. They eat a bit more and clear almost all the plates and another bottle of red wine. With their bellies full, it’s hard to move or get anything done. When Louis burps, Robin nearly pushes him off his chair because he’s amused by him and also a little bit tipsy. “I’m an expert,” Louis jokes as he’s filling his glass again.

 

“You’re the best Louis, but I think I should go now. I think I ate too much,” Robin explains as he gets up. “You can stay up to whenever you want, just make sure not to wake Anne when you’re going to bed since,” he winks, “you know.”

 

“Okay,” Harry nods, “sleep well and thanks for everything.”

 

Robin tells them goodnight again before he walks out of the room, followed by Gemma. “That was fun,” Louis tells Harry, patting his full belly, “I would have never thought your step-father was such a joker!”

 

“He is one of the funniest and most entertaining people I know,“ Harry answers. “I was a kid when my parents got divorced and it wasn’t weird for me when my mum told me that she got together with Robin. I’ve practically known him all my life.” The last words of his sentence are drowned in a loud yawn. “I’m so full and tired,” Harry sighs, looking at his belly.

 

“Same,” Louis tells Harry as he’s getting up the chair. “What do you think if we cleaned up this mess? I just want to smoke one first,” he says as he’s walking toward the balcony door. “I think your mum will kill me if I smoked in the room upstairs,” he chuckles.

 

“Probably,” Harry answers amused. He starts putting the dishes together although he’s tired.

 

Louis pushes his head through the balcony door. “I’ll help you in a minute okay?” he proposes which is very nice of him, Harry thinks.

 

“Okay,” Harry nods as he’s putting all the leftovers on one plate before piling them up. He wants to help cleaning a little bit at least since he knows his mum will do it on her own in the morning since she’s always waking up early. He throws all leftovers and used paper serviettes into the bin, rinses off the plates a little bit before he puts them into the dishwasher. When Louis comes back, he helps him covering the salads with tin foil and puts the food into the fridge. Harry hands a cloth to Louis who cleans the table and puts the chairs near the table neatly while Harry is still busy with filling the dishwasher. Meanwhile, Louis decides to clean the grill with water and a little bit of washing-up liquid so that the arrears of burned meat don’t get stuck to the new iron bars. 

 

It takes them almost half an hour to clear away everything. Harry thanks Louis with a quick kiss and a hug. “This was really nice of you,” he tells him as he wraps his arms around Louis’ neck to pull him closer for another kiss. The older boy only chuckles against Harry’s mouth as he kisses him back softly.

 

“I want you to sleep in my bed,” Louis tells Harry as they’re walking up the stairs.

 

“It’s way too small and my family could-,” Harry whispers, frowning.

 

“Your mum hates me anyway and it’s not too small,” Louis contradicts, “don’t even try to find an excuse.”

 

“Okay,” Harry sighs as he’s about to open the door to his room.

 

“You’re a good actor, actually,” Louis winks, “pretending that you’d rather sleep in your own bed without me touching you.”

 

Harry flushes at the thought and he can feel himself getting hard a little at the thought. “You’re tipsy,” he whispers, “you don’t know what you’re saying.” What if his parents or sister heard them? Oh god. “Plus, I’m tired.”

 

Louis gives him a smirk and raises his eyebrows. “I might be tipsy but I still I could make you come within seconds, just wait. Your dick doesn’t seem like it wants to sleep,” he chuckles and disappears in his room without even waiting for Harry to respond.

 

Harry watches the door opposite him close and stares at it for a while. Louis wants to make him come. Here, in his mum’s house. Oh god. The thought alone lets him blush tremendously. In his room, Harry pulls his jeans down and stares at his bulge which _is_ big, just from kissing and Louis’ words. This is still new to him: Louis’ dirty talk, getting intimate with someone that quickly, hot kisses and all that. But he loves it, he has to admit but it feels weird to have these thoughts in his mum’s house.

 

Louis is showering in the bathroom while Harry gets a wide shirt on and slips into Louis’ room. It’s cold in the room and the covers still are when Harry pulls them up to his nose. He curls up in bed and looks at the bathroom door, waiting for Louis to come out of it. The bed isn’t used much since it’s the guest room and the mattress is incredibly comfy. Harry is so tired that his eyes close almost automatically. The steady sound of the pouring water makes him even sleepier and he’s slowly drifting away.

 

Harry suddenly wakes because he can feel the mattress shifting a little. He can barely leave his eyes open as he spots Louis face next to his. “Hey sleepy,” Louis almost whispers and caresses his cheek with his thumb, “you look beautiful.” Harry could burst because that’s the cutest thing Louis has ever told him and the sweet gesture is just warming his heart. Harry just gives him a small smile and curls up close to Louis, his head tucked under the older boys head. Louis kisses his hair and pulls him closer. “Sleep well, baby,” he whispers and within seconds, he’s fast asleep.


	35. Morning Sex

The next morning Harry wakes up, feeling Louis pressed against his body from behind. It feels heavenly to have someone lying close to him and Harry wishes this feeling would never end. He moves a little bit closer to Louis as he suddenly feels his hot breath in his neck which makes even the tiniest hair stand up. “Good morning,” Louis whispers, placing a kiss on Harry’s neck. “You talk during your sleep,” he smiles against Harry’s skin.

 

Harry turns around and lets his hand run along Louis’ cheek. “What did I say?” he asks, his voice thick with sleep.

 

“That you wanted me to get you off,” Louis smirks at him.

 

“You’re lying,” Harry frowns, rubbing his eyes.

 

“Maybe,” Louis purrs, “but after I couldn’t do it yesterday . . . I wondered if now would be the right time,” he continues, letting his hand travel along Harry’s chest while he’s looking into Harry’s eyes. The sound of his voice makes Harry shudder in a pleasant way and he can already feel himself reacting to Louis’ words and touch. Harry bites his lip in arousal as he feels Louis’ hand reaching the waistband of his pants which makes his dick twitch in excitement. “Does that feel good?” he asks as he lets his hand run over Harry’s length teasingly, not touching him too firm.

 

Harry grabs Louis’ chin and pulls him close for a kiss, giving him the answer physically. Louis props up on his elbow as he continues kissing Harry, palming him slowly through the soft fabric of his pants. “You needy little shit,” he breathes, giving Harry a smirk before he pushes the covers away, exposing Harry’s barely dressed body to the cold air. “Get up,” Louis demands and pulls off Harry’s shirt quickly, pushing him down again. Louis leans in to give Harry a sloppy kiss before he lets his index finger travel across his cheekbones and lips, his eyes never leaving his. “Fuck you’re beautiful,” Louis mumbles and hovers over Harry to bite his neck down until he reaches his collarbone. Harry could never tell anyone how much Louis’ foul language turns him on but it does. He grabs Louis’ muscular arms tight and presses his hips up until he meets Louis’ crotch. This time, Louis doesn’t pull away. He does the same and rubs slowly against Harry’s bulge, letting out a quiet moan as Harry increases the speed. “Baby,” Louis whispers as he’s moving his hips against Harry’s, “keep going!” His movements are a little bit clumsy since he has never done anything like that before but after a while, they find a good rhythm. It feels good and Harry wants more but Louis has already moved down to his neck again, placing gently kisses along his collarbone and chest before he takes Harry’s hard, puffy nipples into his mouth and sucks, slowly massaging the other with his hand. Louis’ tongue flicks around the hard bud, over and over again which sends shivers down Harry’s spine again but this time, there’s a direct connection to his dick that twitches and the boy can already feel pre-come leaking. Louis takes Harry’s other nipple between his teeth and pulls it up a bit, then licks over it to soothe the small pain he gave Harry. Louis kisses his way down to Harry’s pants and pulls them off without asking. He quickly wraps his hand around Harry’s dick, gives him a few strokes and rests his hand on the bottom while he lowers his head to give Harry’s tip a firm lick. “You’re so fucking big, I can’t get over it,” he whispers against Harry’s shaft, looking directly into Harry’s flushed face that looks kind of innocent. Harry feels the excitement pool in the pit of his stomach and he just can’t take it anymore. He’s fully hard by now and Louis’ assault doesn’t really help. “Louis,” he whispers, grabbing the older boy’s hair, “please.”

 

Louis shushes him by kissing him painfully slow. “I will make you come now, be prepared,” he announces, biting Harry’s lower lip and tugs at it. The younger boy only winces and nods frantically as he grabs the sheets and clenches his fists in pleasure while Louis takes him into his mouth, gently bobbing his head up and down his length. Every time Louis sucks at his tip and lets his tongue move along the frenulum, Harry feels as if a thousand little stars are exploding in his lower abdomen and the more pressure Louis gives him, the more Harry has difficulties to stay quiet. His breathing has increased and it’s audibly by now as he clenches his fists at the convulsing sensation that’s building down there. He can’t control his body as he squirms and moves under Louis’ touch but the older boy keeps him in place. “Fuck you’re hot squirming like that,” he mumbles as he pinches his nipples again and lowers his head. “I want you to come in my mouth, okay baby?” he whispers as he grabs Harry’s dick firmly, sucking, licking and moving his hand up and down the shaft fast and firm what makes Harry feel like he’s about to explode at the immense, consuming feeling that’s electrifying his whole body. “Oh my god!” he yells out in pleasure which he regrets immediately but he can’t fight the urge to push his hips up and breathe even louder when Louis takes him into his mouth completely. Harry thrusts his hips up strongly, meets the back of Louis’ throat and that’s it, that’s the final touch. Harry’s body spasms, soft whimpers escape his mouth as he’s reaching his height, spurting his come down Louis’ throat. “Fuck,” he whimpers but clasps his hands in front of his mouth immediately. It’s because of the sensation Louis gave him and the fact that he just came in his mum’s house.

 

Louis pumps him two more times lazily, then pulls away. Harry is still panting and squirming a little while the hot wave is still running through his heated body, calming him in a very awkward but yet relaxing way. Louis lays down close to him and watches his face. “If you could only see how hot you look after coming, I could come from watching you having orgasmed only.”

 

“Why don’t you do it?” Harry asks, clearly dazed. Did he really say that? Louis gives him a dirty smirk and Harry looks down where Louis is already palming himself which looks . . . kind of hot. Harry can’t stop staring at him as he pulls Louis closer, gives him a kiss but Louis’ only answers it sloppily as he’s panting into Harry’s hot mouth.

 

“Fuck, please don’t stop looking at me,” Louis begs as he’s rubbing himself faster, “don’t stop looking at me,” he repeats, his words coming out as a hoarse whisper. Harry feels he must be close because his eyes are getting glossier, his face flushes too and Louis bites his lip so hard that it nearly turns while. His eyes are staring into Harry’s emerald ones and his breathing increases within seconds as he’s pumping himself harder until he orgasms hard over his belly and hand. Harry holds him close while his body is twitching uncontrolled, making Louis moan quietly into Harry’s mouth he’s trying to kiss hungrily. Louis’ forehead is a little bit sweaty and it takes him several minutes to calm down from his high. “Fuck Harry, this was the hottest shit ever,” he breathes next to Harry, giving him a quick, wet French kiss.

 

Outside, Harry can hear someone or at least he thinks to hear something. He puts his hand over Louis’ mouth and looks at him with wide eyes. “What if the heard us,” he whispers, his eyes wide opened in shock.

 

Louis pulls Harry’s hand away and smirks at him. “They will think that we had sex, I guess,” he says and chuckles.

 

Harry lets himself fall back, covering his eyes with his arm. “Oh god,” he whispers, “that would be awful.”

 

“Oh come on, nobody heard us, relax.” Louis props up a bit to pull the cover up over their bodies again. “It’s only seven thirty, I bet everyone is still sleeping and we should be doing the same now.” He pulls Harry close to his naked body and wraps his hands around him. His voice feels hot against Harry’s skin as Louis thanks him for making him come this morning. Harry sighs as he closes his eyes again, concentration on Louis’ regular breathing that’s constantly hitting the back of his neck.


	36. Saturday

Not long after, Harry has to wee so he gets up, shivering at the freezing cold air that’s hitting his naked body. Louis seems to be asleep so Harry doesn’t want to wake him. He puts on his shirt quietly, grabs his pants and walks over to his room where he pulls out fresh underwear before he takes his morning shower. On his way downstairs he meets his sister in the hall.

 

“Morning!” she chirps, ruffling through his hair. “Is Louis okay?” she asks, frowning.

 

Oh no. Harry can feel the heat crawling up his body up to his cheeks must be dark red by now. “Why?”

 

“Because I heard someone moaning and thought that,-“ she starts saying but in the middle of the sentence, her eyes go wide and her face lights up which makes Harry flush even more. She knows. “Noooo,” she mouths toward Harry, clasping her hand in front of her mouth, pointing at her brother, “did you two . . . I mean . . . are you . . . ” she whispers, looking around quickly as if someone was following her.

 

“Gemma,” Harry sighs.

 

Harry’s sister puts one arm around him and gives him a kiss on his cheek. “Stop it,” Harry hisses, shoving his sister away.

 

“Oh sorry, I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable,” she says as they’re walking down the stairs.

 

“Please don’t tell mum,” Harry begs. “I want to do it on my own.”

 

“It’s okay, don’t worry,” Gemma tells Harry. “Oh . . . I love the smell of freshly brewed coffee,” she sighs as they’re walking into the kitchen where Anne is preparing the breakfast.

“Morning!” she greets Gemma and Harry as she gives both a hug. “Have you two slept well?”

 

“Yeah,” Gemma and Harry say unison, smiling at each other. Gemma winks at Harry who just sticks out his tongue towards her.

 

“Thank you for cleaning up the mess yesterday. First I thought it was Robin but he told me it wasn’t him so,” she smiles, “it must have been you. When I woke up I thought of all the dishes and everything and I didn’t want to get up really.”

 

“Louis and I did it,” Harry blurts out, “it actually was his idea.”

 

“What?” Anne turns around, holding a coffeepot in her hands.

 

“You heard me,” Harry grunts. “It was him who proposed that, not me. And if you’re planning on saying something mean about him again, I’ll pack my bags and leave. I really don’t understand what happened to you yesterday, it felt like you were another person.”

 

Anne just looks at the floor without saying anything. “I didn’t want to hurt you, Harry,” his mum tells him and walks over to give him a hug. “I’m sorry if I did.” Her voice is soft and low as Harry is used it to be. It’s not what he wanted to hear but he also doesn’t want to talk about Louis when he isn’t in the room so he just gets up and gives his mum a hug. Anne hands her children coffee and they sit down at the table and talk for a while. Then they start setting up the table. Meanwhile Robin has come back from his morning run and quickly takes a shower before he joins them. “Where’s Louis?” he asks.

 

“He was asleep, I didn’t want to disturb him,” Harry answers.

 

“Oh come on, don’t be rude and tell him that we’ll eat in a few minutes!”

 

“You just can’t live without his jokes, admit it!” Harry laughs as he gets up.

 

Robin nods. “That’s the reason, yes.”

 

“Okay then,” Harry nods and walks up the stairs. He’s happy that Robin likes Louis and he really hopes that his mum will change her opinion on him too. When he knocks on Louis door, the boy doesn’t answer so Harry just opens it to find Louis still asleep. He gently caresses his cheek and places a kiss on Louis temple. “Hey love,” Harry whispers as he sits down on the bed, close to Louis.

 

“Why did you leave?” he asks, still half asleep. He must have slept very deeply because it seems as he would fall asleep again every second.

 

Harry thinks that Louis looks adorable like this, with his cute puffy eyes and the sleepy face. “I needed to wee and thought it was about time,” he answers quietly, brushing a streak out of Louis’ warm face. “Robin wants me to tell you that we’ll have breakfast in a few minutes and I would also like you to join us,” he tells Louis quietly.

 

“Okay,” Louis sighs. “I’ll just have a quick shower.”

 

Harry gets up from the bed and leans down to give Louis a cute kiss on his mouth. “I’d rather get back in bed with you but . . . I guess they would come to find us after a while.”

 

“We could try?“ Louis asks wiggling his eyebrows but Harry just throws a decorative pillow at him.

 

“No. And now hurry up because I’m hungry!”

 

Louis chuckles as Harry leaves the room. It’s such a cute sound which makes Harry’s heart burst. Downstairs, his family is still busy with setting the table and it smells heavenly like fresh toasted bread, bacon and coffee. Harry turns on some classical music that’s playing in the background and lights candles on the table. Outside it’s quite dark although it’s morning because huge, grey clouds are covering the sky but the atmosphere in the house is so cozy that Harry would like to snuggle next to Louis on the couch for the next couple of hours and doing nothing but feeling his warmth and listen to his heartbeat. The boy sighs at the imagination and sits down on a chair to wait for everyone to get ready.

 

“Morning,” Louis grunts as he’s walking into the room.

 

“Oh hey mister, have you slept well?” Robin greets Louis with a manly handshake and a pat on his shoulder.

 

“Best sleep ever,” he shortly says as he’s pulling his cigarettes out of his pocket. “I need one first,” he states and offers one to Robin who nods and takes a cigarette out of the pack.

 

“You’re my boy,” Robin identifies, “let’s be quick because breakfeast is almost ready.”

 

When they’re outside, Gemma and Anne walk into the living room. “I want that too,” Gemma mouths whining toward Harry who chuckles at her facial expression. He knows Anne hates that Robin smokes but seeing her daughter with a cigarette would break her heart.

 

“Seems like they’ve found each other, haven’t they,” Anne remarks shaking her head. Her tone isn’t as hateful as yesterday.

 

“Seems so,” Gemma states, “it’s a pity that you left so early. Louis is very funny, indeed.”

 

“I was tired,” she answers. “How long did you stay up?”

 

“Past midnight, I don’t really remember but it was fun. You shouldn’t be mean to Louis, he’s okay,” Gemma says and Harry gives her a thankful nod.

 

Anne sighs and takes a sip of her coffee without answering. Just in that moment, Robin and Louis come back inside again. Louis looks comfy in his grey joggers and a grey jumper with a huge round neckline that shows off parts of his collarbones and his chest tattoo. His hair is messy and his beard has grown a little. Louis takes a seat next to Harry on the bench and Robin sits down on the chair next to him.

 

“Robin, you know I don’t like when you smoke before eating,” Anne scolds, shaking her head. “It doesn’t smell good and I wonder what your mum would say if you did that?” she asks, turning toward Louis.

 

Harry’s stomach turns when Anne mentions Louis’ mum. “I don’t have a mum anymore so I don’t know,” Louis answers flatly, shrugging.

 

“Oh . . . I . . . I didn’t mean to-,“ Anne stutters, blushing furiously. Great. Harry rolls his eyes in annoyance. If his mum will start fighting again, he’ll get up and leave. He puts his hand on Louis’ knee and squeezes it.

 

“I’m used to it,” Louis interrupts her.

 

“I’m sorry,” she says and for the first time, Harry can see her real self. “Please help yourself,” she tells Louis and points at the food.

 

The boy nods and starts piling sausages, beans and scrambled eggs on his plate. Nobody says anything as the music in the background fills the silence with a light melody.

 

“I’ve never slept so well in my life,” Louis suddenly says as he stabs his fork into a sausage.

 

 “That’s good,” Robin says, “Anne always wanted that our guests woke up well rested so we decided to buy a new mattress for the bed and you were the first one who tested it.”

 

“It was awesome,” Louis mumbles with his mouth full, showing a fork of egg into his mouth. “I’ve never slept on such a soft bed . . . and the covers! So fucking good.” Louis chews, takes a sip of his coffee and continues talking. “I begged Chad . . . I mean my dad to get me normal bed for years but he’d rather spend his money on dru-,” he stopps, “nevermind.”

 

“Wait . . . do you wanted to say drugs? You dad bought drugs rather than a bed for his son?” Robin assumes.

 

Louis nods. “Yeah, he’s a piece of shi-,” he stops again.

 

Robin puts his hand on Louis’ arm. “It’s okay, if you need to talk, feel free to do so.”

 

Harry looks over to Anne who also has a sad look on her face. “Better not. My life doesn’t fit in here and maybe she was right,” Louis says, tilting his head towards Anne. “I’m not worth to sit here with you, everything is too perfect and the world where I’m from isn’t.”

 

Louis’ words are the reason why a lump builds in Harry’s throat. He would like to take Louis’ pain away but he can’t. As he looks in Louis’ face, there’s a small tear showing at the corner of Louis’ eye he quickly wipes away. “Excuse me,” he says as he’s getting up. Harry stares at Louis walking out on the terrace, pulling out his pack of cigarettes.

 

Harry follows, not saying anything. Louis sits down on the small bench and lights his cigarette while the sky is turning into a dark grey cloud. His eyes are glossy as he takes the first drag of his cigarette. He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he smokes. Harry sits close to him, their thighs touching. He puts his arm around Louis’ waist and leans his head on his back. He doesn’t care what his mum says or what they think of him, he just wants to be here for his friend, for his boyfriend. He lets his hand run up and down Louis’ back trying to show him that he’s caring. “It makes me sad to see you’re suffering,” Harry mumbles.

 

“It’s ok,” Louis responds, exhaling the smoke into the cold air. Harry doesn’t respond. He just stays pressed against Louis’ back, feeling him breathing. “I’m such a fuck up,” Louis adds and Harry can hear his teary voice. “I saw pictures of you and your mum upstairs, happy pictures with Robin and your sister, you were on holidays, you have a room, you have a clean house and you don’t have to sleep on scruffy sheets and uncomfortable covers, you have everything you want and I . . . I’m just here, a disruptive factor, an intruder.” He stops talking because he’s crying. Harry can feel the way his body has tensed up and it’s shaking slightly.

 

“You’re not an intruder, I want my family to know that you’re my boyfriend, that’s why you’re here and I want you to feel good around us.”

 

“It’s easy for you to talk,” Louis responds, almost choking which makes Harry tear up too. It breaks his heart that he thinks so little of himself and that he has never had a loving family around.

 

Harry gets up, wipes his eyes and crouches down in front of Louis, putting his hands on his knees. The older boy looks away and takes another drag. “I love you and I will be there for you whenever you need me. Robin and Gemma think you’re funny and my mum . . . she will like you too, I promise. You could be part of this and . . . I want you to be part of my family, I _love_ you!” A tear is running down his face as he lets his hand run along Louis’ cheek. “Please don’t think so low of yourself.”

 

Louis looks at Harry and puts his hand over Harry’s as he bows his head. “I feel like shit around your family, I feel as if I don’t belong here and you can’t change that.”

 

“But Louis, that’s not true! Please don’t give up on yourself like that,” Harry says as another tear runs down his face.

 

“You’re way too good for me, baby,” Louis responds as he kisses his knuckles and pulls Harry’s head close to give him a kiss. “Nobody has ever said something like that to me but still . . . I shouldn’t be here.”

 

Harry gets up, giving him another kiss. “You should,” he says, wiping away a tear from Louis’ face, “because I love you.”

 

Louis takes a deep breath as he gets up and wraps his arms around Harry. “Thank you,” he whispers into his neck as he breaks down and cries like a baby.

 

They stay like this for a while until Louis’ calms down. “Let’s go inside again,” Harry says and opens the door for Louis to step into the warm living room again where the rest of the family is still sitting at the table.

 

Harry and Louis sit down again. Robin suddenly touches Louis’ arm. “Hey . . . if I can do something you, just tell me.”

 

Louis gulps as he looks at Robin with glossy eyes, pressing his lips together. He nods and rubs his face, supporting the weight of his head with his arm. “Thanks,” he mumbles. “Harry has done too much for me already since Chad . . . I mean, my _dad_ , drove me out of his shitty house which isn’t a house really but nothing but an old, fucked up shed with nothing but bad memories in it.”

 

“He drove you out?” Gemma asks, taking a sip of her coffee. “How can someone do that?”

 

Louis shrugs. “If it was for him, I would have been aborted anyways so why should he have cared about me when I was born.” They boy shrugs and continues eating. “I’ve never had a breakfast like this one with my parents, not even on my birthday. Mum had to work for my dad all the time and on top, he treated her like shit until she passed.” The boy shoves beans on a slice of toast and takes a huge bite. “I think he was glad when she died and he’s probably also glad that I’m out of his life.”

 

“I . . . I don’t know what to say,” Robin stammers. “I’m very sorry for everything, man. I wonder how you still manage to keep people laughing with your jokes.”

 

Louis lets out a grunt. “Desperation, probably and maybe a little bit of talent,” he smirks what makes Robin chuckle. “I think I drowned most of my pain while getting my tattoos. Needles can soothe, too.”

 

Louis’ words burn in Harry’s heart. He got the tattoos to ease his pain? “So you got the tattoos because . . . you wanted to . . . ease the pain?” Gemma asks with her eyes and mouth wide open.

 

Louis nods. “I used to cut at first until a friend wanted to try out his new tattoo machine and yeah, one thing lead to another.”

 

What? Louis cut? Harry is shocked. Why didn’t he tell him? He continues eating as the others except his mum continue talking to Louis. “It basically saved me from cutting but I haven’t gotten any new tattoos since . . . yeah since I met Harry,” he admits, taking a sip of his coffee. “I’m still fucked up and everything but he helped me and I think I can be a better person because of him or . . . for him,” Louis says quietly, pulling Harry close and giving him a kiss on his hair. Harry flushes and gives him a shy smile.

 

“You’re not fucked up, Louis. I really like you,” Robin tells him and pats his back. “You are the perfect example that there’s a story behind everyone, a story that creates your personality, what’s important to you and stuff like that. To be honest,” he continues, “ when I noticed your tattoos I secretly thought why is this guy covered in tattoos but now that I know, I can understand and it makes sense all of a sudden.”

 

Louis shurgs. “People usually stare at me with this disgusting look but hey, they know shit about me and my past so I don’t give a fuck what they think.”

 

“I wish I was a little bit more like you,” Gemma states. “It’s important to do what makes oneself happy, not what others think about you.”

 

Suddenly Anne tunes in. “Louis . . . I . . . I’m very touched by your words and . . . I just feel so dumb that I treated you so badly and that I said all those mean things to and about you and I just don’t know how I can make up for it but I want you to know that . . . I want you to know that I’m sorry, I regret every bad word I ever said about you and I want you to know that I have because otherwise I would feel guilty forever and-,” Anne blurts out, clearly feeling uncomfortable.

 

“It’s okay,” Louis says. “As I said, I’m used to it.”

 

“That’s terrible,” Anne responds. “I feel so bad, I really do Louis . . . and I’m really sorry I . . . I really didn’t want to hurt you.”

 

Harry gives her mum a smile and squeezes her hand. It feels so good to hear those words coming out of her mouth and most of all, Harry is happy for Louis. “It’s okay, no worries,” Louis answers, giving Anne a serious look, followed by a smile.

 

“Oh and . . . thank you for cleaning up everything yesterday,” Anne remarks, “Harry told me it was you who came up with that idea.”

 

“No worries,” he repeats.

 

“It was really nice of you,” Anne smiles. “What do you think if we took a walk after breakfast?”

 

And that’s what they do. The weather is cold but it isn’t raining so the five of them take a long walk through the village, the fields and return through a small path that’s leading through the woods behind their house. They get home with rosy cheeks and flushed faces but all of them look very healthy afterward. Robin lights the fire in the fireplace and when Gemma rummages around to find old family photo albums. Then they all sit down on the sofas to wallow in memories. In the evening after dinner, they decide to play a game and Louis wins. It’s such a nice evening that everyone’s happy in the end and Louis can’t get off the smile of his face as they’re going to bed late at night.

 

When Harry and Louis go to bed, they face each other. “This was a nice day,” Louis whispers as he’s pressing a kiss on Harry’s forehead as the younger boy closes his eyes.

 

“I like when you do that,” Harry says quietly. They just lay there, looking each other in the eyes for a while. “Lou?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Where have you cut?” Harry asks, blinking.

 

Louis pulls his arm out of the covers and turns it around a little bit. “See . . . I have scars here,” he explains, pointing at the soft skin of his wrist, “and up here and I also have some on the other arm.”

 

Harry lets his fingers run over Louis’ tattooed skin until he feels the scars that aren’t visible when you don’t know that they’re there because of the tattoos. Harry feels like crying that Louis has been put through so much. He can’t control the tears that are falling from his face as he’s gently tracing Louis’ old self. “You didn’t deserve any of that,” he sobs quietly, “you should have had a nice childhood, loving parents and all but . . . “

 

“Harry,” Louis almost whispers, “you’re the cutest, loveliest, most generous, prettiest and most handsome person I’ve ever met. Don’t think too much about my life which is shit. It’s not worth it. But if that was what it took to meet you, then it was all worth it.” Louis closes his eyes and pulls Harry close for a gentle kiss. “I never knew that I could really love someone but I think that’s how it feels.”

 

Harry pushes a streak off Louis forehead, kisses him again and spoons Louis from behind and pulls him close. “I love you,” he simply whispers and kisses his neck, “I love you so much.”


	37. Sunday

Harry and Louis return to Manchester in the afternoon. Dawn calls Louis shortly after they’re shut the door to their room. She tells Louis that her uncle wants to meet Louis on Friday to decide if he’ll give him his apartment. “Wear something nice,” Dawn tells Louis, “I don’t want my uncle to think that his furniture could be sold on Ebay after you’ve moved in.”

 

“You’re such a bitch,” Louis growls, rolling his eyes.

 

Dawn laughs out loudly.  “You old wanker. So it’s on Friday at 4pm at the studio, okay?”

 

“That’s fine, bye.”

 

“That was fast!” Harry smiles and gives Louis a hug. “See? Everything will be okay.“

 

Louis blows air through his lips. “You heard it, I have to dress nicely – what the fuck? I have no idea what to wear, I only own band shirts, jeans and a few jumpers.”

 

“Do you want to try one of my black shirts?” Harry proposes, opening his wardrobe. “I think we should have about the same size.”

 

Louis sighs. “Okay, let me try.”

 

Harry pulls out one black t-shirt and two buttoned ones. “Try these and if they don’t fit perfectly, we’ll go and buy one for you this week.”

 

“I hate shopping, that’s for girls,” Louis growls as he’s pulling his shirt off.

 

“Then we’ll be girls for a few hours,” Harry chuckles and throws the t-shirt at Louis who rolls his eyes. When he’s put it on, Harry chuckles first, then burst out in laughter. The shirt is a little bit too short and part of his tummy is showing. “Oh god, that looks so funny!” Harry giggles, pointing at Louis. As the boy looks at himself in the mirror, he lets out an annoyed huff, pulls the shirt off and grabs another one.

 

“I don’t think this one will look better actually,” Harry giggles as he’s holding his tummy.

 

“Oh stop it,” Louis growls as he buttons it and looks at himself at the mirror. “Fuck, I look ridiculous,” he says with a smile and unbuttons it again.

 

“We have to be girls for one day then, I suppose,” Harry tells Louis and shrugs.

 

“I won’t have a choice,” Louis sighs as he pulls of Harry’s shirt. “Put it on,” he demands as he throws it at Harry, catching him off guard.

“Why?” Harry asks, frowning.

 

“Do it,” Louis demands as he puts his hands on his hips, his piercing gaze causing his stomach to flip a little. The older boy just stares at him as he’s buttoning the shirt that fits perfectly. “Perfect,” he says as he’s getting up to run his fingers through Harry’s dense curls. “You look fucking good in black, so fucking good,“ he purrs in his ear and starts kissing and biting the younger boy’s neck. Harry grabs Louis by his hips to steady himself because the older boy’s hot breathing against his neck and ear sends a shiver down his spine and makes his knees become weak. Harry lets his hands travel up Louis’ back as the boy pulls away and crashes his lips on Louis’, kissing him forcefully.

 

Just in that second, Louis phone rings. He ignores it at first but as it won’t stop ringing, he finally answers it. Louis can’t hear who’s at the other end because Louis is walking away from Harry, toward the balcony. He pulls a sweater over his head, takes a cigarette out of his package and steps on the balcony, closing the door. Harry tries to ignore the queasy feeling in his tummy as he pulls off the shirt, changes into his comfy clothes and puts the shirts back into the wardrobe. Then he sits down on his bed, watching Louis pacing on the balcony. His voice is loud and from what Harry can hear, it’s not positive or happy news.

 

It seems like ages until Louis comes back inside. “I have to leave for a few hours,” he growls angrily.

 

“What’s up?”

 

“Nothing, I just have to leave. I’ll be back as soon as I can, don’t wait for me,” Louis informs Harry, grabs his wallet, phone and a jacket and hurries out of the room, leaving Harry behind.

 

*******

 

As Louis is hurrying down the stairs of the dorm, he feels as if the last days had been just a dream, a too perfect dream for his fucked up life. He thought he could leave it behind but he should have known it wasn’t possible. He doesn’t want to go but he knows that he has to. He jumps into his car and gets to the club within minutes. The street is full with people and he can feel the bass in his body. He hates this place he hasn’t seen for so long but now, his past has caught him again. He walks past the club, right into the dark backyard. In a corner, there’s Julian and his boss, Tom, waiting for him.

 

“Hey you wanker!” the bald guy greets him, giving him a strong handshake. “We still have a deal, I thought you wanted to keep in touch but well . . . now you’re here.”

 

“I knew he would come,” Julian says, smirking at Louis. “Have you laid some of the new chicks of your dad’s club? God, they’re amazing, I came twice after Lauren let me fuck her face!” His smile tells Louis that he enjoyed his night as he knows Chad’s involved in that business too and that’s why he makes special prices for them whenever they want to fuck. A few months ago Louis thought this was normal but now . . . things have changed for him.

 

Tom laughs and snorts. “I know her, she’s the best. Not all of them do allow you to do that but I thought of telling Chad so he’ll probably tell the girls who’s in control.” They both laugh. “God Louis, what happened to you? You should fuck Tina again, she’s been telling me about your fingering and the orgasm you gave her, you old bastard! But you should be laid yourself, shouldn’t you? You look like you need to be fucked into oblivion yourself, don’t you? Chad told me Tina’s free for tonight so probably-,” are his last words before Louis grabs him by his collar, shoving him against the stone wall behind him.

 

“Close your fucking mouth you bastard!” he yells into his face as he pushes him against the wall again forcefully and hits his face with his fist. “You’re so full of shit, it’s disgusting! Using woman is all you can do, using them and messing around, selling drugs and hiring whores for that motherfucking wanker that stole my childhood and nearly killed my mother!” Louis yells furiously, his knee hitting his stomach and crotch so that the man moans in pain, trying to hit Louis back.

 

“Stop it!” Julian yells, trying to get them away from each other but Louis’ grip is strong. The other man might be broad and muscular but Louis is, too. He might not look like it but he’s stronger than many of them. “Shut your fucking mouth!” he yells and spits in his face before he punches him over and over again. “I won’t do your dirty work anymore! Remember that! Never call me again because if you do, I will call the police and you and I know that everything Chad does behind the stage is fucking illegal and what you do too so think twice if you will call me again!”

 

“You’re way too feisty, you wanker!” Tom yells back, his voice angry as fuck. He gets to grab Louis by his throat and presses him against the cold floor within seconds, making him choke and gasp for air. “You better watch out who you talk to in that tone! Who do you think you are? We had a deal!” He lets go of Louis’ neck but hits him hard in his face, then kicks him in the ribs with full force while Louis tries to get up. His nose is bleeding and his hip hurts a lot.

 

“Tom, stop it already! He’s bleeding!” Julian yells, pulling the bald man away from Louis who’s on his feet again, eyes angry and cold.

 

“Fuck you!” he yells as he collects all his force to hit him again, directly in the face.

 

“You broke my nose! You broke my fucking nose!” Tom yells as he sinks down on the ground, holding his nose.

 

“Never call me again, Tom, never call me again and get the fuck out of my life!” Louis spits as he turns around, leaving the men behind. He runs down the street toward his car, starts the engine and drives along the streets until he reaches the cemetery, where his mum is buried. Chad didn’t want to pay for his mum’s funeral nor did he want to pay for a real grave so Louis had no other choice than to sell his body to strangers to gain enough money to pay for everything. He can’t prevent the tears from falling as he climbs the wall to get inside. He sinks down on his knees in front of his mother’s grave, pressing his hands in front of his face. “mummy, I hope you’re in a better place now” is engraved in curved letters on the pure white tombstone. Louis’ body is trembling as he cries and cries and cries until he’s choking and coughing, struggling to breathe. His body falls on the wet soil as he whimpers to himself until his voice is nearly gone and his body feels numb.

 

 

***

 

It’s nearly midnight and Louis still hasn’t messaged or anything what makes Harry worry about Louis a lot. He hasn’t answered his messages and his phone automatically goes to the mailbox when he calls him. The boy tries to sleep but it’s just not possible. What if something has happened to him?

 

Suddenly, the door opens and Louis walks into the room. He has bruises all over his face, he’s even bleeding a little from his lip, his hair and clothes are dirty and his shirt is ripped. Harry immediately jumps out of his bed, takes Louis face into his hands, looks at him and gives him a hug, pressing his body against his. “What happened to you?” he asks worried, “where were you?”

 

Harry closes the door, takes Louis’ hand in his and leads him over to the bed where he lays down with him, wrapping his hands around his trembling body. He doesn’t care that he’s dirty, he only cares about Louis who bows his head and nuzzles closer to Harry and cries until he falls asleep.

 

“Mummy,” he whispers in his sleep, “mummy, don’t leave me.”


	38. I Wanted Them To Know

The next morning, Harry wakes up, still holding Louis who’s fast asleep. “I wish I could do something for you,” Harry whispers as he gently caresses Louis’ cheek. The boy nuzzles closer to Harry, lets out a happy sigh but doesn’t wake. Harry takes a deep breath and closes his eyes again, drifting away to sleep again with Louis pressed close to his chest.

 

When Harry wakes for the second time, Louis isn’t in the room. It’s almost noon and he should have been at uni but obviously he forgot to set his alarm. As he wants to send Louis a message, the boy steps into the room and looks perfect: his hair is messy and his fringe is partly covering his forehead, he’s wearing his grey joggers and Harry’s favourite white Adidas shirt with red stripes that looks incredibly good on him. “Morning babe,” he says and gives Harry a gentle kiss, “you didn’t wake when I got up so I thought I’d let you sleep.”

 

Harry gives him a smile and curls up in bed, keeping his eyes on him as he pulls out his cigarettes. “I’ll be right back,” he states and opens the balcony door, smoking his morning cigarette. When he comes back, he lies down next to Harry again.

 

“Where were you last night and what happened to you?” Harry asks, turning his head toward him. “I was worried since you didn’t answer my calls or messaged back.”

 

 Louis’ eyes get sad as he takes Harrys hand in his, pressing it on his chest. “They called me for work because I . . . I still had a deal with a guy named Tom but when they started talking about women and how they fucked them and all, I lost it and we got into a fight.”

 

“Do you still have to work for them? I tought it was over?” Harry asks with his eyes wide opened. “Please don’t tell me that you also sl-,”

 

“No, no, no Harry, no! I don’t fuck for money anymore and I thought it was over too but sometimes it’s not that easy in this business but I told them to leave me alone,” he explains. “I swear.”

 

Harry nods and pushes Louis’ shirt up a bit, revealing a huge bruise on his ribs. He traces it gently with the tips of his fingers. “Does that still hurt?” he asks, pushing the shirt down again. “And the bruises in your face?”

 

“Baby, you’re so cute,” Louis whispers softly as he kisses Harry’s fingertips, “I told you not to worry about me so much.”

 

“Tell me,” Harry demands, tracing Louis’ lip.

 

“It does but it will heal soon,” he answers.

 

“I hope it does because I think you should make a good impression on Thursday,” he smiles giving Louis another kiss. “And after the fight?”

 

Louis gets quiet. “I was at my mum’s grave and broke down.”

 

That’s when Harry wraps his arms around Louis and holds him tight for what feels like forever. “Thank you for everything,” Louis mumbles into Harry’s chest, “thank you.” Harry doesn’t answer, he just holds Louis close as long as he needs it and pulls away on his own.

 

Later, when Louis is at work, Harry decides to at least study for a while because he feels bad for skipping his courses again. He becomes so absorbed in his studies that he doesn’t notice that it’s almost evening when he gets off his chair to get himself something to eat from the kitchen. Of course Niall visited too and Harry told him about his stay at home (not everything, of course) and they spent some time together so he wasn’t just working for hours without a break. Suddenly, he gets a message.

 

_“Remember where you saw me and my friends last time, near Tesco? Come there around nine.”_

_“Okay,”_ Harry sends back, not questioning what Louis has planned.

 

Around nine, Harry pulls his jacket on and walks over to the park. It’s dark outside and he’s a little bit afraid so he hurries until he spots some people near the huge tree. It feels like a déjà-vu and suddenly Harry feels the urge to turn around and walk away since he can’t spot Louis anywhere. It’s dark and he can’t see the faces of the people so he has to walk closer.

 

“What the fuck is he doing here? Are you lost?” It’s Meg, of course. The rest of them laugh but then Harry can hear Louis’ voice.

 

“He’s here because I wanted him to come here,” he says.

 

“I wonder that you’re still in touch, I mean what do you want from a baby like him? He’s not fun at all, he doesn’t drink, he doesn’t smoke, he probably can’t even fuck . . . what the fuck is he doing here?!” Her voice is piercing and hurts Harry’s ears despite what she’s saying.

 

“Shut your fucking mouth you slut,” Louis hisses, walking toward Harry. “I’m glad you came,” he says softly as he surprises Harry by cupping his face and giving him a gentle kiss on his lips. Harry can hear his friends gasping and mumbling horrified.

 

“What’s that fucking show?” a guy asks from the back. “Are you trying to fool us? It’s not April 1st today, is it?” Meg is the one who laughs the hardest.

 

“It’s not a fucking show,” Louis says as he takes Harry’s hand in his. “In contrast to you, he’s a real friend and he’s my boyfriend. He cares about me, not like my shitbag of father or you! All you care about is what you get out of me, not what you can do for me! And that’s something you should know. From now on, you can tell everyone that we _were_ friends! I want to do something with my life, I don’t want to spend my evenings at stupid parties where everyone just gets drunk and fucks as many people as he can just to get some cheap highs. Harry has shown me what friendship is, what love is, what a real family is and I know that I had none of these in my past,” Louis says angrily, but gives Harry a soft look before he turns toward the small crowd of people again. “I hope that you all will find your Harry because it’s worth it. Never call me again, never message me again, just forget about me.” And with these words, Louis turns around and walks away with Harry, not reacting to his friend’s comments.

 

“I wanted them to know,” he explains, squeezing Harry’s hand tighter as they walk back to the dorm in silence.

 

“Do you think you will meet your friends again?” Harry asks when they’re in bed.

 

Louis folds his arms behind his head and turns his head toward Harry. “I could meet them by coincidence but I don’t want to be around them anymore because . . . they’re not real friends.”

 

“When you told them it felt that you were done with them but . . . it will be difficult to throw your past away from one second to the other,” Harry remarks.

 

“Maybe but I want to try,” he says, turning toward Harry, caressing his cheek with his thumb, “I want to try it for you . . . for us.” He leans in and presses his lips against Harry’s carefully. He wraps his arms around the younger boy and presses him close to his chest, takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. With the sound of his heartbeat, Harry falls asleep, feeling safe and secure in Louis’ arms. It’s the best feeling in the world and it’s still new for Harry. “Thank you,” he mumbles half asleep. Louis kisses Harry’s hair and sighs, pressing his body closer to his.


	39. The New Apartment

The next day, Harry goes to uni with Niall early in the morning again. Louis leaves later and pies his work after he has finished uni at Dawn’s tattoo studio. In the early evening hours, they meet in the city to buy some new clothes for Louis. Louis refuses to try on more than three shirts and trousers so the shopping tour is over soon but the outcome looks very good on him. Harry found dark, jeans for him (Louis refused to wear skinny ones) and a very nice, almost silky button-up shirt with long arms that was a bit more expensive but looks amazing on Louis. “There’s no way Dawn’s uncle won’t give you the flat,” he says smiling. “You look wonderful.” Louis flushes as he’s looking at himself in the mirror, tugging at the thin fabric of the shirt.

 

“I’ve never worn something that exquisite,” he mumbles, adjusting his jeans.

 

“There’s a first time for everything,” Harry nods, “come on, we need nice shoes too.”

 

“Oh no Harry, can’t I just wear my black converse? I like them,” Louis whines.

 

Harry shakes his head. “Converse don’t look bad but yours are way too old with all the wholes and stuff, you’ll definitely need new ones for your appointment.”

 

 

Louis huffs but finally understands that Harry might be right. He throws his old shoes into a bin on the street.

 

On Friday afternoon, Harry accompanies Louis to Dawn’s studio. “Wow! Who is this and where’s Louis?” she yells as the boys walk through the door. She gives them a hug and puts her hands on Louis’ hips. “Let’s have a look on you, wow – you look like a model!” she says astonished, pressing her hand in front of her mouth. Dawn shakes her head over and over as she looks at Louis who’s just frowning.

 

“I have an appointment, don’t I,” he growls, “now get away from me.”

 

Dawn chuckles. “New clothes but same old Louis. Lovely. But seriously, you look amazing.” She turns toward Harry and gives him a wink. “Well done,” she whispers and gives him a thumbs up.

 

Harry just smiles and puts his hand on Louis’ back. “You do look amazing, I just can’t stop looking at you,” he whispers as he pulls Louis close for a kiss.

 

“Don’t you like my casual look?” he frowns. “Do I have to change now?”

 

Harry shakes his head. “I like your look, this is just . . . different. It’s a special occasion but of course you don’t have to change your style because of me.”

 

Louis looks at him revealed. “Thank god,” he sighs, “I thought I would have to change my complete style.”

 

Harry chuckles. “Well, there are some shirts you could definitely sort out,” Harry says.

 

“Would you shut the fuck up?” Louis huffs, sending Harry a glare.

 

The boy chuckles. “I’m just kidding!”

 

As an answer, Louis just rolls his eyes playfully. A few minutes later, Dawn gets a call from her uncle and the three of them drive to the apartment which is located in the western part of the city, not too far away from campus.

 

“I’m nervous,” Louis admits after Dawn has told them that they’d be there soon. “What if he won’t like me?”

 

“He will like you, just try not to swear too much,” Dawn tells him and gives him a wink.

 

Louis lets out a huff but stays quiet. When they step out of the car, there’s already an older man waiting for them in front of the brick stone building. He’s wearing jeans, a similar button-up like Louis’ and a black winter jacket.

 

“Dawn, nice to see you again!” he smiles as he opens up his arms to hug his niece. “How are you, how’s work?”

 

“Hey Robert,” Dawn answers, “everything’s fine. We’ve got enough work and thanks to my employees, the customers come back even. Louis is one of them!”

 

“Ah Louis! Hello, nice to meet you!” Robert tells the boy and reaches out his hand toward him. Louis gives him a small smile. “And who are you?” he asks, turning to Harry.

 

“I’m Harry,” Harry answers, “a friend.” Harry doesn’t want to tell Robert that they’re together since he has no idea if this information could influence his decision.

 

“Oh, I can see that. Support from friends is always good, isn’t it?” he remarks as he’s opening the entrance door to the house. “The apartment is on 4th floor and we don’t have an elevator in this house but for young people, it’s okay, I suppose. It’s like a daily workout.” They walk up the stairs until they reach the last floor. “Here we are,” Robert announces as he’s unlocking the wooden door. “Come in. It’s small but I think it’s sufficient for one person.”

 

“Robert, that’s beautiful!” Dawn yells from the room that’s supposed to be the living room. “You renovated it? I had no idea? The last time I saw this place it was kind of old fashioned and a bit dark but now?”

 

“Yeah, I did,” he nods proudly.

 

The hall is quite short, leading to four small rooms: the living room, a tiny kitchen, a small bathroom and a bedroom. There’s a white brick wall in the bedroom and the floor is covered in dark brown parquet which looks warm and cozy. The slopes of the roof give the apartment a cozy atmosphere but don’t darken it much, which is nice.

 

The kitchen is completely furnished, as well as the living room. “Come on Louis, let me show you the rooms and explain them to you,” Robert suggests and leads Louis through the rooms, leaving Harry and Dawn in the living room.

 

“Seems like Robert likes him,” Dawn whispers and smiles.

 

“It’s such a nice place,” Harry nods, “I think it’s perfect for Louis.”

 

Dawn nods in silence. „He deserves that after all.“

 

“He does,” Harry agrees.

 

“And that’s the living room, as you’ve already seen,” Robert explains, letting Louis step in. “It’s not huge but I think it’s enough to have some friends around,” he smiles. “What do you think?”

 

“I . . . um . . . I like it,” he stammers, “it’s . . . I mean it’s so different from . . . um . . . where I’ve lived so far I mean . . . yeah, yeah I really like it.”

 

“Great. If you want it, you can have it,” Robert says, patting Louis’ shoulder. “The only thing that could bother you is that there’s no bed in the bedroom since it was very old and broke but that shouldn’t be a problem,” he says.

 

“I can sleep on the sofa first,” Louis tells him, “no problem.”

 

Robert nods. “You’re young, it really should be no problem for a few nights. So what do you say? Do you want the apartment?”

 

“Of course,” he smiles, “of course I want it, thank you . . . but  . . . I bet it’s very expensive, isn’t it.” His voice gets low at the end of the sentence.

 

“It’s alright Louis. Dawn told me about your situation and all and we negotiated a fair price for you.”

 

Dawn nods. “Please don’t worry about the money, I told you that I’d pay the rent for you until you find a real job and that’s fine with me.”

 

“Thank you,” Louis repeats and gives Dawn a hug. “I don’t know what to say.” He really looks a bit lost and Harry thinks he looks adorable like that.

 

“Thank you is enough,” she smiles and rubs his back.

 

“So Louis,” Robert says, “here are your keys and here are the house rules and other important information concerning the apartment.” Robert hands Louis a thick envelope. “If you have any questions you can call me or tell Dawn, whatever is best for you. I have to go now since I’ve got another appointment,” the man explains and hurries out of the flat.

 

Dawn, Harry and Louis sit down on the table in the living room. “I feel like I’m dreaming,” Louis says slowly as he looks through the room.

 

“It’s very nice here, indeed,” Dawn agrees, checking her phone.

 

“What are we supposed to do now?” Louis asks, twisting his hands.

 

“Uhm . . . let’s just sit here for a while,” Harry tells him, “I like the place so much.”

 

“Me too,” Louis says as he walks over to the sofa and lays down. “Jesus, this thing is more comfortable than my old mattress, fuck.”

 

“At least you won’t have to sleep on the floor,” Dawn remarks, winking at Harry.

 

“Yeah, at least,” Louis answers as he’s getting up. “I’ll check the kitchen,” Louis informs his friends as he’s getting up.

 

“Ten more minutes,” Dawn whispers and both of them giggle while Louis is rummaging through the shelves and cupboards.

 

Suddenly, the bell rings in a jarring tone. “Who’s that?” Louis asks, sticking his head out of the kitchen.

 

Dawn shrugs. “It’s your apartment,” she states.

 

Louis frowns as he picks up the receiver of the intercom. “Yeah?” he asks. “What? . . . No! . . . I haven’t ordered anything! . . . That’s me but what the fuck?“

 

Dawn rolls his eyes at Harry as she gets up. “If I’d get money every fuck I’d be a millionaire by now,” she says what makes Harry giggle. She takes the receiver out of Louis’ hands and pushes him aside. “Everything is fine, just come in.” Then she pushes the button with the small key on it.

 

“What the fuck?” Louis asks again, frowning. His face tells Harry that he has no idea what’s going on but Harry knows and nearly can’t contain himself because he’s so happy about Louis’ surprise he and Dawn thought of after they came home from his parent’s.

 

Three men with huge parcels walk up the stairs and Dawn tells them to put them into the bedroom. Louis just stands there and watches the men confused.

 

“You know what?” Dawn tells Louis, “we’ll go grocery shopping now since your fridge is empty and let the men do all the work.” She pushes Louis out of the door and Harry follows.

 

“It would be nice if you could make the bed, everything’s in those packages for it. When you’ve finished, just close the door and it will be okay,” she tells one of the men downstairs, handing him a bill, “I’ve already paid everything and that’s for you since you aren’t paid for making peoples’ beds,” she smiles and hands the man twenty pounds.

 

“That’s alright lady,” the man says, “we’ll do it and thank you very much.”

 

***

 

When they come back, Louis and Harry unpack their purchases in the kitchen. “I can’t believe I have my own place now,” Louis says shaking his head.

 

“It’s quite cool, I’m happy for you,” Harry responds and gives Louis a smile.

 

“Can’t wait for you to come visit and stay overnight,” Louis tells Harry, “but that won’t be soon since I don’t have a bed.”

 

Suddenly Dawn appears in the doorframe and gives Harry a thumbs up and smiles.

 

Harry chuckles. “I don’t think it won’t take that long.”

 

Louis frowns. “Of course, or do you want to sleep on the narrow sofa with me?” he growls. As he looks at Harry, he shakes his head. “Fuck you would.”

 

“Fuck I would,” Harry repeats and presses a kiss on Louis’ cheek, “but I really don’t think it will take that long.”

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“Come with me,” he says as he grabs Louis’ hand.

 

“Stop smirking!” he barks at Dawn who has a wide smile on her face.

 

“I can’t! You two are too cute,” he admits and walks toward the bedroom. “Open the door,” she says, pointing at the doorknob. Her face is serious by now.

 

“Why?” Louis grunts.

 

“Just because,” she chuckles and Harry puts his hands on Louis’ hips from behind and puts his head on the boy’s shoulder.

 

“Do it,” he says softly.

 

“It’s my bedroom, I know that,” Louis replies but finally turns the knob.

 

As he sees the bed, he turns around with his mouth and eyes opened in shock. “What is that?” he whispers as he covers his mouth with his hands, walking over to the bed.

 

“Why . . . what?” he stammers as he looks at the bed, Dawn and Harry alternately. “That’s not true . . . it’s not . . . I mean how . . . why,” he stutters, one hand still pressed in front of his mouth as he’s shaking his head over and over again. He lets his hand glide along the soft cover.

 

Harry walks over to him and wraps his hands around his neck, placing a soft kiss on his temple. “Dawn and I bought it for you as a gift for your new home,” he explains, “although she paid way more than I did.”

 

“Don’t worry, Harry. It’s for you because Harry told me how much you liked the bed at Harry’s parents.”

 

“Fuck, this is so cool!” Louis shouts as he jumps off the bed to give Dawn a tight hug and a kiss on her cheek. “I don’t know what to say, thank you, thank you so much!”

 

“And thank you baby, you’re wonderful!” he says quietly as he cups Harry’s face with his hands. “I owe it all to you,” he says and gives the boy a soft kiss before he pulls him into a warm hug. “Thank you so much for everything.”

 

As he pulls back, he has tears in his eyes and leaves the room. Harry smiles at Dawn and they give each other a high five. “Mission accomplished,” she grins. “Thank you for everything, Harry, you’re an angel. I’ve never seen Louis that way, you’re a true treasure for him.” She gives Harry a kiss and wraps her arms around him, softly rubbing his back.

 

“Thank you, Dawn. And thank you for helping him.”

 

“Of course,” she smiles as they’re walking out of the room. “I have to work tonight so have a nice evening,” she tells Harry and says goodbye to Louis.

 

“I can’t believe this,” he whispers as he wraps his arms around Harry, looking him in the eyes. “Do you want to sleep here with me tonight?” he asks, kissing Harry’s forehead.

 

“I’d love to,” Harry answers with a smile. “Let’s go to the dorm and get your stuff, okay? And we can make pizza later and bring some to Dawn, what do you think?”

 

“Sounds cool,” Louis agrees as they leave the apartment and drive back to the dorm.

 


	40. Reward

It doesn’t take long to pack Louis’ belongings since he doesn’t have many. While Louis is putting his clothes into the wardrobe, Harry starts mixing the dough for the pizza. Louis joins him later to chop the vegetables and the ham for the pizza. “I’ve never cooked or made pizza with friends,” he tells Harry as they’re about to roll the dough out on the work surface.

“Never?” Harry asks disbelievingly, “not even with your mum?”

“Never,” Louis repeats, “my mum didn’t even have a kitchen. Chad only gave her an electric hotplate - you know the ones people usually use when they go camping.”

“That’s very sad.”

Louis just nods. “You’ve showed me so many things that I’ve never known.” Harry doesn’t know what to respond. “But you know,” he says slowly, “there are also things that I want to show you.” Louis lets his hands travel down at Harry’s sides, then lets them slide down his crotch as he presses his body against Harry’s from behind. He pushes Harry’s hair back and comes closer to his ear. “I want to thank you my way tonight,” he breathes, gently nibbling on Harry’s earlobe. “Do you want me to?”

Harry feels the heat pooling down there as he bites his lip, nodding as he closes his eyes at the feeling Louis is giving him. His hot breath against his ear sends a shiver down his spine, so intense that he rocks his hips forward under Louis’ left hand.

“Just one touch and you’re ready, that’s amazing baby,” Louis coos into Harry’s ear, kisses it slightly and pulls away. “But not now, I think we should get the pizza ready first and bring it to Dawn.”

“You’re mean,” Harry pouts.

“The old me will never die,” Louis smirks as he presses a kiss on Harry’s hair. “But tonight I’ll be good to you, I promise.”

***

After they’ve brought Dawn some of their pizza, Harry can’t wait to get home again. Louis didn’t stop teasing him during the drive so that he’s on edge anyway. He loves when Louis takes over, it makes him feel small but yet good and he can’t wait what he’ll do to him in a few minutes.

Louis’ hand travels up Harry’s thigh as he’s parking the car in front of his house. “Ready?” he smirks, winking at Harry who’s all tensed up in his seat. He just nods as he presses his lips together, his dick already pressing against his jeans, begging for air.

The minute they’re inside, Louis presses Harry against the wall, his face pressed close to his as he lets his hands run down Harry’s body, pressing his crotch against the younger boy. “I want to make you feel good tonight, I want to reward you for everything that you’ve done for me baby,” he breathes, teasingly letting his lips brushing along Harry’s a few times, gently licking them as he grabs Harry’s curls, crushing his lips onto Harry’s. Harry kisses Louis back hard, letting his tongue brush against his, sucking and biting his lips hungrily as he grips Louis new shirt and pulls it open so that he rips off most of the buttons. He loves touching Louis’ chest, feeling his warm body underneath his fingers. “Fuck baby, you’re wild tonight,” Louis says into Harry’s mouth, not pulling back as he guides Harry into the living room, not breaking their kissing. As they stumble into the bedroom, Louis kicks the door shut. He stops his actions, cups Harry’s face with his hands and looks him deep in the eyes. “Do you trust me?” Louis asks, gently caressing Harry’s cheek. The boy bites his lower lip and nods. “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Harry breathes as he takes Louis’ hand in his. “I trust you,” he says seriously, looking into Louis’ eyes. The boy pulls Louis closer and kisses him gently as Louis pulls Harry’s jumper off his body, letting his eyes travel along the boy’s milky skin. Louis bites his lip as he sits down on the bed, pulling Harry close. He lets his fingers travel along Harry’s parted lips, the soft skin of his neck down to his puffy nipples that are already hard and perky, waiting for Louis to be touched. As Louis lets his fingers brush along them gently, Harry already feels the heat, it’s that sensation that’s shooting an electrical shiver down his spine and makes his knees feel like mush. “You’re so sensitive, I have barely touched you there,” Louis says, his voice low, “wonderful, just wonderful.” He gives Harry a sloppy kiss before he lets himself fall on his bed, pulling Harry on top of him. Harry kisses him hard before Louis turns him around so that his head is put on a fluffy pillow below him, Louis straddling his hips. “I’m the one in control here baby, not you,” he whispers as he’s kissing Harry’s neck, gently biting and sucking at the spot below Harry’s ear what makes the boy whimper silently. Louis being the dominant one is amazing and it’s turning him on even more. He can feel Louis’ breath on his nipples as he starts circling them with his tongue again, gently biting and rubbing with his hands. Harry’s body reacts in such an intensive way that he’s bucking his hips up already although Louis hasn’t even touched him down there. “Hips down baby or I’ll stop,” Louis whispers as he’s looking deep into Harry’s eyes, keeping focused on pinching and rubbing one of his nipples and Harry does what Louis tells him. He buries his hands in Louis’ hair to pull him close for a sloppy kiss before Louis lowers down to let his warm hand run down Harry’s chest and tummy. Louis bites Harry’s crotch gently before he pulls his jeans and briefs down, leaving the boy naked in front of him. He quickly unbuttons his jeans too and throws them on the ground before he kneels down in front of Harry, admiring his body.

Louis spreads Harry’s legs as he kneels down between them. “Look how ready you are,” he whispers as he teases Harry’s tip with his index finger, spreading the wetness that’s already leaking before he wraps his hand around Harry’s length to pump him slowly while he’s looking him in the eyes. Harry presses his lips together, consuming the warm feeling that spreads through his body but he needs more. He props himself up on his elbows to grab Louis’ chin. “Kiss me, please,” he begs, pulling him closer. Louis lets go off Harry as he gives him a forceful, hot kiss that makes Harry’s dick even harder. As Louis touches him again, Harry closes his eyes and bucks his hips up again in lust, but Louis isn’t having it. He stops touching Harry and pinches his nipples, harder this time but it makes Harry feel even better as a quiet whimper escapes his mouth. His cheeks are flushed and his eyes glossy. “You’re not listening, baby,” Louis says, “if you could only look at yourself. I have barely touched you and yet you look like I’ve come twice.” Harry bites his lower lip at Louis’ words, anticipating what he’ll do next. “I want to try something out with you, okay?” Louis whispers into Harry’s mouth as he kisses him again and Harry nods desperately.

Louis gets up and comes back with a thin, black scarf. “Since your eyes are closed most of the time, you might like this,” he explains. “Head up baby,” he demands, wrapping the soft material around Harry’s eyes and fixes it at the side. Not being able to see what Louis is doing seems such a turn on for Harry, that his dick twitches twice. “Nice reaction,” Louis chuckles as he’s making sure that Harry can’t see. He licks Harry’s lips, pulls his bottom lip a little and lets his tongue slide into Harry’s mouth and Harry responds by pulling Louis closer by his neck. “Now let me make you feel good baby, okay?” Louis coos, only breathing against Harry’s body so that his hair stands up from the shiver Louis’ breathing causes on his skin.

The older boy kisses his tummy, his pubic bone and his inner thighs without touching him at all. Finally, Louis licks over his balls and moves his tongue along his shaft until he reaches his sensitive tip. Louis takes it into his mouth and lets him sink down his throat painfully slow. The boy moves his head up and down slowly and in combination with his tongue, the touch feels heavenly. Then Louis pulls up again, trying to not touch the tip a few times but then he suddenly applies more pressure to it with his tongue what causes Harry to buck up his hips fervently again. “More Louis, more!” he whimpers softly as he’s trying to touch himself.

Louis pushes his hand away. “No touching here, baby. I want to do all the work and you won’t disturb me, got it?”

Harry nods eagerly as Louis pumps him again with a firmer grip before he takes Harry into his mouth again, massaging his dick with his tongue in a steady rhythm. Harry loves the feeling of being dominated so much and the sensation Louis gives him is beyond words. It feels so good that he grips the sheets next to him. Harry tilts his head to both sides as he feels the heat pooling in his abdomen, feeling it getting more and more with each touch Louis gives him. As he pulls away, Harry whimpers. He needs the friction, he needs the touch, he needs Louis. “Please,” he asks, “touch me!” but Louis doesn’t answer. He’s probably enjoying watching Harry suffering but Harry can’t wait. He grabs his dick desperately and gives it a few strokes but Louis isn’t having it. He grips Harry’s wrist and pulls it away. “What did I tell you?” he scolds and hits Harry’s hard dick just a little bit. It hurts a little but also makes him feel good in a certain way as he flushes terribly. Harry can feel the heat in his face. “We can change that, just wait,” Louis announces as he’s hovering over Harry, holding him in place.

Harry can feel the bed shifting. “I told you that I’m the one who’s in control here.” Louis sudden voice next to his ear makes Harry shudder. “And since you aren’t behaving the way I want you to, I’ll help you to get better. Strech out your arms now,” Louis snaps as he takes Harry’s arms, pulls them over his head to wrap his silky shirt around the younger boy’s wrists and pulls them up to tie them around the bedframe. “Done,” Louis remarks as he leans down to kiss Harry gently and brushes a streak out of his face. “You look too beautiful like that,” he says as he moves down again to suck on Harry’s nipples before he lowers down on his dick again. The combination of touching his balls and the firm sucking, licking and stroking makes Harry feel hot and sweaty all over since his breathing has increased and the sensation in his stomach is nearly sending him over the edge. He can feel the blood pulsing in his veins and he craves Louis’ touch, he needs more, he needs Louis and he needs to come so bad. As he tries to move his arms, he remembers that he’s tied to the bed which sends an extra shiver down his body which feels wild and soothing at the same time. “You can’t move your hands anymore love,” Louis tells him with a smirk, “you look so hot in front of me, fuck.” And that’s when he lets his tongue twirl over Harry’s tip again before he bops his head up and down again, also pumping him in the same rhythm. Harry is panting and whimpering without control, he can’t stay quiet after all and he feels as if it doesn’t need much for him to reach his high. “Like that, like that,” he breathes, “more Louis, I’m gonna come,” he pleas and wants to grip Louis’ hair but fuck, he can’t.

“You won’t come like this,” Louis states as he pulls away.

 “No,” Harry pants, “no!” He feels the bed shifting, then Louis lays down next to him, letting his fingertips trace over his naked body, gently tickling him. Harry can feel him staring so he turns toward his face. “Why,” he nearly cries.

“Because I want to show you something better,” Louis tells Harry, gently kissing him, then pulls away. “But you have to trust me a lot, do you?”

Harry nods eagerly, he doesn’t care what Louis does to him, he just wants to be touched, he wants to _come_. The blood is pumping through his veins and the sweet throbbing of his dick make him weaker and needy as hell. He bucks up his hips but Louis just bites his nipples and pinches them a few times. “Calm down baby,” he states, tracing his lips with his fingertips. Louis licks over Harry’s neck and sucks at it before he gets up and opens some drawer. “You have to trust me now, okay?” he asks again and Harry nods, biting his lip. “I mean like really trust because I could give you the best orgasm you’ve ever had now . . . if you’ll be a good boy and do everything I tell you,” he adds. “Will you be a good boy tonight?” he asks again, caressing Harry’s cheek.

“Yes,” he squeaks and turns his head.

“Good,” Louis nods. “Put your ass up now.”

Oh god, Harry has heard about that kind of thing and he has always wondered about how it would feel. Nobody has ever been close to this area, except for him when he was showering, but he trusts Louis and he needs to feel Louis so whatever he’s planning for him, Harry is sure it will be good.

“Is that okay?” Louis asks as he positions Harry on the pillow so that he can feel the air hitting his whole.

“Yes,” he whispers due to the expectation and closes his eyes, no matter if he has this thing around his eyes or not.

“Whenever you want me to stop, I will,” Louis tells Harry as he lays down in front of him, spreading the boy’s legs a little bit more. Louis puts his hand on Harry’s belly first, then takes his length into his hand and rests it firmly at the base of his dick. He gives Harry two slow strokes before he breathes against his whole. “You’re clean, that’s good,” Louis says as he lets his finger trace around the rosy-brown skin gently. He keeps holding Harry with his hand as he suddenly spits on Harry’s whole, followed by a gentle lick he repeats which feels weird at first but the more Louis licks and sucks, the more Harry enjoys it and the feeling of Louis’ warm tongue on his skin down there makes him moan even louder than he has ever done with Louis so far. But Louis is not only rimming him, he’s also stroking his dick at the same time which makes Harry feel as if he’ll explode within seconds. The pulsing and the arousal down there increase the more Louis lets his tongue massage the soft skin around his rim. As Louis increases the pressure of his tongue, Harry can’t stay still. He squirms under Louis’ touch and moans and he feels as if he could come from this alone. It’s such an extraordinary, convulsing feeling that can’t even be described in words, it is outrageous. Louis tries to hold Harry in place as he’s stroking him slowly, working up his warm, wet tongue to his hole, slowly massaging and pushing inside a little bit. Harry can’t contain himself anymore, he shifts and squirms like crazy and if he could, he would jerk himself off right now. Harry gasps at the sensation Louis gives him and tries to part his legs even more until it nearly hurts.

When Louis pulls back, Harry nearly panics. “No Louis, no, no no, don’t stop, please!” he whines and he feels he’s at the verge of tears. His length is throbbing and convulsing and the warm feeling is spreading all over his body, signalizing him that he isn’t far from coming. Harry squirms again, the feeling of being tied up adds even more to the sensation that’s growing immensely.

Louis gives Harry a few painfully slow strokes before he leans in to kiss him as soft as he can. He pulls away when Harry wants more and kisses him again when he’s calmed down. The teasing nearly sends Harry over the edge. “Louis,” he whimpers, “please let me come,” he pleas, a tear rolling down his cheek. This is too much for him, he can’t take it.

Louis gently wipes the tear away, “You’re doing so well baby, but this isn’t everything, I won’t let you come just like that.”

“Why?” Harry cries and tries to free himself from the bond.

“Because,” Louis coos into his ear as he gives him a hot lick, “this isn’t enough for you.” He lets his hand travel down Harry’s chest and tummy, just to stroke him slowly again, making sure not to touch his tip too much what makes Harry buck up again. “Stop it,” Louis says calmly as he takes his hand away again, resting it on Harry’s thigh. “I want you to scream my name when you come, I want you to explode, okay? But you have to be a good boy for me, will you?”

Harry nods although he can’t imagine that the sensation could get even better when he’s on edge already. “I will,” he whispers.

“Alright. You can trust me baby, okay? I will be gentle and if something isn’t right, you have to tell me.”

Harry only nods, feeling another tear running down his cheek. Harry feels Louis going down again. He opens some bottle and squirts something out of it, probably lube. It feels a bit cold when Louis circles Harry’s rim with it but soon, the pleasant feeling tingles in his belly again. Louis gives his dick another stroke, massages Harry’s balls a little bit and concentrates on the sensitive area of his bum. Louis gently massages Harry’s rim and pokes against his whole a little bit until Harry can feel his finger slowly entering. He gasps at the second Louis pushes his finger in gently but he pulls it out immediately. “Do you want me to stop?” Louis asks, gently running his finger up and down the rim. Harry bites his lip and shakes his head. “You have to relax, that’s all, don’t try to press against me.” And Harry tries his best as Louis pushes inside again slowly, resting his finger there for a while. He puts even more lube on it before Louis tries to push his finger in a little bit further and pulls it out again. He repeats this action a few times until Harry can feel almost his whole finger inside. It feels weird but not necessarily bad as Louis starts moving it slowly, curving it against the abdominal wall. While Louis is moving his finger, he’s also pumping Harry slow, too slow and painful but this time, Harry tries not to interrupt Louis although he’d like him to just pump him so hard that he’d shoot his cum everywhere but . . . he has to be patient. As he’s used to feeling full, Harry starts enjoying the feeling. Suddenly, he calls out Louis name. “Does it hurt?” Louis wants to know as he pulls his finger out of Harry.

“No it doesn’t but . . . will you . . . like have sex with me now?” he asks quietly.

Louis gently caresses Harry’s cheek. “Not today, love. Having a dick inside of you is just another part of it, I wasn’t planning on doing this tonight,” he says. “Do you want me to untie you and let you watch?”

Harry shakes his head.

“Good. So be prepared now, I’ll make you come in a few,” he smiles, gently kissing Harry’s lips. “And I swear, you’re going to explode.” Harry’s small whimper says it all and Louis pushes his finger inside again and pumps him firmly inside, his tip trying to find Harry’s sweet spot. When Harry’s whimpering and squirming increases, he knows that he’s almost there. Louis continues to brush his finger against Harry firmly when the younger boy lets out a quiet scream. “Oh my god,” he whispers, “do that again, please Lou, please do it again,” and that’s when Louis knows he got him. He just smirks as he presses his hand on Harry’s tummy, pumping his finger around that spot that makes Harry feel out of this world. It’s pure lust and sensation that’s throbbing inside of him, increasing every time Louis hits the spot until Harry can’t take it anymore. He squirms so bad that Louis has difficulties to keep his finger inside of him while he’s taking the boy to his high that comes on Harry like a thunderstorm. The boy screams and bucks his hips up like crazy as the warm sensation of his orgasm explodes in his belly and lets him come all over his tummy so forcefully and intense, that he sees stars and nearly passes out as his body is shaking and trembling uncontrolled. Louis quickly unties Harry and takes his blindfold off his face, wraps his arms around him and lets him come down from the hardest orgasm he’s ever experienced.

“Wow,” Harry mumbles against Louis’ chest, “that was intense.”

“Was it,” Louis smirks, kissing his nose.

Harry nods and nuzzles closer to Louis. “Thank you for . . . doing this to me,” he whispers.

“That was your reward for everything you’ve done for me,” Louis says as he’s pulling up the covers to cover their bodies.

“Can you hold me like this until I fall asleep?” Harry asks and turns around to press his body closer to Louis.

Louis pulls the covers closer and kisses Harry’s neck softly. “Everything you want baby, everything you want.”


	41. A Letter And A Tattoo

About two weeks later, Harry receives a small packet from his mum. It’s packed with sweets and local specialities from Cheshire, but there’s also another small red packet inside that says “for Louis”, a small golden envelope attached to it.

 

_“Hey love, I hope you’re doing well and I can make you happy with this little packet that’s full with things you like. (I had difficulties to hide everything from Gemma who has tried to steal some of your food twice during the last ten minutes, haha!!)  We’re all doing fine and sending greetings and kisses all the way to Manchester. Harry, could you do me a favour? Since I don’t know Louis’ address, I wanted you to give him the red packet as an early Christmas present from me. I couldn’t wait so . . . thank you! Kisses, mum.”_

“Louis look, my mum sent me a present for you,” Harry tells Louis as he sees him again.

 

“For me?” he asks frowning. “Really?”

 

Harry nods. “Yeah, look,” he answers and hands the red package to Louis. “It’s for you.”

 

Louis sits down on Harry’s bed and Harry nuzzles close to him. “Open it, come on!” he tells Louis, touching the small golden bow that’s attached to it. _“There are two letters in here, please read the first without looking at the second one,”_ is written on the envelope next to Louis’ name.

 

“Stop touching it, it’s my present,” Louis growls, pushing Harry away playfully.

 

Harry rolls his eyes. “You’re so _slow_!” he moans but keeps his hands off it finally.

 

Louis pulls at the bow first and unfolds the envelope. It’s a handwritten letter from Anne. “Could you read it out to me, please?” he asks.

 

“Of course,” Harry answers as he takes Louis’ hand in his and gives him a gentle kiss on his temple.

 

_“Dear Louis,_

_It’s been a while since we’ve met and still, I’m very sorry for treating you that poorly as I did. It was wrong, it was terribly wrong and I just want to tell you again how sorry I am. I’ve talked a lot to Harry after you two left and he told me a few things about you that touched my heart and made me very sad but maybe, I thought, maybe we could turn the sadness into something good. Of course I can’t heal your wounds and I can’t make things undone. But maybe I can do something for you. Please open the package now and have a look. Then read the second letter.”_

 

Louis looks at Harry who tilts his head. “Do it.”

 

When Louis opens the package, he holds two mall packets in his hands: flower seeds for white and red roses. Louis just stares at them with wide eyes and Harry can feel his body tensing up a little bit against his.

_“Harry told me that your mum loved roses but never owned a garden. When I heard that, I immediately planted those kind of roses in our garden, in memory of your mum. I wanted to plant them with you, but since December is already too late for it and I thought you didn’t want to get in touch with me because of a few understandable reasons, I decided to do it on my own. And next year, we can plant yours together, if you like. I’ll send you pictures of the growth and of course you can always visit us – and the roses – whenever you like to._

_Oh and – you’re invited to spend Christmas (and your birthday hihi) with Harry, us and the rest of our family. Love, Anne.”_

 

When Harry stops reading, Louis starts trembling as he curls up in Harry’s lap and cries his heart out while Harry is gently patting his hair.

 

***

 

The next day, Louis tells Harry to come to the tattoo studio. As Harry is used to hang out there anyway, he doesn’t become suspicious when he steps into the cozy studio. “Hey everyone,” he chirps happily, “are you busy as usual?”

 

“More than you,” Louis growls playfully and gives his boyfriend a kiss. “I’ll get a tattoo today, do you want to watch?”

 

“Oh . . . uhm . . . okay? If you want me to?” Harry says. “But it will be hard for me to see you getting hurt.”

 

“You can hold my hand if you like,” Louis winks as he pulls Harry close to his chest and presses a kiss on his hair. “You’re way too cute, do you know that?”

 

“Well, I’m just worried but you’re the expert here, I guess,” Harry smiles as he’s tracing his fingers over Louis’ tattooed arm. “Where do you want to get tattooed?” Harry asks as Louis is leading him to a workstation.

 

“Here,” he replies and pats his chest twice, “right over my heart.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“It will hurt as bit more probably,” Louis tells Harry who pulls a pitiful face. Louis just shrugs and gives Harry a smile. “I will be okay since you’re with me.”

 

“Ready?” Dawn beams as she’s walking towards the boys.

 

“You?” Harry asks, pointing at her.

 

Dawn laughs and ruffles through Harry’s hair. “Why not?”

 

Harry chuckles at his own words. “Sorry, this was dumb. It’s cool actually,” he says, “would you mind if I watch?”

 

“Not at all, Louis told me he wanted you to watch, so. Alright Lou, are you ready?”

 

“I am,” he answers as he pulls off his shirt and lays down on the black daybed while Dawn is washing her hands and pulls on rubber gloves before she gets the colours ready.

 

“What will you get?” Harry asks as he’s sitting down next to Louis.

 

Louis gulps and turns his head toward Harry. “A white rose and a writing,” he answers and smiles at Harry who just nods as he’s following Dawns every move.

 

“Just don’t talk while I’m working because that could disturb me, okay?” Dawn tells Harry as she starts shaving Louis’ chest to get his skin prepared for the tattoo.

 

“Alright, I won’t,” Harry nods as Dawn presses the pattern on Louis’ skin.

 

After about one hour, it’s done. Although the skin is irritated and red at the tattooed area, it already looks beautiful. A wonderful, white rose is decorating his chest now, a light, cursive writing completing its beauty. It says: “maybe I had to lose everything in order to learn what really matters”

 

“What do you think?” Louis asks as he sits down on the sofa in the break room after Dawn has put ointment on the tattoo and has wrapped it in transparent film.

 

Harry gulps. “It’s . . . it’s wonderful,” he stutters, slightly suspecting what it could mean. He can feel his eyes getting wet and wipes away a tear.

 

Louis pulls the boy close and presses a kiss on his temple. “It’s for you and for my mum, as a thank you because you showed me what really matters in life and I’m thankful for it, more than you could ever know. A few months ago, I wouldn’t have ever thought that I’d say these words to anyone but I want to say them to you because they are true,” Louis sighs as he caresses Harry’s cheek gently. “I love you, Harry Styles, I love you more than anything,” he says, his voice low but full of emotion. The older boy leans in to kiss Harry in the most gentle way ever. “I love you so fucking much . . . forever,” he says into Harry’s mouth, softly pressing his lips against Harry’s one more time.

 

“Forever,” Harry whispers and cups Louis face with his hands. “You deserve only the best,” he replies as he looks deep into Louis’ eyes, “nothing less. I love you.”

 


End file.
